The Castaway Hotel - 5 - 16. Chapter 16 - Dealing With Our Losses

The high school and younger boys had already returned to classes after the holidays, although the college boys had a couple more weeks to enjoy at home before their courses resumed. That allowed Dustin and Frankie to see the addition to the house completed, before it was time to take them back to their respective campuses and Vinnie was delighted he could move into his new room. He was very happy with everything that had been done, including his direct access to the Jacuzzi, and he immediately began to invite groups of two or three of the others to join him for a little time in the water. They all seemed to enjoy themselves doing this and it gave them some additional time to bond with their newest brother. All and all, I’d say it was well worth the effort and expense and was turning out to be a great thing.

Unfortunately, the fact that Vinnie now had his own room was both a source of pride and annoyance for him, but I figured that wouldn’t last for long. I concluded Kevin would most likely be spending much of his time in Vinnie’s room from this point on, and eventually Kevin might even decide to move in with him.

Although nothing of importance would be happening for any of us for a while, I knew the following weekend was Carlos’ birthday and I wanted to make it special for him. Therefore, I called his mother and advised her that we’d like to drive out and help him celebrate turning 16. Even though Carlos and his mother live on their own in Philadelphia, we still considered them part of our family. Over time they have also become close to others where they lived, so they aren’t as dependent on us now, as they once were. Even so, we all still wanted to help Carlos celebrate this big event in his life.

When we arrived there, Carlos seemed excited to see us and raced about to greet everyone individually. Once he had finished his rounds, Carlos asked if he could take the boys out for a tour of his neighborhood, because he wanted to show them around and possibly introduce them to a few of his friends, if they were also out and about. I agreed, so while they did that, Jake and I stayed and talked to Carlos’ mother and quickly caught up on everything that had happened to them since our last visit.

Once she had brought us up to date on their lives, we talked briefly about Brent’s death and my heart attack, before she began telling us about some of the new people in their lives. That’s when we discovered she had a gentleman friend, whom she’d been seeing on a fairly regular basis, and explained that Carlos had also grown close to this guy, which I was glad to hear. I even began to get the impression that we might be called upon to attend a wedding in the near future.

After this discussion, I asked the boys who hadn’t gone off with Carlos to go out to the van and carry in the belated Christmas presents we brought for them from our family, as well as a few additional gifts for Carlos’ big day. I then had the boys stack Carlos’ Christmas and birthday presents off to one side, so they’d all be in one place when he returned. His mother told us she hadn’t planned a very big or fancy party, but she had allowed Carlos to invite a few of his friends from school and the neighborhood over to help him celebrate and to meet us. I told her that was fine and I looked forward to meeting some of these other people in their lives. She seemed pleased by my response, although I think she knew us well enough to realize whatever she had planned probably wouldn’t bother us, but she still appeared relieved to know it for certain.

I’m sure she’d known of other instances, possibly within her own family or she’d seen it happen with others, when the family who had traveled from out of town was somewhat annoyed once they’d discovered they weren’t the center of attention during their visit. Therefore, I went out of my way to reassure her this was Carlos’ special time and we were just there to support him and share in his joy. She gave me a hug in response and then we waited for the boys to return.

A short time later Carlos and the others arrived back at the apartment, including the friends he had invited to the party. They came tagging along behind him and he quickly introduced us. It was kind of neat when he told them we were ‘his other family’ and then referred to me as his dad. I think it was important for him to have a father figure in his life, but it also gave me a warm glow to know he felt that way about me. It wasn’t so much what he said, but the way in which he told them that convinced us all of his sincerity.

Carlos’ mother and I allowed the boys to entertain themselves for a while, to give the two groups time to get to know each other better, but eventually I suggested taking everyone out to eat. At first Carlos’ mother balked at the idea, because she didn’t want me spending any more money on them, especially after seeing everything we’d brought with us, but I wasn’t about to take ‘no’ for an answer. After several minutes of explaining my reasons to her, she finally relented and we took them and their other guests to a restaurant. Carlos’ other friends weren’t used to frequenting establishments as nice as the one we picked out, and were possibly a bit underdressed for the occasion, but the employees were extremely understanding and treated us all very well. We had a great time there and I enjoyed watching the other kids pack the food away.

On our way back to the apartment, Carlos’ friends shyly explained how this had been a major treat and thanked us for including them on the outing. This only improved Carlos’s stature among his peers and he took full advantage of this opportunity by reveling in his role as host and being the center of attention.

When we arrived back at their place, we had cake and ice cream while watching Carlos open his gifts. I think his friends were impressed when they saw what he got, as they might have also liked to have some of those items themselves, but couldn’t afford them. Once Carlos finished opening his presents, I talked them into letting me take everyone to the movies, as one more special treat. Again I received some protestations from Carlos’ mother, but she quickly understood she was fighting a losing battle, especially after seeing the boys’ initial reaction to the idea, so she gave in. I had the boys look in the newspaper and select a movie all of them would enjoy, and once they’d agreed on something, we rode to the theater, took our seats and waited for the film to begin.

