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    Cia
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Balance - 1. Story

'Don't waver; Don't stop; Go.'

Some say it's quitting. Some say it’s self-preservation. When a person faces this in life, they are left with a very personal decision.

Balance.

That's what this was about for me. Could I stay and give up parts of who I was? Could I live that way? Perpetually off-kilter; missing those bits of, well... me?

I had no idea what I was in for when this all began. It had felt like adding to me in a way, like there was this other half of me suddenly there. One I didn’t even realize had been missing, and he was making me into a whole. What I think I realize in this moment is what I thought completed and finished me was really chipping away at what I think we all seek for ourselves in some fashion. Balance.

What brings balance to you as a person is something we all have to figure out. Is it a person who you find to love and cherish? A career? A family or friends to reassure and reaffirm you? Is it a stranger you meet and in the moment take home for that fleeting connection? Are those things the things that center and ground you in who you are and what your place is in life?

I have always believed we all have two sides; one that gives and one that takes. How do we reconcile those two sides and the actions they incite us to? Can we be both or do we have to be one or the other? If we can be only one, a giver or a taker, to find bliss must we find someone who is our diametric opposite to achieve that one thing we all yearn for?

Gods, those thoughts kept coming to me as I lay alone in my lonely bed, keeping sleep at bay. They incite me to reach for my pen and paper; the urge to scribble the ideas that echo in my brain undeniable. I can't control it; when this comes I simply give in to the tide and watch the words flow. Some nights I'm sitting up with my keyboard. Other times, like now, my cheap pen is furiously scratching across the blank lines with what I am sure will reveal to be drivel in the morning. Some mornings, my bleary eyes open with the sunlight streaming in the windows and scan the page and frown, other times... well, as you are reading this, so I guess I must have decided it’s not complete crap.

Tonight the subject that weights on my mind is... You guessed it, balance. Hence the title of this little bit of soul revelation you are currently reading. Well, maybe not. I'm sure quite a few people will read the first few paragraphs and go, bleh, too introspective for me or where are the hot guys? Bear with me; I promise I'm getting there; a little reward for those who persevere.

But back to balance. See, I'm writing this hoping someone who reads it will help me out. I need answers. I need to know what is going to achieve that elusive state for me. Because to go or to stay; that has become my choice. Which will bring better balance; bring me closer to that ideal me, the one who will be happy and content?

I guess if I am going to ask for your help I should be willing to spill all the dirty details. This is where the hot guy comes in. See, all you had to do was be patient. Though I guess the hot guy is really my idea of a hot guy; maybe Brandon isn't to your taste but he certainly was to mine. He had that elusive inner quality that made him absolutely breathtaking; maybe a way of moving or talking, maybe it was just his looks, I don’t know. But I do know that he was simply stunning, the type of handsome that drew your eyes no matter who you were and what kind of person you were attracted to.

I met him in the oddest place, a women's lingerie store. Now before you can't help but imagine me in lace panties and a garter belt as I lay here in bed writing this for you; I was there for the lotion. I know... Yeah, right, you're thinking. But really it's true. If you don't believe me you can just go... Hmm, censor here.

I guess that thought was too offensive for my editing pen, oh well. So since we've established I was there for the lotion I'm sure the next question you had was what about Brandon? Well he WAS there for the lingerie; but for his girlfriend. In my defense he was standing there holding a bra up to his chest and then to the not inconsiderable assets of the girl with him, a purse thrown over his shoulder; giggling. He certainly didn’t seem like any straight guy I’d ever seen.

I guess he could have just been the put upon embarrassed boyfriend you sometimes find dragged into these places. They stand outside waiting rooms, forced to hold some tiny bag laughingly called a purse but I chose to believe that Brandon was there for another reason. Can you blame me? Even so I was a little shocked myself at what I did next.

With anyone else my brash caress across their ass and the slipping of my phone number into their back pocket would likely have gotten me pulverized. Not with him. The sparkle of laughter in his shining eyes at my forwardness caused the slight tingle the sight of him gave me to become a full burn. One that scorched my insides and brought a gasp to my lips. My erection threatened to burst through my pants when he unconsciously licked his bottom lip then sucked it into his mouth biting down gently as he gave my body a slow perusal from head to toe. I guess he thought I was a hot guy too.

