A Tragic Love - 10. Chapter 10 – Judgment Day

Breakfast arrived shortly after the guard woke me around 6:00. It was one of those individual boxes of cold cereal, a slice of cold, hard toast and a carton of milk. It was slightly more edible than last night’s fare and was something I was accustomed to, but I had to dip the toast into the cereal milk to make it edible. When I finished eating, I just sat on my cot with my knees pulled up to my chest and my arms wrapped around my legs. I spent the next several minutes staring at different things in the room and trying to absorb everything that had happened.

It must have been around 8:00 when I heard the cellblock door open and spotted Mr. Gardner, my mom and my grandfather as they entered the common area in front of my cage, at least that’s how it felt. The guard let them in to see me, so I jumped up and offered my mom and Gramps my cot to sit on, as I walked over and sat on the stool and Mr. Gardner leaned against the table. Once everyone was comfortable, Mr. Gardner addressed us.

“I think we should get right to work,” he began. “I’ve got copies of the charges and there are two counts which have been lodged against Billy. The first count is the petty larceny charge, alleging that Billy stole a green 5-speed bicycle.”

As soon as he said that, Mr. Gardner held up his hand to keep me from interrupting about the bike having been a loan from David.

“The second count is for resisting arrest,” he continued. “The report states that Billy fought with the arresting officer in an attempt to get away. In addition to those charges, it seems the original complainant, meaning Billy’s friend’s father, tried to have a third charge added for sodomy or sexual abuse, after he caught Billy and his son having anal sex. The police, however, haven’t been able to find a suitable statute that would apply in this case, although they’re still working on it. Since I feel we should be prepared in case they eventually charge him for this incident as well, we’ll prepare for all three charges and go over each item separately.”

“Mr. Gardner,” my grandfather interrupted, “I’m not sure I understand this final charge they want to bring against Billy. What exactly are they trying to say? Was this supposedly being done by Billy or to Billy?”

“It says Billy was caught having deviate sexual intercourse with the other young boy, but it appears that it was being done to Billy,” Mr. Gardner explained.

“Then why aren’t they charging this other boy for the crime, seeing he was the one doing it to my grandson?” Gramps pressed.

“I’ll check into that, Mr. Ross,” Mr. Gardner agreed, “but it is alleged that Billy either forced or coerced this other boy into doing it.”

“How in the hell do you force or coerce someone in doing that to you?” my grandfather objected, apparently upset.

“It’s being claimed that the position the boys were in makes it obvious that Billy was in control,” the lawyer explained, as he referenced the information on the sheet of paper he was holding.

“But Billy ain’t no damn homo, so that can’t be true. Tell him, Billy,” my grandfather urged, while looking in my direction and expecting me to confirm this fact to Mr. Gardner. All I could do was hang my head and remain speechless.

“Billy, is it true then? Were you willingly doing this thing with that boy?” Gramps pressed, while appearing both disappointed and shocked.

When I didn’t say anything, my grandfather sat there motionless for a few seconds, while his eyes were boring a hole through me. I, however, chose to continue staring at the floor and did not respond.

“You mean you’re a damn fairy?” Gramps blurted out. “Are you telling me my own flesh and blood is a friggin’ cocksucker and butt-fucker? Are you going to answer me, boy?”

Once again, I could not respond to my grandfather’s question and my silence was all the answer he needed.

“Well then, I refuse to help this disgusting little faggot get out of trouble for doing that sick shit with another boy,” he forcefully announced. “Grandson or not, he’s on his own. Come on, Delores, we’re leaving.”

“Dad, will you calm down?” my mother pleaded. “Billy needs our help and I plan on giving it to him.”

“Well he isn’t getting any help from me, unless he can tell me he isn’t a card carrying, fudge packing little queer like they say,” Gramps added, both defiant and disgusted. “Can you tell me that, boy?”

Once again, all I could do was to sit there with my head hanging down and my mouth closed.

