Rooted in My Heart - 5. Get a Clue

I finished reading the mysterious message and turned to Denika with my mouth hanging open in complete and utter shock, absolutely speechless. She furrowed her brow and glanced down at the paper I was holding.

"What's that?" she asked, leaning forward and trying to read it from upside down. "Is that a birthday card? Or is that… oh wow! Dylan got a love letter!" she screamed excitedly. "Oh my God! Is it from Tanis?!"

"Shush! Don't say stuff like that out loud! I… I don't know if it is or not." I handed her the note and she took it and held it up to her face to examine it as closely as possible. "Playing detective?" I asked.

"Yes. Now shut up," She studied the piece of 'evidence' for a little while longer before handing it back to me. "Do you think this describes the current situation between you two?"

"Yeah… I guess in a way it does. We've been getting to be slightly better friends lately, so that could explain the whole 'growing closer' thing." She grinned warmly at me and sighed.

"I'll bet you a million bucks that it is from him, then, dufus. Oh, you two would be so cute together!" She paused and gave me a hug, getting slightly teary eyed. "Hey, then you two can thank me for helping to set you guys up! I bet that talking to him today gave him the courage to do this!" I shoved her off of me and laughed. "Fine! God, I'm so underappreciated around here!" she said, flipping her hair back and walking away in a huff.

"Hey! Wait! You don't want to walk home together?" I yelled after her.

"No, you go ahead. I have to go talk to one of my teachers right now," she said. “I’ll meet you later for the birthday celebrations.”

"Oh, and where were you at lunch?" I asked.

"I got stuck helping one of my friends figure out how to ask someone to Homecoming. Apparently everyone is coming to me as the love guru now." She waved back at me as she turned to round a corner, but not before yelling back something else. "Oh by the way, we should figure out how you should ask your cute new boyfriend to Homecoming, too! And sorry for making you wait today for the news, boo." She rolled her eyes and finally disappeared from sight.

I felt my face get warm in embarrassment, but I smiled and started giggling to myself after she left. I sighed and pressed the note up against my chest, and then I slid down to the ground dreamily.

Wow! Could this really be from Tanis? Could he really feel this way about me? Does this mean that now… there was actually a chance of us being together? At long last, I might have a piece of confirmation! Where did we go from here? What was next? Maybe I should finally ask him if he wants to come over to my house sometime. We could play video games, and order pizza, and listen to music, and… and… it would be so cool. I should do it tomorrow! I'll ask my mom if I can invite him to come over on Friday. Maybe after his volleyball game? Wow! I can't wait!

"Hi Dylan!" a voice chirped from my side. "What are you doing on the ground?" I glanced upwards and saw Eden standing there, smiling from ear to ear, yet at the same time appearing a tad bit perplexed.

"Oh! Um… no reason! I'm just… waiting for Denika to meet me so we can walk home together!" I covered. Crap! That was the second time I've had to lie to her. I really hated lying. I hope she didn’t see Denika just leave, though… that would be awkward. Stupid brain! This was why lies are bad.

"You spend so much time with Denika! Don't you ever get sick of her?" she asked, with a twinge of venom in her tone. It frightened me somewhat, but it also added to my motivation to tell her I only wanted to stay friends. Who wanted a jealous girlfriend… or 'friend,' in this matter?

I brushed myself off and stood before her, making sure to hide the letter safely behind my back before carefully slipping it into my back pocket. She smiled and settled into a more relaxed state.

"Do you want to just walk with me?" she asked.

"No, it's… it's okay. Maybe some other time? I'll just wait here. I promised her I would wait," I said, trying to come up with a reasonable excuse that would also effectively increase the distance between us. She was starting to become too attached to me. I definitely could not have that happening, especially since I was going to have that talk with her soon!

She pouted and gave me a hug goodbye before wishing me a happy birthday again, then started on her way home. I massaged my temples lightly to help relieve some of the pain from the stress headache that was beginning to pound its way through my skull, and I grabbed my books to leave as well. I made sure to wait a few minutes after Eden left, then headed toward the school's back exit so I could avoid seeing her again outside, just in case. I was still supposed to be waiting for Denika, after all.

