The Castaway Hotel - 5 - 13. Chapter 13 - Coping With Christmas

It was now almost Christmas, and Vinnie was a bit overwhelmed with all the activities our family was involved with. Being an only child, he was not used to have so many things going on at the same time, so it was sort of a rough period for him because of it. Not only that, but this would also be the first Christmas he spent without his parents, which also took its toll. As he accompanied us to each of the functions we were involved with, it was easy to see from his expressions and the sadness in his eyes that this was difficult for him. He had many mixed emotions about these activities, as he was trying to have a good time and make the best of the holidays, yet he couldn’t get past the sadness he felt because his parents weren’t there to celebrate with him. After watching him struggle like this for several days, I finally decided it was time to sit down with him and have a chat.

As soon as we got home from our most recent outing, I asked to speak with him in my room, so he followed me in and we sat down. “Are you okay?” I asked him, not quite sure how else to approach this.

He simply looked up at me and I could tell he was either unsure about what I was asking him or possibly confused about how to respond. I tried to be patient and not pressure him into rushing his answer, so I waited until he felt he was ready to answer.

“I’m sorry,” he eventually choked out. “I didn’t mean to cause any problems.” I was startled by his response.

“Vinnie, you aren’t causing problems,” I told him, and gently as I could. “I was just wondering if you were all right. I can see this time of year is not easy for you, so I was wondering if there was anything I could do to help.”

Again, he took his time before he replied, but it appeared he was also fighting back his emotions and a few tears. “You know, I really miss them,” he finally told me.

“I’d be amazed if you didn’t,” I tried to reassure him. “They were your parents, and from what you’ve told me, you were all quite close. I just want you to know you don’t have to hide your feelings from the rest of us. No one will make fun of you and I’m sure each of us would be willing to try to help you get through it. We’re all empathetic as to what you must be going through and many of the other boys have experienced similar rough times, during their first holidays away from their families. So you see, you aren’t the only one here who has ever had to go through this. Trey, Sammy and Andrew have all lost their parents quite suddenly too, but the others have been separated from their folks as well. This may not have happened in the same way, but they were ripped apart from them, nonetheless.”

“Yes, I know that… I really do,” he agreed. “I’ve heard some of them talk about how they came to live here and all, but I just can’t stop thinking about my mom and dad.”

“That’s because it only happened a few months ago and they’re still foremost in your memory,” I suggested. “The fact that Christmas is rapidly approaching only helps to magnify your loss, because you keep thinking about of all of the other Christmases with them.” He looked at me and his eyes began to grow glassy.

“Will it always hurt this much?” he asked, as the tears began to well up. I gave him a hug before I answered him.

“You’ll always miss them and there will always be a void in your heart during times like these,” I replied, “but the pain will lessen over time, but it will never totally fade away. You see, I also know what it’s like to lose people who were very dear to me, so there have been times when I felt the same way you are feeling now.” When he looked at me this time, I could tell he was also feeling sorry for me, as he quickly thought about what I had also gone through.

“Is there anything I can do, so it doesn’t hurt so much?” he wanted to know, after a brief pause.

“I’m afraid not,” I answered. “The best thing you can do is to remember the good times and cherish those precious moments you spent together, and that will help to ease the pain slightly. However, it won’t make it go away completely. Just remember, your parents will always be with you, both here and here,” I explained, while first touching his forehead and then his chest. “They will stay in your heart and in your memories as long as you think back upon all the great times you’ve shared, so you’ll never, ever lose them completely. If you will, I’ll try to give you a better understanding of what I mean.”

At that point, I felt it might help if I told him about my own experiences. Suddenly, I realized it seemed like only yesterday when I was dealing with a similar situation of my own, when I lost my grandmother. “I was closer to my grandmother and grandfather than most children are to their grandparents, because they had raised me,” I began. “My mother had some major struggles of her own, so they took me in and I had spent most of my pre-college life under their roof. That’s why I was so devastated when I got the call during my freshman year away from home, telling me my grandmother was no longer with us. This was totally unexpected, since she had not been ill, but her family had a history of heart problems, which had now also claimed her. It was about 8:00 at night when I received the call and I think I cried for the next couple of hours. Oh, I didn’t do it in my dorm room, because I wasn’t sure my roommate would understand, so I took a very long walk around the campus, weeping silently as I took every labored step. She had been like a mother to me and I could always count on her when things went badly, so I had no idea what I would do now.