“See, Delores, your son is a sick little homo,” Gramps spat out. “He’s a no good, sick, mother-fucking queer. I can’t and won’t help him, if that’s the case. The things he’s done are disgusting and he’s no longer welcome in my home. I wash my hands of him, so let’s go.”

“Dad, I can’t,” my mom whined. “No matter what he’s done, he’s still my son.”

“You either leave with me now or you can collect your things and move out as well,” Gramps challenged, in an effort to make her decide on the spot.

Mom stood there speechless for a few seconds, as she thought about what he was asking her to do, but after she regained her composure, she leaned over and kissed me on the forehead.

“I’ll be back, honey, so don’t worry,” she whispered, so no one else would hear her. “I just need to discuss these things with your grandfather. It will be okay, you’ll see.”

Once she finished speaking, she turned around and left with Gramps. I think Mr. Gardner was just as shocked as I had been by his outburst, but after a lengthy and awkward pause, he turned toward me and continued doing his job.

“Listen, kid, it’s probably for the best that this is out in the open, because we wouldn’t want your grandfather going off like that in court. It’s better that we discuss these issues in private anyway, so you can be totally open and honest with me,” he offered, in an attempt to make me feel better. “Look, don’t worry about what just happened, because I’m sure your grandfather will calm down and then come back with your mother later. She was just placed in an awkward position by her father, but I’m sure they’ll hash things out at home and get squared away. I strongly suggest that you stop thinking about it though and we’ll get busy setting up your defense.”

I wasn’t sure that Mr. Gardner was right about my grandfather, but I did expect my mom to come back. I mean, she even said she would, but I still felt totally alone.

Mr. Gardner and I talked about everything mentioned in the complaint and planned our strategy for each issue. He said he would talk to David about the bike and try to get that particular charge dropped, while at the same time suggesting that he hoped the authorities wouldn’t find a way to charge me with any sort of sexual crime. Even if they did, he felt we could explain it away as some sort of adolescent male experimentation. He then informed me that the hardest charge to get rid of would be the resisting arrest charge, because it would be my word against that of a police officer, so I probably wouldn’t be believed.

Mr. Gardner then suggested he might be able to approach that charge as though I was just scared and reacting from fright, especially if we could get the other charges dropped. He would claim I didn’t understand what was happening, since I hadn’t done anything wrong and didn’t know I was in trouble for any reason. He intended to claim that I assumed the person trying to stop me was a fake-cop and was merely attempting to abduct me.

After Mr. Gardner left, I started thinking about everything we had discussed. I was convinced David would confirm that he gave me the bike to use, so that wouldn’t be a problem. Of course, by trying to run away, I got myself in even more trouble, but I wasn’t thinking straight at the time. Hell, how could I possibly think straight when I wasn’t straight, but I guess that’s not a good argument. At the time, I never expected that by trying to run away I’d only end up making matters worse.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the worst part though. It was the sex charge that worried me the most. If they ended up adding that too and the details about what happened spread around town, then everyone would know I was gay. I’d become the target of every homophobe in school during the day and all of the gay-bashing townies the rest of the time. This was a rural town in a fairly conservative area, not some big, progressive city with a lot of diversity, so there probably wouldn’t be any way I could go back to school after word got out. Hell, I probably couldn’t even live in this town safely once that was known. Maybe mom and I could move somewhere else and I could go to a new school, but then I’d miss David, that’s for sure. No matter if we moved or not though, I was pretty sure David’s father would never let me see him again anyway.

I was hoping that possibly the court officials and his father would be able to keep David’s name out of any of the information that was released to the public via the press, so he wouldn’t become a target too. If not, I guess he could always tell people I forced him into it, but I had my doubts they’d believe him. I was convinced most people knew how close we were, but I was still optimistic that by doing this it might keep him out of harm’s way.