It was another grisly and drippy, gray afternoon, yet I still nearly skipped on my way home from the rush of happiness that had flooded my system from getting that letter. The moody weather couldn't put a damper on my joy. I couldn't have hoped for a better birthday!

It wasn't until I reached my street that the realization hit me, though: the note might not be from Tanis.

What if it wasn't? Who could it be from? What if… what if it was from Eden? What if it was from someone else entirely?

The thought was enough to ruin my good mood and overload the panic button in my brain. I felt so much at once, that I felt nothing at all.

But walking through our front door and seeing my mom dancing around the house and vacuuming to some song from the eighties was enough to snap me out of it!

I burst out laughing at the sight of her twirling around and flailing her arms in time with the beat. She had the music cranked up so loud that it hurt my eardrums! I stood there staring in amazement for a few minutes before she noticed me and turned off the vacuum. She smiled and danced her way over to where I was standing.

“Hey Pooch! I was just cleaning up before grandpa and the others get here to celebrate your day. Want to dance with me? Come on! You look like you need to let go and have some fun! You always seem so stressed out and serious!" she said.

My mom moved forward and grabbed my arm, pulling me toward her to dance. The classic eighties techno song blared in the background as she spun me around. I couldn't help but cut loose and enjoy the moment. I hadn't had this much fun with my mom in a long time. Sometimes, I forgot how awesome she can be.

We continued to hop around and raise the roof until the end of the song, applauding each other after it was over. She turned off the CD player and walked over to put her hand on my back to guide me into the kitchen.

"I already finished making the food and your cake, but how about we make some cookies, too?" she asked, and chuckled softly when my eyes widened. "Come on, I need your help!"

Needless to say, that made me excited. I always loved cooking with her, and actually eating her food was nothing less than a religious experience for your taste buds!

"Mom?" I asked, getting out a large bowl to mix the ingredients together in.

"Yes?" she replied, searching diligently for her cookie recipe through her collection of self-made recipe books.

"Can I have a friend over on Friday, if he says he can come over? And we would be a bit late because he has a volleyball game after school I was going to watch."

"He? Sure, I'm off from work that afternoon, but… who's this 'he' we're speaking of?" she asked, raising her eyebrow at me. Okay, how do I answer that? Talking about crushes with your parents is uncomfortable enough when you're discussing the opposite sex. This would be a million times more awkward than that!

"Um… no one… special, really. His name's Tanis," I answered, and I turned and busied myself so she wouldn't see me so flushed.

"No one special, huh? Okay… well, is this Tanis boy cute?" she asked, poking me from behind and giggling.

"Shut up!" I yelled, reaching behind me to push her hand away. I went back to trying to prepare the counter for baking, but stopped and went completely silent as I thought about what I was about to tell her. "Maybe… but it's not like that!"

I was so embarrassed by this conversation. I didn't want her to be digging into my prospective relationships for juicy info! It was… weird… and seriously uncomfortable!

"Sure it isn't," she said sarcastically, and then she seemed to drop the subject. "Just tell him to make sure it's okay with his parents and then you two can walk home. We can drive him back later. Oh, and have him tell his parents to call us if they have any questions. Give him our number for them to call… you know the drill." She tousled my hair and began reading out the list of things we'd need for me to get out of the pantry.

We finished mixing the cookie dough and put it in the oven, only after a few slight delays in which we had a flour fight. We were covered head to toe with the stuff by the time we were done! My mom set the timer and came up to me to dust me off.

"I got you pretty good, kid!" She laughed and pushed me towards the direction of the stairs. "Why don't you go take a shower and get all cleaned up while these bake? I’ll clean the kitchen and everyone should be here in an hour or so."

"Okay!" I said, scurrying up the steps.

I hurriedly got undressed in my bathroom and started running the water. Just as I was about to step inside and shut the curtain, I overheard something troubling from downstairs: the distinct noise of the front door slamming closed, and the familiar voice of my father echoing against the walls shortly after.

"I'm home!" he slurred. A ruckus came from the kitchen as my mom most likely tried to keep herself busy — so she wouldn't spout off at my father again for coming home drunk. "How are you?" he asked.