Although it was a bit juvenile at times, the feature was still humorous and made us laugh. This was due to the fact that some of the circumstances portrayed could be interpreted differently, depending upon your maturity level, so everyone ended up having a good time. When the movie let out, we dropped Carlos’ friends off at their own homes, before taking his mother and him back to their place. When we arrived, we said our good-byes, exchanged hugs and listened to many thank yous before we made the long trip home, still feeling good about the day and ourselves.

Once we were back, the boys began to resume their normal activities. The only exception to this was Frankie and Dustin, who were enjoying their final week at home before returning to college. When it came time to drive them back to their campuses, I asked Jake to take Dustin, since the two colleges weren’t very close together. This would allow me to not only drive Frankie back, but it would also provide me with the opportunity to stay for a while, so he and I could spend time talking to Tom about his recent hi-jinks.

Frankie and I arrived shortly after noon on Sunday, but Tom hadn’t arrived as of yet. While we waited for him to show up, I helped Frankie take his things to his room, and then we wandered around the campus for a while, before we went back to his dorm. We were surprised to discover that Tom still wasn’t there and wondered why he was delayed. We waited in the room a little longer, still thinking he would walk through the door at any moment, but he still didn’t turn up. By this time we were getting quite hungry, so we decided to go out to eat, figuring he’d be there when we got back from dinner.

After a nice, but quick time away, we returned to Frankie’s room, but Tom still wasn’t there. I was becoming concerned about his tardiness when I was distracted by a knock on the door. Frankie opened it, only to be greeted by the Dean of Students.

“Mr. Currie?” he asked, making sure he had the right room and person.

“Well, my dad is Mr. Currie,” Frankie told him, “but I’m a Currie too.” The man didn’t seem to see any humor in Frankie’s comment.

“I’m sorry that I have to be the one to inform you about this sad news,” he continued, “but your roommate will not be returning to school.”

“Why not?” Frankie asked him, quite shocked by this disclosure. After seeing the man’s expressions, Frankie began to panic. “What happened?” he demanded.

The gentleman looked at me before he responded. “It seems he passed away from some sort of accident over the holidays,” he informed us, quite dryly. It was almost as if he was telling us Tom was sick with a cold or something minor like that. I jumped up at this point and walked over to Frankie, who was beginning to react somewhat negatively to this news and the method it had been presented to us. After I calmed him down, I questioned the man further.

“Can you tell me what happened to him and when?” I inquired. The man’s eyes immediately dropped slightly downward, as he intentionally avoided looking directly at either of us, and I saw him swallow with some difficulty, before he lifted his head up again. This time he looked toward me, although he still avoided my eyes, and began to share what information he had.

“We were first led to believe it was a suicide,” he admitted, “but then we were informed it was an accidental hanging,” he stated, again in a very unemotional, matter-of-fact manner. “I’m under the impression it happened either on New Year’s Eve or early New Year’s Day. I’m sorry I had to be the one to inform you of this and I’d like to offer you my sincerest condolences.”

Needless to say, I was still quite stunned by this news, but I had to have more information. “Excuse me, but do you know if they’ve had the services for him yet?”

“I believe they have,” he responded. “I was led to understand that the viewing and services were held a few days later.”

“Why didn’t they call us at home and tell us this information, so we could have attended the funeral?” I followed, somewhat perturbed. “My son was quite close to this boy and he had been to our home over the Thanksgiving break.”

“I’m afraid we were only notified about all of this a few days ago ourselves,” he confided. “In fact, it basically started off as a call to inform us that the young man wouldn’t be returning to classes. We only learned of his death when the secretary questioned the caller about the reason he was dropping out. I believe it was a friend or neighbor who phoned us, and they weren’t very forthcoming with any details until we pursued the issue.”

“That seems to fit in with what I know about the family,” I added, dryly, “because Tom informed us that he didn’t think his parents were very concerned about him. He indicated to us that he longed for their love and attention, but they were too wrapped up in their own lives to care. I think that’s why Tom got involved in such a dangerous activity.”

“You knew about this unusual proclivity?” the man asked, astonished.

“We knew a little about it, since Frankie had discovered him unconscious in his dorm bed one day,” I replied. “When Frankie told me about this, I had him talk to Tom about the seriousness of continuing this activity and that’s the reason I came here with Frankie today. We were planning to confront Tom about this together, hoping we could convince him this wasn’t something he should be messing around with.”

“But why didn’t you inform the administration about any of this?” he asked us pointedly.

“Primarily because all of this came to our attention just before the Christmas break and we thought Frankie’s discussion with Tom would be enough until they returned for classes. There was another student who got him involved in this in the first place, or so we understand.”

