The Difference A Year Makes - 1. Story

"Nice bracelet."

The customer smirked at the pink, blue, green, and purple circle around my wrist. I nodded without looking at it or him. It was a gift from my daughter and I wasn’t willing to talk about it, especially today, and definitely not to someone who was being such an ass.

"Here is the invoice for the repairs. If you'll just sign it on the line at the bottom." I slid it across the counter with a small feeling of satisfaction. The total at the bottom was an eye-popping amount, just what he deserved for not knowing how to shift his foreign made status symbol properly and frying the clutch.

The grimace on his face as he handed me a credit card and signed the slip I passed back was even better. I was in a black mood already and having to come into work for his petty bullshit was enough to almost make me forget I was a business owner. I wanted this done and him gone. Dylan was waiting for me in my office while I dealt with this schmuck who tried to question the integrity of my manager and my garage. Honestly, I’d rather do without his type of business, even though I bet he would need more work done on his baby real soon.

The bracelet crack was just his parting attempt to get back at me after I threatened to just take the new clutch off his car and let him tow it away if he didn't pay up. He was pissed but he paid. Dealing with dickheads was a part of my job that I hated but it was the cost of being the owner of my own business. I had to take the bad with the good.

And if I hated to admit it there was some small good to the situation with Mr. Attitude. Delaying what I really wished wasn't my duty for the day was actually a blessing in disguise. I was dressed in black slacks, a button down shirt and dress shoes, not because I didn't do the day to day dirty work in the garage as owner, because I did. I was cleaned up because I was heading to the cemetery as soon as I was finished with the customer Danny hadn't been able to handle.

I didn't really want to face what the day meant; my first year as a single dad, the anniversary of the day my life came to a screeching halt. A patch of ice, a car crossing the center line, and in one split second of wrong place-wrong time, my wife and daughter were gone. Falling to my knees, holding Dylan as I found out, I thanked god that by a fluke teething fever he was with me at the garage rather than out Christmas shopping with them. At the same time I was cursing God and sobbing because we were now all alone. The girls that meant the most to me in the world were never coming back.

Danny had dropped to his knees beside me and wrapped us up in his strong arms. He was my anchor that day, just as he had been since we met as teenagers. He helped me plan a double service for my wife and daughter and stood by me as I laid the other half of my family to rest. The comforting grip around my shoulder and the squirming child I had held in my arms had been the only things that kept me from falling onto the pair of polished oak caskets and sobbing. I was a wreck for weeks afterward. Danny kept the garage going and checked on me every night.

He brought me casseroles his wife made and stayed to make sure I ate some of them. He held Dylan and me as I broke down, offering me a shoulder to cry on. He was the best friend any man could have. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do for Danny in return.

"I'm really sorry I had to call you in today, Cole. That guy was threatening to call his lawyer and I was losing my temper with his bullshit."

"That's okay. It's fine." Danny just looked at me. "Really! I know you thought I should take the day off and I even agree, it's just..."

"Not easy," he finished for me. He reached up and squeezed my shoulder.

I nodded with a frown. “Yeah. That and more.” I rubbed my neck; I was so tense it hurt.

Danny looked over at the repair schedule. “Do you want me to go with you? I could take my lunch early and close the garage,” he offered.

I shook my head. “I think Dylan and I need to do this by ourselves. Or at least I do. A toddler isn’t going to understand but I need him there with me.”

“He’s your family, I understand.” Danny looked down, shuffling some parts catalogs.

“You’re my family too, it’s just…” I just couldn’t explain exactly how I felt, not even to myself.

Danny gave me a hug. “You don’t have to try and explain. Go get Dylan and do what you need to do.”

I could hear Dylan gurgling in his playpen in my office. His happy sounds and the rattling noises meant he had gotten hold of Mr. Bendy, his flexible plastic rattle that looked like an orange alien. It was his favorite toy and he loved it. That sound was a balm to my frazzled nerves. Without him to look after I probably wouldn’t have been able to pull myself together when my world shattered. But my baby was my world now. I worked to provide for him and I spent every moment I wasn't working caring for him. Unable to delay any longer, I headed toward my office.

“Oh hey, before I forgot, I’ll come by with dinner tonight. Lisa threw a casserole together and taped some reheating directions on it. I’ll run home to clean up and then bring it over around six.”

I turned around in the doorway to my office and looked at Danny. “Yeah, sounds good. I don’t think I’m going to be up to much cooking tonight. I don’t think I’ll be much company for you guys though.”

“Actually it will just be me and you’d be doing me a favor. Lisa is going to her mom’s house for dinner. Spending extra time around my mother-in-law around the holidays?” Danny shuddered with an exaggerated look of horror on his face.

I shook my head with a wry smile. Danny and his mother-in-law didn't exactly see eye to eye. She always thought her daughter should have married a lawyer or doctor. Lisa loved her mother though and Danny adored Lisa so he put up with her mother's attitude. For the most part.

“Alright, you can hide out at my place. Now get back to work before I dock your pay!”

Danny arched an eyebrow at me. “Yeah right, boss.”

He flipped me off as he turned to walk back in the shop. I walked into my office smiling and shaking my head. Dylan saw me and grinned.

“Daddy!”

I loved it when he said that. I bent over and picked him up out of his playpen. “Hey buddy, that’s right, I’m Daddy.” I kissed his dimpled cheeks and snuggled him into my chest, closing my eyes. He was an amazing blend of his mother and me. He got her blond curls and full lips, plus her sunny disposition. He had my bright blue eyes and dimples though. Sometimes looking at him made me sad but for the most part I was just thankful that some part of her was still in the world with me.