“When I got back to my dorm room,” I continued, “it was after 11:00, so I slipped into my bed and tried to go to sleep. However, I couldn’t get the multitude of memories flooding my brain to stop, so after an hour or so, I got up again. I went over and sat at my desk, turned on the small lamp and directed the light toward the wall, hoping the brightness wouldn’t bother my roommate. Then I grabbed a pen and a notebook and began writing. I wrote several poems that night, baring my soul and trying to cope with the unbelievable emptiness I now felt. I had to express myself and release the emotional damn that was building within, before it burst and splattered my psyche across the universe.

“It took a couple of years for me to learn how to deal with her loss,” I explained, “and just about the time I was able to think of her again without dredging up all of the pain, my grandfather passed away. Although he hadn’t been sick, I had been expecting it, at least since my grandmother had left us. He had taken her passing nearly as badly as I had, and seeing this made me wonder how long he would last without her. Now, I had my answer.

“Fortunately, I didn’t have to face anything like this again for quite a few more years,” I added. “During that time I got married and raised four wonderful children, but eventually they all grew up and moved away too. Once that happened, my wife and I thought this meant it was our time to enjoy being with each other, but those thoughts we rudely shattered when my wife was diagnosed with advanced non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. By the time it was discovered, it had already spread to her lymph nodes, which meant there was only a limited chance of her beating it. Even though she did everything the doctors suggested, it quickly became apparent that nothing was going to help her or stop its spread. However, while we were concentrating on her condition, my mother had a heart attack and died suddenly.

“How could things get any worse?” I mused. “I was now reeling from this double whammy of having lost my mother and knowing I was also going to lose my wife. As I arranged for my mother’s funeral, I also planned my wife’s, so all of those details had been attended to before she actually left us, but it didn’t make her passing any easier. So thinking back upon these times, and dealing with the emotional vacuum I’ve recently gone through because of losing Brent, I can definitely understand, empathize and sympathize with your plight.”

As I finished, I wasn’t sure if this helped him or not, because he didn’t respond after my little speech. It was obvious he was now thinking about what I’d told him, so I prayed he would find comfort in my words and watched to see what he did next. I was mildly surprised when he didn’t make any sort of move, so I just sat there and watched as he pensively contemplated everything I had just shared with him.

After a few minutes of silence, he looked up at me and then bent slightly to one side, so he could rest his head on my shoulder. Feeling this was his attempt to let me know he felt closer to me now without having to actually say so, I put my arm around him and gave him a slight squeeze. When I did that, he let his body melt against mine, as if he might be drawing some extra strength from me. It was obvious he was enjoying this closeness, so I continued to hold him, until he decided he’d had had enough. We sat that way for several more minutes, before he suggested he felt better now and thought we should go back out and rejoin the others. When I was sure he was truly ready, we did just that, as he continued to prove to me just how strong he actually was.

When Christmas Eve arrived, the family gathered at our place for our traditional Christmas Eve dinner, and after enjoying a wonderful meal, we left, en masse, to attend the service held at our church. This was always a very special time for us and had grown to include the extended family, so we enthusiastically strode into the church to take part in this wonderful celebration. As we moved into the pews, I had Vinnie sit next to me, since this was his first time with us and I wasn’t sure how he was going to react if memories of his parents overtook him during the service. Christmas is a time for family and I was afraid recollections from previous holidays would suddenly come flooding back to him, so I wanted to be near him and able to support him, if that happened.

Vinnie seemed very pensive as we first sat down, but to my surprise he became an active participant in everything that went on. I also noticed that he lingered a bit longer during the prayers, as if he was making his own special requests after the minister had finished his general prayer for the congregation. I immediately made a mental notation to inquire about this later, but wouldn’t do so for a couple of days, since I didn’t want to ruin the holiday for him by dredging up painful memories. However, I felt it might be a good opportunity to find out a little about what was going on in his mind while he had been doing it.

After the service, we all went back to our place, and things became decidedly more interesting once we got there. As I was getting ready to go inside, Graham stopped me and asked me to wait with him until the others had gone indoors. Once we were alone, Graham told me what was on his mind. “Dad, I saw Brent again, while we were at the church, and he told me he has something special for me to do.”

I didn’t know what to think about this pronouncement, but I wanted to hear more. “Did he let you know exactly what he had in mind?” I pressed.

“Not yet, but he told me it would also include some of the others,” Graham admitted. “Brent told me to make sure that once I made sure everyone was there, he’d show me everything else I needed to know.” At that point, Graham went on to list the others who were to be included in whatever it was that was going to happen next.

“Did he say where he wanted us to meet?” I inquired, bewildered by all this cloak and dagger theatrics.

“No, but I figured it should probably be someplace where we wouldn’t be interrupted,” Graham concluded.

“Okay, I’ll tell you what,” I replied. “We’ll use the rec room for this and I’ll round up the other boys and meet you there. Once we’re all there, we’ll shut and lock the door, so we’ll have complete privacy.”