"Rod, have you been drinking again?" My mother confronted him in a harsh whisper. “It’s Dylan’s birthday. Really?”

"Of… of course not." He coughed and cleared his throat several times. My mom sighed in frustration.

"Listen, okay? Don't lie to me. You are going to go to rehab, Rod. We can't take this anymore. We need you to get better. It's not fair for me to have to work two jobs because you're not competent enough most of the time to do your one job properly! You need to spend more time with Dylan, too. We need to be together more as a family! Fix your mess, Rod!" she whisper-yelled. I imagine she didn’t want me to hear this, and especially not today. She couldn't hold back from saying something this time, though. The poor woman holds it all in until she just can't take it anymore, and then she just explodes.

It wasn't always like this. There never used to be any fights. They had a wonderful marriage at first, supposedly, and it only started to go downhill right before I was born, three years after their wedding.

My father had started drinking more around then, mostly due to his increasing amount of business colleagues that he would take out for drinks as part of his sales pitches. At one time, he had been huge in sales. That, of course, was before he started his own business, which went under shortly after the recession began. He just couldn’t stop drinking, though. His habits started to ruin their marriage, and they nearly divorced when I was four, but instead tried to work through it.

Nothing much changed however, and I think that my mother has finally had enough. I heard her storm upstairs and slam her door closed in frustration. The force rattled the walls in my bathroom, which was on the other end of the hall.

"What about whatever is in this… um… oven?" he asked. There were a few beats of silence before my mom opened the door again, sighing.

"Just… take it out when the timer goes off, then go to sleep. We can’t have you around everyone tonight," she said over the banister to my father. “It’s his birthday, Rod. And you chose not to be present tonight for it, so just… don’t come at all. You’re in no state to.” She stayed there for another moment before she turned and walked back into her room to get ready.

My eyes felt irritated and I reached up to wipe at them, feeling a wet stream running down my cheek. I don’t know why I was crying. This was just… an average occurrence after all.

I hesitantly stepped into my shower and tried not to think about what had just happened. Instead, I thought about that damned note again. Tanis and this whole mystery could be a nice escape sometimes. I don’t mean to put that pressure on him, but it’s just… he made me happy, you know? He kept some of the fears, doubts, and dark things away with his smile.

Who was the note from, though?! Could it really have been from Tanis? Could Denika's talk really have given him the courage to do something like this?

I thought about what Denika had told me he said, and about the whole purpose of the plan, and I realized a fatal flaw: what if Tanis thought she meant someone… else? What if he was hoping she meant some other boy liked him?!

My next thought sent a shiver through my spine. I dropped the bar of soap I was holding just from the sheer weight of the idea, which had seized control of my body and put it in a state of shock.

What if… what if Tanis sees Denika and I talking together or something one day? He may not have ever seen us together before, or ever seen her before, but after what she did, what happens if one day in the future he sees us together? It wouldn't take a genius to figure out that it was probably me she was talking about when she had told him a guy liked him.

Oh God… what kind of mess have we gotten ourselves into? If the letter was from Tanis, seeing her with me may not be bad, but could instead make things better. However, if it wasn't… I didn't want to think of the consequences.

After my shower, I finished getting ready and cautiously opened my door and crept downstairs. I was really hoping that my dad would have already gone upstairs to go to sleep in a drunken stupor, so I wouldn’t have to deal with him tonight, but I hadn’t heard him come up the steps yet.

I rounded the corner to pass the living room and make my way into the kitchen, and much to my surprise and dissatisfaction, my dad was wide awake and crying at the dining room table. The scent of fresh cookies — a heady aroma of butter and chocolate — wafted through the house. It was weird to see anyone crying when such a delicious smell was in the air, but I could somewhat understand why. I snuck past him and into the kitchen to see the cookies laid out on a cooling rack.

At least he had done that.

I looked back in the dining room and studied him for a moment, and he wiped his tears away quickly and straightened up when he realized I was standing there.