I struggled to put his waving arms into his coat and then buckled him into his car seat as he babbled at his toys. I pulled out cautiously into the light traffic that ran in front of C&B Auto Repair. Owning a garage had always been my dream and Bethany had supported me when we finally saved the money to start it. It had only been open about two years when I lost her. The last year the garage had taken a lot of my time which made juggling childcare with Dylan hard sometimes, but I was lucky to have several very sympathetic women neighbors. Sometimes too sympathetic, but I had walked the fine line so far between friends and more than friends.

Danny had picked up a lot of slack too, always there when I needed him. It was close to the holidays, maybe I should think of a bonus for him and the other two guys I had working for me. They deserved it. I kept my mind firmly on the garage as I made my way to the cemetery. My knuckles were white on the steering wheel as I drove slowly and carefully, chewing on my lip the whole way.

I had been here before of course. I came once a month to lay flowers and make sure the stones were tended but this was the anniversary of the worst day of my life; this was different. This morning exactly one year ago I woke up and made love to my wife. We had breakfast as a family and I kissed her and my daughter goodbye before they walked out the door and pulled down the snowy drive for the last time.

This morning I woke up to a cold empty bed; tears streaming from my eyes as I buried my face in my pillow and wished that the last year was just a bad dream. My pillow was soaked when the sobs finally eased. The horrible feeling that nothing was quite real filled me through breakfast, a cup of bitter coffee and cheerios for Dylan.

It still hadn’t gone away.

I could feel the trickle of tears already falling down my cheeks as I pulled through the black wrought iron gates of the Vernon Cemetery. I slowly drove along the winding road and parked closest to their graves. As I was getting out of the car an icy wind blew through my coat; I shivered and hurriedly buttoned it. Pulling Dylan out of his car seat I tucked his hat down closer over his ears and wrapped his chubby little body in a blanket. Bethany would never have forgiven me if I let him get chilled.

We made our way slowly across the dead grass, bouquets of hothouse lilies held in my free hand where Dylan couldn't mangle them. Coming to a stop, I stared at the black marble slabs that bore my loved one’s names. Bethany Nicole Betters, Beloved Wife and Mother; Marissa Eleanor Betters, Beloved Daughter and Sister. The dates stared back at me; May 14th, 1984-December 4th, 2009.

My wife was just 25 years old, a young mother who would never watch her son grow to a man. March 27th, 2005-December 4th, 2009; my darling daughter, precocious and always full of joy. She would never go to school, have her first kiss, or hold my arm as I walked her down the aisle on her wedding day.

I gently laid down my burden of flowers on each grave. The numbness that had been blanketing me fell away as I fell slowly to my knees; Dylan sleepily snuggled into my chest. I cried as I talked to the cold stone, pouring out my love and sorrow. I smiled through my tears and told them of Dylan and how he had grown. I promised that I would never forget them, that Dylan would never forget the mother and sister he lost.

He sat still in my arms, one hand buried under the blanket to rest on my neck, connected to me as if to remind me of the fact that we still lived and had to go on. Unwillingly, I just stood up and kissed my hand, pressing it to each tombstone as I said goodbye to my girls yet again. Tears coursed down my cheeks in freezing trails that I didn't bother to wipe away.

It was time to go.

"I'll always take care of him Bethany, just as I know you will always take care of Marissa. I love you both.”

I held back a sob, biting my lip. “Goodbye."

I didn’t look back.

My hands shook a little as I buckled Dylan back into his seat. I sat with the heater running full blast for a few minutes to thaw my frozen hands. Taking a deep breath, I put my car in gear and eased onto the road and back out. I was still crying but I felt a deep sense of relief and peace. This day would never get easier but I was here, Dylan was here, and we would be okay together.

We had almost made it home when a street light changed quicker than the car in front of me expected it to. They slammed on their brakes and fishtailed in the road before coming to a stop just over the line. I always gave plenty of room so I was able to come to a controlled stop but horror filled me when I looked in my rearview mirror.

A blue mid-size SUV was barreling toward us at what seemed like a high rate of speed. I could even see the panic on the man's face behind the wheel as he got closer and closer, his brakes squealing as his tires locked and slid on the slick ground. I braced myself, waiting for the crunch and screech of metal on metal. All I could see after that brief look was the memory of the police coming to my office door at the garage, a resigned look on their faces as if they were all too used to giving bad news.

'I’m sorry Bethany,' I thought, 'I just promised to protect Dylan. No, it's not his time yet!' I thrust between the front seats into the backseat but I was unable to reach my sleeping toddler.

"No, no, no..." I didn't realize I was speaking out loud until I felt the impact that pushed my smaller four door sedan into the car in front of me. I felt the momentum of the car as it shoved me forward in my seat belt to crash into the steering wheel and dashboard before my body whipped backward to slam into my seat. I grunted in pain, still locked into a moment I remembered over and over in my nightmares. I didn't feel my car come to a stop or hear Dylan screaming until I felt my door wrenched open and heard a frantic voice cut through the fog clouding my mind.

"Oh my god! Are you okay? Stay still, don't move. I called 911."

I gasped as hands running over my neck and shoulders brought me back to the present. I had no idea what he said; I heard the words but they made no sense. What I did hear were the frantic cries of my son from the backseat. I wrenched my seat belt off and shoved the man out of my way as I got out of my open door. I scrambled around the car, almost skating on the packed snow. I was panting as I tried to pry open the jammed back door behind the driver seat.

"Hey! Sit back down. You need to stay still, you could be hurt."

