Rooted in My Heart - 1. Easy on Me

Air.

I needed air. I could only handle being close to him and close to the mixed signals for so long.

A shaky breath forced its way past my lips, and I excused myself from the theater. My hand pushed at the cold metal door to the parking lot — a place I could think for a moment — and I glanced back at the rows of seats.

Maybe, just maybe, it was in my head all along.

His name was Tanis. Cute name, right? It made me smile every time I heard it out loud — or even thought of it, for that matter.

We first met in Sixth Grade. He was this little blond kid that sat in the opposite corner of my English classroom — and I was drawn in from the first moment I saw him. He was always such a shy, timid little spirit, but he was always smiling. It made me laugh to remember how he used to hide his smile because of his braces; if anyone saw them it would embarrass him half to death. He never seemed to realize how absolutely adorable he looked with them, though. His sweet braces-filled smile made me actually look forward to getting those darn things. I thought maybe other people would think I looked as cute as I thought Tanis did with his.

I didn't really have feelings for him at the time. At the most, I only experienced thinking that he was cute. I mean, I was eleven after all. Serious feelings like ‘liking someone’ were a bit lost on my innocent childlike wonder with the world. Besides, I didn't have a chance to develop my feelings for him that year anyway, considering how we barely spoke two words to each other the whole time.

Around then, I began to realize that I wasn't attracted to girls as much as boys. Like I said, I hadn't experienced any romantic feelings yet, but I knew that considering other boys 'cute' was different. And soon, I learned what my attraction to other boys meant. It meant that, yes, I was probably that awful ‘G’ word. Gay. I liked other boys, and I found no appeal in girls. It hadn't really worried me yet, though. At the time, I actually sort of accepted it, believing that it was simply how I was and how God made me. Later on, however, I learned more about the social stigma towards being gay when my dad found my search history from the time I researched about how two boys could fall in love.

I had been curious, and I was just starting puberty, and flashes of blond, amber, and braces made me want to know if it was okay to find another boy cute. My father scolded me and told me that “Boys should like girls, son” and that liking boys was “disgusting” and “unnatural.” He made me promise to stop looking up anything like that, and I obeyed.

After that, I tried to ignore my feelings. I didn't want people to make fun of me; I didn't want my parents to disown me; I didn't want to be rejected by God. All I wanted to be… was normal. But I was different.

And Tanis… made me like being different.

I came to realize that near the beginning of this school year, around October. I was a newly minted Freshman at the time — or frosh, freshie, fresh meat, or any other name the upperclassmen decided to call us on a whim — and it was relay day in my gym class.

“Marshall… team B,” yelled Mr. Johnson. I jumped up, following his direction, and ran over to the relay line.

“Hey Megan!” I gave her a smile as I joined her conversation with Tanis and Michael.

I had met Megan in middle school along with my best friend, Denika, when we sat together in world history. She was ‘height-challenged,’ as she preferred to say, and was thin with long chocolate-brown hair which glinted red in the sunlight. I always thought she was cool because of her laid back personality and sense of humor.

Megan was part of my ‘core’ friend group, I suppose you could say. She often joined Denika and the rest of our crew at lunch, and I was happy to hang out with her from time to time. She was what I’d describe as an extroverted introvert. She was perfectly happy keeping quiet and to herself, but she could also hang with a group. And when she did make comments, they were often filled with puns or so shocking that they would leave you laughing for a few minutes afterward.

She didn’t seem to get too close to many people, but she liked to hang out with myself, Michael, and Cooper — being a bit of a tom-boy as she was and liking to hang out with guys. So it wasn’t unusual to see her and Michael chatting it up, but I was curious to see Tanis with them.

At that point, it’d been a couple years since I’d thought much of Tanis, besides occasional sightings of his mop of blond hair throughout seventh and eighth grade. We worked together on a group project one time in eighth, and he seemed to barely speak to me the entire time unless spoken to first. But he still smiled at me often. He reminded me of sunshine: soft, warm, quiet, and bright.

I had rarely gotten to talk to him in our gym class so far, since he was always off talking to Michael and his other friends.

“Hey Michael. Hi Tanis…” I gave him a timid wave. His eyes widened and he glanced down at the grass, withdrawing from their current conversation a bit and smiling slightly.

“Hey Dylan…” he answered in a small voice. I felt flushed, and not just because the sun was beating down on us. Megan eyed us both briefly.

