Rooted in My Heart - 3. The Light in the Storm

I let out a giant breath that I didn’t know I was holding.

I couldn't believe I just did that. Since when have I ever really done anything on a whim? Now, telling Denika was planned, but this was just… sudden. I hated surprises, but I think I just surprised myself with this one. Tell me again why I decided to do this?

"Please, don't hate me," I said to her with my head down.

I felt so ashamed at that moment. What would she say? What are the ramifications of this? I didn't want her to hate me. I couldn't even look her in the eye; I felt like doing that would have given some confirmation to the thought that she despised me now. Yet, even though I was worried and afraid, what I felt at that moment was mostly… relief. I had done it, and it wasn't as hard to say as I thought it would be. So, no matter what happened, at least I could be proud of myself for making it through this.

"Honey? Honey, it's okay. Come here," she said. She sat down next to me and brought me in for a hug. After a moment, she leaned back, bringing her thumb up to wipe away some of my tears. I hadn't even really been aware that I was crying, at least not that much. She gave me a warm and motherly smile as she scooted away again.

"I love you no matter who or what you are. I believe… I believe that is simply how God made you and how God intended you to be,” she continued. She reached out for me again and wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me as I started to cry once more. “Nothing will ever change the fact that you're my son. I could never hate you. I wouldn't have any reason to live without you. If I didn't have you, I don't know what I would do with myself. I'm proud of you no matter what. I love you. Thank you so much for telling me, Dylan. I'm so proud of you. I love you so much, hun… more than you'll ever know.”

I felt a thousand pounds lighter and like I could finally breathe fresh air. Hearing those words and sobbing in my mothers embrace brought me the biggest emotional release of my young life.

It was okay. I wasn’t weird, or disgusting, or unnatural, and I felt my worries slip away knowing that I had at least one person on my side. If my mom could love me for me, then maybe I could love me for me.

I took a moment to reflect on my life, most notably on all of the good experiences I had shared with her. She had always been there for me, and now I knew that she always would be. No words from her could have made me happier than what she had said right then. I had finally told someone, and she accepted what I had to say without a second thought. I wish everyone could have such a wonderful experience with their parents. The world could be such a cruel place.

"What made you decide to tell me?" she asked.

"I've known since I was about 12. I've been wanting to tell someone for the past couple years, but I just haven't been ready or had the motivation until now. I felt like you should know, and I wanted to be honest with myself." I took in a sharp breath of air to keep going, whilst trying my best to keep still during such an uncomfortable explanation.

"I hate having to lie to people and to myself. I don't even feel like me most of the time. I'm tired of it." I sighed and started to laugh a little through the tears. "I bet you didn't really see this coming. It's kind of a shock at nine o’clock on a weeknight, but then again, I guess it would be at any time," I said with a weak smile.

"Well, I feel like I've kind of known since you were around… three, I guess," she said, wiping away her own tears. My eyes nearly jumped out of their sockets in disbelief, taking her in like she was a crazy person who had just escaped from the nearest insane asylum. I had absolutely zero idea how to respond to that. Did I really seem that different?! Could other people tell?

"Don't look so worried! It's okay! You don't really fit any of the stereotypes, honey," she reassured me. "Just… a mother knows her children. I think I have a pretty good grasp on you, pooch. Plus, you playing with my old barbies when you were really little didn't help your case much." She winked in my direction and smiled happily to herself for messing with me.

"Oh my God! Mom! Seriously?!" I yelled. She was so going to pay for that. I glanced behind me and found a perfect way to get back at her: a pillow! I grabbed the fluffy weapon and lightly hit her on the side as she burst out laughing and tried to get away.

"Hey, now! That's not nice!" She got up to stop the 'attack' and simply grinned proudly to herself yet again, this time being pleased that she got a good reaction out of me. "Hey! It was true!"

I was not amused though. I sat back on my heels and put the pillow down to pout.

"Oh, you're no fun! Come on, what do you say we go and get some ice cream? I bought rocky road! It's in the freezer. Plus, I may have picked up some whipped cream and cherries," she taunted.

"Fine, but this doesn't mean I forgive you for that!" I yelled as she strolled over to the kitchen, but before leaving, she turned back to me with a more serious expression.

"I love you."

"Yeah… I love you too," I mumbled, and forced a small and crooked smile. She rolled her eyes and left me alone.