“Do you know this student’s name?” the gentleman pressed.

I looked at Frankie and nodded at him to signify he should divulge this information. Frankie was still reticent to do as we requested, so I made my next comments aloud. “Frankie, tell the Dean this other boy’s name, before anything like this happens to him. This is dangerous stuff they’re messing with and it’s bad enough we lost Tom before we could convince him to give up this activity. Let’s not make the same mistake twice.”

This seemed to convince Frankie to do as I asked and he told the Dean the boy’s identity. Once Frankie had shared this information, I made my next request to the administrator. “Would you mind if I take Frankie with me for a few of days, to help him get through this? I’m sure he won’t be able to focus on his studies right away.”

“Under the circumstances, that might be best,” he agreed. “I’ll clear everything with his professors, but he’ll have to make up all missed work, once he returns.”

“And do you think you might be able to share Tom’s home address with us,” I asked the Dean, “as we’d like to visit his parents and offer our sympathy.”

“That would be highly irregular, but under the circumstances I don’t see the harm,” he stated, rather dryly. “Just remember that the school never gave you this information, so Tom must have given it to your son before any of this happened.”

I assured him we would protect the school and not divulge our source, and then followed him to his office to get the information, while Frankie gathered up whatever else he felt he might need to bring with him this time. I also called home from the Dean’s office to tell the boys I’d be away for a couple of extra days and why, and then I went back to meet up with Frankie, so we could visit Tom’s home.

By the time we arrived where they lived, it was already quite late – much too late to call on them, so we took a room at a local motel and waited until morning to give them a buzz. Hopefully, they would allow us to visit after we spoke to them, and I promised myself I would try my hardest not to prejudge or make assumptions about how they would react to our contacting them.

We didn’t get up very early the next morning, primarily due to the fact that neither of us had been able to fall asleep very easily. This was because we were both feeling a little guilty that we had not acted sooner or more forcefully to prevent the tragedy that followed. By the time we did drift off, it was really quite late, so we also ended up sleeping in later than normal. After having a late breakfast, I dialed Tom’s parents’ phone number and Tom’s mother answered the phone. It didn’t take me long to realize that she didn’t sound as if she was holding up too well. After explaining who I was, I asked if she would mind if Frankie and I stopped by. After a slight hesitation, she agreed and then gave me directions to get to their house. It was a short ride, so we were there in a matter of minutes, and the door opened shortly after I rang the bell.

Tom’s mother was also the one to let us in, but she was a bit of a mess. It appeared as though she hadn’t been sleeping very well and had obviously hurried to try to make herself presentable for our visit. She quickly invited us inside and asked if we’d like something to drink. She said she’d just made a fresh pot of coffee, so Frankie and I agreed to join her in the kitchen for a cup. After we settled in, she apologized that Tom’s father wasn’t around and explained he had already left for work before we called.

“He went back to work, not only because he’s already used up his vacation time,” she explained, “but also because he feels it helps keep him from dwelling upon our son’s death. He has been harboring a great deal of guilt about not knowing what Tom was up to or being around when he needed us most. He’s taken this even harder than I have.”

Although Tom’s mother was very gracious host, you could tell our visit was dredging up memories she might not have wanted to deal with. I also began to feel we were interrupting her solitude and attempts to come to grips with what had befallen her family. This certainly didn’t agree with the impression Tom had given us about her and her husband. Possibly, as had happened with some of my boys and their biological families, Tom had read more into his situation than was actually there. Either that or his parents hadn’t come to realize how much he meant to them until after he was gone. Either way, it seems they were both struggling to get through this horrible time and apparently had cared more about Tom than he had suspected or been willing to admit.

As we chatted, Tom’s mother admitted that she knew who we were even before we’d called, because Tom had mentioned us, and the rest of our family, to her during both the Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks. She then thanked us for letting him visit our home at Thanksgiving, which we weren’t certain she had even known about, and explained that his time with us had meant a great deal to him. In return, we told her we had been fond of Tom as well and were saddened to learn of his death. Once that was behind us, she began to open up even more.

“I realize now that my husband and I were never very good at being his parents,” she sobbed. “We had become so involved with our own lives and careers that Tom must have thought we’d forgotten about him. We made excuses for our actions by telling ourselves he was old enough to not need us any longer, but I now suspect that was more for our own peace of mind, rather than being the truth. It appears he still needed us, but we let him down. That’s why I haven’t been able to go back to work since it happened. I can’t shake the feeling I might have been able to prevent what happened to him, if I’d only given him a little bit more of my time.”

“You can’t beat yourself up over this,” I advised her. “Even if you talked to him on a regular basis, you might not have been able to keep him from doing such things. Tom was a great kid, so you must have had some positive influence on him while he was growing up.”