I left without either of us saying a word; just exchanging a nod, and then the wait began. My thoughts were whirling as I drove home, my lack of attention a distinct threat to every other car on the road. Would he call me? Would a gorgeous ripped god with an ass that tight and a bulge as big as the one I saw trying to punch through his zipper have any interest in me? I mean; I was tanned, lean and my features were often described as patrician and handsome but he was simply unbelievably hot. I had sadly come to the conclusion after my internal diatribe finished that he wouldn’t give me a second thought. To my shock not even two hours passed before he called.

In a deep voice he invited me for a drink at Maeson's. The husky tone sent a shiver up my spine to lodge at the base of my head and ignite a fever that soon enveloped my whole body. He didn't introduce himself; he didn't give me a time, just the invitation and then the phone clicked off. He was being mysterious. I normally steered clear of Maeson's, a notorious gay bar was a known spot for easy hook-ups and to find one night stands. The worst rumors were of the back rooms. I don't judge but I'd never done that before; met a stranger I had to have so badly that I would put out for them. Well, until I met Brandon that is. I would have been willing to meet him anywhere to soothe the aching burn in my body that rich voice had brought to life with just a single sentence.

We met and had a few drinks. Like horny teenagers we were unable to keep our hands off each other. I bet you are groaning now, thinking I will keep all the naughty details to myself. Would I do that? After you have faithfully kept reading all this time? Hmm… Okay, so maybe if I would. But… I guess promised all the dirty details, right? I guess that means I will have to back up just a bit.

Walking into Maeson's I’d been experiencing a few qualms until I met those laughing eyes standing at the bar. Sitting down at a booth with him he sat next to me instead of across the table. I was lost when he smoothly slid a palm up my thigh and asked if I felt the pull to him as strong as he felt for me. I knew there would be no going back now; no second thoughts. He growled in satisfaction as my fingers clutched his shirt to bring him closer to me and I nodded, unable to speak. He moved in smoothly, like a shark intent on his prey, pausing for only a second then covered my mouth with his in a hard kiss that consumed me and left me gasping.

He pulled back from me and licked his lips, his hand still gripping the back of my neck, and suggested going back to my place in a slightly hoarse voice. We stood up from the table and left the bar, so immersed in each other’s presence and lips that we didn’t see the crowd eyeing our very visible erections or the slightly shocked cab driver who gaped at us kissing in the backseat. I have no idea if it was raining or if the stars shone in a clear night sky, I certainly don’t recall taking the elevator up or exactly how I got my key in the door.

I don’t even remember shutting the front door but it was a good thing I did. He was ripping off my clothes and I was whining in frustration as I struggled to get his off at the same time. The second our clothes were off we sank down to the carpet and fucked each other silly right there on the living room floor. It was urgent and physical; a fast and furious taking from each other, no whispered wooing words or teasing foreplay, just hot visceral sex. You'd think being that intimate with a virtual stranger would feel impersonal but each growl, whimper, and strained cry uttered said volumes to both of us about the other. My climax caught me unaware when the angle he was pounding my prostate changed as he leaned down to kiss me, biting my lower lip as he moved furiously. His own release followed just after and he froze for a long moment, his breathing ragged before falling on top of me.

Eventually we managed to make our way to my bedroom, the trembling in our limbs making the short journey seem long and arduous. Collapsed across the bed atop the covers we were unable to keep our hands from wandering across the smooth flesh that glistened in the moonlight. We fell asleep that way, facing each other with our head on the same pillow, limbs intertwined.

That night was just the first of many that Brandon spent with me. We were always intimate at my place; we had to act circumspectly at his because Brandon said his roommate was a raging homophobe. It wasn't only meeting for great sex with us though; we went out, hitting gay friendly bars, clubs, and restaurants across the city. I remember one time we went to dinner. We hadn't been dating long but I already knew by then that he was special.

Brandon picked me up that night and took me to a lovely Italian restaurant, not big, one of those cozy little hole-in-the-wall places with great food and discreet service. He ordered a nice wine and a huge dish of pasta to share. I might have objected to him choosing for me but when our meal came he elegantly twirled the pasta around his fork with his spoon and fed me. It was delicious and intimate and made me shiver. I teased him, slowly sliding my lips over the fork as he drew it back. His eyes were filled with lust and he’d growled. I had smiled and sipped my wine, satisfied with his reaction, knowing what it would earn me later. I wasn't able to walk properly for days afterward.