“Hey dude, what’s up?” she asked. Mr. Johnson blew the whistle and she glanced over her shoulder. “Ah. I’m next.” Before turning away, she looked at me and whispered something to Michael. The whistle sounded again and she ran off, leaving the three of us behind. Tanis shuffled his feet and tilted his head down, his hair cascading over his eyes.

I stared at him for a moment and felt a jitteriness in my chest… like a surge of nervous energy I wasn’t sure what to do with. I had always thought he was adorable, but I so rarely got to be close to him — much less talk to him. His eyes lifted from the ground and I caught them briefly, which made a smile break out on my face.

“Hey Dylan, we were just talking about that new zombie game,” Michael filled me in. The two of us weren’t super close, but we shared a love for the occasional video game and played together sometimes. “Have you checked it out yet?”

Tanis lit up and looked at me excitedly. Since he rarely stepped out of his comfort zone to talk to others and mostly stayed quiet, what came next was new.

“Oh dude, it’s so cool! Please tell me you’ve played it?” he asked, his cheeks reddening a bit.

I suddenly felt a huge surge of emotion, and I had to fight not to smile even wider like an idiot.

“Yeah, I have. I love the new graphics and the zombie class system,” I answered.

The whistle blew again and Michael took off. Tanis kicked at a few pebbles nearby then looked up at me. His eyes were a soft amber. My palms began to sweat, and I couldn't figure out what to do with myself. He was cute.

This was the most interaction I’d had with him in as long as I could remember, and I was beginning to wish for more time with him. Strange. I wasn’t sure why I felt that way. He was sweet and handsome, sure — I had always thought that — and I liked talking to him. It was a fun challenge to get him to open up and express himself beyond his bright grin. Whatever it was about him, I found myself wanting to be his friend that day. I could always use some new friends, and it certainly helps if they’re good-looking.

"So... do you play online at all? I play with Michael sometimes," he asked.

"Yes!" I blurted out. Where my overenthusiastic response came from, I’m not sure. I just knew instantly that I had to tone it down. It’s not like I was crushing on him already.

‘Oh no.’ I remember thinking as it clicked in my head. No way was I getting a new crush just from getting to be close to and talk to this cute boy for the first time in years… right?

Tanis pushed a small rock to the side with his shoe, and then spoke slowly.

“Do you want to play with me sometime?” he asked, meeting my eyes with his.

Now, I was fifteen, mind you. My mind went immediately to… ‘not safe for after-school special’ thoughts. Something about the question sounded sexual in my hormonal brain, and I prayed that I didn’t get too — er — excited in my gym shorts. It was thin material after all.

"Yeah... I do,” I forced out in response. “I'm online friends with Michael, so send me a friend request through his 'friends list,' okay? You're online friends with him already, right?"

"Yeah... Okay. That sounds cool," he said, beaming.

I couldn't believe it. His smile was sweet… and I found myself realizing that — yes — I had become smitten with this boy in one conversation. And that both terrified and thrilled me. I didn’t want to be different, but… he just drew me in somehow.

What made it more surreal was that he actually expressed an interest in me, too. Now, maybe it was only as friends and I shouldn’t have been getting my hopes up, but it was something. He wanted to play video games online — with me. And, despite the very idea of getting closer to my new crush turning my insides to goo, I managed to keep talking to him without swooning too much.

Yet, all too quickly, Mr. Johnson blew his whistle and Tanis had to turn around in a hurry to keep up in the relay.

"Oh! Have to go, but… I’ll message you later, Dylan!" He smiled, then took off running before I could answer. He seemed like a real sweetheart, and I found myself thinking ‘he might be worth it.’

A few days after our first real conversation during the relay game, Tanis had sent me that friend request online. I was so happy! I couldn't believe that he might actually want to play with me — that he wanted to be my friend! It was a step in the right direction, and satisfied the weird feelings in my heart just a little.

A few minutes later, he invited me to actually play together. I joined one of his games and he very kindly introduced me to all of his friends that were playing too. What happened next, though, both made me excited and nearly broke my heart.

Those… those awful friends of his started playfully making fun of us. They began by calling Tanis ‘gay’ because he was terrible at the game, but then switched to saying how he probably really was gay. Then, they turned on me, accusing me of being his 'fag' boyfriend… which made my chest flutter to even think about as a possibility. But being said in a teasing and mocking way made the word turn to acid in my stomach. I didn’t understand why they were doing it; maybe it was just typical straight-boy speak, or maybe it was gamer-boy speak, or maybe it was just to be plain mean. No matter what it was, it was upsetting and I asked that they stop. I heard those slurs enough at home.

Disgusting.

