Three for Jake - 1. Three for Jake

You had to go and ask, didn’t you?

Don’t you just hate it when something won’t let go, or leave you alone? Ever had something that you can’t get rid of no matter how hard you try? Something like an STD, really, but without the enjoyable means of getting it? Yeah, I’m beset by such a malevolent curse. I just can’t seem to get rid of it, no matter what I do. I’ve tried to forget it, I’ve tried to ignore it, but no matter what, the fucking thing won’t go away. What is it, what is this indefatigable monkey on my back, you ask?

In my case, it’s called a conscience. I hate the damn thing, but it won’t leave me the hell alone. Nag, nag, nag, that’s all it does. It raises its damn head half the time I want to do anything. Damn, can’t a guy have any fun? If anyone knows a way I can get rid of the damn thing, just let me know and you’ve got a friend for life. What can I say, I don’t do long-term promises.

By now, you’re probably wondering why I’m ranting about my conscience, right? Well, I’ll tell ya, but I’ll warn you right now, you probably won’t like it. But that’s okay by me: it’s your own damn fault for being a nosey bastard.... So, don’t you dare blame me, ‘cause if you do I’ll deny it. Fasten your seatbelt, ‘cause it’s gonna be one hell of a ride...

Why can’t life be simple? Why does everything have to be so fucking complicated? I was fine with my life until he showed up. Hell, I was even fine with it after that, for a while anyway. Yeah, as you’re probably figuring out by now, this is a guy story. Sure, you’re thinking, guy meets guy, they have some stress, then happily ever after, right? Yeah, sure, I thought that way too, until my fucking conscience went and fucked everything up. Damn, I hate that stupid voice in my head... If I’m going to have voices in my head, can’t they at least be psychotic or something else entertaining?

Where to start? I guess the beginning is as good a place as any. Okay, I was born... Nah, you probably don’t want to go back that far, do ya? Oh well, your loss, ‘cause I was a great kid. Anyway, leaping forward a bit, like fifteen years, we get to the part where he came in. I suppose I’d better give him a name, eh? It’s Corey, but keep that to yourself. Protecting the guilty and all that, yada yada...

Corey came into my life with a bang, literally. I guess there's a pattern here, huh? I’d just set off a few firecrackers, the big kind, in my high school’s bathroom. Corey got the shitty end of that prank, literally. Poor guy was in a nearby stall when the M-80 I’d flushed went off, causing the toilets to erupt. Corey came stumbling out of the bathroom, drenched, and covered in, well, you can probably guess. Not covered exactly, just smelling a little ripe, but the poor kid wasn’t taking it too well.

This is where my damn conscience enters the story for the first time. Sure, the smart thing to do would have been to just go about my business and let Corey deal with the mess he was in. Trouble is, I took one look at his face and I just couldn’t do it. Yeah, consciences suck, big time. There he was, first day of school, new kid in town, and smelling like the el gago boutique. Peeew.... So, instead of being on my way, I took the guy to the gym, showed him where to get showered, and lent him my gym gear so he’d have some clean stuff to wear for the rest of the day. That left me with just a pair of jogging shorts to wear for my own P.E. class, but hell, as you might’ve guessed; I’m not exactly the shy type.

So, my good deed for the day done, I figured that was that. Wrong. Corey looked me up the next day, finding me by my locker, and gave me back my gear. Neat-freak that he is, he’d even laundered it. He thanked me for what I’d done, making a big deal of it, which I guess he was right to do because it was way out of character for me, but he was just so damn nice. What can I say, I’m a soft touch sometimes, and yeah, it’s my damn conscience, again. Did I tell him who’d set off those firecrackers? Hell no, I ain’t that stupid.