Hands were on my shoulders, gently pulling at me but I shrugged them off. I looked at the front of my car buried in the back of the car in front of me and a woman talking on a phone in the driver’s seat. I couldn't go that way. There was a gap behind my car where the left side of the trunk and car was crumpled and the SUV had bounced back. I headed that way, breaking the grip on me with ease. I didn't see the look of shock on the man's face or hear the approaching sirens; I had to get to Dylan.

His door opened easily, the frame of the car held intact as it was meant to. The side impact air bags had inflated but his seat had been locked into the latch system as well as the seat belt and was still tight in place. His five point harness was still securely buckled exactly where it belonged and there was no blood on him that I could see.

"Shh, baby, shh... Daddy's here, shh…" I touched his face gently, trying to get him to stop crying. His arms were waving at me frantically, I knew he wanted to be picked up but I had enough wits about me to know he needed to be checked out by the paramedics first. I fell to my knees onto the hard ground, half in and half out of the car. I crooned brokenly to Dylan and letting him clutch one of my hands as I gently strokes his face with the other. I could sense someone behind me but ignored them; my son was my only focus.

It was the cool blue nitrile of the paramedic’s gloves turning my face toward them that finally broke into my zoned out mind. Dylan was still whimpering but even that was quieter as he calmed. I was panting in between my comforting murmurs but I ignored that.

"Sir, let us get in to see him, please."

I nodded, stumbling backward when I stood up. Hard hands caught me by the shoulders and pulled me into a firm chest before I could fall. I shuddered and then moaned when sharp pain burst through my fog, almost like glass grinding in my chest as I tried to breathe.

"I think you need that other ambulance there." I resisted the attempts of those hands to move me when I heard Dylan screaming for his daddy as the paramedic ran her fingers over his head and neck, talking to her partner who was writing things on a clipboard.

"It's okay, you can still see him, they are just over here, only a few steps away. You need to be checked out so you can take care of him, right? Let them do their job."

I finally let the man draw me away, leaning into his hands as I began to realize how much my chest hurt and how hard it was to breathe. The man hovered over me as the paramedic checked my pulse and listened to my chest. The way I was breathing was apparently a tip off to him right away.

"I'm pretty sure you have at least one broken rib, sir. Breathe as you slowly as you can, this is just oxygen.” He put a mask over my face. “Now, does your neck hurt?”

I shook my head.

“Good. Go ahead and nod or shake your head but try not to talk. I also need you to try and keep your torso really still for me. I'm going to cut off your shirt now." I did as he asked, struggling to breathe through the mask they had put over my mouth and nose. The air was cold on the bare skin of my chest as I sat in the back of the open ambulance.

The police arrived and began to talk to the man who was watching me almost as closely as I was watching Dylan. I realized then who he was; his face had been the one I saw in my rear view mirror right before his car plowed into mine. I tried to summon anger but I couldn't; I was too relieved that Dylan seemed okay. My body was hurt but I knew I wasn't going anywhere, fate had not struck my family twice, and I could only feel relief at our escape.

The man was earnestly answering the cop's questions, taking full blame for hitting me and then pushing my car into the one in front. I was a little surprised at that. He was rubbing his neck a little but otherwise seemed unharmed. The other paramedic had checked him out but he said he felt fine and told him to go check out the female driver of the car in front of me. Then they started to remove Dylan from the car and I was too busy watching them take Dylan out of the car to focus on anything else though.

They set him on a waiting gurney, checking his limbs and back. Grabbing his blanket from the backseat the female paramedic wrapped him up and brought him over so I could see him. "It looks like he's just fine. You had his car seat set up perfectly. I wish all parents were as conscientious as you."

"Oh thank god." I sagged in relief, no longer able to really hold myself up; the fear swamping me disappeared and now all I was aware of was the pain.

"Whoa there, Dad. Let's get you to the hospital for some x-rays before you puncture a lung." The paramedics helped me climb carefully into the back of the ambulance. "Officers." The cops turned to face them. "We're taking them into Peyton Memorial, if you need to get Mr. Betters for anything further."

"Thanks, we'll be along in a little while for your statement." One officer was filling out a report with the male driver while the other came over to my ambulance before they shut the doors.

"We usually call out Ace towing to accidents unless you have another preference. I will bring the paperwork with us when we come to the hospital."

"Thanks. Ace is fine," I panted, "I know Carl. Tell him he can tow the cars to my garage, will you?"

"Your garage?"

"C&B Auto Repair. I own it." I was panting harder now as my chest felt tighter. I was more focused on Dylan’s little fingers wrapped around my finger as I sat on the gurney than on the officer's questions.

"Alright you, enough talking. Time to go." The driver shut the doors and we headed off to the hospital. I winced as every pothole jarred my body causing sharp pain in my ribs. I moaned as we hit one right in front of the hospital. Getting out was even harder than getting in but I was soon on a gurney being wheeled to x-ray.

It was confirmed; I had 2 broken ribs and some bruising on my lungs. The ribs were just cracked though, not splintered or in danger of damaging my lungs.

"You're going to be sore for a while and lifting your son is probably not a good idea, it would probably be better to let your wife do that. Do you want us to call her or another family member?" The doctor treating me was older with a kind face, he meant well. It’s not his fault I was still wearing my wedding ring and he made a perfectly reasonable assumption.

"She... She's gone. She died a year ago." I hadn't cried after the SUV crashed into us but remembering what day it was and the loss it represented hit me again, breaking through my shock. I squeezed my eyes shut as tears fell. I drew in a shuddering breath and winced at the pain in my ribs. I grunted and pressed on the bandages.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Is there someone else we could call? I really don't think you should be alone tonight in case your breathing gets worse."