I just wanted to spend time with Tanis in peace. But if that couldn’t happen, I wanted to protect him. He didn’t deserve to be called anything disgusting like… like me. And it was probably happening because I was there. Maybe the ones hurling insults could tell that I was ‘different?’ But Tanis was sweet, and he didn’t deserve this. Some friends of his.

Tanis didn’t say anything after my request for the others to stop. In fact, he didn’t say much at all and eventually excused himself. And as sad as I was to have him go offline, I was unbelievably glad when the game finally came to an end.

I just hoped he didn’t think less of me from the interaction.

The next school day, I exchanged friendly greetings with Michael and Tanis in gym. Tanis wished me a soft hello and let his hair cover his eyes, ducking away to hide from my gaze. I wanted to make sure we were okay after the way his ‘friends’ treated him online, but the way he was making himself small made me worried. Maybe he really was uncomfortable with me now.

“Can I talk to you for a sec?” I asked him, hoping he wouldn’t turn me away, and the color drained from his face. Michael raised his eyebrow, but then shrugged and walked away to give us space. “Am I that scary to talk to?”

“No! No, not at all. What’s up?” He fidgeted and glanced up at me.

“Are… are we okay? I’m sorry about that game… I hope I didn’t make it awkward. I know they were your friends, too. If it’s something I did or said, I just wanted to say sorry…” I said, shrinking into myself as he studied my eyes. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.

“What? No! No, you didn’t… it’s fine. You’re fine. I was just… embarrassed?” he questioned, more to himself than to me. He reached up to push his hair across his forehead sheepishly, then the corners of his mouth turned up a bit. His smile made my heart ache.

“About the… ‘gay’ and ‘fag’ stuff those guys said?” I asked quietly. He hummed in affirmation, not seeming concerned or disgusted with the terms at all. I wondered if that was a good sign or not, and my heart skipped as I imagined him being like me.

“I’m sorry. That must not have been cool for you either. I know I didn’t appreciate being teased about that…” His words made me stand a little taller knowing that he didn’t blame me or think I was weird… at least not yet.

“Yeah, it sucked… but that’s why we’ve got to stick together, right? Against the douchebags? I hope you unfriended them online?” Tanis beamed at me, like he was starstruck.

“Yeah. And thank you for sticking up for both of us, dude. I wanted to.” He pulled at the bottom of his gym shirt for a moment, then continued. “I kept thinking that I just needed twenty seconds of courage… to tell them to jump off a bridge. You just beat me to it.” Tanis gave me a small smile and added, “And I did. Unfriend them, that is.”

Mr. Johnson blew his whistle to regroup us from our rest period.

“Good! That kind of teasing is mean. But there is a fun kind of teasing.” He looked at me skeptically as we began to walk over to our classmates.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Like ‘you’re totally too slow to beat me in the next activity,’” I said lightly. He laughed and flashed me a genuine smile.

“I think that’s more of a bet than teasing.”

“Well, bet. You’re on!” I announced. He shook his head and sat down to listen to the teacher.

Months flew by, and it was nearly time for the Spring Dance. Tanis, Michael, Megan, and I had been getting closer in gym class — and I was especially happy to be closer to Tanis. As time went on, he spent less time with his other gym friends, and more time with me. Actually talking, too. It was as if I had opened the floodgates, washing away some of his shyness, and he was willing to tell me his every thought. And I wasn’t complaining. When he sent a smile my way, it just made me feel so special for some reason. I was completely infatuated already, and I knew it. And I was terrified that he could tell, too… but he never said anything about it. He just smiled at me like the ball of sunshine he was and was content to talk, and we would often split off from Megan and Michael into our own little conversations. We even exchanged phone numbers and would text each other occasionally.

But as much as I loved spending time with those three, gym was as far as our closeness went. I was trying to work up the courage to ask Tanis to sit together at lunch or to hang out sometime, but every time I thought about it, I became afraid that he would realize I liked him and would tell everyone I was ‘different.’ I usually sat with Denika and her friends for lunch, and one day she brought a new friend to the table: Eden.

Eden was bubbly and enthusiastic about everything. It was easy to see why her and Denika got along so well. They had been paired up on some assignment and became fast friends, and now she was part of our gang too. She was a bit of a bookworm, and she had braces that gave her a sweet teenage smile. She also had a tendency to be the ‘mom’ of our group — the confident voice of reason. Which we often needed with Denika, Megan, and I’s goofy antics. She provided some good balance.

