Rooted in My Heart - 7. The Art of Deception

The very next day, I awoke with a start; my mom was shaking my shoulder violently and telling me to get up. I shrugged off her hand and reached for my cozy covers, pulling them up a bit as I tried to escape from my mom and go back to sleep.

“Come on, sleepyhead! You should want to get up a little early, you know, because it gives you extra time to look cute for your little boyfriend, Tanis!” she said, and at the same time yanked the covers off of me.

I let my eyes groggily flutter open, and as I finally focused on her, I gave her an evil and piercing gaze the likes of which had never been seen before on this Earth.

“Didn't I just say goodnight to you?!” I asked. She chuckled and ruffled my hair before leaving.

“Someone’s cranky today. It may seem that way, dear, but it's already 6:30!” she responded as she walked down the hall.

I hated mornings. They should give an award to the person that invented 'the morning' that says on the plaque: 'Worst-Human-Being-Ever Award.' And she found this amusing? And the Tanis comment?! Perhaps I shouldn't have told her any of that. Now she would tease me mercilessly.

When I got to school, all I could think about was talking to Cooper. I needed to know what the deal was with this note. Where did he hear about it? What does he know? Does he really know who wrote it? Will he tell me who wrote it if I ask? All of these questions and more were floating around in my mind as I walked up the school's concrete steps and into the tiled, main hallway.

Time went by at an agonizing snail's pace as I waited for Biology class. Biology was the study of life, which I found wonderful and intriguing, but did that particular scientific branch have to involve dissecting things? Yuck! I hated insects, and rodents, and amphibians, and reptiles — I basically hated everything but the common household dog and cat. I was okay learning about them all from books, but I did not want to poke and prod them with needles — that was just gross. Luckily, today was supposed to be just a lecture day. Thank God!

When the third period bell finally rang, I bolted toward my Biology classroom and began scanning for Cooper's face as I rushed through the doorway. He had to be there somewhere. I was so close! I just needed to talk to him. He was the key, and he'd be able to help make sense of this note.

Suddenly, my eyes locked in on him. He was in the back corner talking to Michael before class started.

I casually made my way over, trying not to look too desperate. Cooper tossed his golden locks out of his eyes and slowly dragged them up to meet mine as I came to a stop in front of him and Michael. Michael was standing beside me, smiling widely at Cooper, and Coop was sitting on the counter of the lab station behind him. Michael leaned over and started to whisper something to Cooper, but he just swatted his hand out of the way and looked a bit reddened. He bit his lip idly for a moment before breaking the silence.

“Hey Dylan! Wha-what's up?” he asked. He was always sweet, but most of the time he wasn't so shy. What had gotten into him?

“Um... hey Cooper. Say, can I ask you something, in private?” I said, glancing quickly over at Michael. Michael nodded and turned to walk away, giving me a little smirk as he left. “Hey.... uh, Coop... I heard that you know something about this... love letter that I got?” Cooper's eyes bulged and he started shifting uncomfortably.

“Oh! Y-yeah. I do.” He averted his gaze and started twirling his thumbs. I watched him for a moment and then cleared my throat to remind him that I was waiting. “Sorry! Um... I know who wrote it....”

“You do?!” I yelled. “Who?!” His head dropped a little lower, and I realized how loud I was being. “Oh, sorry, Coop. So who wrote it?” I asked in a much softer voice.

“I-I can't....” he trailed off.

“Cooper?” I asked.

“Yeah?” he answered, lifting his head and meeting my eyes.

“Did you write the note?” His eyes took on an expression of pure terror and he jumped up quickly.

“Uh... n-no! No! No... I.... I didn't... I... ask Megan!” he rushed out before running back toward his seat, just as the bell rang. Talk about being saved by the bell.

Well, some help he was. Next stop: talk to Megan — and see what she had to say. You know, I was kind of getting sick of this. Would someone just fess up to it, already?

After my run-in with Cooper, so many thoughts were swimming around inside my head. I could almost feel them slithering just under my scalp, driving me crazy with their eternal questions and no answers. Desires with no fulfillments.

What could Megan possibly know?! Did she know who wrote the note? And why did Cooper blush and act so nervous if he didn't write it... I felt like this was some sort of conspiracy theory or something. Geez! Well, at least the trail hadn't gone cold. I had a valuable lead, and I could corner Megan at lunch and interrogate her.

Then, maybe, I'd finally have my answer and be done with this mess. And I could possibly win over Tanis at the end of it.

Just thinking about him actually wanting me — me! Of all people! The thought that he might be falling for me too was too much to bear, but so wonderful at the same time.