Corey was like a fish out of water. New kid in a new town, new school, you know the drill. Me? I’d lived there all my life, knew everybody, and everybody knew me. Don’t believe me? Just go mention the name “Jake” anywhere in town, and they’ll know who I am. They’ll warn you about me too, of that I’m sure. Like I say, everyone knows me, and I’m always the number one suspect when some kind of trouble goes down, and they’re usually right. So here’s Corey, standing in front of me, thanking me for what I’d done, and oh by the way, looking like a geek in his slacks and polo shirt in a school where only geeks wore anything but jeans or shorts. So, what do I do? The smart move, the cool move, would be to give the guy the brush off. I’ve got an image to think of, after all. But, no, my damn conscience, it just won’t shut up. So, I decide to take the guy under my wing for a few days, give him a crash course in life, then let him get on with it. Or so I thought.

After school that day, I let him tag along when I went home. I taught him how to play a few video games, how to open a can of beer – he was a little shocked that I had a supply – and I gave him some pointers on how to dress and how to act if he wanted to be popular. The kid ate it up, and I gotta admit he was a fast learner. From that day forward, he became a part of my life. At first, I wasn’t too thrilled about it; I had my image, like I said before. Having a goody-two-shoes sidekick wasn’t part of it, but, yeah, you guessed it, my conscience, again. So, I put up with him and it wasn’t too long before I found myself missing him when he wasn’t there. Friends? Yeah, we became friends. Surprised? So was I.

It was hard at first, having Corey hanging around. Corey wasn’t too cool with some of the stuff I did. He’d let me know it, too. If there was a window just begging for a rock, he became its protector, and in a way mine. I guess he didn’t want to see me in handcuffs again. He was freaked, and it was just an arrest for vandalism, no big deal, but he didn’t want it to happen again. Neither did I, but a guy’s gotta have some fun, right? So, being around Corey, I mellowed out, a little, and he changed too, he wasn’t such a tight-ass anymore. No, not that way, get your damn mind out of the gutter. Corey relaxed, got a lot more easy-going, and wasn’t so uptight about raising a little hell. He became my counterpart, my alter-ego. Where I was wild, he was sensible. Where I was crazy, he was sane. When I blew off schoolwork, he’d bug me until I did it. He was the foil to my sword, the yin to my yang. We were opposites in so many ways, but we got along. Fire and ice, that’s what we were; opposites, but we got along okay in spite of it.

Corey was happy to follow my lead, most of the time anyway. I was the alpha, like I’ve always been. It’s just my way. I’m the leader, I choose the path, and like any good leader, I tried to pick stuff that was fun for him, too. That was pretty much the story of our freshman year. He grew his hair a little longer, in a similar style to mine. He started working out, too, and by spring, he wasn’t a skinny runt anymore. When the warm weather came, he was right there by my side. When I’d take off my shirt, his was guaranteed to be off a second later, and he was proud of his new looks, too. Trouble was so was I, and before I knew it, I was having thoughts about him that just didn’t fit with my image.

Summer roared in, and the final bell rang, releasing us to a long and carefree summer. Or, so I thought.

Charging into my room – neither of us ever knocked – Corey said, “Jake, what do you wanna do today?” Sitting up, I pried open an eye to glare at him, wondering how anyone could be a morning person. I almost gave in to the siren song of my pillow, but hell, it was the first day of summer vacation, and I didn’t want to waste it sleeping. Well, actually, I did, but I couldn’t let Corey down. I could see the eager look on his face, the sparkle in his blue eyes, and I knew he wanted to go out and have some fun. Scratching my head, I reviewed my options. Scoring some beer or some grass was always a plan, but Corey wasn’t too cool on the grass. Not his thing, he said after I’d gotten him to try it a few times. He liked beer well enough, but he wouldn’t touch liquor, not after the time I’d gotten him plastered on whiskey and he’d had the hangover to end all hangovers. I guess waking up in jail hadn’t helped either; his mom sure didn’t seem to think so. She grounded his ass for a month.

When it came to Corey, I knew I had to keep it at least close to legal, so that ruled out a few of my preferred options. What else was there to do in suburban California? Yeah, the beach, that sounded like a plan. I knew of a few beach parties that would be happening that night, so we could go do some blading, see and be seen, then hit the parties.

