Bonds Unbroken - 10. Chapter 10

I woke up lying on my stomach. I could feel pain radiating from my wings and back and I tried to stay motionless until I figured out where I was. A pillow was cushioning my head from the mattress and it felt like a soft sheet was pulled up to my waist.

The only scents I could smell were mine and Natham's. It felt like my bed at home but the last thing I remembered was being on the cold concrete floor of the warehouse with Carthera surrounding me. I wasn't sure if I could trust my senses. I wasn't sure if I could trust anything like I once had.

"Velaku?" a voice whispered in my ear, pushing my hair back from my eyes. I flinched away.

"Can you open your eyes and look at me? We're safe. You're hurt, but not too bad. Just don't move until the doctor can get here."

I shook a little.

I pulled in a deep breath.

I could smell his warm scent just inches away, a bit of the musky scent of a cat and the comforting scent of my mate. I could still smell a hint of blood but not the heavy blanketing scent from before.

He spoke again, "Trust me."

I squinted my eyes shut tight and drew in a big breath. As I let it out, I opened my eyes to look into deep brown pools so dark they looked black overshadowed by strong eyebrows drawn down in worry. "There you are," he said, relieved. His full lips curved up in a smile.

"I was somewhere else?" I said hoarsely. My throat was sore and I couldn't speak above a whisper. I touched it and then grimaced as I tried to swallow.

"Here, have a sip." Natham held out a cup of water with a straw. I lifted my head and took a few small sips of the lukewarm water, wincing as muscles pulled in my back as I moved. "Is that better?" he asked.

I whimpered as I finally swallowed. My throat felt raw. "What happened to my throat?" I asked.

"You... you've had some nightmares since we were rescued. You kept screaming." He looked distressed and tears glistened in his eyes. I put my hand on his cheek, shuddering as I felt his warm flesh and knew he was really with me and alive.

I remembered my dreams; just as I always had. Images of him being tortured, being eaten before my eyes even as I was slowly devoured bite by bite; watching as he was tortured by the sadistic Snake with whips and canes. Seeing his violation and experiencing mine over and over. They flashed through my mind again and I shuddered. With images like that in my head, I wasn't surprised I was screaming though I resented the fact it didn't wake me from the nightmares as it usually did.

Tears began to spill down my cheeks and I sniffled."I'm sorry."

He pulled me gently toward him and cradled my head in his neck, just under his chin. "Shhh, don't be sorry, love. Don't be sorry." I could feel the deep breaths he took and the hot tears that fell to mingle with mine as we cried together. We cried in guilt, in sorrow, and in relief.

Somehow we had come out of this together. I could feel his breath easing out and his body going lax just as my eyes closed and I fell asleep with his arms still cradling me.

                                                                   ***

We slept for an unknown length of time, the darkness of my room competed with the darkness in my dreams as my eyes snapped open. The sound of my door opening and a male voice startled me from the ever present nightmares. I was instantly awake and reacting to what I felt like a threat.

But instead of attacking, I shrieked and attempted to fly backward off the bed. My instinct was to put the wall to my back and hide.

"What? What is it?" Natham said in alarm. His voice was thick with sleep.

My shriek coupled with my sudden lunge away from him had woken Natham. He looked around to see what had scared me, his cat eyes shining a yellow green in the darkness. I let out a strangled sound as my wings shifted against my back as I half jumped and half fell off the bed.

"Oh gods," I gasped. I hadn't felt the cuts in my legs earlier but I could now. It felt like blood was dripping down my thighs.

"Velaku!" my mother cried.

I didn't look up when the light was flicked on. The lamps on the nightstands would cast enough light to see by, shining off the polished stone walls of my room. I hid my face against the bed; in pain and too afraid to move. I wept silent tears, my shoulders trembling. I'd been dreaming of my father. I had a nightmare and he was sitting in my room, comforting me as I huddled into his warm strength. Then he was ripped away by a sadistic man with a mocking laugh.

I knew I was awake but I missed my father's comfort fiercely and without his strength I huddled on the floor like a small fledgling, unable to overcome the tremors I still shook with.

I felt hands on me and I jerked away, shoving against the corner between the nightstand and the wall. I whimpered at the pain but didn't move. I stared at the people in the room wide eyed, tears still hanging on my eyelashes. Natham was crouched on the edge of the bed, Dr. Pannar was standing by the door and my mother was on her knees on the blue and white rug she'd made me that looked like the sky.