Don't get me wrong, I really did love my dad. I wanted him to get better. I just couldn't stand him when he was drunk, because then he wasn’t my dad anymore. He was a different man that I didn’t recognize, and it ached to see that. It ached to see it in his eyes that he was so sloshed that he didn’t recognize me either. When he was drunk, you simply could not have a discussion with him, at least not one he would remember the next day.

A part of me felt sorry for him in how he couldn't really control his addiction, and another part of me thought it was selfish and that he was choosing to hurt us. Hurt me. And today of all days.

I knew deep down that he loved us, and I know he wanted to be there for us. At least, I tried to believe that. It made the whole situation easier.

I walked over and laid my hand on his shoulder. "I love you, Dad. I just want you to get better." I said softly. He looked at my face and then looked down at the floor before clearing his throat to address me.

"Happy birthday, son," he whispered, then stood up to give me a tight hug. I patted his arm and waved him off as he turned to go upstairs and sleep.

That night, I got to spend time with my family, including my Aunt, grandpa, and Denika — who made a grand appearance and kept poking me throughout the night and winking. My mom had prepared a delicious cake, and she decorated it with little pumpkins made out of icing. They were cute, and hey, I did like fall. I associated my birthday with it, you know?

I remember blowing out the candles among the laughter and smiles of everyone, and making my wish. But instead of wishing for Tanis, I wished for my dad to get better. And I felt a little hollow without him there at the table with us. My mom had said that he was sick and was staying away from everyone so they didn’t catch anything… and a part of that was true.

After everyone left, I flopped back onto my bed and decided to look at that love letter again. It was both the stressor and the highlight of my day, and the mystery was still swirling in my head.

I took the small piece of paper out of my pocket and walked over to my desk, spreading the note out on the surface and searching it for any clues.

I took special care in studying the handwriting, and I found that unfortunately, I didn't recognize it. I then reread it to see if I could pick out anything in the message that seemed specific to experiences with any one person. As far as I could tell, the note could belong to either Tanis or Eden… or maybe someone else entirely.

I'd feel awful telling Eden that I didn't want to be anything other than friends if this note were from her. I would be breaking her heart! But… it needed to be done though. Leading her on would be worse for her than telling her.

It was then that I spotted something indicative of the author of the letter: a single hair clung to the bottom of the paper. I picked it up between my fingers and held it close to examine it. The hair was about two inches in length and appeared to be blond or light brown. Okay, well that narrowed it down to… a lot of people. However, Eden didn't have lighter colored hair; her hair was a dark, ebony brown color. How could it be from her then?

If it wasn't from Eden, and the hair was blond… that meant my number one suspect was Tanis! Wow! I actually had some solid evidence to suggest that the note might have really been from him! Oh wow! That would explain his strange behavior today. He was nervous because of what Denika told him and about what he had done!

I grabbed a cookie from a plate I had brought upstairs with me and took a large bite, celebrating the discovery. I was ecstatic! Both from the news… and the cookie! I licked my lips and wiped my mouth with my sleeve. It was soft, buttery, and chocolatey. And it had just a hint of salt and the bitterness of coffee to enhance the other flavors.

My mom really was good in the kitchen. I wish she could do what she loved instead of — well — working herself to the bone at two jobs.

***

Later that night, I crawled into bed with a real sense of happiness and hope for the future. Everything was falling into place. Sure, I still had my share of problems, but progress had been made, and that was all I could really ask for. I closed my eyes and exhaled contentedly as my consciousness slipped away from me.

I suddenly found myself at my high school. For the most part, it seemed like a normal day at school; there were other students littering and crowding the halls, people around me were talking and spreading the latest gossip, and Denika was by my side. I studied the scenery, and while it did seem normal, there was still something unusual about it. I found that it was hazy, like a fog had covered the campus, and the noise surrounding me was extremely distorted. I turned to Denika and she grabbed my arm, guiding me towards the main staircase.

"Where are we going?" I asked in a voice that I couldn't even recognize as my own.

Instantly, the world around me slowed down as I saw Tanis at the top of the stairs. He was standing there, smiling, in all of his glory. However, he wasn't alone. He was beside a… a girl! Who the hell was she, and what right did she have to be socializing with my Tanis? My eyes narrowed as I saw him laughing with her.