I awoke the next morning and found my room perfectly quiet; the whole house seemed still, in fact. I had to listen very carefully to hear faint noises coming from the kitchen downstairs. I lifted my head from my pillow and saw early morning light gently prying its way through the gaps in my window blinds, illuminating everything with a sweet glow. It was so peaceful that I almost wanted to go back to sleep again. I finally managed to drag my arms out from under my comforter, though, and I slowly pulled it away from me and to the side. Eventually, I was able to sit upright and haul myself out of my cozy, toasty warm bed.

A good night's sleep, I did not get. I was too amped up after talking to my mom.

As I walked out into the narrow hallway outside of my room that led to the stairs, I thought back to last night. If I didn't remember the event clearly as happening, I would have really thought it was a dream. It was so… surreal. I couldn't have hoped for anything better. But it was only one worry of many crossed off my list.

I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom standing by the counter with a cup of coffee. I smiled at her and went to grab a bowl and milk for a quick cereal breakfast before I had to leave for my last day of the school year.

“Hey there sleepy head. Are you ready for your last day?” she asked.

I glanced at her as I made up my bowl of cheerios and nodded.

“Oh, yeah. Glad to be done with classes. But…” I paused for a moment and thought about Tanis and Denika. Mostly Denika. If last night had gone so well, then maybe…

“I’m thinking about telling Denika. About ‘me,’ that is. Do you… do you think I should?” I asked her.

She gave me a tender smile and came to sit down at the table across from me.

“You do whatever you think is best, hun. I don’t have all the answers. But I do know that she’s your best friend, right?” she asked.

“Yeah…” I responded.

“And if she’s your best friend, then she loves you. And I don’t think her learning more about you will change that,” she said. “And if it does, then it’s her loss.”

“Thank you, mom.” I gave her a weak smile, but her words did make me feel better. She looked at me and hesitated for a moment.

"Dylan," she started, looking away to gather her thoughts. "Did you want me to… talk to your dad about… you know, last night? Or… did you want to tell him?" she asked, meeting eyes with me. That was not what I expected her to say, and I hesitated for a moment. I wasn’t ready to face him.

Disgusting.

I winced, and the memory stung, but I felt more at peace knowing that I had my mom on my side. That counted for a lot in my book.

"No… I'd rather not tell him yet. He can be pretty homophobic sometimes. He… might accept me eventually, but I'd really rather not talk to him right now, okay?" I asked as politely as possible. I really didn't want to deal with him right now, and I prayed that she would understand.

She glanced away, searching for something to say. Her brow knit a little bit with concern, then she sighed.

"Okay. I won't say anything. That's your decision, honey," she answered.

“Thank you, mom,” I said, feeling the tension leave my shoulders as I went back to eating my breakfast.

***

Summer break began, and I found myself largely separated from Tanis, Denika, and my other friends. And with both of my parents working, I was bored out of my mind for many humid afternoons. I did have video games though, and the flier that Michael had given me kept drawing my attention.

I had just fallen back onto my bed and started up a match of one of my favorite games when I got an unexpected invitation from Tanis to voice chat.

My eyes bulged when I saw the notification, but then I remembered that we did promise to play together over the summer. Still, it did crazy things to my pulse to not only spend time with him, but to see him initiate it.

I accepted the invite and clicked on my microphone.

“Hey,” he said first. His voice was soft in my ear. I don’t think he meant it to sound sensual or intimate to me, but it did, and it made my chest flutter. It also made some other places… stand at attention.

Hey! I was a growing, healthy, horny teen boy. I couldn't control it sometimes, especially when the object of my affections was sweetly talking in my ear.

I rubbed my hand over my face in embarrassment and tried to collect myself to sound normal and cool around him.

“Hey Tanis. Happy summer break. How’ve you been doing?” I asked.

There. That wasn’t so terrible. Perfectly natural! Or, so I tried to convince myself.

“It’s been good so far, but I’ve missed some of my friends like you. It’ll be nice to see everyone again when school starts,” he responded, his voice quiet but light.

My mind stopped working for a moment, and all I could hear in my brain was him on repeat saying that he ‘missed’ me. Did he really? What did that mean? I certainly missed him. And I was really his ‘friend’ now?

We talked back and forth for a bit, and even played a few games together, before I decided to vent to him about something that was nagging at me.

“Hey Tanis?” I asked. He hummed in response, waiting for my question. “I’m thinking about trying to get a summer job to keep busy. Michael works at Perks Coffee House down the street from the school, and he gave me an application to work there with him for some extra change. Think I should apply?”

He hummed again in thought, then asked, “Well… why would you want or not want the job?”