She had one hand over her mouth and tears were streaming down her face. She had been the one to try and put her arms around me. I ignored the arm still outstretched toward me. I kept looking back and forth between all of them, unable to calm down even though no one was trying to touch me anymore. My mother's arm slowly lowered and I watched the way her talons dug into the fabric of the rug.

Natham shifted and I was instantly aware of him but he didn't come any closer to me. He sat back on the bed but held out one hand.

"Velaku," Natham said softly, "it's okay. We're home." I stared at him blankly. "Come up here to me, you're fine now, it's safe. Let me hold you."

I licked my lips and tasted blood. One side of my bottom lip stung. I must have bitten it earlier. I flicked my gaze between Dr. Pannar and my mother. I leaned past the nightstand and looked up at Natham. He smiled gently at me and I reached for his hand. His dark eyes promised love and safety.

I knew he would keep me safe. I could feel my whole body yearning for my mate. He represented the comfort my body wanted even if my mind wasn't quite able to accept it yet. I whimpered as I slowly stretched up and climbed back into the bed with my mate.

Natham scooted back, leaning up against the curved wood headboard, his abused back supported on several soft pillows, though I had no idea how he stood the contact with the cuts and bruises. He let me hide my head in his lap as I stretched out on my stomach to lie draped across his legs. He stroked my blond curls as I took a few minutes to calm myself. I soaked in the comfort of his aura. Finally letting out the last of the tension in my muscles, I turned my head to look up at him as I laid a gentle kiss on his thigh.

He smiled tenderly at me, a gentle purr vibrating his body.

Dr. Pannar cleared his throat from where he stood watching by the door. "I came to check on your injuries." He set down a black doctor’s bag on my nightstand. "Can I touch you Velaku?" he asked politely.

I nodded and tried to hold still as he touched and moved my wings. I broke into a sweat from the pain and grit my teeth to hold in the moan when he manipulated a particularly sore area near the buds they grew out on my back. Natham murmured soft words to me in a crooning monotone that I allowed to fill my ears and distract my mind.

He suggested my mother leave the room for the worst part; the numbing shot and the stitches he put in my back and thighs were painful but it was humiliating when he checked my groin and penis for damage from the leopard's claws.

I stayed motionless, Natham stroking my hair, when the doctor placed a sheet over me.

"You will be fine with some rest," he said softly. "Your body needs fuel so try to eat. After the wounds seal the stitches will dissolve. It should only take a day; you may take a warm shower after that, the water will be good on your bruised muscles." The doctor paused before he left.

"I'm glad you are alright," he said, "both of you."

I could hear my mother thanking him as she led him out the door. Natham shifted his body to lie down on his side. He gently drew me back into his arms. I buried my face in his chest, breathing in his scent until we drifted back to sleep.

                                                                     ***

The next few days I was quiet as my body healed. I knew I was confusing Natham and my mother but my mind was still in the warehouse. I woke in terror every time I fell asleep; dreaming the worst even though I knew the danger was past. For the first time, the pain and terror in my nightmares was solely my own but that didn't make them any easier to bear.

I didn't join back in with the Jintue practice after my wings recovered, though Natham did under Dorvan's supervision. He seemed to enjoy his workouts, coming back to the eyrie from the practice field sweaty and calm. I worked in my office, going over the paperwork and the petitions sent to me as head of the clans. My father's death had slowed the tide but nothing could stop it. The Convocation where I would be confirmed as leader was coming just over a month.I'd already had the leaders of the clan send envoys pledging their loyalty so it was formality but there was a lot to prepare.

I had plenty of excuses for my preoccupation. Or so I thought.

It was about two weeks after we were rescued when Natham confronted me after dinner.

He walked into my office just after I got off the phone with Cavel, the leader of the Jaguar clan in my territory. He pushed my chair back from the desk, leaning over me and nuzzling against my head with his cheek.

"Can we talk?" he asked. He sat on the edge of my desk as he captured my hand, his claws gently extending and kneading my palm. I started to feel nervous.

"Sure," I said.