We spent quite a few of our weeknights together but he was often unavailable on the weekend. He claimed that work kept him busy and since he always called it reassured me that he was thinking of me and would be with me if he could. Usually if he was busy on Friday or Saturday night he would come by the next morning and we would spend the day together; often in bed, his way of making it up to me. He was attentive, and fun, and we had a blast.

Summer turned to fall and fall to winter. We both separated for Christmas Eve, celebrating with our families. We didn’t want to bring the pressure of meeting them to bear on our relationship yet but once done with the familial obligations we met back at my apartment so we could wake up together on our first holiday. We woke up late and kissed, wishing each other Merry Christmas in excited voices. He had gotten up and pulled a box out of his bag and I had smiled cheekily before handing him his present that I had hid under the bed. He loved the black watch with the leather wristband, classy and elegant looking. He had gotten me a pen, engraved with our names and the date of our first Christmas. I had burst into tears when he told me that anything that came from my mind was way too important for a cheap pen, I deserved the best to preserve my thoughts.

Winter turned to spring which turned back to early summer. Brandon was a good match for me when it came to outdoor activities, we both liked to cycle and hike. Often we would pack a lunch and grab our bikes to ride the trails in the woods. Picnics were frequent, full of finger foods and make out sessions in the shade of the trees amid the sweet flowers. The more time we spent together the more I was fell head over heels for him. The pinnacle though was the weekend we went away to a gay B&B on the Bay about a year after we met.

It had been quaint; our room tiny and dominated by the down filled bed that was so soft that felt as though we were making love on a cloud. And Brandon was definitely my angel. This was the first time sex stayed slow and intimate; the act one of making love, not athletic sweaty sex or rough coupling. Caught up in the sweet passion of the moment I told Brandon I loved him. He kissed me, his tongue stroking mine with almost a feeling of reverence. He had leaned his forehead against mine and whispered those three little words that I so longed to hear. I had been lighter than air; I was floating in a world that revolved around my man and the love I now knew we shared. Euphoric... That's the word for it. I had found my other half; we loved each other. I was now complete. I had achieved balance!

Or so I thought. Not long after that trip my heart came hurtling back to earth from those passion filled heights to be dashed to bloody pieces. It happened the day I saw them with their arms wound tight around each other and their lips moving in a passion filled kiss. Maybe you guessed it; yep, it was the girl from the lingerie store, his girlfriend. I had muffled the tears and the cry of denial that threatened to burst from my throat. Stopped dead in the street; people were bumping into me as I stood stock still against the flow of traffic. The disturbance made him look up, his eyes seeking until they locked with mine. His had widened and mine had shut; maybe I was hoping that when I opened them back up again that horrific sight would have gone away.

I had counted to three then opened my eyes; hoping against hope. This time I saw him coming toward me with a big smile on his face but his eyes... They were nervous, shifting back and forth. His back was toward the girl staring at him and me, her brows drawn together and a puzzled frown gracing her puffy, freshly kissed lips. He opened his mouth to say something but I shook my head in denial, of what I'm not sure exactly, but I was certainly trying to deny whatever it was access to my stunned mind. I backed away holding my hands up, still shaking my head before I broke and ran. This time I left a trail of people behind me protesting indignantly to my abrupt manner as I shoved them out of my way as I fled.

I had been sitting dumbly at my kitchen table when he came in a few hours later. A bag was packed with all the stuff he had at my place and sitting next to me on the floor. Brandon came straight to me, like metal drawn to a magnet, pushing back my chair and falling to his knees in front of me. He had begged and pleaded for understanding; promising that she was an ex-girlfriend only and that kiss had been all her idea. He said it meant nothing and I so desperately wanted to believe him that I caved. I let him carry me off to the bedroom and make it all better as he sucked and stroked every inch of my body before making sweet gentle love to me. Shaking, sweaty, he had wrapped me in his arms and swearing undying love and devotion as we fell asleep. After that we were closer than ever and moved in together; sharing our days and most of our nights. We were a couple, splitting the mundane tasks and the onus of day to day life yet not losing that spark that made things exciting and new.