This feeling was one that I definitely didn't want to lose anytime soon. It was far too delicate and precious to let slip through the cracks of my fingers. I had to do everything I could to make this last. If Tanis liked me... I'd do everything I could to be as perfect for him as he was for me, so neither of us would ever want to let go of each other. And...

“Yo, weirdo!” Denika interrupted. “You going all ga-ga on me?”

“I...what?” I asked, confused. She shook her head and lightly punched me in the arm.

“You were fantasizing about your cute little boyfriend! Man, you really have been bit by the love bug.” She started laughing and I rolled my eyes as I walked over to a lunch table and set my backpack down on a seat. She followed me over and plopped down right across from me. “You should go sit with him! Come on, chicken! He's in love with you too! Go find him!” she pestered.

“For your information, I was not off in 'ga-ga land' thinking about him! I was trying to work out the significance of a new lead on the note,” I whispered.

“You mean you weren't daydreaming about him at all?” she asked, raising her eyebrow.

“No! Well maybe just a little bit...but that's not the pressing topic right now!” She burst out laughing and did her best to compose herself after I gave her a piercing glare.

“Now, as I was saying, I have a new lead! I decided to go talk to Cooper and see what he knows. First of all, he started blushing and acting all nervous around me when I walked up to him!” I heard an audible gasp from Denika and noticed her eyes go wide.

“You don't think...” she whispered loudly.

“Well… it's a possibility. But get this! He said he knows who wrote the note! And when I asked him if he wrote it, he freaked out and got all fidgety! Then he said to go talk to Megan!” I finished, smiling proudly at my fine detective skills. Her eyes stayed wide, and she quickly turned around to glance at Megan, who was over in the lunch line with Kyle.

I noticed that I didn’t see Eden anywhere, but I would understand if she wanted her space for a few days at least. I just hoped she would feel better soon.

“Our Megan?” she asked anxiously. I nodded my head and crossed my arms over my chest with a smug grin on my face.

“That's the one! Aren't you proud of me? Why, I'm a regular Sherlock Holmes, my dear Watson!” I said in my best British accent, though I probably sounded more like a wounded animal than a refined and sophisticated detective. I should work on my accents… not my strong suit. I expected Denika to laugh at my paltry attempt, but she remained wide-eyed like a kid in a candy store.

“We're going over there. Now!” She then proceeded to grab my arm and yank me across the cafeteria to talk to her. Was my best friend insane? I should have her committed. Really.

Suddenly, I was standing in front of Megan, with Denika still holding my arm in a death grip. I grimaced as she squeezed even tighter to get me to speak.

“Ah! Ow! Okay, geez... Hey Megan, can I talk to you for a minute before we go sit down?” Although there was a noticeable stinging in my arm and pangs of embarrassment flooding through me at being treated like a child by my so-called 'best friend'... I was really excited! I was going to find out about the note! I just wish Denika would have let me come over here on my own terms… but oh well. You learn to live with crazy I guess.

Megan perked up the second she laid her eyes on me, and gave me a toothy grin. Megan had the uncanny ability to make everyone around her feel comfortable, and I was brought back to our conversation yesterday in art class. She had a good heart.

She could be a bit vulgar at times, however, swearing and cursing with the best of them. She would even let loose a dirty joke or two when the conversation and company were appropriate.

Some conflicting thoughts and warning bells went through my mind though as I stood in front of her, remembering our conversation from yesterday. She had been curious about my love life, she was working on poetry, and now she knows something about the note?

Could Megan have written it?

“Dylan! Denika! Fuck, dudes, they were out of pizza today and I had to get a salad. Ew. I don’t eat anything green. Can you believe that?” she asked, looking down at her salad with genuine disgust. I laughed at the absurdity of her comment.

“Believe that they’re out of pizza or that you hate salad? Because the latter is weird. It’s just a salad,” I answered. She just looked at me like I had a third eye and scoffed.

“The only way I’d like salad is if it’s mine and it’s being tossed,” she said, sighing wistfully. Denika and I chuckled. “So what’s up, dude?” she asked politely after composing herself.

My brain short-circuited. I was about to find out who wrote the note, so I should have been excited… but now I was scared. What if it wasn’t from Tanis?

“Well, uh... Megan... you know how I told you I’d let you know if I had any lovelife updates? Well… I have one. Have you heard anything about me getting a love note on my birthday?” I asked. I could feel myself shaking, and the tremors grew more violent as I saw her eyes briefly go wide.

“No! No I haven't! Why? I mean... congrats, man! You're making all them bitches drool over your manly manliness.” She laughed awkwardly and averted her eyes when she realized I was suspicious.