I mulled over the pros and cons for a moment. It would give me something to do, give me spare change, let me spend time with Michael, and help out my parents. It would also mean filling out an application, going for an interview, training, actually working, and possibly juggling the job with school after summer. I relayed my thoughts to Tanis.

“It sounds like you already know what you want to do. Do what’ll make you happy, and it sounds like that’s the opportunity to get out of the house and help out your parents at the same time. I’ll come buy a drink from you when you’re a fancy barista, cool?” he said.

I don’t know what answer I was expecting from him, but that wasn’t it. It was sweet, and insightful, and encouraging — and just what I needed to hear. I nodded at his answer as if he could see me, but then remembered to respond.

“You got me. Yeah, that sounds right. And I’d like that,” I said. “But no discounts!”

He laughed and whined with a cute little “Come onnnn! That’s not fair!”

And I couldn’t fight back the grin on my face if I tried.

***

The rest of summer break breezed by much too quickly, as it usually did. Tanis and I had gotten to play a few more games together online, but we didn’t do anything more than that. I was too nervous to ask him to spend time together in person. And besides, baby steps, right? He was shy as it was… so probably for the best.

I had taken his advice too and applied for the job at the Perks. Michael was excited to have a friend join him to work there, and when the manager offered me the job, Michael swore to take me under his wing and train me well. Of course, he still had problems making some of the drinks himself, so I had to call the manager over to help us both. Michael wasn’t a big fan of that, and it earned me a couple days of mysterious ice cubes thrown down the back of my shirt as playful revenge. Two can play at that! It was fun though, and it helped pass the time over the next couple months.

I did worry however, as the first day of school approached, whether Tanis and I would have any classes together — and whether I would go through with telling Denika about… well, ‘me.’ But I kept thinking about my mom’s advice, and I felt much better.

And soon, the first day of 10th grade had arrived.

I looked over my new schedule, taking stock of the remainder of my day. Some of my classes had been fun so far, and several of my friends were in them. Cooper and Michael were with me in biology, and Megan was in my art class. All in all, it had been a pretty great day — until I walked into my Spanish classroom.

I dreaded the idea of what was to come. I had absolutely no interest in learning Spanish, and being forced to take a foreign language for our graduation requirements made my blood run hot. I couldn’t remember grammatical rules in English sometimes — forget about being able to handle another language!

I found a seat and waited for our teacher to pull up the actual seating chart, and she started taking attendance as we all settled down.

All the walls in the room were decorated with old students' Spanish projects, Spanish posters, and the traditional festive decorations of the culture. It was quite colorful — definitely a profound contrast from all of my other classrooms, with all of their boring, stark white walls.

"Tanis Keller?" The teacher called from her attendance list. That was enough to snap me out of it and pay attention to what was going on!

"Here!" he answered.

"Say 'estoy aquí,’ señor. It means, 'I am here,'" she corrected.

I snapped my head, nearly breaking my neck, to look at where his voice had come from. What I saw just about stopped my heart. I thought I might have actually stopped breathing. I couldn't decide if what I saw made me ecstatic…or horrified.

There he was. My perfect blond little angel was in my class. And he looked even more adorable and gorgeous than I remembered.

Suddenly, I realized that I had been given another chance to spend time together in person with him, and it made my stomach flop. I had gotten used to video game voice chats. And his voice was so cute… but in person? It made this all more real again.

Tanis glanced casually around the room as the teacher continued with the attendance. Seeing him move captured my attention, and my internal conflict faded. I could have easily stared at him all day. His hair was just too perfect. It was this golden blond color that was almost too beautiful to describe. It seemed to have been spun from the purest golden thread. It hung down seductively, just licking his cheeks. He had the cutest side sweep over his forehead with it. His lips were a deep pink, almost red even, and seemed so utterly kissable right then! His eyes were a deep and soulful brown color, and I got a peek of them as he continued to aimlessly search the room. They were the real stars of the show, containing so much… spirit, and even wisdom. It was a powerful, almost religious experience to look at them — to say the least.

"Dylan Marshall?"

"Huh?" I asked, being whipped out of my little day dream. Just then, Tanis's eyes locked onto mine, and he smiled. He actually smiled at me! It was a struggle to get air into my lungs after seeing that, let alone answer my teacher. Eventually, the awkward silence in the room snapped me out of my ogling though, and I turned to answer.

"Estoy aquí, señora." I must've made myself look like such an idiot not answering right away. I hope he didn't really notice.