Now, all I could think about was the last several months and all of the wonderful times David and I had shared, as well as how it had all ended so abruptly. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to go on without David in my life, but there didn’t seem to be any alternative at the moment, so it was obvious we were going to be separated for quite some time. This realization had already left a gigantic hole in my heart and caused me immense and unbearable pain, as I wondered if we were ever going to be together again.

At this point I had another thought. If I was going to lose him and had to survive with this type of pain, then I didn’t think I wanted to live any longer. I was willing to give this situation a chance to work itself out, so I would wait a while and see what happened next, before I made any other, unalterable decisions. I’d also continue to pray that at some point in the future I’d be able to find my way back into my lover’s arms and we’d be able to make up for lost time, or else then I would consider ending it all.

I continued thinking about this situation throughout lunch and it was about an hour after I’d finished eating when Mr. Gardner and my mother returned to see me. After they were let into my cell, we sat down to continue our discussion.

“Billy, I’ve spoken to Mr. Michaels and his son, but they continue to claim you stole the bike and it definitely wasn’t given to you,” Mr. Gardner explained. “Mr. Michaels is insistent that you took it while attempting to get away from him after he caught you and his son engaged in sex.”

“Did David tell you that?” I asked, because I didn’t believe he’d ever do this to me.

“Not exactly,” Mr. Gardner answered. “David wouldn’t say very much in front of father and Mr. Michaels wouldn’t let me speak to him alone. If you ask me, the kid looked scared, very scared of his father, and Mr. Michaels would not alter his claim that you stole the bike when you fled his home. I asked David if this was true and he nodded his head in the affirmative, but he wasn’t able to look me in the eye when he did it. After observing how David was reacting, I’m convinced what you told me is true, but I think David is much too afraid of his father to defy him on this one. The judge probably won’t even see David, because if he did he’d probably feel the same way, so it’s extremely likely the court will only hear Mr. Michaels’ version of things.”

I sat there dumbfounded and no longer even worried about the charge. All I could think about was how my poor David was being bullied by his father and how scared and unhappy he must be. Oh, how my heart ached for him. How could I have helped to cause him so much pain?

“Billy, we have our first meeting with the judge in a little over an hour,” Mr. Gardner added. “A police officer will take you to court and your mother and I will meet you there. I’ve got to go now, but I’ve made arrangements so you’ll have some time to speak with your mom alone, since I’m sure you two have a lot of things to discuss.”

I thanked Mr. Gardner, and then as he was leaving, my mom put her arm around my shoulder and gave me a hug.

“I’m sorry, Mom, I didn’t mean to cause you all of this trouble,” I apologized.

“Hush, baby, and don’t worry about me,” she replied, in a very soothing tone. “Just worry about yourself.”

“Has Grandpa cooled down yet?” I followed, since I was worried what we were going to do, even if I got out of this mess.

“I’m afraid not,” she confirmed, with a look of dismay. “In fact, I think he’s even more upset now then he was this morning. I even had to sneak down here to be with you by telling him I had to give the lawyer some money. Your grandfather wouldn’t even give me a ride, so Mr. Gardner volunteered to come by the farm to pick me up. I told him I’d find my own way home though, so he wouldn’t have to drive out there again.”

“Mom, let’s move… just you and me,” I whined. “We can move to a new town and I can go to a new school until things settle down. How about it, Mom? Can we do that?”

“Honey, I wish we could, but I can barely afford to have us live with your grandfather. Living there, I only pay for our food and part of the utilities, but I can barely swing that. Baby, we couldn’t afford to live on our own.”

Tears started welling up in my eyes and I realized she was right. Now, I knew my life had really ended, at least anything that resembled normal.

“Billy, tell me about this other boy and, you know, what you two did,” she urged. “I knew you were friends, but I didn’t realize it was more than that.”

“Mom,” I said, while trying to think about what I was going to tell her, “I love David and he loves me. If they give you my personal belongings, then you’ll find the chain he gave me for Christmas. It has two identical charms on it that represent us. They’re our zodiac signs, because we’re both born in February under the sign of Aquarius, and they have our birthstone set in them too. He even had our initials engraved on the back, his on one and mine on the other. There’s also an angel on the chain too, which he gave me for my birthday, because he said I was his special angel and he was my guardian angel.”