But that night soon became a pattern. I would accept his excuses and denials and let his blatant lies pass as truth, hiding my head in the sand like an ostrich. If I didn't see it I could choose not to believe it. This went on for another eight months… Until today. Today I had my head ripped from the sand and my eyes forced open to the ugly reality of my life. I was stupid and had to face the awful truth that my other half wasn't MY other half. I was reeling; literally staggered back in my chair as I watched them slide out of the elevator hanging on each other, her hands all over him. He wasn't shoving her off either, leaning down to whisper something that made her laugh coyly, and then I clearly saw him run his tongue along the rim of her ear. It caused the same shudder in her that little move did in me, the one that would turn into a sensuous writhe if he kept it up. The way I had writhed against him before he left for his ‘business trip.’ this morning.

I was sitting in the hotel restaurant, giving a presentation over dinner on the latest bio-tech marvel my company was showcasing for our prime investor when I saw them. He didn't see me this time so he was completely unaware of my observation and free in his actions. As they slipped across the lobby I saw him slide a hand down over her ass and heard her squeal then giggle. It made me sick; so much so that my Cobb salad had almost come back up. I choked out the rest of my speech and then left ignoring the confused look of the investor and the irate expression on the face of my boss.

I had raced home and stood in the center of our apartment, the one we found together, the one where we mixed our belongings and hearts and made a life together. I didn't pack a bag again, that wasn't going to work. I was going to have to make a monumental decision; I had to face this head on. I sat in that chair again, toying with the little silver key to the front door with trembling fingers for hours. Finally, when he didn't come home I put on my pajamas and curled up in our bed, lying in the dark as the tears leaked from my eyes to soak into my pillow. The silence was echoing and my mind was saying, 'Don't waver; Don't stop; Go' while my fear was trying to keep me here, rooted to this place and relationship. He was my other half; he completed me. Didn't he? Was I able to stay with our life like this? Could I go?

So that is my story and this is my quandary. Picking up my writing tools these words and memories came flying out, spewing from the pen as my hand flies across the page, sometimes in smooth motions and other times in starts and stops as I paused to remember or to blot my tears when the memories came too clearly.

So, this is what I come to you with. If I ignore his infidelity and lies I would lose bits of myself; my self-respect and my self-worth just to name two, though they were the most important in my eyes. Could I be a complete person with those things missing? Could I still offer my true self and feel like I am being offered that same gift in return with a person who valued me so little that he would cheat on me and lie to me about it? What am I willing to give up to have this ideal I have clung to so strongly since I met Brandon?

Was it even that important that I kept all I considered 'me' if he was there? Was it inevitable that a person had to give up certain things in order to stay in a relationship? Was it unreasonable to expect what I did from my lover? Should I go with the flow and just appreciate the extra time and attention he gave to me in compensation for those times I now realized he was with her? I loved him; whether or not it was returned the same way, should that not be enough to give me the conviction to see this through?

As I see it, the answer comes down to what has more value, a whole me or a whole us. This is the balance I spoke of earlier. I long for the ability to either go with my head and leave in such a manner so that there was no going back; or to listen to my aching heart that begged me to stay and work it out. What would leave the most 'me' intact? Which action would bring me that sense of fulfillment and peace we all crave? Unable to decide I lack even a semblance of balance and my very nature calls for an end to this agonizing state. So now you know the story and what is on the line, now that you know exactly where I am coming from; what would you do?

Copyright © 2010 Cia; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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On 12/24/2010 01:49 PM, Sara Alva said:
Ouch!

 

I could really feel the emotion of the MC in this piece, great work

Thank you. I really put a lot of emotion into Balance. It's not quite what my normal pieces entail so I went into it with a definite plan. I was worried about a dramatic monologue would be too dry but adding in the memories and some humor lightened it up and kept it from being too 'woe is me'. Thank you so much for leaving a review, I haven't had many yet in the new system so it was like, Oh, yay, score!! when I saw this one.
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I really enjoyed this, Cia. It was very well written and put the reader in an interesting position with a lot to ponder if they were in the narrator's place. He does have quite a predicament and what does a person do when they believed the lies and gave into the apologies so many times? Do you follow your head or your heart when you finally can't deny it any longer? Nice work!