"Okay, that's everyone!" the teacher announced after finishing recording the last person. "Here's your seating chart for the rest of the year, class. I might make some adjustments depending on whether or not you can all behave and not be a distraction for your neighbors. Otherwise, this will be permanent," she said as she projected the chart on the pull-down screen on the whiteboard.

What I saw made me feel like I was being pranked! I legitimately looked around for the camera crew and the witty host of some reality show to jump out and surprise me. But there was nothing out of the ordinary to be seen... except Tanis's name written right next to mine on the seating chart. It almost felt like a dream. However, dream or no dream, everyone started to get up and shift around to their new places.

I rose from my seat and headed toward the corner of the room. Our corner. I fidgeted nervously at the thought of actually getting to sit next to him. I began to wonder what it'd be like to actually become close to Tanis. Not just acquaintances, or friends, but close friends. I wanted more. I wanted to spend time with him, and know everything about him. Then, we'd find out we liked each other, we'd become boyfriends, and we'd live happily ever after!

…But that was just wishful thinking. Yet, however unrealistic the idea was, it was fun to entertain it... if only for a moment.

After settling down in my new seat, I looked up to see Tanis walking over to me. And once he was within arm's reach, I was certain that I wasn't dreaming. I wasn't creative enough to think up something so astoundingly breathtaking.

"Hey Tanis!" I cheerfully greeted him. "Have a good summer?"

"Huh? What? Oh…yeah," he said as he was getting settled. "I did." He was so bashful about it. He seemed like he was freaked out that someone was talking to him, but he was always kind of like that.

"What about you?" he asked.

"Um…yeah. I had a great summer. I'm so glad to be back at school though! Summer gets boring after a while. Plus, it’s too hot. I’m ready for fall! I'm glad to be back just to, you know, see everybody," I said. It was hard to force myself to be coherent, but I think I managed. At least we were talking. I just needed to breathe and calm down. I looked away from him for a moment, then added, “It’s good to see you.”

"Oh… yeah, it’s good to see you too, dude," he replied.

"Okay everyone! I'm Mrs. Ramirez, and I'm going to be your Spanish teacher this year, so let's take a few minutes to talk about the curriculum and you can ask me questions, and I'll try to get acquainted with all of you as well!" Mrs. Ramirez said to the class.

She started to ramble on about something or other after that, but I wasn't paying attention. I was too busy loathing her for cutting our conversation short, and sneaking peeks of Tanis out of the corner of my eye every few seconds. I felt like I had to keep checking to make sure he was still there and that this really wasn't a dream. Maybe fate really was smiling down on me that day. But I couldn't tell anymore. All I knew for sure was that I couldn't stand the idea of being... rejected.

Suddenly, the bell blared, scaring the crap out of me.

"Jesus!" I gasped and clutched my chest.

Tanis jumped up from his seat and took off to meet up with his friends, leaving faster than I've ever seen anyone else leave a classroom. Man, you sure couldn't keep him in a classroom any longer than he needed to be in one! And if I couldn't keep him very long after school before he bolted, how in the hell would I have a chance at walking with him and getting to know him better… outside of class and video games?

Yes, of course asking him to hang out was the answer, but… it wasn’t so easy. I was scared. What if he said no? What if he realized I was gay and got grossed out? I didn’t think he was like that, not after our run-in with the video game bullies, but I wasn’t sure. I had never done this before.

I kept mulling over my limited options as I packed my backpack and headed home for the day.

At least we had a class together, even if seeing him again terrified me. It was… a good type of scared.

***

Soon, it was finally the day of the long-awaited ‘Air Bands’ show, and I would have some time alone with Denika now that she was back from vacation. I was buzzing with nervous energy just under my skin as I walked downstairs, deep in thought. I was hesitant to start the day, but very ready for breakfast. It smelled heavenly… like pancakes and sausage.

I turned the corner at the bottom of the stairs and passed the living room on my way to the kitchen. I noticed that the TV was turned on to the morning news as I walked by. I stared at it for a moment, and while I was distracted a hand landed on my shoulder — which made me jump. I yelled and spun around to see my mom laughing at me.

"Geez! I didn't mean to scare you, ya scaredy cat! What are you doing?" she asked. I went from pure terror to almost giggling when I saw how horrible her hair looked — and how much flour had gotten on her shirt from mixing the pancake batter.

"Nothing. I was just watching TV. What happened in there? Did a pancake explode on you or something?" I asked. She was quite the sight to behold.

"Oh, you just laugh all you want. More pancakes for me then," she said, and then turned around to go back in the kitchen. "Too bad, really. It's a crying shame! They're really good. Oh well!"