With that decided, in a blink of my sleepy eyes I looked Corey over. First day of summer and here he was, wearing jeans and a tucked-in polo shirt, Mr. Preppy. Shaking my head, I heaved myself out of bed, pulled on some boxers – I sleep in the raw – and arched an eyebrow in Corey’s direction. “Dude, it’s summer,” I said, stooping to rummage in my wardrobe. Yeah, I’m organized, a place for everything and everything in its place, as long as the place is on the floor. I snagged two pairs of cargo shorts, black for me, tan for him, and a couple of tank tops. Tossing them on the bed, I began tugging on his shirt, pulling it up over his head as I informed him, “Come on, let’s hit the beach, check out the pier, and do some blading. Tonight there’s some parties going down. Get changed, dude.”

Corey stripped – he’d never been shy around me, probably because I wasn’t shy around anybody. Throwing on our gear, we dug our inline rollerblades out of the back of my closet – his stuff pretty much always ended up at my place – and we were off. Piling into my Camaro, like we always did, he rode shotgun, the wind blowing in his hair as we hit the freeway for the beach.

First stop: the pier. Gotta see and be seen, that’s half the fun. We set off down the pier, mirrored shades in place, checking out the scenery and action. Halfway down, I shucked off my tank, tucking it in my waist band, and just like he always did, Corey followed suit. I checked out a few of my preferred haunts, and did a little people watching. That’s where the mirrored shades come in; what I like to watch is guys, and that’s one of the few secrets I had from Corey. Hey, it just doesn’t fit my image, ya know?

Ditching Corey so I could do a little business wasn’t something I liked to do, but business is business. My business, by the way, is cars. I suppose you could say I’m in the parts business, I score to order. That day, my guy, Big Tony, said he needed a Chevy Tahoe, late model, and that’s what I’d be getting him, sometime anyway. Yeah, that was another of my secrets from Corey, because I knew damn well he wouldn’t have approved of me boosting cars. Actually, that’s a lie. The way I really figured it was either he’d be uncool with it, or worse, he’d want to do it because I did it. I couldn’t let him do that; Corey has a future, a good one, and I didn’t want to fuck it up.

After taking care of my business, it was time to do some blading. The beachfront was the place, and hell, it was just a kick-ass perfect day. I’ve been a blader for years, and I’d taught Corey how to shred. We tore off, flying down the concrete, leaping over steps, doing sliders off handrails, just doing our thing, me and my bud. We stopped by a park, kicking it in the shade for a few. Corey, man, he was looking like the hottest of the hot, all tan and defined. Damn, that boy was getting to be a real heartbreaker.

The parties went about like normal: you know, get loud, get drunk, and take off like a shot when the cops roll in. Damn, this hurts. I guess I better get to the point.

That’s how our summer went, the first few weeks of it anyway. It was great and I thought it would just go on like that, but man, was I wrong. Too bad for me. Yeah, I got caught by the cops after one of those parties, just some minor stuff, but my parents decided it was the last straw. They gave me an ultimatum, go stay with my grandparents for the rest of the summer, or else. I had a pretty damn good idea that the ‘or else’ involved military school, so I agreed to go. As things turned out, I had a few days before I left. Corey’s mom was heading out of town, so like any good friend I set up a party at Corey’s house. Maybe I should’ve told Corey, but, like they say, hindsight is 20/20.

Corey found out on the night of the party, when the people I’d invited started showing up. I’d kept it small, only asking around twenty or so people, but they brought others. Pretty soon, we had a kick-ass rager going, close to a hundred people. I got some liquor into Corey so he could relax and have a good time, and I think he did. Until the cops showed up, anyway. Poor guy freaked. After the cops had chased everyone out, Corey crept out of the closet. The place was kind of a mess, just the usual debris, plus a few holes in the plaster. We worked at cleaning it for a while, and then crashed out. Corey shook me awake the next morning, a little too early, and he was stressed out over the holes in the wall. I went downstairs and finished up the cleaning while he took off for the hardware store for a patch kit.