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On 02/08/2011 01:32 PM, Stargazer said:
I really enjoyed this, Cia. It was very well written and put the reader in an interesting position with a lot to ponder if they were in the narrator's place. He does have quite a predicament and what does a person do when they believed the lies and gave into the apologies so many times? Do you follow your head or your heart when you finally can't deny it any longer? Nice work!
I was trying some different writing techniques and this was part of my exploration. The inspiration came for the story when I was angry so the emotions were easy to write about, though I wasn't being cheated on thankfully. Sometimes it's hard to decide though, emotions are always mucking up what we know is the smart choice in life but where would we be if we never followed our hearts? When and how do we decide which is more important? I'm glad I made you think because honestly, I don't know either but it's always interesting to challenge new ideas. Thanks so much for leaving a review!!
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You presented a deep cutting moral dilemma with your story. I have never personally thought about other person making me full, or keep me in balance. To me finding balance is something deeply personal and an ongoing process. It is never finished. But you made me think about my perspectives of balance again. I loved the way the voice of the narrator rolled fro the start. It was easy to put myself in his shoes. I also loved that you left the choice he eventually makes open, although I think he stayed with the guy. Well, I think that that statement says more about me, heh-heh... Thank you for a really thoughtful piece of story!

 

 

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On 02/20/2011 12:56 AM, Marzipan said:
You presented a deep cutting moral dilemma with your story. I have never personally thought about other person making me full, or keep me in balance. To me finding balance is something deeply personal and an ongoing process. It is never finished. But you made me think about my perspectives of balance again. I loved the way the voice of the narrator rolled fro the start. It was easy to put myself in his shoes. I also loved that you left the choice he eventually makes open, although I think he stayed with the guy. Well, I think that that statement says more about me, heh-heh... Thank you for a really thoughtful piece of story!

 

I think being in a committed relationship for so long (13 years) makes me more of a we than a me a lot of the time. I've never been cheated on, thankfully, but the emotions and thoughts I put in the story are ones I've thought about. I am really glad you enjoyed the story, thanks for leaving me a review!!
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Really liked the story. Unfortunately having been in just about that situation I can actually tell you what I would do and mean it.

 

I got out, leaving a part of me behind which left a wound that never quite heals. Torn souls are a bitch. But dead ones are worse and that was the alternative.

 

 

I do have on literary comment. For some reason one early line just made me stumble and Im wondering if maybe there isnt a better way to say what you want to say. Could just be me.

 

The line is...

 

What leads a person to this point is a very personal choice

 

maybe something like...

 

At some point the decision a person has to make is a very personal choice

 

Anyway. very well done.

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On 05/22/2011 10:24 AM, Goedric said:
Really liked the story. Unfortunately having been in just about that situation I can actually tell you what I would do and mean it.

 

I got out, leaving a part of me behind which left a wound that never quite heals. Torn souls are a bitch. But dead ones are worse and that was the alternative.

 

 

I do have on literary comment. For some reason one early line just made me stumble and Im wondering if maybe there isnt a better way to say what you want to say. Could just be me.

 

The line is...

 

What leads a person to this point is a very personal choice

 

maybe something like...

 

At some point the decision a person has to make is a very personal choice

 

Anyway. very well done.

I'm sorry you've faced this, the pain would be horrible to deal with, I'm sure. I've talked to a few others who have read this who have been in the situation and it's been an overwhelming majority that decided personal happiness and balance weighed higher in their overall choice. Thank you so much for the comment on the phrasing as well. Re-reading that it did read a bit awkward and I have revised the sentence, though not quite to what you suggested. The intent I saw with the line and what you saw were a bit different. I love hearing what people think of a story. Thank you for sharing your own personal experience.
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Interesting style. Good way to discuss an age-old problem. I think in theory, sharing someone ought to be fine, especially where the bisexual thing is involved, but in practice it's not easy. I mean, I don't like someone reading my magazine before I've finished with it, so I don't cope well with the idea of my partner in someone else's hands. Plus, there's the horrible self-doubt - obviously I'm not good enough for him/her and so they need someone else to feel fulfilled. Then you start to wonder if you need to compete - be a better lover to make sure they don't make the final choice to go with the other. In a sexy fantasy, all sorts of threeways are cool. In reality, I think you've hit that enervating trouble they cause perfectly. Um, in short, I enjoyed this.