"Hey! I'm sorry, okay?!" I yelled after her and ran to keep up. "That's not fair!" I said.

I went to the refrigerator and poured myself some orange juice, then took a seat at the table to watch her finish cooking our breakfast. All she did was smile in response to my protest and continue flipping the pancakes. She must think she's so hilarious sometimes. It's actually kind of sad… because she's not! Joking about food isn't funny in my book.

I looked to my left and stared out of the sliding glass door at our small backyard outside. It seemed as though it were lightly drizzling, and small puddles were forming all throughout the garden. Hopefully the weather would make a turn for the better since the Air Bands show was today. And what the heck was an ‘air band,’ by the way? I never did ask Denika that, but I would surely find out later.

I was snapped out of my trance rather abruptly as my mom set some silverware and a plate in front of me with a few pancakes and sausages on it. These were no ordinary pancakes, though; she had used a cookie cutter to cut them into a pumpkin shape!

"There you go! Specially made for my little pumpkin!" she said, sitting down across from me with a plate of her own and a cup of coffee.

"Mommm,” I groaned. “Don’t be embarrassing, please." I picked up my silverware and started cutting into the fluffy mass of pumpkins on my plate.

"I get to embarrass you! I’m the mom," she answered, and then took a sip from her coffee. "It’s an early birthday breakfast, sweetie. I had to pick up an extra shift and have to work the early shift on your birthday, so I could get the night off for us to celebrate. That's why I made it today," she said. Does that woman ever stop thinking about other people's needs? It was really sweet of her to do this. Even if it was my birthday… it made me feel special.

"Thank you, Mom." I managed. I wasn't quite sure what else to say at the kind gesture. Like she said, it wasn't every day that I got a nice breakfast like this, so I really appreciated it. Normally, I'd be making frozen waffles or something, so this was nice.

"So, what are you going to do today while I'm at work?" she asked. I watched her as she started to eat, and she smiled at me while she waited for an answer.

"Oh, well, I have a shift at Perks," I said. "Then, of course, Denika and I are going to that show at the school later tonight. It should start at 7:30. I can't imagine it'd go later than 9:00, but we might go out for ice cream afterwards." I gulped down another bite of the pancakes and washed them down with some orange juice.

"Oh really? Well, I hope you two have fun!"

"Yeah. I'm sure we will. Thanks again for breakfast, Mom." I said, swallowing the last bite of the delicious meal. I got up to bring my dishes to the sink and start washing them.

After I finished, I ran over to give my mom a kiss on the cheek to thank her again for cooking.

"I love you!" I said happily before rushing out of the kitchen to get ready for work.

I only worked on Saturdays and an occasional after school shift now that lessons had started again. The afternoons were often slow, seeing as adults had already gotten their morning caffeine fix and kids from the high school weren’t hanging around the area. Today was another one of those days.

From the order counter, I grabbed one of my notebooks out of my bag and sat on a nearby stool to doodle. I loved to draw, but I hardly found any time to practice. Besides, what was the point? It was hard to make money as an artist, wasn't it? I still liked to express myself through art, though — if only as a hobby.

I started to doodle a character based on Tanis. I didn't make it look exactly like him, of course — it was a cartoony style of illustration anyway, but he did have similar hair and eyes. I couldn’t help it that it looked like him, though. He just naturally became my muse. My God, I was acting like a lovestruck schoolgirl.

Which… wasn’t far off, I suppose.

…Enough doodling for me.

It had been a nice and absentminded activity to distract myself from thoughts of talking to Denika tonight, though.

I looked at my finished piece and smiled before hearing a “What’s that?” asked from behind me.

“Nothing!” I panicked, turning around to face Michael. “Just… just doodling is all. But it’s done!” He looked at me quizzically and shrugged.

“I was just going to say it looked really good. You’re talented, man,” he said, turning back to start stocking the glass display with new pastries. “Whoever that was looked familiar, though. Someone we know?”

I waved my hand in the air to brush off his question and laughed as I started to gather my things to leave. Thank God my shift was ending. I thought about how to answer for a second, and then replied, “Nice digging, but my lips are sealed!”

“Oh, you like secrets, huh?” he asked, looking at me with a smirk. I wrinkled my nose in thought and shook my head.

“No, I hate secrets, and it’s very hard to keep a secret from me. I’m good at keeping them, though,” I said, smiling and waving as I started to head out the back. “Bye! See you soon!” He shook his head and returned the wave as he went back to work.

“Interesting,” I heard him say, more to himself than to me.