"My friend Danny. He should be at the garage still. He'll spend the night at my place with me and Dylan." I looked up; Dylan was being passed around the staff at the nurse’s station, his giggles and dimples charming everyone. I saw the police officer from the accident scene coming down a side corridor and spot me, then head my way. The doctor saw him as well.

"Alright, if you give me the number I'll have the nurses make the call. In the meantime they'll draw up your injury instruction sheets and discharge paperwork. You'll need to follow up with your regular physician."

"Thank you, doctor." I recited the garage's number and he wrote it on my chart before he handed it off to a nurse and moved on to the next patient across the hall.

"Hello Officer." I sat propped up in bed in just my pants, the thin gown they gave me to replace my shirt was still beside me on the gurney where I set it when they taped me up. I pulled it over me, uncomfortable being exposed in front of the other man.

"Hello again, Mr. Betters. You're looking a bit better. Not so pale."

"Thank you. Actually, you can call me Cole. Mr. Betters makes me seem so old." I smiled ruefully. Sometimes I felt old, a widower with a young son and a harried business owner at the age of twenty-seven.

"My name is Officer Jones. You can call me Cameron if you would like, I'm pretty much off shift." He smiled at me and put the papers he was holding on my rolling table. "Here is the paperwork from Ace Towing, the driver said he knew your garage and he towed your car and Mr. Krepp's vehicle over. The other driver, Mrs. White, opted to use her own mechanic."

I nodded. "You have questions for me?"

The police officer pulled out his report form and took down all of my information and my statement. He went to copy the paperwork for me at the nurse’s station right before Danny rushed in. He practically ran over to my side, getting ready to throw his arms around me in a big hug of relief. I put a hand up to stop him, even that small movement hurt.

"Stop! Broken ribs. No hugging."

Danny froze a moment, the gently reached out and squeezed my shoulder. "You're okay, Dylan's okay?"

"Yeah, we're fine." I wanted to sigh but stopped myself, to avoid the pain. The pills they gave me were helping but breathing was still a painful struggle. "Dylan wasn't hurt at all; I've got some bruises on my lungs and 2 broken ribs."

"Well look what I found." The officer came back carrying Dylan who was giggling and pulling on his badge. "I saw your friend come in here and thought you might be getting ready to go." He held out Dylan who had started reaching toward Danny with both arms as soon as they came in the room. I couldn’t help but smile myself at the gentle smile on Cameron’s face as the pair snuggled.

"Here you go Cole, a copy of your report." I looked down at the papers he handed me, seeing his number inked on top the copies. My eyes widened and I looked up at him. He winked at me when I didn't say anything.

“Uhh... um, thanks.” I closed my eyes briefly at my stammering response. Smooth.

"I feel comfortable telling you that your story matches those given at the scene by the other drivers. I don't think there will be any trouble from your insurance in this situation. I'm glad your son is okay. Get healed up now, okay?" He offered me his hand, his grip firm but gentle.

"Let me know if you need anything."

I shook his hand.

"Thank you Cameron," I said as I looked up and met his eyes; an appealing shade of light cornflower blue. They were full of warmth and his smile was gentle. I couldn't help but feel a little flare of interest despite the hell of a day I'd had.

I could have died. Dylan could have died. Human contact, warmth, the kindness of strangers were all reminders that I was still here, still alive. Now I just needed to learn how to live again.

I dropped his hand but kept my smile, thinking about how a bad accident on an already tough day actually led me to a realization that I had been missing. I was still here, my son was still here and life would go on; good, bad, indifferent, it was up to me. I vowed then and there to make it good, for both of us. No more hiding, no more feeling sorry for myself. I had Bethany and Marissa for just a few short years but I would treasure them always but it was time to face the future, not avoid it feeling guilty that we lived when they didn’t.

"You're welcome." He waved and said bye to Dylan, getting a giggle and wave in return. He was still smiling as he walked away. I was watching him when I saw the man who had hit my car coming toward me. If he came in here and Danny found out he was the one who hit us it could turn out bad. Danny was unlikely to be forgiving even if the man did look like someone was tearing out his insides.

"Hey Danny, I think it's going to be a little bit before they get my paperwork done and everything. Do you think you could take Dylan to the cafeteria and get him something to eat? He's got to be starving by now and I didn't think to have someone grab his bag out of the car before the ambulance guys took off."

"Sure. I'll be back in a little bit." I breathed a quick sigh of relief when I saw him go out and turn in the opposite direction of the approaching man. He was standing at the nurse's station, waiting until the nurse on the phone finished but was looking around the bays around the nurse’s station until he saw me. He looked down swiftly and I saw his hands clench.

He shuddered a little and then started walking again. His walk was smooth, powerful. He was a big guy, tall and solid without being overly muscular. I was disturbed to realize that was a fact I had unconsciously absorbed when he had tried to hold onto me at the accident. I hadn't felt attracted to a man as more than a passing appreciation since I had gotten serious with Bethany. I hadn't noticed details like that about anyone, man or woman, in the last year at all.

"Umm, hi," he said when he stopped a few feet from my gurney. I stared at him silently, unable to speak.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out. "I’m sure you’re mad. I wasn't paying enough attention and I tried to stop but I couldn't. You seemed really out of it at the scene so I wasn't sure if you heard me tell you that. I just... needed you to know how sorry I was and make sure you guys were okay." His voice was deep and thick like honey. It almost flowed into me as he spoke and I had to fight off a shudder, wary of the pain it would cause.