He seemed satisfied with my suggestion and headed back in that direction, while I went to locate the other boys he had told me about. They seemed confused at first, but were willing to cooperate, so before long we were going in to join Graham. Most of the boys had a vague idea about what might happen next, except for Vinnie, so the others quickly brought him up to speed about Graham’s special talent and previous ‘visions.’ Now, we all quietly waited to see what Graham was going to tell us.

“I hope you guys don’t think I’m nuts,” Graham began, “but I saw Brent at church again tonight.” Graham hesitated at this point, but everyone assured him they didn’t think he was crazy at all, only that he had a special ability that none of them possessed and only a few truly understood. Graham seemed bolstered by their response and ready to continue on with what he had been instructed to do.

“Well, Brent told me to make sure you were all here, as this would have something to do with each one of you, but I have no idea what he has in mind,” Graham began. “Now, I just have to wait for him to try to show me what he wants me to do or say.”

At this point, Graham stared off into space for a few seconds, not looking at anyone or anything in particular, but seemingly focusing on something none of the rest of us could see. “Brent is showing me two other people,” he announced, “a man, and a woman. They look like they might be Chinese and they are holding something in their hands. It’s a picture of them, and the man is holding a small boy, while the woman has a baby in her arms. They’re standing in front of a tall building with several slanting roofs, but it’s strange, because a new roof is jutting out from each level.”

“I know that picture,” Sammy shouted out. “It’s the picture of my parents holding me and Andrew, while we they were visiting a Shinto shrine.”

“Is that the picture that was on the wall, when we first entered our old house?” Andrew asked Sammy.

“Yes, that’s the one. Daddy was carrying me, and mommy was holding you,” Sammy replied.

“Yes, I remember it now,” Andrew blurted, excitedly. “Is it really our parents that you’re seeing, Graham?” he asked, hopefully.

“I guess it is,” Graham agreed, “and I think they want me to tell you something. The man, your father, is now getting down on his knees, as if he’s begging for something, but I’m not sure what it is. He’s doing it in front of the woman, but he’s also looking at that picture at the same time.”

I thought this might be the time for me to offer an interpretation of my own. “I think he might be begging forgiveness from his wife and sons,” I told the boys. “I think he’s asking you to forgive him for the terrible wrong he did to all of you.” Sammy and Andrew knew what I was referring to, even if the others did not, meaning that their father was asking their mother and them to forgive him for having killed her and then himself. The two boys were whispering to each other, talking this over, when Sammy spoke to Graham.

“Can you tell him we forgive him?” he announced, slightly teary eyed.

“I don’t think I have to,” he announced, “because I think he heard you. Right now he is holding out a bunch of roses in your direction, which I think means he loves you and appreciates your understanding.” At this point several eyes were filled with tears, not only Sammy and Andrew’s, but mine as well, and thoughtfully Graham paused for a few minutes to give us time to recover.

Once we had composed ourselves again, he went on with his session. Once more he stared off into space, before he made his next announcement.

“Brent now has another couple with him, but this couple is white. The man is quite tall and dressed in a suit, and the woman is dressed nicely too, but the top of her head doesn’t quite reach the middle of the man’s chest. The woman is holding a stuffed animal, which looks like it might be Winnie the Pooh, and she is also holding a small blanket, which is a light blue and has an image of Tigger sewn into the middle of it.”

“That’s my Pooh bear and my blankie,” Trey screamed out. “I used to carry them both around with me, all of the time when I was little. They both got burned up in the explosion that killed my parents, so it must be them. What are they saying?”

“Well, I’m getting the feeling they are very proud about something, and I think it must be you,” Graham explained. “They are each holding on to one of those items and hugging them as hard as they can, as if they are hugging you by doing so.” As I looked at Trey, he had a pleased, but pained, expression on his face when he heard this. It appeared he was happy to hear this news, but yet saddened by this same revelation. “They are now also holding out a bouquet of roses, so I guess they’re sending their love for you too.” Trey merely nodded, because he was obviously too choked up to speak at this point.

There was another brief lull, while Graham gazed into the air yet again, as he searched for his next set of clues. After a few more moments of this silence, he began to speak. “Now Brent is showing me an older black woman. She’s kind of short and is wearing a flowered dress.”

“That’s my Nana,” Dion announced. “That dress was one of her favorites and she wore it often. What’s she doing and how does she look?”

“She looks fine, and quite happy,” Graham told him. “She has a big grin on her face, but now she’s showing me someone else. It’s a man, and he’s dressed in a fireman’s outfit.”