I made my way home and quickly ran upstairs to take a shower. I turned on the faucet and tested the water before pulling back the curtain all the way to step inside. The pleasant, lukewarm water cascaded over my dusty blond hair, past my shoulders, and down my back. I lifted up my hands and slowly ran them through my hair while standing under the water to get it thoroughly wet. It felt so good to just relax and enjoy the un-tensing of my muscles as the water trickled over me. I stepped out from under the stream for a moment and wiped the water off of my face, only to step back under again.

After some time, I turned off the shower and grabbed my towel to dry off. Once I was dry enough, I left my bathroom and approached my closet.

Hmm… what to wear, what to wear? Over the last few weeks, since reuniting with Tanis after the summer, he'd had this… strange effect on me that made me feel the urge and the need to always look my best — even if I wasn't going to see him. Because who knows?! There was always a possibility we could run into each other, like at the grocery store… or something. So, I always wanted to try and look as sexy as possible for any case that I might see him at any time.

Don't judge! I wanted to impress the object of my affections, after all. You can't really blame me for wanting to do that!

I picked out a nice, form-fitting, burgundy and black sweater, and matched it with a pair of black jeans. I strolled over to my floor length mirror and gawked at myself for a minute. I looked over my thin frame and at my clothes, and I decided that my outfit looked good. Now, I would normally try to be humble, but… I honestly thought I looked pretty hot! I played with my hair for a little bit and got it just right. I had longish hair, similar to Tanis's, but mine was a darker shade of blond, almost a light brown. I stared shamelessly at myself in the mirror for a little bit longer. Rarely was I ever very confident with what I saw looking back at me, because most of the time, I felt incredibly self conscious at the thought that Tanis might actually see me. So, it was nice when I liked what I saw. Today, my favorite thing was my blue eyes. They seemed especially vibrant today.

It was good to feel… not disgusting. My mom’s words and Tanis’s smiles helped, somehow.

I checked the time on my wall clock and saw that I still had time before the show. Great… now what was I going to do until then?!

After some time, I decided to listen to music. It might not last me the full three hours, but it should at least kill one of them.

I turned on my music, but every single song that came on reminded me of either Tanis or something about secrets… which then reminded me of Denika and Tanis. And now Michael, after our talk earlier. I hope he didn’t realize I was drawing Tanis.

…I guess I should just take a little nap, then.

I found myself in a dream; as with most dreams, there really wasn't a beginning. I was in the middle of a large, warehouse-like store. Around me were people that I recognized from some of my high school classes. It seemed as though we were supposed to be there as a part of a school field trip of some kind, judging by the presence of whom I assumed were teachers as well. Whosever idea it was to take a field trip to a store, I'd like to personally tell them just how lame they are.

I looked around me and noted how high the ceilings were and how expansive this store was. The aisles seemed to stretch far past my line of sight.

As I was being mesmerized by my surroundings, someone from our group gripped the sleeve of my shirt and tugged on it to get my attention. I glanced back to see who was invading my personal space, and I nearly fainted once I saw who it was! Waiting to greet me with a huge and exuberant smile was… was… Tanis! He didn't say a single word to me. In fact, I noticed that there was no sound whatsoever in this dream. It was eerie, but rather peaceful. I didn't have any distracting noise to take my attention away from him. He tugged on my shirt again and started to pull me along, guiding me away from the group. He never took his eyes off of mine, and kept a doting smile plastered on his face the whole time he was taking me to God knows where in that store!

Apparently we had reached our destination, because he suddenly stopped and let go of me. We were in a remote section of the store, standing in front of a clothing rack. I absorbed the new scenery for a moment and tried to think of why he would take me here. It wasn't really anything special, per se. I returned my attention to him, and he smiled at my sense of confusion.

Before I could even comprehend what was going on, though, he leaned in and gently pressed his lips up against mine. He did it with such a tender and loving pressure, that it was almost feather-like — barely noticeable, but sweet nonetheless. My head was spinning and I did my best to enjoy it, but I was too surprised to really give in to the pleasure completely, and before I knew it, it was over. He broke the kiss and pulled away, giving me a very satisfied look. He bit his bottom lip in the most bashful and cute way, and giggled silently to himself for a moment. I suddenly noticed how red his cheeks were, too. It was so adorable! I opened my mouth to say something, but was abruptly returned to reality.

My eyes fluttered open rather reluctantly as I realized that the phone was ringing. I could just let it ring and go back to my amazing dream… but I should probably get up anyway. So much for not thinking about him. I can't even escape in my dreams.