“Maybe when he was younger, but I’m afraid not since he reached his teens,” she confessed. “Looking back now, I think he had pretty much taken care of himself, from that point on.”

“I wish we could have been here for his funeral,” I told her. “I think all my boys would have wanted to attend and say their good-byes to him.”

“We were too upset to think straight after it happened,” she explained, “and we were busy blaming ourselves for his death. I’m sure there were many people we forgot to notify.”

“Well, there’s nothing we can do to change that now,” I agreed, “so I hope you will accept our heart-felt sympathy and our offer to be here for you, should you need anything in the future.”

“You’re so very kind to offer,” she replied, while looking at us through very moist eyes, “and I’m glad Tom had you in his life, if only for a short time.”

“Well, my son and I have been talking, and there’s something we’d like to do in Tom’s memory,” I suggested. “Maybe we can use his accident to alert others of the dangers of the activity that took him from us and keep someone else from making a similar mistake.”

“Then you know how he died?” She looked puzzled now.

“Not exactly, but we have our suspicions,” I reluctantly informed her. “It’s something that seems to be gaining popularity at schools and college campuses right now.”

“Really? I’d never even heard about it before,” she stated, while looking confused.

She went on to explain that she and her husband had gone out on New Year’s Eve, while Tom remained at home, alone. They thought he had told them he was going to go out with some friends later, after they left for dinner, and possibly even stay over with one of them. That’s why they were surprised to see the light on in his room and hear the music playing when they arrived home around 3:00 a.m. His father went to his room, thinking Tom had merely forgotten to turn off those things when he left, but he quickly discovered the door seemed to be blocked. He tried to push it open, but something appeared to be wedged behind it. After struggling with it for several minutes, Tom’s father was able to get it open far enough to squeeze through the space he had made, and once he was on the other side, he discovered Tom’s naked, discolored body. There was a rope tied around the doorknob and then around his neck, so at first his father suspected he had committed suicide. She began to sob quite loudly at this point and Frankie and I both tried to comfort and help calm her down. When she regained her composure again, she continued.

She told us the medical examiner informed them of the real cause of death, after he completed an autopsy. He said Tom had ejaculated shortly before he died and that’s what helped him put the pieces of the puzzle together. They were shocked to learn that such an unusual gratification technique existed and they were even more surprised that Tom had been practicing it. I used that opportunity to tell her about our idea to honor Tom, which Frankie and I had discussed as we drove here and as we sat in our motel room the previous evening. We wanted to form a foundation of sorts, to warn young people about the dangers of AEA (auto-erotic asphyxiation).

I advised her we wanted to name the foundation in Tom’s memory, with her and her husband’s permission of course, and we’d do all we could to make sure no other young person died in the same manner as her son. She thanked us and gave us her blessing, before inviting us to return for dinner, so we could meet her husband and explain this to him as well. We accepted her offer, especially since it seemed so important to her, and then we excused ourselves for now, so we could run some errands. One of these was to call home, so we could tell the family we were going to arrive home even later than we had first told them and make certain they understood everything was fine.

Frankie and I arrived back at Tom’s parents’ home around six and were greeted by both of them, even before we reached their door. That’s because they had been watching for us and stepped outside to welcome us as soon as they saw us pull in their driveway. After escorting us into their home, where we exchanged the usual pleasantries, they each thanked us for taking the time to return to their house again. Once we finished the small talk, they led us to their dining room, where we sat down to eat.

Tom’s mother must have really hustled to prepare such a wonderful meal on such short notice, and we all enjoyed her efforts. After the meal was completed, we moved to their living room, where we sat down to talk. There were a few awkward moments, during which they fought to control their emotions as they told us stories about Tom, in particular his pre-teen years. Once they felt we understood both Tom and them better, Tom’s father questioned us about our plans for the foundation and what we hoped to accomplish.

After explaining our ideas to him, they both gave us their blessing to use their son’s name, and then handed me a copy of his ‘Memorial’ and showed us his obituary clippings. After talking a bit longer, we offered our condolences once again and explained we had to leave and return home, in order to take care of our own family. We parted, but only after making assurances that we would get together again soon and confirming this was not just some expression tossed about lightly, but a sincere promise we intended to keep.

On the ride home, Frankie and I discussed our ideas for the foundation in even greater detail, including tossing around suggestions about how we would fund it, what strategies we would use to educate teens about the dangers of AEA and how far we were prepared to go to ensure its success. By the time we arrived home, we were both satisfied we had covered all of the bases, so I jotted down a few notes about our session, to make certain I wouldn’t forget what we had agreed upon.

The boys greeted us when we came in and immediately asked Frankie if he was all right. Once they were assured that he was, they each added their own personal touches to let him know how much they cared and how badly they felt for him. I think these simple gestures helped to deepen Frankie’s appreciation not only for his brothers, but also about having such a close-knit family.