"I'm not mad, really. It was just a really bad day to get in an accident." The thought was a bitter one but the tone I used was pleasant, almost light. That was strange. I wanted to slap myself upside the head but that would just make me look stupid.

He relaxed a little, actually meeting my eyes. His eyes were a dark green that looked almost shiny, like a holly leaf. I gasped when I saw them and then had to grab my chest as pain shot through me from my broken ribs. I groaned at the pain which only made it worse. I was hunched over breathing in short sharp pants, unable to catch my breath as I tried to ride the wave of agony.

"Keep your breaths short but slow them down, try not to pant." His hands were on my shoulders, pulling me back upright. The heat from his hands gave me something to focus on; they were hot and he had long, strong fingers, easily supporting me as I struggled for air. "That's it, sit up, give yourself plenty of room for your lungs to open up."

The pain eased as I did what he said. The doctor hadn't told me how to ease the pain when it hit, he just prescribed pain medication. It made me curious once the worst of the pain eased. "How did you know how to do that?"

"I'm a paramedic. Feeling a bit better?" he asked.

"Yes, thank you." I shifted my shoulders a little under his grip and he dropped his hands from my shoulders suddenly.

"Thank you. I’ve never really been hurt before.” I offered my hand to him. “I'm Cole, Cole Betters."

"Peter Krepp. It's nice to meet you, though I have to say I wish it were under better circumstances and a much quieter place." An ambulance pulled up outside the ER entrance, sirens still blaring. He smiled at me, a quirky little grin that gave him a dimple in his right cheek.

I was smiling back before I knew it. Looking in his eyes for at least a minute without speaking, I must have been grinning like a fool until I suddenly realized how long I'd been staring. I looked down and blinked rapidly to suppress the prickle of tears in my eyes as I experienced a surge of guilt. I felt unfaithful to Bethany, even though I had just vowed to move on and start life again.

Apparently just appreciating someone else was a bit more than I was ready for, but I didn't know how to stop. Peter was... different from what I would have expected. He had showed a lot of compassion and responsibility, coming to see me in person. Between him and Cameron I just felt more alive, like maybe they could become really good friends.

“Sorry about that," I said quietly, looking up at him. “It’s nice to meet you.”

"So, you own the C&B garage? The officer told the truck driver who showed up to take my car to your garage. You're a mechanic?"

"When I can be." I leaned back against the pillow on the gurney, my breath still a bit labored. I didn’t even flinch when he put his hand on my chest.

“Remember, shallow breaths but don’t pant.”

I nodded and relaxed a little more under his hand. "I’ve owned the shop for about three years. My wife used to do the books and work the front office. When she died..." I paused, closing my eyes against the pain of the words. "When she died last year I had to start doing that and doing less of the repairs. I used to think I had the rough end of the stick with the shop but really, people are much worse than cars. Bethany was so sweet and serene, no one would have dreamed about being rude to her."

"I can believe that. I usually only see people at their worst but at least I don't have them long," he commiserated. "I'm really sorry to hear about your wife; she sounds like she was a lovely person." He took his hand off my chest but sat down in the chair next to the bed.

"Thank you." I smiled sadly. "We opened the garage a few years ago and it turned a bit of a profit pretty much right off. With the economy the way it is I think more people are taking care of their vehicles to make them last so I get a good amount of business. They've been mostly forgiving of my learning curve with the paperwork end of things and the longer repair times. Danny has been taking good care of that end of things and helping to keep me going."

"Danny?" he asked, cocking his head as he looked at me.

"He's my best friend. We've known each other for years, since our first year in high school. He moved to Shelton at the start of the year. I was the quarterback and he was the wide receiver. We still watch most of the Packer games together during football season. He's the only family I have left besides Dylan."

"Every time you answer a question it seems like I think of another one.” Peter laughed a rich full-throated chuckle that rumbled through me. I chuckled a little myself. “So, who's Dylan?"

"Well actually, you can meet him officially." I just saw the elevator doors open and Danny get out, holding Dylan's hand as he toddled along. "Oh, umm, Danny's sort of protective and he's in a bit of a tear over the accident. Can we maybe not mention that you're involved in that right off?"

"Sure. If that's what you want."

"Daddy!" Dylan took off, slipping out of Danny's hand and half ran and half stumbled over to my bed. "Cookie, Daddy!" He showed off his prize, an M&M cookie that was crumbling all over the sheets.

"I see the cookie, Dylan, it looks yummy. How nice of Uncle Danny to feed you sugar before bedtime."

Danny smirked. "What else are good uncles for?" He turned a bit to stare suspiciously at Peter and crossed his arms over his chest. "And you are?"

"Danny!" I was shocked at his behavior; he was acting like an over protective father, suspiciously staring down his teenager's date.

"I'm Peter." Peter offered his hand to Danny.

"Peter who?" Danny said, looking him up and down with his eyebrow raised as they shook hands.

"For Christ's sake Danny, knock it off. Peter's a new friend of mine. Stop being a jerk."

"Well if I'm going to be the bad uncle I figure I need to be the bad friend too. I'll work on my politeness." He smirked at me then turned back to Peter. "It's nice to meet you. If I may inquire, Peter, as to your last name and what you might do for a living, in the interests of getting to know Cole's friend better so that we might be friends as well?"

I started chuckling which made me grab my ribs and groan. "Jeez Danny, I didn't know you even knew half those words. Was that your attempt at being smooth or something?" Danny looked at me to make sure I was okay, breaking off his stare at Peter.

"Lisa has been 'civilizing' me she says." Danny turned back to Peter. "Well? Did I dazzle you with my wit and confuse you into telling me all your deep, dark secrets?"