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On 06/04/2011 10:48 PM, carringtonrj said:
Interesting style. Good way to discuss an age-old problem. I think in theory, sharing someone ought to be fine, especially where the bisexual thing is involved, but in practice it's not easy. I mean, I don't like someone reading my magazine before I've finished with it, so I don't cope well with the idea of my partner in someone else's hands. Plus, there's the horrible self-doubt - obviously I'm not good enough for him/her and so they need someone else to feel fulfilled. Then you start to wonder if you need to compete - be a better lover to make sure they don't make the final choice to go with the other. In a sexy fantasy, all sorts of threeways are cool. In reality, I think you've hit that enervating trouble they cause perfectly. Um, in short, I enjoyed this.
Yay! I'm glad you liked this. I was toying with using dramatic monologue where the narrator is the character telling the story to the audience. The trick was incorporating the story within that monlogue and not using any dialogue. I used to think writing dialogue was hard but this was much more difficult. Really the intent of the story wasn't that Brandon, the ex-girlfriend, and the narrator were in a three way relationship. The issue was that Brandon was cheating and if that is something a healthy relationship can withstand. Thanks so much for reviewing and commenting, it has definitely been a story to get a wide range of feedback.
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i've no idea how I missed this but I've found it now. This is a fantastic story and such a sad one.

What would I do? Get the hell out of there.

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On 09/27/2011 05:17 PM, Nephylim said:
i've no idea how I missed this but I've found it now. This is a fantastic story and such a sad one.

What would I do? Get the hell out of there.

This started from actual anger but then the thoughts of the story and the characters grew in my head and flew across the page. I actual wrote this one on paper first and I think my hand was cramped for hours. Definitely one of the most emotional pieces I've written. Why am I not surprised that personal balance is the choice you'd take, ;) Thanks for the review Nephy! Hugs!!
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I did like reading this story. When the theme of balance was presented at the beginning of the story, I thought it was the balance between the relationship that was forming between Brandon and the main character. What one partner gave to the relationship, the other complemented that, making the the relationship something special. This appears not to be the case as the main character found out later.

The main character (was the name of him every given??) and Brandon had a fantastic paring with "hot visceral sex" and satisfying emotional support given by both. All very well described in this short story.

So in the end, the balance that the main character thought he had with Brandon was actually a different point of balance. A point that would require the main character to give up a lot more than he realized, that is, if he wanted a relationship to continue.

Now I get to the question asked in the end. "what would you do?" Loving relationship between people alway experience change. Give and take (balance?). That give and take (in my opinion) is what is alway driving the change experienced by the couple as they constantly try to achieve happiness together. Now, you are sticking in a third person into the mix. I don't see how that could ever work ... unless ... unless she knows about Brandon's gay lover. If she would accept it ... (wouldn't that be an interesting scenario?*), then you would have a three balance point relation that would require (again in my opinion) them all to live together. Since that is unlikely, the main character (even thought it would hurt tremendously) should just cut bait and go look for different guy. He would be much better off seeking a "honest" boyfriend.

*I just have to add this because your story brought this to mind. There was a recent movie called "Savages". In that movie there was one of these 3 way (two men and one woman) relationships. The guys were completely str8 and they both had a sexual relationship with the girl even though the girl was warned by an observant enemy that she should be careful because these "boys" loved each other more than anybody else. So, were they really str8? Maybe ... anyway is was an interesting addition to a movie.

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What a quandary. To give up something of yourself that you are not sure you can live without or to keep it and give up on the "us". Is there really an "us" if one cannot truly commit to it but instead commits to the idea of it but when the rubber meets the road they stray. Maybe a better question is am I "worth" what I want and know I deserve? I've never look at a relationship in the terms of having to "give" a part of myself up thus denying a part of who I am and what makes me...Me. Instead I look upon it as a compromise. You remain who you are while learning to be together. If the one you are with does not like something and you do then you learn to compromise. One thing that I have learned though is that when you "give up" or compromise too much on your morals, values and ethics then the relationship is pretty much doomed from the start. Those are qualities that make up our core and when you deny, hide, give-up or just plain compromise them too much then you invariably change/alter who you are as a person. Seems to me that this character is struggling with that very concept. Should he change who he is and what he wants and believes he is worth in order to hold on to someone he loves. It hurts like a lemon juice on a open sore followed by salt but once you slide away from who you truly are then all is doomed to a slow death unless you can regain that which makes you...you. One cannot be truly happy unless they are true to who they are and can embrace that fully.