Tanis paid me no mind, leaned toward her and, in slow motion, kissed her lightly on the cheek. I gasped at what I had witnessed and threw my hands up to cover my mouth in surprise, as my heart began collapsing in on itself. I ripped myself away from Denika's hold and ran in the other direction as tears began falling from my eyes.

My chest was constricting and I couldn’t catch my breath after what I had seen. I had never truly accepted the possibility that he would like anyone else — or simply be straight, for that matter. Who was I kidding? Why would he be gay and like me back? That’s just too much to ask for, right?

My throat felt tight, and I couldn’t get myself to inhale. I clutched at my chest as I leaned against a wall and tried to force air into my lungs.

There was no air.

And suddenly all too much.

I breathed deeply and hurriedly, and my hands were filled with an energy that I didn’t know how to direct or rid them of. My mind was blank, save thoughts of Tanis kissing that girl, and I couldn’t really hear Denika trying to help me breathe.

BREATHE!

I startled awake, gasping for air and covering my eyes as bright early morning light struck my face. I lifted my hand to my cheek to rub it, because for some reason, it felt wet. I swiped my fingers across my skin, and was astonished at finding that it really was damp there.

Steadying my breathing, I remembered my crushing dream. I must have been crying and having a panic attack in real life, too. It really was that powerful of a heartbreaking image, seeing him kiss that… that girl!

But… it was just a dream. I had to admit, though, that it bothered me. What if all of this was in my head? Was I making his actions out to be more than they really were? He could really be straight! I needed to get a grip and remember that.

My dream was also a good signal to practice exercising caution with this whole note situation. I shouldn't be so presumptuous about who wrote it. I needed more evidence.

When I arrived at school the next day, I became intent on analyzing the actions of all of my friends and determined to figure out who wrote me that message. I didn't find any new leads early during the day, but when I walked into my biology class, my eyes locked onto Cooper and Michael… and something clicked.

Cooper and I had only recently become friends. It wasn’t anything on my part, though. For some reason, he started being really nice to me after the talent show. Out of the blue, he just started saying hello to me around school before summer break, and he would always be super enthusiastic about it, too. I loved the attention, especially from a cutie like him. So, I returned the kindness. We had become better friends since then, once he and Michael had chosen to sit next to me at our lab station on the first day of school.

What made me look at him as a suspect was that, for one, he was blond. Secondly, he was suspicious because we had recently become closer, and we also had some fun times together joking around in class. He also kept asking me about Eden and relationships. I wonder…

I reached my desk and glanced over at Cooper. He was staring right at me. However, instead of saying anything like he usually did, he spun back around and focused his attention to the front of the class. Strange.

"Hi Cooper!" I exclaimed, hoping to get a reaction out of him. He turned around again and looked at me before opening his mouth and attempting to speak.

"Oh! Um… hi Dylan," he replied.

…Why is it that everyone I considered a suspect had to act weird?

It really didn't help in bottlenecking the search and closing this 'investigation.' First, Eden was clinging to me more, then Tanis was acting shier than usual, and now Cooper was being oddly quiet. Great. Just great.

"You okay? What's the matter?" I asked. He shrugged his shoulders and looked back towards the teacher who was beginning his lecture for the day.

Okay, he was officially a suspect now. It didn't help his case much that he 'plays' gay with Michael sometimes, too. They were constantly telling each other how sexy they look, and jokingly asking to hold hands — among other things. Straight guys are weird. Unless… he wasn’t straight. He was at least a candidate for being a closet case.

But now, the list grows: Tanis; Eden; and new addition, Cooper. Anyone else the note could be from?

I sheepishly entered the cafeteria after the bell dismissed us for lunch. Today was the day I had decided to talk to Eden, and I was planning to pull her aside when I got to our table. However, as much as I was prepared to do this, I was still shaking! I could practically hear my heartbeat and feel my throat constricting.