While he was gone, I finished up the cleaning, and I had the place spotless. Thinking of a nice, warm bed, and still feeling kind of hung over, I holed up on Corey’s room for a while, intending to sleep until he got back. I couldn’t sleep, and I was bored, so like any good friend, I did what comes natural; I snooped around his room. I found the usual stuff, until I checked under his mattress, which isn’t the cleverest hiding place now is it? What I found was Corey’s stash of porn. Nothing unusual there, except his proved to be a lot like mine. Yep, guys. That’s how I learned that Corey was wired the same as me. Let me tell you, that opened up some damn interesting possibilities. I’ve mentioned that he was hot, right? You do the math.

Now here’s where that conscience thing rears its ugly head again. Don’t get me wrong, I’d’ve loved to do the horizontal tango with Corey, but I’m just not the relationship type. Corey, I think, is. What would it do to him if we played around? I couldn’t get it out of my head that if he latched onto me like that, I’d drag him down with me. Look, I knew that one day my car stealing and other crap would catch up to me, that’s why I kept Corey out of it. He just needs someone better. So, I didn’t tell him what I’d found, and a couple of days later, I was off to my grandparent’s for the rest of the summer.

Rolling back into town a few days before school started, I was looking forward to spending a few days with Corey. This is where Brett enters the picture. Damn, I want to hate Brett. He’s the typical surfer, laid back, blond, tan, model’s looks, the whole package. Turns out, Corey met him while I was away and they hung out. Didn’t take me long to figure out that Brett’s wired the same way as me and Corey. I guess they figured that out about each other, too. By the time I got back, they were pretty tight. Real tight, if ya catch my drift.

Brett had to work the night before school started, so I had Corey all to myself. We went out and drank some brews, just the two of us, sitting on the beach, talking. Corey was really stressed about something, and I started to guess what when he started to stammer about how he was feeling ‘different’ and had since he was younger. To make things easy on him, I just grinned, and told him I knew already ‘cause I’d looked under his mattress. He was still stressed, so I told him I was fine with it, didn’t matter to me, no big deal, and I’d known for a while anyway. He relaxed a little, and told me about him and Brett. Yeah, it was like I thought. They were a couple, as of a few days before. Damn, I want to hate Brett so bad.

Corey’s eyes, flickering in the darkness that night, tore me apart inside. I knew that look, it was how he’d always looked at me, but for the first time I knew I wasn’t the only one he looked at like that. Sitting there, I knew, it was then or never. If I’d have made a play for Corey then, he’d have been mine and I knew it. I wanted to, damn, how I wanted to. That’s when my conscience fucked me over, yet again, because I also knew that Brett was a hell of a lot better fit for Corey than I could ever be. I knew, right then, that Brett was what Corey needed. Brett's smart like Corey, and he's got something I don't: a future. There was so much I wanted to say, but I couldn’t. I made my choice; I had to let him go.

The next few weeks were pretty damn rough. Brett and Corey hung out all the time. I missed Corey, a lot, but I’d made my choice, so I just spent more time focusing on my work. I guess I didn’t know what all the consequences would be, but I’ve got no regrets, Corey’s going to be happy, not like if he was with me. I guess I love him, and that’s why I made my choice. I guess I wouldn’t be laying here like this right now if I’d have made a play for Corey, but ya know what? It’s worth it; because he’s... better off this way.

Yeah, okay already, I’m getting to it. What’s the rush; it’s my funeral, right? What did you say? Oh, yeah, I guess there is a reason to hurry. I’ll make it quick.

The guy I did the most business with is Big Tony. You’ll find him around Al’s auto repair, everyone knows him.

A few days ago, I had a real close call with some of your fellow cops, barely got away from ‘em when they spotted me boosting my third car that week. I dropped it off to Big Tony today, and once he’d paid me, I told him I wanted out, all the way out. Big mistake; Tony doesn’t like loose ends, and that’s what I’d made myself into. I never made it out of there: they must have got me from behind. I came to out here in these damn mountains, just in time for Tony to fire these three slugs into my gut, but the funny thing is, they don’t hurt much right now. I hope you get him, cop, and I hope you’re recording this ‘cause I can feel it, I’m getting cold, no way I’ll still be around when that ambulance you called gets here.... Tell... tell Corey, tell him I... just tell him goodbye...

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