My mom looked at me and I could tell by her eyes that she was both impressed and touched by what I’d just told her. I think this meant she now understood how close David and I were.

“Mom, what’s going to happen to us now?” I asked, concerned.

“I don’t know, sweetheart, but we’ll get through this the best we can,” she answered, as she placed her arms around my shoulder again and squeezed. When she pulled back, she continued speaking. “Honey, I’ve got to walk over to Mr. Gardner’s office, so I can go with him to court. I’ll see you there later, so stay strong and keep your chin up.”

After she said this, she got up and signaled to the guard that she was ready to leave. As I watched her exit the cellblock, I was once again left alone in my cell, but a short time later the guard came back and told me to get ready, because someone would taking me to court shortly. I don’t remember much of anything else that happened, except I somehow made it to the courtroom, where Mr. Gardner and I waited for our turn to go in front of the judge.

The judge looked really old and I thought to myself that he didn’t appear to be the type who liked kids, but I hoped I was wrong. It didn’t take very long before we were called to the front of the courtroom and the judge and the two lawyers began talking about all kinds of matters that I didn’t understand. One of the things I did understand was when the judge said he was willing to release me into my mother’s custody, but then Mr. Gardner told him that would be a problem. Mr. Gardner went on to advise him that we lived with my grandparents and explained about my grandfather’s reaction to the situation earlier.

Mr. Gardner also told the judge that due to this situation, my mother and I couldn’t stay at my grandparent’s house any longer, but we had nowhere else to go. The judge studied me for a few moments, and the expression on his face made it appear as if he felt really badly about what I was going through. Even if that were the case, he went on to state that I would have to remain in jail for the time being, until he was able to reach his final determination on my case. He advised us that he would set a short date to speed things up and then ordered each of those involved to get him their reports, posthaste. After he did that, I concluded my first impression about him was obviously wrong and maybe he did like kids after all.

I was then taken back to the jail and left alone in the small cell again. Over the next few days, a procession of social workers, probation officers, psychologists and a whole bunch of other people, most I couldn’t even remember what their jobs were, came to visit me. It was now early May and we were finally going back to court.

When I was brought into the courtroom, the judge was hearing another case, so I was instructed to take a seat in the back. When I looked around, I saw my mom wave at me, although I could tell she looked really worried too. Mr. Gardner sat beside me and quietly explained what I should expect when we were called to appear before the judge. When my case was finally announced, we walked up to a table at the front of the courtroom, on the left side of the judge’s bench, and I sat down next to my lawyer. As soon as we were settled, the judge began to speak.

“This case has worn heavily on me and I have spent a great deal of time deliberating about what should be done. I have read all of the reports and I’ve spoken to many people about this situation. Although I don’t believe this young man is beyond all hope, in fact I believe the opposite is probably true, but due to the fact that he has no stable home environment for me to send him to, I have reluctantly reached this decision.”

My heart sank with each word he spoke. The judge truly seemed to like me, but I had a bad feeling about what was about to come next. What did he mean when he said I didn’t have a stable home environment to go to? Was this all because of my grandfather?

“I hereby order that William Maynard be sent to a juvenile detention center for the period of one year. If, at the end of that time, his family can provide a stable home for him, then he will be placed in their custody. If not, he will be turned over to the custody of the Division of Social Services and placed into foster care until such time as his family is willing and able to care for him or he reaches his eighteenth birthday, whichever comes first.”

I was totally shocked by the judge’s announcement and my knees buckled slightly, but that’s when I felt Mr. Gardner grab my arm, as he attempted to help support me. I could also hear my mother sobbing in her seat behind us, so I turned around to look at her. I immediately noticed she was wiping the tears from her eyes with her handkerchief, so I gathered up what strength I had left in my body and started to move in her direction, because I wanted to comfort her. Before I got very far though, someone else grabbed my arm and pulled me in the other direction, as he escorted me out of the courtroom.