I had never done anything like this before, so I had no experience in this area, which meant that I wasn't sure if what I was planning on saying would fly well or not. I really wanted for us to stay friends, but I doubted that would happen — even if I did this as nicely as possible. If I’m terrified of rejection, I’m sure she is… and she might get just as hurt as I would be. I wish I could spare her that, but I just didn’t feel the same or like where this was going. It wasn’t fair to anyone to pretend.

…As much as the thought of pretending sounded nice in a way. To, you know, be seen as normal to everyone else.

But I had my mom, and I had Denika. So, even if everyone else knew I was different and looked at me like I had three heads, at least the ones that matter would still treat me the same. Right?

It felt… good to have some of the weight of being different off my chest.

I turned my attention back to Eden. Maybe talking to her would reveal her to be my secret admirer? She was still a possibility, even if she didn't have light hair. For all I really knew, that hair I found could have been mine!

"Hey Eden," I said, keeping my head down slightly. She was sitting at our usual table, chatting away with Kyle about something or other. Megan and Denika saw me coming and waved. Eden lifted her head to gaze up at me and smiled warmly.

"Can I… talk to you?" I asked.

"Sure, honey. What's wrong?" she responded, growing concerned.

Honey? Did she just call me honey? That was not a good thing!

Denika gave me a pointed look, showing that she was thinking the same thing and encouraging me to do something.

"Um… can you just come with me for a second?" I said meekly.

I saw the confusion and worry in her eyes and smiled at her to help relieve the tension. She stood up right away to follow me and told everyone that she'd be right back. I took her hand gently in my own and led her outside, past the outdoor lunch tables, and found a somewhat secluded place in the school's small garden where we could be undisturbed. I sat her down on a small bench and took several deep breaths before speaking.

"Eden," I started, looking directly into her perky, bright blue eyes, which were now growing more and more muddled with fear. I sighed, and tried to remember to find my twenty seconds of courage. She deserved the truth.

I inhaled deeply and breathed out, looking around at the garden for a moment. It was filled with shades of green and gold, and the air was burning in the summer sun. But it was a welcome heat — the school interior had the air conditioning working overtime.

Scratching the back of my neck, my eyes settled back on Eden.

"I know that we've been growing closer lately, and that's great and all, but… I just… I'd like it if we could just stay friends, okay? I really don't want us to stop talking because of this. I think you're a great person, and you're really fun to be around…" I trailed off.

"… But you just don't like, like me?" she asked, getting teary eyed. "Why? Did I… did I do something wrong?"

"No! No, of course not. As cheesy as it is, it's really not you. It's me. I just… I like you only as a friend. And I thought that’s all we were, and it’s not fair for me to let you think any differently. Please understand that you didn't do anything wrong. I just would rather us stay friends. Do you think we can do that?"

"I… I… I need time to think," she said, wiping some tears away with her sleeve.

"Of course.” I stared at her for a moment, seeing her heart break in front of me, and I felt a rock in my stomach. I didn’t want to hurt her, and I figured she’d need time now to get over me. Maybe… we wouldn’t be friends in the end because of this. Feelings and heartbreaks are confusing. But before I let her go back to lunch, I still needed to know something.

“Eden?" I asked hesitantly. "You… you didn't write me a letter, did you?"

"N-No. Why?" She glanced at me and searched my eyes for an answer. She must have thought that was a random question from the way her forehead crinkled in confusion.

"Um… no reason," I trailed off.

Right, so that crosses her off of the list of suspects. Interesting. It also increased the odds that the letter was from Tanis, though!

I leaned forward and offered her a hand to help her up. "Come on, we should get back to the others. I'm sorry. I really am. I didn't want to hurt you with this. Please understand that?" She nodded slowly and took my hand.

Whew! That really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I hope things don't get weird between us. She really was a good friend that I'd want to keep, if possible.

We strolled solemnly back into the cafeteria and approached our table. Everyone stared at us, probably wondering what had happened. Denika seemed to figure it out right away, because she nodded slowly toward me and flashed me an understanding look. Eden sat down next to Kyle, and I took the seat next to Megan. I tried to get all of us talking normally again, but Eden simply sat there in silence with her head down.

"Eden?" I questioned. She sniffled and jumped up from the table.

