Kiss Me. Love Me. Hurt Me. - 7. Chapter 7

It was the most awkward thing I’d ever gone through. I didn’t know what else to do, I just zipped my pants back up and he did the same.

“So, you wanna call me sometime?” he asked.

“Sure, that’ll be cool.” I said.

I gave him my cell phone and he gave me his. I put my number in his phone and then we gave each other’s phones back.

“I’ll call you.” I said.

“Cool” he said. “Will I see you at school?” he asked.

“Sure.” I said.

As I drove back, I couldn’t help but feel guilty. I couldn’t help but feel like I cheated. But I didn’t. Jesse and I are broken up.

I watched my headlights in front of me. The way the shined on the asphalt as I drove, darkness encircling me, it mesmerized me.

I pictured Jesse and me, the time that we had sex in the stables. I remembered being so afraid because I knew I was developing feelings for him and didn’t know if he felt the same.
I pictured the homecoming dance, when Jesse kissed me in front of everyone. I remembered that I was so in love with him then, that it actually hurt.

Was I ready to be with anyone else yet? I wasn’t sure, but I would soon find out.
I liked Adam, but what I had with him was lust. I only had sex with him because he was super hot. When I had sex with Jesse for the first time in Billings, it was because I was truly starting to care for him.

I thought I would only get with him to rub it in Jesse’s face, but I wouldn’t have to get with Adam to make him jealous. If I wanted to REALLY tick him off, I could’ve given Zeke a call, but I’m not that desperate.

“Where in the hell have you been?” asked Timmy. “It’s been hours.”

“I went out.” I said.

“Dad was freaking out. You’re lucky he’s in bed or else he would’ve really ripped one into you.”

“Can I use your car to go to school?” I asked, sitting on my bed, undressing for bed.

“S-Sure,” said Timmy.

“Are you and Jesse really over?” asked Timmy.

“If we weren’t before I left, we are now.” I said.

“What does that mean?” he asked.

“I met someone.” I said. “In Marksville.”

“What? You went to Marksville?”

“Yeah, I slept with him, Timmy.”

He shook his head. “Jamie, why would you do that? That was a really shitty thing to do.”

“I know, but I was really upset and I wasn’t thinking.” I said.

“That’s no excuse. You just don’t do that sort of thing.”

“Okay, you’re not dad, Timmy. I don’t need a lecture.”

“Someone should lecture you. Jesse is the best thing that happened to you. Why would you just give up on him?”

“He gave up on me, Timmy. He broke up with me because I didn’t want to have lunch with his family.”

“What? No, he wouldn’t do that.”

“What all of a sudden you’re on the Jesse’s an angel train?”

“Okay, I’ll be the first to admit that, at first, I didn’t really like the idea of you two together, but I can see now that you two are meant for each other.”

“That’s bullshit. We’re not meant for each other. It’s been a disaster ever since the beginning. He’s way too suspicious and jealous if I even talk to another guy.” I said.

“Because he loves you, Jamie.” Timmy pleaded.

“I need some sleep. I’ve got school tomorrow.”

* * *

It was the most awkward thing I’d ever gone through. I didn’t know what else to do, I just zipped my pants back up and he did the same.

“So, you wanna call me sometime?” he asked.

“Sure, that’ll be cool.” I said.

I gave him my cell phone and he gave me his. I put my number in his phone and then we gave each other’s phones back.

“I’ll call you.” I said.

“Cool” he said. “Will I see you at school?” he asked.

“Sure.” I said.

As I drove back, I couldn’t help but feel guilty. I couldn’t help but feel like I cheated. But I didn’t. Jesse and I are broken up.

I watched my headlights in front of me. The way the shined on the asphalt as I drove, darkness encircling me, it mesmerized me.

I pictured Jesse and me, the time that we had sex in the stables. I remembered being so afraid because I knew I was developing feelings for him and didn’t know if he felt the same.
I pictured the homecoming dance, when Jesse kissed me in front of everyone. I remembered that I was so in love with him then, that it actually hurt.

Was I ready to be with anyone else yet? I wasn’t sure, but I would soon find out.
I liked Adam, but what I had with him was lust. I only had sex with him because he was super hot. When I had sex with Jesse for the first time in Billings, it was because I was truly starting to care for him.

I thought I would only get with him to rub it in Jesse’s face, but I wouldn’t have to get with Adam to make him jealous. If I wanted to REALLY tick him off, I could’ve given Zeke a call, but I’m not that desperate.

“Where in the hell have you been?” asked Timmy. “It’s been hours.”

“I went out.” I said.

“Dad was freaking out. You’re lucky he’s in bed or else he would’ve really ripped one into you.”

“Can I use your car to go to school?” I asked, sitting on my bed, undressing for bed.

“S-Sure,” said Timmy.

“Are you and Jesse really over?” asked Timmy.

“If we weren’t before I left, we are now.” I said.

“What does that mean?” he asked.

“I met someone.” I said. “In Marksville.”

“What? You went to Marksville?”

“Yeah, I slept with him, Timmy.”

He shook his head. “Jamie, why would you do that? That was a really shitty thing to do.”

“I know, but I was really upset and I wasn’t thinking.” I said.

“That’s no excuse. You just don’t do that sort of thing.”

“Okay, you’re not dad, Timmy. I don’t need a lecture.”

“Someone should lecture you. Jesse is the best thing that happened to you. Why would you just give up on him?”

“He gave up on me, Timmy. He broke up with me because I didn’t want to have lunch with his family.”

“What? No, he wouldn’t do that.”

“What all of a sudden you’re on the Jesse’s an angel train?”

“Okay, I’ll be the first to admit that, at first, I didn’t really like the idea of you two together, but I can see now that you two are meant for each other.”

“That’s bullshit. We’re not meant for each other. It’s been a disaster ever since the beginning. He’s way too suspicious and jealous if I even talk to another guy.” I said.

“Because he loves you, Jamie.” Timmy pleaded.

“I need some sleep. I’ve got school tomorrow.”