"Peter Krepp, and I'm a paramedic."

"Oh? Were you one of the paramedics who helped Cole and Dylan today? Is that how you met? You're name seems sort of familiar, have we met before?"

"I was on the scene earlier, sort of. And no, I don't think we've met."

"Krepp... Krepp... I know I've heard that name. Wait... that was the name of the owner of the other car towed to the garage! You were in the accident too?"

Peter looked at me. I looked at Danny in exasperation. "Why couldn't you remember a little less well? Yes, Peter was in the accident."

"Actually, I caused it. I came here to talk to Cole, to let him know how sorry I was."

That set Danny off. His fists clenched as his face turned red. "You have some nerve to show up here! Do you have any idea what kind of day he has been through? What kind of stupid, reckless, moronic idiot runs into someone? I have half a mind..."

Danny was getting louder and louder, leaning toward Peter, stabbing the air with his finger. I knew he was only ramping up. He was normally protective over Dylan and me but with the way the last year had gone he was liable to beat the snot out of the man.

"Danny! We see people who run into other people every day. That's what pays the bills, remember? Accidents happen, Peter is sorry, Dylan is fine, and I'll heal. Stop freaking out."

Danny turned to me, incredulous at my calm tone. He knew how careful I was driving now, by rights I should have been the one freaking out. He cocked his head and stared at me for a minute before turning to look back at Peter.

"Fine. I'll be polite.” He took a ragged breath but he wasn’t yelling anymore. “You ran into a man who lost his wife and daughter exactly one year ago today; a man that was on his way home from the cemetery where he buried them after they died in a car accident. That is what you did." His voice was icy, the words polite but the tone was vicious and harsh as he informed Peter of the tragedy I was trying too hard to put behind me.

Peter looked more and more horrified, tears coming to his eyes when Danny stabbed his point home with his words instead of his fists. "Oh god, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He put his hand over his mouth and shook his head, turning and walking off swiftly without saying another word.

"Damn it Danny! He made a mistake driving and caused the pile up but it was an accident! He didn't do it on purpose, he wasn't on the phone or being reckless, he just didn't give himself enough time to stop on an icy road. Yes, I lost Bethany last year but I lost her, not you! If I could accept his apology and not hold a single moment of unintentional stupidity against him then you should be able to as well!"

Danny was looking at me with wide eyes. I was sitting up on the gurney and glaring at him in anger. Dylan was looking at me too, his cookie forgotten in his little hand. I felt bad that I had lost my temper in front of him and yelled at Danny, who was just trying to protect us, even if it was in the wrong way. I held out my hand to Dylan and tried to calm down.

"Hey buddy, it’s okay. Sorry, Daddy was talking too loud wasn't he? I'm not mad at you, I promise." Dylan was looking at me with his little mouth pursed as if he was deciding whether or not to believe me. He must have decided to trust me again, holding his arms up to for me to pick him up. I was reaching down before I even thought about it, yelping when I moved wrong and a sharp pain shot through my ribs again.

"Here, let Uncle Danny pick you up, Daddy has owies, remember? Here you go; sit still now." Danny picked up the toddler and put him on the bed next to me. I ruffled his hair, smiling at him as he happily ate his cookie, his concern already forgotten. I looked up at Danny, biting my lip.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"I know you've been going through a lot of this with me. I didn't mean for it to sound like you haven't been affected too. I'm sorry I yelled at you." His gentle hug after our apology brought tears to my eyes. This day had been way too long. "Do you think that you could go find the nurse and see where that paperwork is? I just want to get home."

"Yeah, no problem man."

Danny came back towing a nurse with him and after a few minutes of going over instructions and signing more forms, I was officially discharged. Danny took Dylan out to get the car; fortunately I kept a spare car seat at the garage so we were quickly all buckled in and headed for home.

"Do you mind just running through the Subway drive thru so that I can get a sub? I'm hungry and I need to eat so I can take some of these pills the doctor gave me." I was bracing against the door as we drove, the turns were killing me.

"Yeah man, that sounds good."

Danny ordered our subs and Dylan's grill cheese sandwich meal at the shop just a few miles from the house. Getting out of the car was painful, I held my breath to keep from yelping but I breathed a small sigh of relief when I sank into my oversized armchair in the living room. Even that made me wince but it was a lot more comfortable than the gurney at the Emergency Room. Danny grabbed some plates and a sippy cup with juice for Dylan while I cut up his sandwich into small bites.

The second to last regular season football game was on and watching that cleared the last bit of tension from the air. Dylan was fading fast so Danny got him changed and into his jammies. I read his favorite book, Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See to settle him down. He was too tired to squeal in glee at all the animals at the end like he normally did, sleepily drooping his head onto Danny's shoulder with his thumb in his mouth and his snuggly under his arm.

I listened to Danny put him in his crib and turn on his baby monitor, my own head heavy and dull from the pain pills I took after dinner. I thought about going and putting on some sweats to get more comfortable, planning to finish the game with Danny over a drink. Well, Danny could drink; I really didn't think I needed any.

"Hey Cole, Cole..." Danny was gently shaking my shoulder. "Let's get you up, man." Helping me stand up he chuckled as I groaned. "You'll be in bed soon." He gently pulled off the shirt the hospital gave me and then helped me carefully tug off my pants and socks as I sat on the edge of my bed. I slid into bed and Danny pulled the top blankets over me. I sighed.

"I called Lisa and told her I was staying over here tonight. You're not up to getting Dylan out of bed if he needs something. I'll just go crash on the couch."

My eyes were closed, sleep quickly coming to claim me but I forced them open. "Thanks Danny. I love you man."