 

Ok, now that I have not just stepped up on my soap box but instead jumped on it and created bubbles galore I will step off and try to find my way around all the bubbles without them burning my eyes blush1.gif . Great piece with great emotion and very thought provoking. I'm not sure if that is really what you intended but I suppose every reader brings something a little different out of each story.

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On 10/24/2012 04:47 AM, CW Prince said:
What a quandary. To give up something of yourself that you are not sure you can live without or to keep it and give up on the "us". Is there really an "us" if one cannot truly commit to it but instead commits to the idea of it but when the rubber meets the road they stray. Maybe a better question is am I "worth" what I want and know I deserve? I've never look at a relationship in the terms of having to "give" a part of myself up thus denying a part of who I am and what makes me...Me. Instead I look upon it as a compromise. You remain who you are while learning to be together. If the one you are with does not like something and you do then you learn to compromise. One thing that I have learned though is that when you "give up" or compromise too much on your morals, values and ethics then the relationship is pretty much doomed from the start. Those are qualities that make up our core and when you deny, hide, give-up or just plain compromise them too much then you invariably change/alter who you are as a person. Seems to me that this character is struggling with that very concept. Should he change who he is and what he wants and believes he is worth in order to hold on to someone he loves. It hurts like a lemon juice on a open sore followed by salt but once you slide away from who you truly are then all is doomed to a slow death unless you can regain that which makes you...you. One cannot be truly happy unless they are true to who they are and can embrace that fully.

 

Ok, now that I have not just stepped up on my soap box but instead jumped on it and created bubbles galore I will step off and try to find my way around all the bubbles without them burning my eyes blush1.gif . Great piece with great emotion and very thought provoking. I'm not sure if that is really what you intended but I suppose every reader brings something a little different out of each story.

It's a type of dramatic monologue. I was definitely trying to provoke thought and commentary from readers. I deliberately chose such a controversial topic like cheating because it such an emotional subject. There's always more than one side to any situation, but something like a betrayal of trust/love makes it quite a bit more visceral. Most people say, "I'd never be with a cheater!" but love, time, and other factors often make that decision not quite so clear cut. Yet, how then does the party cheated up rationalize and absorb that betrayal? What blow does it rend to their psyche, and can they truly recover from it?

 

Anyway, you did exactly what I wanted, you responded with great thought and feeling on the question I left posed at the end of the story. Thanks so much, Clockwork!

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Balance what is balance?. Is it a choice? If so a choice between what? To be alone missing your other half, but then you found it once who says you won't find it again? Or should the choice be us, but then us is more than you and him isn't it. It would be you, him and her. She was with him when you first seen him, again before you moved in together and is still with her now

I can't tell you what to chose for you but if I were in that position I would chose me.

Probably not quite what you were expecting as a review but it made me think. I always was one to think outside the lines. :thumbup:

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There is no thinking about it for me. LEAVE with the knowledge that I had loved and lost, but chose to be good to me!!! I deserve nothing less than the best and all that someone has to offer, not the left overs. Eventually, it would be the same scenario over and over again. I would see them out together and be heart broken, come home and get all emotional and he would come in and tell me he loved me and I would cave and stay.

 

No one deserves second best or second place. I've been second place in a relationship and know how it feels. Never again!!! Maybe that's why I have been single for the last 20+ years and, at the age of 50, will probably be single until I leave this earth.

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On 09/26/2013 03:24 AM, Gene63 said:
There is no thinking about it for me. LEAVE with the knowledge that I had loved and lost, but chose to be good to me!!! I deserve nothing less than the best and all that someone has to offer, not the left overs. Eventually, it would be the same scenario over and over again. I would see them out together and be heart broken, come home and get all emotional and he would come in and tell me he loved me and I would cave and stay.

 

No one deserves second best or second place. I've been second place in a relationship and know how it feels. Never again!!! Maybe that's why I have been single for the last 20+ years and, at the age of 50, will probably be single until I leave this earth.