"I’m going to the library to study. I’ll talk to you guys later," she said, before racing out of the lunchroom. Her eyes were shiny as she left.

I… I didn't want to hurt her. She didn't write the letter, but that doesn't mean she didn't really like me. Oh God. She hates me now, doesn't she? I thought she would be okay. Maybe she just needs time to process this?

I felt the gaze of everyone around me burning a hole in the back of my head. I needed to get out of here. I just… I don't want them looking at me. I'm sorry I broke her heart, okay?! I tried not to!

I rose to my feet to leave, and was relieved when the bell signaling the end of the lunch block rang seconds later. Denika tried to catch up to me and talk, but I really wasn't in the mood. So, I just ignored her until she decided to let me be. I felt horrible for making Eden so… so sad with what I had told her. At least I was honest. Maybe she could move on now.

I shuffled into my 5th period art class with Mr. Snider with a lot weighing on my mind: Eden, my parents, Tanis, Denika, and Cooper. I was still questioning that letter, and I didn't have any real new leads to follow. I had two probable authors so far, and I was still hell-bent on finding out if it was one of them. It could have even been written by someone else. So, my investigation was not over.

Maybe this period would help me forget it all for a little while. I'd be able to focus all of my thoughts on how much I hated Mr. Snider.

Mr. Snider was the strictest, most cynical, hardest grading, uninteresting bore of a teacher one could ever possibly hope not to have. The other teachers didn't even like him! Even though he would inevitably give me his monotonous and uncaring response as per usual, I politely said hello to him. He glanced up from the book he was enthralled in from his desk and sneered.

"Hello… Dylan." And that was that. What a jerk! See, now I had been a straight A honor student before having him. I was one of the top students in his class, yet I still was getting Cs on my assignments! He was evil! He also acted as though he pretty much disliked everyone around him, and who knows? He probably did.

I had asked him what I could do to improve, and do you want to know what he said? 'Do better.' Yeah. He was a total ass.

If there was anyone I could focus my pain, anger, and frustration on, it was him. Without a doubt. Satan in teacher form. Why would you even become a teacher if you hated kids… and teaching?! I just couldn't fathom it. I took my seat and Megan’s voice came up beside me.

"Fuck, dude. You really hate him, don't you? Your expression is priceless," she said, taking her spot next to me. I was sitting at one of the easels in the room, thinking about what I wanted to draw or paint. Our art class was largely a free period. Despite Mr. Snider’s harsh critiques — which were entirely unfair and subjective for art — he did give us the freedom to do pretty much anything creative in class, as long as we worked on something.

I laughed, realizing how scrunched up and upset my face must have appeared right then to Megan.

"Oh, hey Megan! What's up?" I asked. I was really hoping that she wouldn't bring up Eden's explosion at lunch. I didn't want to think about it anymore. She smiled at me and reached down into her bag to pull out her binder.

"You know, Denika told me what she thought happened between you and Eden. I was usually joking about you two being an item. If it was true, and you two really did end whatever relationship you had brewing, then I'm sorry, dude. I'm sure Eden will get over it. She's not one to hold a grudge; she's way too nice for that," she said, looking back over at me for a brief moment.

"Yeah… I guess so. I tried to tell her that I just wanted to be friends, and I did it as gently as I could think of doing it. I really didn't expect her to flip out like she did," I said, now hiding my face from her.

Megan’s default may have been a bold sense of humor, but she could be very kind and sweet when she needed to be, and I was glad that we had a class together. She could be a great friend sometimes when I needed to talk — if Denika didn't happen to be around. She made this period bearable! I wouldn’t be able to stand it without her there.

"I'm sorry, but like I said, it will get better soon," she said, patting me on the shoulder.

“Can I be honest though?” I asked. One of her eyebrows rose in question and she told me to go on. “I didn’t actually ever like her. I just felt… pressured that I was supposed to, I guess. I didn’t stop it in time, but I’m trying to now.”

She eyed me, her forehead wrinkling for a moment. Then she shook off whatever she was thinking and started writing something out on a blank page in her binder.