"H-Hello?" I asked sleepily, after picking up my phone from my nightstand and answering it. I rubbed my eyes and strained myself trying to sit up again.

"Hey! It's me! The most awesome person you know?!" came the voice from the other end.

"Megan?" I joked. It was obviously Denika, but I just couldn't miss such a prime opportunity.

"Screw you!" she yelled into the phone. "No, it's Denika, asshole. Anyways, I was wondering what the plan was for tonight? I was thinking that we should meet up at the flagpole in front of the school at around… 7:15?"

"Okay. Sounds good," I said, checking the time to see both how long I had been asleep, and how long it was until then. It was twenty minutes till seven o’clock, so I should be okay on time. "I'll see you then!"

"Okay! Bye, my lovely!" she said happily.

"Bye!" I hung up the phone and scratched my head a little, still trying to wake up. My lips still felt tingly from that… that wonderful kiss. Even though it wasn't real, my brain had done an excellent job of tricking my lips into thinking it had been, and it was the best experience I had ever had! I sighed wistfully at the memory. Too bad it wasn't real.

I got up and fixed my hair again, then went downstairs to reheat some leftovers for dinner. Once I was finished, I took care of my plates and ran to put my shoes on to leave. I'd be cutting it a little close! I just hoped Denika wouldn't be too mad at me if I was a few minutes late.

On the way, I remembered what I was going to do tonight. Okay, calm down! Don’t panic! I could do this. It was fairly easy the first time. It was supposed to get easier the more you did it… right?

…Anybody?

…Well then, that doesn't really make me feel better.

I ran up to the school with my hands held above my head to shield me from some of the falling droplets of water, and I saw Denika waiting for me outside. One thing's for sure: she didn’t look happy. I wasn't really sure what to say — I mean, I had ran the last block to try and get there faster.

"It's 7:26! Hurry up! Let's get inside while we can still get a good seat! I swear! You're always late!" she yelled at me. I guess I deserved that, and I suppose I was. Oh well. I could try harder next time.

I followed Denika like a loyal dog behind its owner into that theater. I was a little scared to do anything other than what she asked, and that included speaking, because when she was mad, she could be scary. I didn't really want to be her target. She'd be fine in a few minutes, though. We walked through rows upon rows of people, and we finally found a pair of decent seats to settle down in. It was perfect timing too, because the lights in the theater flashed a few moments later to signal that the show would be starting soon.

"So… What's an ‘air band?’ I never did ask you that," I said, leaning over in my chair towards her so she could hear me over the noisy audience.

"Okay… it's like… a bunch of people that do really cool dances to certain songs," she answered.

"I don't get it. Why would they call them ‘air bands,’ then? That doesn't really make any sense."

"Well, I don't know! I didn't name the show!" she yelled. Just then, the lights dimmed and a woman walked onto the stage holding a microphone.

"Hello everyone! If you could all make your way to your seats, please? The show is starting!" she said. "Okay. I'm Mrs. Hall, one of the 11th grade history teachers here at Old Creek High, as many of you may already know. I'm going to be your host for tonight! Welcome to our Air Bands Show!" She paused while the audience applauded.

"Our overall theme tonight is 'Soaring California,' and our first group tonight is performing to The Beach Boys! Give it up for your varsity cheer team!"

The audience began hollering and whistling as the stage went dark again and California Girls came blasting out of the speaker system. The lights flipped back on as the cheer team came running out dancing; some were dressed in hula skirts and coconut bras, while others were wearing Hawaiian shirts and short shorts. If I wasn't gay, I would have been drooling over them like all the straight guys in this room were. It was quite the show.

Act after act went on and performed to California-esque songs. It was actually really entertaining! I was honestly surprised at the talent of some of our schools' dance groups. Eventually, though, the last few acts went on, and I let my mind wander as the judges deliberated on scoring the teams. The thought of the show ending brought me a sense of… an impending doom of sorts.

I don't know why I was getting myself so worked up over this. I was sure it would be okay. She was my best friend, and she already knew many of my secrets. She hadn't gone and blabbed any of those to the masses, so I thought I could trust her to keep quiet. Besides, if I couldn't trust my best friend, who could I trust? That’s what my mom said, and she was right about most things — which, as a teen boy, I loathed to admit outloud.

The judges delivered their final scores, calling out the placing acts, and the winning team certainly deserved the trophy. Denika and I applauded and waited for the lights to come on in the theater before leaving and making our way onto the school's quad. The storm had picked up considerably. It was still only raining lightly, but it had become extremely windy. In fact, it was so gusty, that it was almost too hard to hear Denika say something to me over the noise it caused.