"Love you too."

I tugged the covers a little closer to my chin and fell asleep, secure in the knowledge Danny was there for us.

***

Danny really did try to behave when Peter came into talk about his SUV a few days after the accident. His front end was banged up and we needed to replace the radiator but really there wasn't too much damage. My car on the other hand needed a lot of work. I had a loaner rig for the shop that we used to ferry some customers so I was covered and didn't have to rely on Danny but the first time I drove after the accident was nerve wracking.

By the time Peter came in several days later I was fine and back to driving normally. Still slow and cautious but at least I didn’t break out in a cold sweat just thinking about getting behind the wheel.

He walked in the front office door, brushing snow off his shoulders and then pulling thick gloves off his hands. He stuffed them in his jacket pocket, rubbing his fingers together a little in the warmth of the office. Winter was fully set in and we had two batches of snow flurries that day already. We were in a bit of a lull and I’d sent everyone but Danny home earlier. I had been thinking of closing the shop down and going to pick up Dylan before heading home for a warm soup and sandwich dinner but I was hoping Peter would make it in before lunch. I stood up from my desk and walked up to the main counter.

"Hey Peter."

"Hi Cole." Peter smiled tentatively at me as he stamped his feet on the mat. "You called earlier and said I needed to sign something?"

"Yeah." I rifled through my book on the counter and pulled out his paperwork. "I've your estimate for repairs and I need your signature so we can get your insurance to authorize payment for the work."

"Ok, sure." He looked over his bill and I looked at him while he couldn’t see me. I would call his hair brown but I could still see a lot of auburn in it. That made sense with his vivid green eyes. The smile on his face that lit up his gorgeous eyes was more than enough to make me shiver... I grunted a little in pain, my hand going to my still strapped ribs.

"How are you doing?" He looked concerned. "Still in pain?"

"Just an ache most of the time. I just have to remember to be careful." I took the work slip he signed and slid over to me, ripping the copies apart. I handed him the yellow customer copy and then put the white and pink copies back in the binder.

"Not enough to keep you from working though?"

"As long as I stay in the office. Danny threatened to break a few more ribs if I tried to step foot in the garage."

At the mention of Danny's name Peter's smile faded and he looked down. "I really am sorry, about all of this." He looked up at me, his eyes full of sadness. "To lose your family and then on that same day be forced to deal with an accident. That had to have been like your worst nightmare."

I took a short breath and let it out slowly. "It was. But I understand that it was just an accident. You don't seem like the type of person who would risk people's lives. You have to see the results of that all the time."

"Yeah, I do," he said. "It's why I can't believe that I couldn't stop. I thought I had given enough room but it was like nothing was happening and then all of a sudden they caught but by then it was just too late."

"We'll check the brake lines and make sure you insurance gets anything we find. If something was wrong with them the accident wasn't something you could have avoided."

Peter frowned. "Can something like that happen?"

"Well there's a spring in your rear drum brakes. If that gets rusty it can cause a failure in the ABS. In that case you would have just slid right into us, just like you did. It's worth looking into. It actually sounds like what happened."

"Really?" He looked hopeful.

"We'll definitely check but it sounds reasonable to me." I pulled his slip back out and put a note on it and had him initial the changes.

“Thanks for coming in,” I said. I started straightening the business cards on the counter by the register for something to do with my hands. I wanted to ask him out but I wasn’t really sure how to do it.

He stood there fidgeting for a minute with his gloves before he took a deep breath. "Would you like to have lunch with me sometime?" he asked in a rush.

My heart raced when he asked. I had a lot of time to think lately with Danny kicking me out of the office after a few hours each day. I had even used some of my extra time to visit the counselor I had seen last year after Bethany and Marissa died. She and I had talked through my realization, at the cemetery and after the accident. My guilt had eased after we talked about it. I had also talked to Danny.

I liked the cop who gave me his number but Cameron wasn't who had caught my attention that day in the ER. There was just something about Peter that made me want to get to know him better.

"I would like that," I said quietly.

"Great!" he said enthusiastically. "How about tomorrow?" I laughed a little at his eagerness. He grinned ruefully. "I would have asked about today but I have a meeting. But I'd really like to see you tomorrow."

"I'm not sure what we have on the schedule," I said, turning to look on the wall.

"I'm sure I could cover for you with the customers. He'll be free."

Danny was standing in the door to the shop, wiping black grease off his hands on a red rag. He squinted a little at Peter who met his eyes without looking away. Danny walked into the room, stuffing the rag into his pocket. He stopped at the edge of the counter, his face serious.

"I was wrong to say what I did the other day. I was upset and worried about Cole and Dylan but that's no excuse for what I did." Danny leaned against the counter and held out one hand toward Peter. I busied myself at the back counter and let Danny apologize without an onlooker.

Peter didn't hesitate, reaching out and shaking Danny's hand. "I can understand a friend worrying about a friend."

"More like a brother." Danny crossed his hands over his chest. "But Cole and my wife both set me straight. He's not my responsibility and I'm not his bodyguard. He's an adult and knows what he's doing."

Peter winced. "Your wife really got you good didn't she?"

Danny raised an eyebrow. "Been married have you?"

Peter shook his head and leaned against the counter, mirroring Danny's stance. "Partner. Strictly gay here. He was the bossy sort though, good at keeping me on the straight and narrow."

"What happened to him? You get bored with the straight and narrow?"

"Danny!" I whipped my head around and stared at him, my mouth open.

Peter laughed. "It's fine. He's still looking out for a friend. It's cool." He smiled at me then shrugged as he looked back at Danny. "He got bored actually. Up and left me almost two years ago for an older man who was willing to be his sugar daddy."