It turned out that Eden was also in my gym class, though we had rarely spoken before. That quickly changed.

“Hey Dylan!” Eden greeted me excitedly one morning as we split off into groups for stretches. I was walking with Tanis and the others at the time, and he tensed up a bit seeing her. I could tell when he was shutting down and feeling shy.

“Hey Eden,” I responded. I was just being nice at first, because our little gym group had a good thing going, but then I thought about it more. She was nice and she was one of Denika’s friends — and any friend of Denika’s is a friend of mine. Plus, I enjoyed spending time with her at lunch, too. “Want to join us for stretches?”

She agreed and I introduced her to Michael and Tanis. Megan gave them a side eye and looked back at Eden and I.

“So… you and Eden are getting closer, huh? Is she your secret new girlfriend, dude?” She raised her eyebrows and looked at me in question, clearly amused and partially joking.

Why was she like this? I was just introducing Eden to our gym warm-up group. How does that suddenly make us a couple? Megan knew her about as well as I did from lunch.

I gave her a pointed look and opened my mouth to answer, but Eden laughed and began for me as she rolled and stretched her shoulders.

“No! Oh my gosh. Stop it.” She shook her head at Megan, brushing her off and used to Megan’s sense of humor. She turned to Michael and Tanis and continued. “Sorry. The three of us are friends and sit together at lunch sometimes,” she said with slightly rosy cheeks.

“So you say now!” Megan teased. She was always trying to set people up. It was funny and sweet in some ways when directed at others… but not with Tanis watching.

I was about to change the subject when Michael brought up the Spring Dance.

“Are any of you guys planning on going? I heard it should be fun!” he said. His eyes lit up and he nudged Tanis’s shoulder.

“I might go. It depends,” Tanis answered. I smiled at him and nodded in agreement. I would have loved to ask Tanis to go with me… but that was maybe too big of a leap. I didn’t want to scare him off, and I still didn’t even know if he was… well, you know… ‘gay’ like me. Let alone whether he liked me. I mean, he seemed flirty sometimes, but it was hard to tell. I wish I knew.

“Depends on what? Finding a sexy date?” Megan joked as she leaned down to touch her toes and stretch her hamstrings.

Tanis stiffened and answered, “Or just… whether my friends want to go.” He glanced at Michael and I, then cast his gaze to the ground and began picking at the grass. He can be so timid.

I began to respond, but Eden jumped in and directed her words at me.

“Oh! The others were talking about it, too! We should go as a friend group. I think some of them are going as friend-dates to do matching outfits and stuff. Want to do that, too?” she asked me.

I thought again about asking Tanis to go. No… it was too soon, and I was afraid to spoil anything between us. Plus, if we all went as friends, I would still see him at the dance, right? What’s the harm in just doing a friend-date and matching our clothes? It actually sounded pretty fun.

“Sure! Why not?” I responded. “Will you be my friend-date then?” She nodded and went back to stretching. “We can all hang together if you guys go, too.” I flicked my eyes to the other three to include them, but Tanis didn’t meet my gaze. I didn’t think much of it.

The dance itself was a good time. With the theme being ‘Spring,’ the gymnasium was decked out in shades of green and yellow, and floral arrangements were at every table. Denika brought her boyfriend, Kyle, as her date, and I was there with Eden. She had worn a deep forest green dress with sequins, and I had put on a matching tie with my black suit. Kyle called me a “pretty boy faggot” for trying too hard, which I admit really stung. Thankfully, Megan joined us just in time to ask him if he was compensating for a small ‘package,’ and Denika smacked his arm. Kyle… was not always the nicest. He meant well, but perhaps he just didn’t know any better how his words could hurt. He seemed to enjoy teasing me, but I often let it slide because he made Denika happy. Most of the time, she wasn’t even aware he was doing it, and I didn’t want to make a fuss with her.

Michael and Cooper stopped by to say hello a few times, the two of them wearing matching navy suits. They seemed especially buddy-buddy and talked to each other in the corner most of the time. I think Michael felt a need to keep Cooper company, since he was busying himself with check-in and dance logistics every few minutes as part of his student government ‘Vice President’ duties.

But the whole night, I don’t think I ever ran into Tanis. Not once. And that made the dance just a little less fun.

The next couple months, Tanis seemed to retreat into himself and was pretty reserved in gym. He spoke when spoken to, and he still worked up charming smiles, but they were more rare than before. I didn’t get much alone time with him anyway, considering that Eden was always interrupting me to chat. I enjoyed her company, sure, but I was confused by Tanis’s demeanor.