"Not here," Natham said slowly. He stood up, tugging on my arm as he led me toward our bedroom. I resisted a little, balking at the idea of both of us in there, awake, at the same time. I had been going to bed late each night, waiting until after Natham had curled up into bed and dozed off. He relished the soft bed just as much as I did and I enjoyed sleeping cuddled in his arms.

But I was fighting to be the man my father had been, I was dedicated to my people and making sure they had strong leadership and a safe territory to live in. I had to stay focused.

"Please?" Natham looked at me with his dark eyes smoldering. I could feel my heart hammering but I gave in, following him as he purred in pleasure at his victory. It wasn't until he tried to tow me over to the bed that I pulled my hand from his and took a step backward. He looked at me, clearly unhappy as he sat on the edge of the bed.

I stretched my wings out and shook them, trying to ease the tension in my back. The silence was deafening in all that Natham wasn't saying. "You wanted to talk?" I said finally as he stared at me.

"Not so much wanted to. I think we need to though." His solemn voice calmed me. Maybe I had misjudged his intentions with the bed.

"About what?"

"Us," he said simply.

I panicked, my heart rate doubling as it raced. "Us?" I asked unsteadily.

He answered my question with one of his own. "Why are you resisting our mating?"

"I... uh... I," I stammered.

"You don't touch me unless you think I'm asleep, you don't kiss me first. If we are alone together you are nervous and make excuses to leave as soon as possible. You're avoiding any talk of us and our future." He pulled his knees up as he sat back on the bed, resting his chin on his knees. His dark eyes looked shiny, as if he held back tears.

"You know that's not true. I talk about the future all the time."

"The future of the clans," he pointed out. "Not our future, OURS together."

I shook my head, my mouth dry. I glanced at the door and then back at Natham, edging backwards just a tiny bit.

His eyes closed and his shoulders slumped.

"I'm sorry I'm not bird clan like you, that I can never be one of your Falcons. I know I'm not what you wanted, but I'm trying hard to fit in with your clan, to learn to fight with you if you'd ever practice with me. Your mother has been very good to me. I have been patient but I don't know what else I can do to prove I am worthy of being your mate."

Natham's voice was broken and he ducked his head into his arm, subtly wiping at his eyes.

I was shocked. Natham thought he wasn't good enough for me?

"I know you probably dreamed of meeting your mate, another Falcon like you. The blood bond ceremony is something we can't share. I have no clan to sing for me and you already have your wings. I wish I could take a First Flight with you but I will never be able to join you in the sky. I'm can't be the mate you thought you would have and I'm sorry."

"No!" I said sharply.

He jumped at the sudden crack of my voice and flinched backward. I made an effort to calm myself. This wasn't right and I couldn't let him go on thinking for one minute that he wasn't more than good enough for me.

"You are more than I could have ever dreamed of in a mate," I said softly. Natham shook his head, still hiding his face.

"You are," I insisted. "I never thought that you would believe that you were anything but a dream come true for me. If I could have asked the gods for a mate, everything that makes you who you are would be in my prayer. You are brave and strong, protective and loving. Your smile makes others around you trust you naturally and when I see you stalk across a room toward me the want I feel is so strong I lose my breath. I could never have imagined wanting anyone as much as I want you."

Natham was peering over his arm at me, rubbing his chin back and forth in an unconscious denial. "Then why? Why haven't we finished our bond? I spoke with the elders of the clan leader to the East. Their leader is Bear clan. They have long histories, mostly oral. One elder remember a tale of a cross-species mating.

"No one has ever heard of a bond like ours but she said that we had to join before we could finish our bond."

I blushed. I had spoken with them too, but my question had been if we could dissolve the bond, since it wasn't complete. The same elder had reminded me that all mated pairs were intimate after their bonding ceremony. It was like a human marriage and then we had our own version of a honeymoon. I wanted that more than anything, but...

I was the one shaking now; afraid of what he would think, afraid that he would judge me unworthy. I looked at the vulnerability in his eyes, knowing he had opened his soul to me and I could do no less.

"I failed," I said finally.

He stared at me, his head tilted. "Failed?"

"To save you, save us. Your fa..." I stopped when I saw him flinch, "that man took me down with hardly a blink of his eye. He held a knife to your throat and when I tried to protect my mate I was unable to even save myself. He... He took a bite out of me, ate my flesh. The pain and horror," I shook, my voice breaking as I let out a sob.

