A World Between - 7. Letter 7 (Revised)

Ryan, do you know what I thought about all day? You. So much so it drove me crazy all day in school. I couldn’t wait to get home from class, to go outside and write on the stump in the backyard. I remember we shared everything together since we were kids, and I don't think I'll ever meet someone like you again. I thought of the time when we camped out in my backyard in the tent you bought last summer. I didn't know then, and I'm still not sure what it means now, but I’m grateful for that night. I’m not mad… I never was. And I’m sorry if I acted weird because of it. It wasn’t you; it's just…, I wasn’t expecting it. You are my best friend, and nothing will change how I feel. In fact, is it weird I’m getting goose bumps and butterflies at the same time while I write this? I know it's embarrassing for both of us, and we both made a vow of silence. We both swore to each other on the night we’d never tell a living soul about what happened night. I kept my side of the deal, just like you did.

You said, “Promise. Promise me that you’ll take this to the grave.” I did promise, and I still promise.

Even if you’re not here to hold up your end of the deal, I’ll still keep my side of the deal. I don’t understand exactly what happened on that night. How we went from lightly teasing each other to wrestling, then to you kissing me. It just happened, right? No biggie. Besides, if the kiss was confusing, then the fooling around that happened after night was even more confusing. What I'm trying to say is I don't think I could have asked for a better friend even if I did try and ask, which I wouldn't. We shared an embarrassing moment, but did it with curiosity. It wasn't gay or anything…

I'm not gay, and well, you had your eyes on Megan. I don’t think I’ll ever understand why we did those things that night, but I want you to know I liked what we did. And I’m happy I did it with you. You made me realize how much you have helped me grow as a person and what I wanted for our relationship to be. I guess it's safe to say we both want women of course, but that doesn’t change the fact we had shared a close and intimate moment. And I'm glad you chose to share a vulnerable part of yourself with me, even though I was nervous about what was happening, as I figured you were too. I'm glad it happened. So now you know, okay. It's a secret between friends, and that's all it ever will be.

Anyway, I better be going to bed, so I'll write soon.

Jake.