One day, I asked him if he was doing okay, and he shrugged and said he was in the middle of moving. His eyes were downcast when he told me, and I didn’t think I should push the topic further. I had heard moving was stressful, and I figured it might not be a happy circumstance. Of course I offered to help him, though, but he just shook his head and gave a small “I’ll be okay, but thank you.” I didn’t push it.

Some time later, I decided I would try inviting him to eat lunch together. If he didn’t need help or want to talk about his move, that didn’t mean I couldn’t still try to be his friend and cheer him up in other ways. Plus, I was beginning to miss him as we talked less and less in class. So I sent him a text one day before heading to the cafeteria.

Dylan: Hey! How’s your day going? Want to eat lunch together? Haven’t talked much lately!

… He left me on read.

***

I sighed and leaned my head back against the stone wall behind me. Remembering everything was both a torture and a catharisis.

It had been a few weeks since I invited him to lunch, and it was almost summer break. It was hard not to take him pushing me away like a rejection. Maybe I said or did something that turned him off? Maybe he realized that I was gay and got freaked out? That would be a nightmare. But if that was the case, at least he hadn’t told anyone. He was a nice guy, after all — even if he didn’t want to be around me now. Too nice to tell me directly and hurt my feelings, I guess. Or just too shy to admit it.

Currently, I was sitting on the floor outside of the school theater building. Mostly to escape and collect my thoughts after another failed attempt to connect with Tanis. I had just asked him if he was there at the talent show… but I saw him pull out his phone, read my message, then ignore me. Why?

“Dylan? You okay?” The friendly voice caught my attention.

I breathed in the thick summer air and glanced up at the source. The voice belonged to our student government vice president, Cooper. He was out here helping to run the event — his yellow name tag pinned to his shirt, proudly on display. He had been wiping down tables at one of the outside concession stands, but was currently paused and staring at me with knit brows and wide eyes.

“Oh, God…” I ran a hand through my hair and hoped I wouldn’t make things awkward. “Yeah, I’m okay. I will be. I just needed fresh air — whatever good it does with the heat. I hate the heat.” I stood up and fixed my eyes to my feet. My face was getting warm. “Really. Thank you for asking.”

“Well, yeah, of course I’d ask,” he said. I could feel his stare on me still, and I reached up to wipe at my eyes again. “And more of a winter person?”

“Ha… yeah something like that. Fall is my favorite season, though. It’s Halloween time, plus my birthday.” Cooper hummed in acknowledgement, and silence settled between us as he let me collect my thoughts. “It’s just… stupid high school drama, you know?”

“Oh, geez, tell me about it.” He paused and checked his phone. “I was just texting one of my friends. They’re being annoying. I swear, I have to walk them through everything. Like, just ask if they like you! Then you wouldn’t be worrying so much. Sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of courage. Easier said than done I guess.” He sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Drama’s a bitch.” I laughed, then sighed to release some of my tension. My eyes found Cooper’s and I gave him a small grin.

“Care to talk it out?” he asked.

“Just… fear of rejection I guess.” Cooper looked surprised for a moment.

“You like someone? Sorry for my rant then.”

“No, no. What you said was right. But... it is easier said than done…” I paused and collected myself. “I’m freaking out just like your friend. And I may have already been rejected. They’re avoiding me… not answering my texts. I should just give them space, I guess. But we were getting to be close before… so I don’t get it. I must’ve said something wrong.” I frowned as I tried to remember how it got this bad.

“Is it that girl from the spring dance?” Cooper asked me, returning my thoughts to the present.

I let his question hang in the air for a moment and looked out at the town. It was humid outside, and the sky was still tinted lavender at the horizon. Street lights had already blinked on and were casting a lonely glow on the neighborhood. The day’s slowly cooling air soothed my skin.

“Eden?” Of course that’s who he meant. Everyone was gossiping and prodding us about being a couple, but my heart was elsewhere. “Ah… between us?” I asked.

“Sure. Yes! Totally. Of course. Promise!” he answered, very quickly. He was an odd one sometimes.

“Well, to be honest…” I began, but I didn’t really know how to start. I wasn’t about to admit to liking a boy just yet.

"Dylan? Are you okay?" came a voice from behind me. I sighed, knowing who it was right away. “Oh. Sorry if I’m interrupting!” Cooper looked at her and brushed his hand through the air as if to say ‘no problem.’

“No worries. You two talk.”