My legs gave out, my knees hitting the stone with a sharp crack. I buried my hands in the rug in front of me, stabbing my talons in the fabric as I tried to hold on to it, to ground myself in reality and not in that memory that still haunted me. I gasped and coughed, struggling to draw a breath as the sobs grew worse. Natham was out of the bed with a flash and kneeling in front of me. He captured my eyes with his as he reached for one of my hands.

The rug tore but he managed to untangle it from my hand. I was too lost to try and pull away.

He pulled me forward, putting my palm flat on his chest and our foreheads together. "Breathe, Velaku," he said softly, "feel my breath, smell my scent. I am here, we're alone and there is no one else. Breathe."

I managed a small breath in, the warm musk of cat a soothing undertone to Natham's natural scent. This was the scent that covered my bedding. I carried it myself, every time he chin and cheek marked me when we came close during the day to reinforce his claim. It meant safety, comfort, and far more than I was comfortable with, attraction.

I stayed on my knees, focusing on his heartbeat under my palm. I longed to crawl into his arms and hide there but I couldn't. Not yet. When I calmed I gave him a small nod, leaning back though I didn't let go of his hand. I would give him honesty and maybe, just maybe, he would accept that his mate was a failure.

"I froze in battle," I said, looking down in shame.

"What?" Natham looked confused. He shook his head. "I don't understand."

"When he... when he said he was going to eat me I didn't think about you or fighting back. I froze. I did the worst thing any fighter can do and I gave up mentally and he bested me. I was weak. You didn't give up that easily, at a single small wound like I did.

"Over your life, you endured repeated abuse and even outright torture and when I saw you under that Snake's whip your first thought was not of yourself, it was of me getting away. You are worth more than I am able to give you." I fell silent. I had nothing left to say, the truth now laid bare between us in all its ugly harshness.

"Velaku," Natham said chidingly, "oh Velaku, what will I do with you? You've judged yourself so harshly. I see a brave man who fought against overwhelming odds not just to save himself but to save me. There is nothing you went through that was less than what I experienced. We were both tortured and brutalized in ways that no one should ever have to live through."

He paused.

"But we did live, we survived. We're here and they are gone. You killed a lot of them with your bare hands and a few small weapons. You used your cunning and your skills to get us to a point where we could be saved. If I had been locked in that room with... with that Snake," Natham shook his head. "I would have died the second he heard the fight when Natham showed up. Before that I would have endured violations that would have made me welcome that death." It was Natham's turn to shudder.

I looked up suddenly. "That doesn't matter!" I said fiercely. "That's not anything I would ever think less of you for!" I needed him to know that I was sincere. "The things they did... what happened when you were tied down and helpless is not a shame you bear."

"You saved me that," Natham said. "You. You saved me that." He stared into my eyes.

"They tried to with... but he didn't..." I stammered.

"No," he said firmly. "But if they had, or anything had happened to you, it wouldn't matter to me either."

I didn't know if I could believe him, but when he leaned forward and kissed me I stopped thinking, stopped worrying. I had laid out my inadequacies before him and he had swept them aside. He had trusted me with caring for his soul and I hadn't returned that trust. I had failed him these past weeks; I would not fail him again.

I straightened my fingers, sliding the sharp edges of my talons slowly, inch by inch, down the front of his shirt. The cloth tore with a soft sound that was drowned out by the quiet moans as I felt his slightly rough tongue licking at my lips. I opened my mouth as I pushed the sides his shirt apart and he shrugged it off his shoulders. I slid my hands up his chest, fingertips tracing the strong muscles to slide around his neck. I inched closer as my fingers played with the strong column of his neck.

His tongue swirled and rolled in my mouth, caressing me even as I wrapped my wings around his bare back to stroke his soft skin.

Finally needing to breathe, I pulled back with a strangled whimper to meet my mate's eyes. They were filled with love and lust. I knew the same was shining back at him from my eyes. I took a shaky breath and said what I really felt.

"I want you. I think I have since the first moment we met. I knew when you caught me in the hall at the high school that I felt something for you. I know what that is now. It's more than that, more than the attraction of my mate.

"I love you."

His hands clenched in my shirt and I stroked his back with my wings, making him shudder.

"The wanting hasn't gone away though. If anything I want you more. Tonight and forever. I want our bond complete and I want you to make me your mate."