"Paramedics not rolling in the dough?"

"Okay Danny, that's enough!" I stopped him there, appalled at his attitude. I glared at him but Peter just shook his head.

"Don't worry about it Cole. It’s good to know you have someone keeping an eye on you." He zipped up his coat and put his gloves back on. "I'm going to be late if I don't head out. Can I pick you up here tomorrow?"

I didn't get in a car with just anyone driving and as much as I was looking forward to having lunch with him, I didn't think I could handle trying. "How about we meet at Sasha's Grill? I haven't gone there in a while."

"Sounds good. One o'clock work for you?"

"Yeah." I smiled at him, "See you then."

I watched him get in his rental car and then turned to Danny. "Do I need to go call Lisa?"

Danny blushed a little and then looked down. "Sorry. I just... I worry about you."

"Well I'm trying to be okay with moving on. It's a good thing but it's kind of hard to think of it that way when my best friend is treating the guy I'm interested in like a prom date in a bad eighties movie." I moved over to Danny and gave him a hug. "I appreciate you looking out for me, but I'm going to be okay. You need to trust me to make the right decisions without you making sure of my date’s good intentions."

Danny hugged me back then stepped away. "I'll try to give you some space to do your thing." He smirked at me as he drew out the last word.

"My thing? Okay, now you sound like a bad gay porno movie. You been peeking at my stash?"

Danny blushed. "No!"

I laughed, teasing him some more. "Are you sure? Not even a little curious about what's on the other side of the fence and took a little peek? Just a short one?"

He rolled his eyes. "If I was going to look at porn I'd certainly not be watching eighties gay sex tapes. Maybe you should go get some though, since you have a date with Mr. Green Eyes tomorrow. It's been a while for you, hasn't it?"

My heart sped up a little at the thought of sex. It had been a while since I had sex at all, not since Bethany died. It had been even longer since I had sex with a man, before I met her. I shook my head. "I'm not ready for that."

Danny grimaced. "Sorry, I shouldn't tease you like that.” He gave me another hug, "If he doesn't understand you're not ready then ditch him. I can always beat him up if he gets out of line."

"It's just lunch Danny. I think you're the one getting a little ahead of things. I don't even know if we will have a second date, much less a relationship. I won't do casual sex. Especially since I have Dylan to think of. This is just a date."

I was moving on; I was ready for that. I knew I wasn't ready to look that far into the future to try and see where this date would lead but I was willing to take that first step onto the path. Day by day was all I could manage. I hoped that Peter would be there in the future but I was going to go slow. No matter what I was going to start living again.

***

One Year Later

"Petey, Petey!" Peter bent over and picked up the little blond haired boy who came running over to him. His little gloved hands burrowed into Peter's jacket as he snuggled into his body.

"Are you okay buddy?" Peter asked him.

He nodded his head where it lay on Peter's chest. Looking up he turned to watch the other man walking slowly toward them."Daddy's sad, Petey. He was crying." The little boy looked worried, his bottom lip quivering a little.

Peter hugged him. "It's a tough day for your Daddy. It's okay for him to cry, it helps him feel better."

"Because Mommy and Rissa are in heaven?" he asked earnestly.

Peter smiled sadly. "Yes. He misses them."

"But you'll make him smile, right Petey?"

"I'll try. Your daddy might just need to be sad for a little bit. But that doesn't mean he loves you any less." Peter shifted Dylan to his other arm. "How about I start the car and turn the heater on? You can look at your books and get warm in your seat."

"Okay," Dylan said. He hugged Peter and gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek. Peter smiled at him. "Love you Petey."

"Thanks buddy." Peter ruffled his hair, "I love you too." Peter gave him an Eskimo kiss, making Dylan giggle.

"I know!" Dylan said excited. "You can kiss Daddy! Then he'd be happy."

"Maybe. Okay, in you go.” Peter buckled Dylan into his seat and handed him his books before starting the car so it would warm up. He reached into his pocket when I got closer and pulled out a handkerchief. Instead of handing it to me so I could wipe the tears off my face, Peter pulled me close and did it for me. I stood mutely and let him, staring in his eyes. They were so soft, full of love and understanding.

"Feeling better, babe?" Peter asked.

"Not better exactly. A little more at peace. In some ways that was easier than I thought and in some ways it was harder."

"Still feeling guilty?" Peter busied his hands with his handkerchief, avoiding my eyes now.

"No. Not that. I know Bethany would have liked you and she’d want me happy. I just still miss them so much." Tears fell down my face again and Peter pulled me close, rubbing my back as I buried my face against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry you have to see this. It's not fair to you, I know."

Peter looked at me seriously, lifting my chin until their eyes met. "I don't begrudge you the love you feel for your wife and daughter. I know how you feel about me; same as you know how I feel about you. I never want you to hide how you feel from me, no matter what. I told you when we moved in together, I'm in this for the long haul. Good or bad. Happy toddler or cranky toddler. Even dirty diapers!"

I laughed a little. "That is quite the sacrifice for my happiness."

Peter laughed with me. His love for me filled his bright green eyes and he leaned forward slowly until our lips met. The love he shared with me overwhelmed the sadness in my heart until that was all I could feel. I would always miss my wife and daughter but I sent a silent thank you to whatever being brought us together on the anniversary of my wife and daughter’s death. I was pretty sure Bethany was listening and had a hand in it; sounded like something she’d do. I hugged Peter and then looked at the happy little boy in the car. Everything would be okay now.

"C'mon babe, let's go home.”