‘My God! What just happened?’ I thought to myself, as I watched my mother fade in the distance.

The guard then led me down a stairway and out a side door to the courthouse. As I was being led away, I happened to look up and spotted David in the distance, about 30 yards [27 m] away. He was standing beside a small tree and I could tell he was crying. He looked absolutely pathetic, as he watched me being led away, and I could read the hurt in his big, brown, puppy dog eyes, even from this distance. I knew he was beating himself up inside and maybe even blaming himself about everything that had happened.

I wanted to run over to him, so I could hug and kiss him once more, but also so I could tell him everything was going to be all right. I wanted to ask him to wait for me until I returned and longed to scream out that I still loved him and always would. I wanted to strip away the pain I could see etched on his face and make him feel better, but I was unable to do any of that. Oh, God, I love that boy so badly it hurts.

I was eventually taken back to the jail and remained there for a couple more weeks, while they waited for a place to open up for me at a juvenile facility. Finally, the day came when I was going to be transferred to my new home. I was led down to a patrol car and placed in the back seat, but there was no fanfare and no big crowd. It was just two policemen and myself in the car, heading to juvenile hall.

On the way out of town, we passed by my old school and I looked out the window to see if I could catch a glimpse of David. There were a few kids wandering around the grounds, but none of them was my lover. I was hoping the last thing I’d see as I left town would be David’s face, but obviously that wasn’t to be.

It was quite a lengthy trip and we made a stop along the way. One of the cops took me to the toilet and then he bought me a can of Coke. I thanked him and then we got back into the patrol car. Everyone was staring at me while I was with the officers or in the police car, so I knew they were trying to figure out what horrible things I must have done in order to be wearing handcuffs and riding in a police cruiser. As we pulled away from the little store, I saw several kids pointing in my direction and talking excitedly amongst themselves, so I knew I was the focus of their conversation.

The detention center turned out to be a couple of hours from my home, which meant I wasn’t sure how my mom would be able to visit, especially if my grandfather wouldn’t bring her. After all, she didn’t drive and probably wouldn’t have enough money to take the bus, so there was no way for her to make the trip. I now began to realize that I would most likely be spending the entire year totally alone, because other than my mother, I couldn’t imagine who else would come to see me.

We finally reached our destination and the juvenile facility loomed in front of us. It was a large brick building, which might have been mistaken for a school, except that it was surrounded by two sets of chain link fence, spaced about ten feet [3 m] apart, both topped with razor wire. Oh, God. This looked really awful and I was convinced it was only going to get worse once we entered the grounds.

When we pulled up to the front of the building, the officers helped me out of the car and led me inside. I was then turned over to the guards there, and after they each group had signed some paperwork, the officers who had brought me left the building. A new guard took me into a small room and began asking a whole bunch of questions. He wrote down my answers on a form and when we finished, I was led to another room.

As soon as we entered that area, he told me to strip and I looked at him confused. The guard then explained this was standard procedure, because I had to be searched for contraband. I did as I was told and the guard checked me over, before advising me that I could put my underwear and socks back on. He then walked me over to another room where the guard grabbed a fluorescent orange jumpsuit and tossed it to me. He then informed me that I would wear this, or one like it, for as long as I was there. I also had to trade my sneakers in for a pair that slipped on like loafers, because shoelaces weren’t allowed. Once I was ready, he took me down a long, unadorned corridor, opened the door at the end with his key and then guided me inside.

It appeared we were now in some sort of game room and it was filled with about twenty or thirty other boys who were dressed similarly to me. Another guard immediately came over to greet us and then the first guard turned and left, leaving me with these other people.

“So you’re the new little cock sucker who has been assigned here,” a voice stated, although I didn’t immediately see who had said this.