Okay, this was seriously getting to be too much. Who wrote this damn note?! I was about ready to rip my hair out. Could... Megan have really written it?

“Megan, please? Just tell me straight. I've been chasing leads for what seems like years and this is really draining me. I'm getting a migraine. Please, can you help silence the questions in my head? I'm begging you!” I gave her my best 'wounded puppy' look. Her eyes shone a momentary glint of fear, but then compassion took over. “Please, Megan?”

“Dude…” she said, sighing out of exasperation. Then she threw up her hands. “Okay... I'll tell you what I know. But, first I need to know something about you. I want my friends to be happy, but I also want to protect them. We're friends, Dylan, but this involves one of my other friends, too. So I need to keep them safe if you answer a certain way. If this works out, you could both be very happy together, though,” she said in a more serious tone.

So… did that mean she didn’t write it? It was one of her friends? That was at least a small relief, but I needed to know more.

“What? What is it? I'll tell you! I just need to know who wrote the note!” I whispered frantically and began to tear up. “It's driving me crazy, and I think someone I really like may have written it. Please! I want to know if it was them or not!”

“Okay! Okay.” She finally relented. She glanced over at Denika, then motioned for me to follow her to the corner of the cafeteria.

Denika gave me a thumbs up and a weak smile before waving goodbye to us. She went over and sat by her boyfriend, Kyle, who had just gotten out of the lunch line and made himself comfortable at our usual table. I wish she had stayed. I would need someone to catch me if I fainted from joy! Or heartbreak. Hopefully Megan was strong enough on her own... but I doubted it. She had a wiry frame and was only about five-foot-two. Oh well.

Once in the corner, Megan sighed and looked me in the eye. “Okay, Dylan. I'll tell you. But I need to know something. Before I ask, I want you to know that whether the answer is yes or no, I won't care and I'll still consider you a friend. Also, I promise that what you say will stay just between us. Okay?”

“Oh… okay? I believe you,” I answered, giving her my best confused glare. She smiled tenderly and then looked at her feet.

“Are you… gay?” she asked, looking back into my eyes.

I was shell-shocked! What? I couldn't answer that! I can't! I...wait... then the note was… from a boy! Tanis? My eyes, wide in horror at first, slowly filled with excitement. And I took the leap of faith in trusting her with my secret… in exchange for hers.

“Y-y-yeah...I am. Why? Who wrote the note?!” Megan's expression radiated happiness.

“Oh thank God! That's a big fucking weight off my shoulders! And off yours! You'll be very happy to know that it was a boy who wrote it then.”

“Really?! Was it Tanis? Oh my God! Was it?!” I giggled gleefully. Then... her face dropped, and shivers ran down my spine as fear took its icy hold on me.

“Oh... no. It wasn't. It was someone else, dude. I wish I could tell you it was. But… at least now you know.”

My mind froze, and my heart promptly tore itself apart. I could feel shrapnel sinking into my very soul and piercing through. It was a feeling of utter defeat... and wholly unimaginable heartbreak. And what was I supposed to do with that feeling? How should I handle this information? She said Tanis didn't write it... but I couldn't accept that.

Tanis’s handwriting! It matched the note! Or did it? It did mostly... but I guess ‘mostly’ wasn't good enough. What if he only thought of me as a friend? Had I constructed this all in my mind? What if Tanis didn't care about me at all? That would really be the final nail in my coffin. As it was, I wanted to dig a hole and bury myself in it and never come back up! The pain hurt too much to ever be able to enjoy sunlight again. I just... I wanted it to all work out. Why couldn't I get this one thing?

…Alright. I was being too dramatic. And I knew deep down this would probably happen. I had gotten my hopes up for nothing.

“Who wrote it then?” I managed to squeak out.

“Cooper,” she answered. Cooper...? Why? We were friends, but I didn’t think we were that 'close' like the note claims. I mean... he seemed like he could be gay and he acted all nervous around me before, but I just didn't feel like the heartfelt words of my letter matched the reality of our relationship. We had just recently become friends... but I didn't think it'd been long enough for him to have such intimate feelings for me. Sure, he was a suspect in my investigation already, but I couldn't accept this… something just seemed off.

“Are you certain? One hundred percent? Swear on your own life?!” I asked frantically. She gave me a funny look and then shrugged.

“Well, I guess not. Cooper could have been lying. Although I can't possibly see why. He told me himself, dude. So… I'm sorry. I'm ninety-nine percent sure.”

“He told you himself? What did he say?” I interrogated her, refusing to give up hope.