"I just had to get out of there," I said to my best friend. "Denika, what do you do if someone you… you really like... got along with you great for a couple months, then suddenly doesn't return any of your calls or texts? This is… hypothetical, of course." Cooper pulled out his phone and turned away from us to type something and give us space.

"Sure it is," she said, rolling her eyes as she sat in front of me to talk. "Listen, you have it bad, dude. I can tell. I want you to be happy, so you know I'm rooting for you, right?" I nodded my head.

"Good. Well, is she shy around you sometimes? Would it be considered weird if she was too shy to respond to you?"

"Well, the person can be a little shy sometimes. What if you know for a fact that they've gotten them?"

"Well, it might be a rejection. Or, they’re too shy to answer. Unless something happened between you two?" She looked at me warily.

“Well, we haven’t talked much since the Spring Dance,” I answered. I thought about it for a moment. What could have happened around then to make Tanis avoid me?

“She’s probably just upset you haven’t asked her on another date! Duh!” She smiled. Oh, right. Eden. Denika thought she was onto me. It might have been just a tiny shocker to her that it wasn't Eden I was talking about.

"So, you two haven't gone out again since then, right? I mean, by what you said…it is her, right?" She paused. "Listen, okay? Just talk to her in person and ask her out. Don't let this get to you so much! We all know she likes you. Come on, let's go finish watching the talent show."

I cringed. I didn’t want to think about Eden right now. I just wanted to leave, but I knew Denika wouldn’t let me.

"Thanks Denika. I feel a little better. I just… maybe it'd help if I told you… never mind," I said. "Thanks."

I almost told her right then. I didn’t want Cooper to hear, though. I’d been wanting to tell her for a while now. She was my best friend, and I could trust her more than anyone, so I'm sure she'd be supportive and wouldn't blab my little secret to every random person she saw. Right? At least, I tried to think so.

My dad’s words rattled in my mind, labelling gay people ‘faggots’ and ‘disgusting.’ Never directed at me, mind you, but a cold reminder of his warning and what he might think about me if he knew, and it always bruised me inside.

Denika wasn’t like that though… and I needed someone I could talk to about this kind of stuff without having to withhold key information — like the fact that the person I'm freaking out about is a boy, for example.

Denika gave me a hand to help me up, snapping me out of my thoughts a bit. I smiled at her and gave her a hug. She really was a lifesaver sometimes. She had this way where she could just make everything seem better somehow. I knew I was going to be counting on her a lot more from then on, so I really needed to tell her about ‘me’ soon, especially if I was planning on ever asking Tanis out. I was definitely going to need her advice on that!

I paused and considered doing it the next time we were alone together. That would take some time, considering how we always went out as a group: Kyle, Megan, Eden, her, and I. Well, if it was meant to happen, it was going to happen. I could only hope that I'd be doing the right thing by telling her.

I just had to tune out my father’s words.

Gay, faggot, disgusting.

I shook my head slightly and gave Cooper a small wave to show my gratitude and say goodbye. He grinned and returned the gesture before returning to type away on his phone. He was a nice guy. Handsome, too. I’d wager dreamy even — if I wanted to get all sappy ‘gay teen’ about it. My heart had fallen for Tanis, but I wasn’t blind.

Denika gently tugged me back inside. I honestly did feel better, I suppose, and the rest of the talent show would keep my mind off of things.

We wove our way through rows of seats in the darkened room to find our way back to our group. It was a rather large room, which was fitting for a school our size. We needed to be able to fit several hundred people in there for assemblies, after all.

We finally made our way over to where we had been sitting before I ran outside to breathe. Waiting for us were our friends… and him.

He was sitting a couple of rows in front of us and a little to the right. I could just make out the back of his head. Oh joy. Now I would get to watch him laugh and mess around with his friends for the rest of the show. Well, I already knew he was there earlier, but still.

Just then, my phone buzzed. I glanced at it and felt my tension and worried thoughts dissipate.

Tanis: Yeah, I’m here! The show is fun so far. I would’ve entered if video games were a talent.

Dylan: Hey now, they do take skill! Just… maybe not enough to pack into a 2 minute routine.

I sent the response, feeling myself start to shake with anticipation. Then I quickly sent one more text.

Dylan: But now I want to play a round. Want to join me later?

Denika elbowed me and told me to put my phone away to watch the show. I hesitated for a moment, though. This is what I’ve been waiting for all night. I gave in and started to slip it in my pocket, ready to return my full attention to some comedy act that was performing, but one more text graced my screen.

Tanis: Okay… you’re on.

His words warmed my heart, and suddenly I didn’t feel so bad anymore.