Kiss Me. Love Me. Hurt Me. - 2. Chapter 2

Jesse went with me to the swim team tryouts and Coach Jensen said that it was fine for him to be there and he could stay. Jesse was obviously extremely happy that he could stay and watch. He wanted to cheer me on.

I changed into a Speedo and did everything the coach told me to do. The entire time, Jesse watched closely from the bleachers along with a few other onlookers.

I jetted through the water like a fish. The other swimmers ate my bubbles.

“Okay, tomorrow there will be a post of everyone who made it on my classroom door. Those who have need to come to swim practice tomorrow after school at the same time; three to six. Good Luck and see you tomorrow.”

I hit the showers and no one seemed to mind that I was gay. It was as if it was a non-issue. This surprised me greatly. Then again, there was the veteran members as well that didn’t need to be at the tryouts. How would they take the gay thing?

I came out of the pool building and Jesse was waiting for me. “Holy shit you were so great!” he said to me in a breathtaking embrace. I could barely move. He let go.
“Those other guys don’t have a chance.”

“Just because I swam fast doesn’t mean that I made the team.” I told Jesse. “Besides, you’re biased.”

“You know it.” He said embracing me again. This time, I could breath. I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head on his shoulder.

“Let’s go home.” I said.

“Kay” said Jesse. He took my hand and we walked to the car.

* * *

“Hey you guys. Where’ve you been?” asked grandma as we walked in.

“Jamie tried out of the swim team.” said Jesse.

“You did? Honey, that’s great. Did you make it?” she asked.

“I’ll know tomorrow morning.” I said.

“Listen, Jamie, you’re mother is here.” said grandma.

“Where?” I asked

“Are you sure that’s…”

“Where?!” I interrupted.

“She’s upstairs with your father.”

I ran upstairs. I heard Jesse call after me, but I couldn’t listen. I wanted to see her. I ran into my dad’s room.

“Mom” I called. I could feel my heart and my chest racing.

She turned around, but then turned back to my father. My heart dropped. She couldn’t even look at me.

“Jamie, go to your room, or go downstairs.” said dad.

“Not until mom talks to me.” I said.

“Jamie…” my dad started.

I felt someone touch my hand. It was Jesse, no doubt.

“Jamie,” he said softly. “Let’s go.”

A tear ran down my face.

“You can’t even look at me.” I stated

“Babe, you don’t want to do this.”

My mom snapped her head back when he said ‘babe’. Then, her head went right back to my dad.

Jesse pulled me out of the room and into his. He sat me on the couch and sat next to me.

“Jamie, why are you doing this to yourself? You know how your mom feels about this.”

“I can’t help it, Jesse. She’s my mother. I’m always going to want her approval. I want her in my life.”

More tears started to stream from my eyes. Jesse put his arms around me and held me tight.

“It’ll be okay Jamie. You’ll see. Everything will be okay.” said Jesse.

I’d said that to myself a million times and so had Timmy, but somehow, when Jesse said it was the only time that I actually believed it.

I heard footsteps down the hall. I wanted to go out and try again, but I knew that I would be for nothing. I wouldn’t get anywhere.

“Do you think it’s weird that I still want my mother’s approval?” I asked Jesse.

“No,” he said as he sort of pet my hair. It felt good. “Like you said, she’s your mother. It’s natural to want her approval.”

“Do you think that she’ll ever accept me?”

“I don’t know Jamie. I wish I could tell you that eventually she’ll accept you and your relationship with her will be good as new, but I can’t.” said Jesse. “But I can tell you that everything will be alright, whether or not she accepts you.”

* * *

Once Jesse and I got to school, we didn’t take the time to say hi to any of our group. We went straight to Coach Jensen’s classroom. I anxiously looked through the roster. T…U…V…WALKER!

“I made it!” I yelled.

“Yes!” Jesse picked me up and we spun around. I bent my head down and kissed him. He put me down. “I knew you could do it.”

People were staring at us. Looking at us like ‘What the hell are they so happy about?’, so Jesse straight out told them.

“My boyfriend made the swim team.” he said with a big grin on his face.

A few people clapped for me and then we went and joined ‘the A Group’.

“Congratulations, Jamie. That’s great.” said Becca when I told her.

“Yeah, definitely awesome.” said Paige.

“You tried out for the swim team?” asked Zeke. He was elsewhere when Jesse was beaming at lunch about me trying out.

“Yeah, and I made it.” I said.

“Well it looks like we’re team mates then.” said Zeke. Jesse’s grin instantly fell.

“You’re on the swim team?” I asked.

“Yeah, since I was a freshman.” said Zeke.

“Oh, um…cool.” I said.

“Yeah, we’ll have a blast.” said Zeke. “Going to the meets together and stuff.”

“Together…” said Jesse.

If our school wasn’t so noisy, you probably would’ve been able to hear crickets. It was immensely awkward and I could tell that Jesse’s jealous side was returning. He was sensitive when it came to Zeke. He’s always suspected that Zeke had a crush on me, but I wasn’t so convinced. Now, with Zeke being on the swim team with me, I can see how he wouldn’t like that.

* * *

Jesse didn’t talk to me for the rest of the school day. I’m pretty sure that he thought that I knew that Zeke was on the swim team. It makes sense. I’ve always been better friends with Zeke than he has. How could I have missed him being on the swim team?

“So, we’re going to go through some drills.” said Coach Jensen. I looked over to Zeke and he snapped his head in another direction from looking at me.

I was started to suspect that Zeke did have a little crush on me. Maybe Jesse’s jealousy wasn’t for no reason. Then again, it was because I would never get with Zeke. I love Jesse too much.

After going through tons of drills and what seemed like thousands of laps across the pool, the team al went to the showers.

There weren’t enough showers for everyone so there was a line. And it just so happened that Zeke and I were the last two to shower.

“I think I’ll just shower at home.” I said.

“What’s the big deal, Jamie?” asked Zeke. “We’re only friends.”

“Yeah, but something tells me that you want to be more than that.” I said.

“That’s ridiculous. Unless…” He inched closer to me. “Unless you want me to want more,” he said looking into my eyes.

I backed up. “Look, Zeke, I’m in love with Jesse okay. That’s not going to change any time soon.”

“No, you look. It’s obvious that I’m attracted to you. You’re hot. Who wouldn’t be. And it’s also obvious that I get to you too.” He backed me up into the wall and put his hands up against it. I felt my body shaking from head to toe. We were face to face and it scared the shit out of me. “Why don’t you just let yourself go and have a little fun?”

His lips touched mine and sparked something that I didn’t know that I had in me. I did feel something for Zeke. I let myself give into the kiss and grabbed the back of his head.

What am I doing? I asked myself. I’m in love with Jesse. I love Jesse. What Am I doing? It just felt so damn good.