“He said that he wrote you a love note. There was more he was going to tell me, but the bell rang and we had to go to class. He hasn't brought it up since your birthday, though. He must've forgotten, and I didn't want to pry because I assumed he'd tell me if he felt ready. I actually had forgotten until now. So, all I know is that he wrote it. I don't know his exact reasons, but I'm assuming they're clear enough in the letter itself. Right?”

“But that's just it, Megan! It doesn't make sense. What he said in the letter? It doesn't seem to match the reality of our relationship. I'm just a little skeptical.”

“Dude, don't give yourself false hope. I hate to say that... but he told me he wrote it! Don't get your hopes up, okay? I don't want you to experience any more pain over this. Promise me you'll drop it? So I don't have to worry about you?” She smiled and patted my shoulder. “Promise me you'll move on from this?” I wrapped my arms around her weakly and sighed.

“I don't think that I can, Megan. But I'll try,” I said just above a whisper, which was clearly tinged with disappointment and frustration. “Can we still go to the pumpkin patch with the crew, soon?” I asked weakly.

“Duh! Of course. It’s for your birthday. We’ll go next week, okay?” she said, stepping back to look at me and trying to cheer me up with a light pat on my arm.

“Sounds good,” I answered, then gave her a small smile.

 * * *

I went through the rest of lunch and fifth period feeling hollow, and Megan did her best to alternate between keeping me company and giving me space during Mr. Snider’s art class. As for Mr. Snider, I didn’t bother to say hello to him today. Why even try when he was always rude?

My soul ached to its deepest core. Sure, there was still a possibility that Tanis could like me, but the odds were severely against that now. Why did it have to hurt so much? Why did the universe have to be so against me? Could I get this one miracle? It'd last me a lifetime, I swear!

I continued to sulk on my way to sixth period, and tried my best to avoid anyone I knew, including Denika. I couldn't take her right now. I didn't want to feel her pity, or be subjected to one of her crazy schemes... I just wanted peace and quiet to deal with the pain in my heart. And it was going really well, until I rounded the corner toward Mrs. Ramirez's room and I saw two people I knew. Talking to each other.

It was Tanis and Cooper. Why were they talking? What's going on...?

“Hey, guys!” I said as I walked over to them. When they realized it was me, however, they both practically turned white. Cooper especially. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

This was too strange. Was this all some twisted, messed up dream? Things kept getting weirder and weirder, and far more complex. It was making my head spin.

“What's up? I didn't know you guys were friends.”

“Um... hey Dylan! Y-yeah. We grew up together, dude! We're like bros. We don't get to hang out much in school because we don't have any classes together, and I go to student government meetings during lunch, but we hang out a lot on the weekends and stuff,” Cooper answered, giving Tanis a nervous 'buddy punch' on the shoulder. Tanis smiled faintly.

Something wasn't adding up here. The boy I liked and the boy who liked me were apparently best friends and were both acting really nervous around me.

…Was I being punked? This situation was too bizarre.

“Oh really? That's awesome!” I said in faux cheer as I tried to analyze the significance of this encounter. “I thought Michael was your best friend, though?” Yeah, maybe it was a rude and inappropriate question, but I needed to wrap my mind around this by exploring every little snippet of information.

“Well... he's like my school best friend, but Tanis is like my brother,” Cooper answered with a smug grin on his face. He then reached over and pinched Tanis's side, making him yelp a little. Tanis winced and shot a glare at Cooper before having a moment of realization at the odd gesture, at which point he began to smile weakly.

“Yeah,” Tanis said quietly. “He's like a brother in a lot of ways. He can be a pain in the butt! He pushes me to do a lot of things that are... outside of my comfort zone, but that's what bros are for I guess.” He shrugged and then smiled at Cooper.

“Oh yeah! My friend Denika is just like tha-” I stopped.

Oh no… I just mentioned Denika's name. He was not supposed to know that she and I are connected!

“I mean... did I just say Denika? I meant... um...” I panicked and started to pull on my fingers to distract my racing heart.

“Oh, Denika? I think I've seen you with her in the halls,” Tanis said. He smiled and glanced over at Cooper, then turned back to me as the bell rang.

“Well, bye you guys! Nice seeing you, Dylan!” Cooper said and took off faster than the speed of light. Or, so it seemed. He certainly didn't want to be around me. Very odd if he’s supposedly in love with me.

I looked back at Tanis and he smiled and said we should go inside.

I tried to quiet down my thoughts and follow him into the classroom. Though, I couldn't help but wonder what was going on... and it was making my migraine even worse. Why couldn't life be easy? Why couldn't he just turn to me and say 'Dylan, I love you! Let's make love together!' and throw himself at me? That would be the life! Well… I could dream, right?!

Score: one quadrillion points for the note mystery; zero points for the very confused Dylan.