“That must be my dad,” Dion informed all of us. “He died while he was fighting a big fire. God, I can’t explain how much I’ve missed both of them. Are they trying to tell me anything?”

“Well, the man is showing me a tree house, like the one in the woods behind the house,” Graham replied.

“We didn’t have a tree house,” Dion began, but then he paused. “Oh, my God! Does that mean he’s been seeing what I’ve been doing there?” Dion now looked at Graham for an answer.

“Well, he’s smiling and nodding his head, so I guess he has,” Graham informed him. Dion didn’t immediately respond, because he was overwhelmed by this news, and I began to feel he might be more careful about what he did in the future and where he did it. “They are both holding out roses too,” Graham told him, “so I guess this means they are sending you their love too.” Dion nodded again, and then sat down, deep in thought.

It didn’t take long before Graham started again, this time announcing that Brent was bringing through another couple. “I see another white man and a white woman, but they’re not very tall. They aren’t holding or carrying anything, but they are showing me a house. It’s a ranch style house, with the bottom half of it being brick and the top half done in white siding. They’re taking me into the house, and when we go through the front door, the living room is to the left and the dining room and kitchen are straight ahead.”

“That sounds like my house and my parents,” Vinnie told us. “Are they okay?”

Graham looked at the air for a few seconds and then made his next comment. “I think they’re trying to tell me they didn’t feel any pain when it happened and the man is acting like he is struggling with someone, maybe even with a couple of people.”

“What does that mean?” Vinnie wanted to know.

Again, I thought it was time for me to add my ideas about what he was trying to say. “I think it might mean that your father, and possibly others on that flight, tried to overcome the hijackers before the plane crashed. I think he’s trying to tell you he did what he had to do, but neither he nor your mother suffered when the end came.” Vinnie started to speak, but I think the words suddenly caught in his throat, so he just gave up trying to comment further.

“Your dad is now showing me our house and giving you a thumbs up. I think that means he approves of your coming to live here.” This made Vinnie smile, and then he turned and gave me a hug. “Your parents are also holding a bouquet of roses, so it looks like they are sending you their love too.”

At this point, tears began to stream down Vinnie’s cheeks, as he lost his emotional control for a few minutes. Graham noticed this and waited for him to regain his composure, before he continued. Once Vinnie seemed ready to hear more, Graham spoke again. “Now your parents and Brent are both holding out another bunch of roses, but this time I don’t think they’re just for you. They seem to hold them in front of you for a short time and then they turn and extend them toward Kevin. Now, they’re holding out half for you and the other half for him. I’m not sure what this means, but that’s what they’re doing.

As I looked in their direction, Kevin and Vinnie were looking at each other, seemingly understanding this simple message, and I was pretty sure I did too. It seems that both Brent and Vinnie’s parents were giving their approval for the two boys to be together. Although this did appear very profound or obviously important to the others, it did seem to have a significant impact on that pair. Possibly, it was enough of a signal to allow them both to go on with their own lives and not have to worry about what those who had left them might think.

After giving them time to absorb everything he had told them, Graham announced that was all he had to say. The boys quickly thanked him for passing along the messages and each seemed to be a little happier than they were when they entered, as they made their way out of the room. As he was leaving, Vinnie pulled me aside and provided me with a little more information. He told me that at church earlier, he had made several specific prayers. First, he prayed that his parents were okay and together in heaven. Then he asked God to bless everyone in our house, asking him to put all of our doubts and worries to rest, so we could be as happy as he was now. Then he told me that he had made one more request, and that was to get a sign as to whether he should pursue Kevin, or if Kevin would always be in love with Brent and not be able to get over him. He said he believed all of his prayers had now been answered, before thanking me for giving him the opportunity to find happiness again.

After I listened to what he had to say, I informed him it wasn’t very often that anyone got his prayers answered so quickly, or so dramatically, and he nodded his understanding. I also told him he had Graham to thank for this remarkable session, since it had been Graham’s special abilities that made it all possible, along with God’s help and Brent’s otherworldly assistance. After giving him a few seconds to absorb that information, I told him I was sure Graham would appreciate it if Vinnie told him whatever he felt was appropriate to let Graham know he appreciated what he had done. Vinnie said he would, so we headed off to rejoin the others.

Later that evening, after the others had left or gone to bed, I sat on the sleeper-sofa, knowing I still had a few things to take care of. Even though most of my boys were older now, my grandchildren were here and that meant we’d still be getting up early to open gifts, so I wanted to get everything set up before that happened. Once I was certain everyone else was asleep, I snuck the remaining presents under the tree, before slipping back to my temporary bed. I then went to sleep looking forward to watching my sons and grandchildren open the special gifts I had left them.