"Let's head to that ice cream place just down the street!" she yelled. "We need to get out of this storm anyways!" She started jogging slightly and motioned for me to follow. "Come on! We can't stay outside in this weather!" I nodded and hurried over to catch up to her.

We turned down Washington Avenue and trudged along toward our destination. I felt a shiver run up my spine as the ice cold water began soaking through my shirt. The rain came crashing down a bit faster, and we started running as we tried desperately to get to shelter before we were soaked through to the marrow. We rounded the corner on 9th Street and I felt my stomach drop as we realized that the ice cream shop was closed, along with all of the other businesses in the area. Every shop was dark.

"What time is it?!" I screamed over the roar of the wind. "Crap! The ice cream shop is usually the last thing open. It shouldn't be closed until 9:30 though!" Denika looked down at her watch in a panic.

"Dammit!" she yelled, tired and breathless. "It's…it's 9:43. The show must have run a little late," She paused. "Shit! Okay… look! There's an awning over there! Come on!" She grabbed my arm and pulled me along towards a safe haven from this now torrential downpour. My hair was flopping down into my eyes as we sprinted, being weighed down heavily by the water. I could barely see, and I had to brush it out of the way frantically to keep going. The streets were beginning to flood with rainwater, and thunder cracked in the distance as lightning blazed through the pitch black sky.

We stumbled under the covering, which belonged to a local pet groomer’s office, and attempted to catch our breath. After a while, we slid down onto the ground and made some small talk while we waited to see if the storm would lighten up.

"So…" she started. "Did you ever work that thing out with Eden… you know, how she wasn't answering your texts?" she asked. Well, I guess now was as good a time as any to tell her. I didn't really feel like making up some story to cover for that question, and besides, telling her was my mission tonight anyway. I didn't think it would be done dramatically in the midst of a terrible thunderstorm, though.

"About that…" I said. I took a deep breath and tried to muster up the courage to continue.

"I kind of need your help." She gave me a quizzical look and I decided to go on. "I need to break this thing off… whatever it is we have. One, because I don't want to date her now, nor any time in the future."

"What?! Why? You two make such a great couple! You're so cute together!" she yelled in shock. I hid my face from her in shame and opened my mouth to speak again.

But the words didn’t come for a moment. I shivered and fixed my eyes down at the concrete that glistened in nightlight, thanks to the rain. I had spent months preparing for this moment, so it should be easy, right? But it wasn’t. Even if I was pretty certain she would be accepting, it was still terrifying to say the words.

After keeping it a secret for so long, the idea of telling the truth made me feel so exposed… and naked. Like my walls, my mask, my every protection was stripped away.

I shuttered and sucked in a deep breath as I turned my gaze to her, and she gave me a warm smile.

And I decided that I knew — I always had known — that I could trust her.

"And two, because… I'm gay," I finished. I ducked my head down again, and I was full-on shaking at this point — whether it was from the cold or not, I had no idea. After a few beats of silence, I lifted my head to look at Denika and see her reaction. Be it good, or be it bad… I was prepared for both.

And… she was grinning.

She reached out to grab my arms and pull me into a hug.

"Oh my God! Does this mean we get to have sleepovers and go shopping and check out cute guys?!" she said, on the verge of standing up and jumping for joy. I was… a little confused, but it was a good kind of confusion. Rigid in her grip as she still tried to hug me, I couldn't help but giggle internally to myself at her enthusiasm.

"Uh… sure," I answered.

"Yay! Now we can be even better best friends!" she screamed excitedly. She stood up, wide eyed, and moved over to pull me up into another tight hug. "This is so cool! Okay, so… who do you think is cute at our school? Do you like anybody?" she asked quite bluntly.

I let out a shaky breath that I didn’t know I was holding and stood still for a moment. Glancing away from her and up at the dark sky, I leaned back against the building and clasped my hands together in front of me. My eyes flutter closed and I finally felt myself relax — a long-built-up tension leaving my body.

I fought to hold back some tears of happiness and relief as I turned my head to face Denika again. Silently, I tried to convey how thankful I was with my eyes. She reached over and grabbed my hand tightly, then looked up at the sky with me.

After a few minutes in the quiet night, save the sounds of the rain, I answered her question.

"Um… about that… the ‘liking someone’ thing. I kind of need your help with that, too… in a way." I said. She gripped my hand tighter in encouragement.

Hopefully, she would have some insight into this terrible situation I've found myself in. I could really use all the help I could get.