“That’s good that you’re trying to make it right. You seem sad sometimes, dude. Was it because all this has been swimming in your head? Or… are you all lovesick over someone else?” she asked, wiggling her eyebrows with a smile, but not meeting my eyes.

I was surprised to hear that. Really? Could she… no, could everyone tell that I was keeping secrets and that they were eating me alive? That I just had to spill my guts to Denika and my mom to relieve some of the pressure so I could just breathe and be me? Could they see some of that sadness?

My eyes got a bit misty for a moment, and I gave her a hug from behind to let her know everything was okay.

“Thank you for looking out for me,” I said. “And… if I come across anyone else, I promise to update you on my lovelife, eventually.”

“Ew, affection.” She laughed, then wrinkled her nose in mock-disgust and brushed me off of her. After a few beats, she continued, “Are you sure? I’m sensing that you’re holding out on me!”

“Never!” I defended. I leaned over and realized she was scribbling out what looked like a poem. "I didn't know you wrote poetry!"

"Well, I write all kinds of things, but I like poetry." She blushed and kept working.

She writes all kinds of things? What about… letters? No, I don't think it could have been Megan. At least, I didn't think so.

“Are… you even allowed to be writing poetry in here? Mr. Snider might get on you to pick up a paint brush,” I warned.

She glanced up at me and huffed in amusement. “Hey now, don’t kill my vibe, dude. Plus, he’s only said he wants us to be creative and working. Poetry is something creative,” she said, setting down her pen for a moment.

“It’s all about the loopholes,” she expanded, then eyed me for a moment and went back to scribbling down her thoughts. “Read between the lines.”

Interesting.

When the bell for sixth period rang, I was instantly reminded of my other mission today: I was supposed to invite Tanis over. I had gotten permission from my mom, and everything was set. I just needed to get over my nerves once and for all and invite him. Oh boy. Easier said than done.

I wished Megan a good afternoon, and didn't even bother this time with Mr. Snider. Some people just didn't deserve the effort. He wouldn't care anyway. Jerk.

Tanis was already there and waiting when I passed through the doorway to Mrs. Ramirez's classroom. He acknowledged my presence with a wide, toothy grin. It was so huge, that I almost thought it would tear his face apart! His cheeks grew rosy as I plopped down in my chair. He could be so funny sometimes, even without saying anything.

"Hey Tanis!" I said happily. He shifted around in his seat a little to face me.

"Hey Dylan. What's up?" he asked bashfully.

Okay, breathe. Why would he say no? Be brave, Dylan. It’s been working well for you so far, right?

"Nothing much. Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to… hang out sometime?” I started. His eyes perked up and I rushed to finish my thoughts in a rapid jumble before he could respond. “I thought maybe you could come over on Friday and we could just play video games and stuff. It would be fun! We can order a pizza, and everything!"

Tanis opened his mouth in excitement to say, what I assumed to be an agreement, but suddenly his face dropped.

"Oh… I would, but I have my volleyball game. Remember?" he quietly reminded me.

"I know! I wanted to come and watch, after all,” I hurried out quickly, “and then you can come over right after. I did want to see you play!" He seemed a bit taken back by that, but shook his head up and down rapidly after a short delay.

"Sure! Cool. That… that would be cool." He started fidgeting a bit and turned away.

"How long do you think the game will last?" I asked.

"Well, we get out of school at 2:30. So, it should start at three and go until… right about four." he answered, keeping his eyes away from me.

"Cool."

Yes! He said yes! Oh wow. I had to tell Denika! She would flip! I couldn't believe it… he really said yes!

Could life get any better than it was right now?! If it did, then I was certain that I would simply keel over and die. Despite everything else that has happened, nothing could ruin how special this moment was to me. Nothing. Wow… just… just wow.

Every day, I fell deeper and deeper for him. Him actually wanting to spend time with me… I just couldn't believe it. If this was a dream, I didn't want to wake up. But… where did we go from here? Only time would tell, and unfortunately, she wasn't talking yet.

It was at that moment, though, that I saw Tanis pull out his Spanish homework, and when he did, my heart skipped a beat.

…After a brief glance at the page, I immediately recognized his handwriting.