50 is not the end of the dating pool or anything, you know. My in-laws split and found new people in their late 50s. They are heteros, but still. :) Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on Balance, Gene, this story triggers a lot of strong thoughtful reactions from many people.
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I don't think the decision can be made without knowing why Brandon is still seeing his girlfriend. If he does it for sex or to hide his gay side, it's one thing. Then the problem is mainly the dishonesty (not that it's not bad enough). If he loves her and plans to marry her and have children with her, that's something quite different. Nothing can survive that.

Right now they are living together and Brandon seems to fulfill every dream. So he has to ask himself whether he would be prepared to let Bran be with this girl on the side, if everything else was his. Maybe the real thrill for Bran is the secrecy and bad boy image of having an affair. If it was treated as his silly little habit, sort of going bowling once a week, it might lose the attraction.

Sort of "I'm off to see my mistress." "OK hon, have fun, but don't forget to be safe. And take a shower before you come home, I hate it when you smell of her cheap perfume. And remeber when you're back, I get to tap that bad boy ass of yours." :lol:

To be serious he may be able to find balance, but not without honesty. So that's the price Brandon will have to pay: no more lying or cheating (as in pretending he's faithful). And that means telling his girlfriend the truth too. It may not be enough to seal the bargain, but they could try. And at least if Brandon refused to do it, it would expose where his priority is. That would prevent more loss of pride and self-esteem.

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On 04/02/2013 11:09 AM, Daithi said:
Balance what is balance?. Is it a choice? If so a choice between what? To be alone missing your other half, but then you found it once who says you won't find it again? Or should the choice be us, but then us is more than you and him isn't it. It would be you, him and her. She was with him when you first seen him, again before you moved in together and is still with her now

I can't tell you what to chose for you but if I were in that position I would chose me.

Probably not quite what you were expecting as a review but it made me think. I always was one to think outside the lines. :thumbup:

Wow, talk about an OLD review I missed. Thanks so much for your thoughts on Balance, Daithi. That's the thing with this story, it inspired so much dialogue from readers. I love to hear different takes on the theme. Sorry it took me so long to get back to you!
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On 02/23/2014 05:29 AM, Timothy M. said:
I don't think the decision can be made without knowing why Brandon is still seeing his girlfriend. If he does it for sex or to hide his gay side, it's one thing. Then the problem is mainly the dishonesty (not that it's not bad enough). If he loves her and plans to marry her and have children with her, that's something quite different. Nothing can survive that.

Right now they are living together and Brandon seems to fulfill every dream. So he has to ask himself whether he would be prepared to let Bran be with this girl on the side, if everything else was his. Maybe the real thrill for Bran is the secrecy and bad boy image of having an affair. If it was treated as his silly little habit, sort of going bowling once a week, it might lose the attraction.

Sort of "I'm off to see my mistress." "OK hon, have fun, but don't forget to be safe. And take a shower before you come home, I hate it when you smell of her cheap perfume. And remeber when you're back, I get to tap that bad boy ass of yours." :lol:

To be serious he may be able to find balance, but not without honesty. So that's the price Brandon will have to pay: no more lying or cheating (as in pretending he's faithful). And that means telling his girlfriend the truth too. It may not be enough to seal the bargain, but they could try. And at least if Brandon refused to do it, it would expose where his priority is. That would prevent more loss of pride and self-esteem.

See, this story inspires so many different viewpoints. I love to read when people think about the story, how the character's feel, and then relate it to their own morals and thoughts if they were in place of the characters. I never expected so much feedback. Thanks so much for all the reviews, hun!
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Very thought provoking. For me, it's a black and white decision - you leave. A couple has the right to define the terms of their relationship - open, closed or somewhere in between. Brandon clearly takes advantage, never bringing up his indiscretions because, clearly, his other half doesn't believe in sharing. In that case, there can be no trust.

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On 01/22/2015 05:14 AM, Dabeagle said:
Very thought provoking. For me, it's a black and white decision - you leave. A couple has the right to define the terms of their relationship - open, closed or somewhere in between. Brandon clearly takes advantage, never bringing up his indiscretions because, clearly, his other half doesn't believe in sharing. In that case, there can be no trust.
I agree. The foundation of a relationship is twofold: trust and communication. But, when you're with someone long enough to feel like you're not yourself if you're not with them... I can see that making it hard to decide. There are so many aspects of a situation, unless you're in it, I think it is very difficult to say how you would or wouldn't react. Thanks for the review, Dabeagle.
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