In the Fishbowl - 24. Chapter 24

A/N: Thanks to Jim for editing!

Dennis held the café door with his back while keeping both hands firmly around the warm cup of chocolate they’d spontaneously stopped for as he allowed Travis to pass. Not seeming to care that other patrons were waiting to exit, Travis stopped in front of Dennis and held up his drink.

“Try mine.”

Dennis made a face. “Why? I have the same thing. Will you move?”

Travis shook his head, pressed his cup closer towards Dennis’s face. “Mine’s better.”

“Travis.” Dennis threw apologetic glances towards the older couple who now squeezed past Travis, and then glared at his dark-haired companion. “Move.”

Travis looked at his cup as if the ingredients to whatever was inside were supposed to be etched on the cardboard holder. “I think it must be marshmallow. But, not the usual kind. I think they melt it down and toast it with cream or something. Seriously. Try it.”

Travis’s cup touched Dennis’s lower lip, and relenting, he sealed his mouth over the small opening and tilted his head back, trying not to wince when the scalding liquid poured into his mouth a little too quickly and left a burning trail down his chin before he wiped it away on his shoulder. “Dammit, move.”

Travis shrugged. “Okay.”

He stepped onto the city sidewalk, waiting a moment for Dennis to leave the door and fall into step beside him, where he faced the blond’s glare with a smile.

“And it’s not better,” Dennis informed him.

Travis made a face. “Really? Can I try yours?”

“Only if you want it spilled down your pants.”

“Hmm... nope. Nope, don’t think I do. So where are we going now?”

“I could always take you home.”

“Only if you’re coming with me,” Travis replied, ignoring the threat in Dennis’s words. “I’d be bored if you didn’t. We could walk around for a while. Things are just starting to get busy.”

“I don’t like busy.”

“Well, maybe they’re not too busy... the club’s not there. Wouldn’t hurt to stop by. I never did hand out all those fliers.”

“You handed out enough, and I’m not...”

“Right. The last time I took you in there some strange boy kissed me. Wouldn’t want that to happen again... unless you really wanna go. I guess then I could tolerate it.”

“Let’s just stick to walking around here,” Dennis replied.

“Okay. Isn’t there that dog park down the street?”

Dennis glanced at Travis. “We don’t have a dog with us.”

Travis smirked. “Bet I could prove you wrong.”

Dennis rolled his eyes. “The dog park it is.”

“Nah,” Travis replied, shaking his head. “That place doesn’t have the best lighting. Could be dangerous for our shoes.”

“Then what do you want to do?” Dennis demanded, exasperated now.

Travis sipped his drink, turning his steps to walk closer to Dennis, and then smiled. “Just this.”

Dennis sighed, not really sure why he was feeling so irritable. Impatient. When he wasn’t holed up in his room he always felt a sense of needing to hurry; hurry to work. Hurry across town to pick up Reilly’s meds so Mrs. Chesley didn’t have to go out of her way. Hurry home before Valentine leaves you a nasty present on the carpet. It occurred to him that he didn’t know how to just be all that well. Without a plan he felt lost, and it made simple things like walking the downtown sidewalks feel complicated and so out of his element that he had to conjure up a reason for being there, even if that included recreational purposes. Head towards the mall, see a movie? Slide over to the gooney golf course he hadn’t been to since he was a kid? He was sure that there was laser tag around there somewhere... plenty of food. Go to dinner? Who cared if he wasn’t hungry, it was something to do.

But Travis just wanted to walk. They’d passed the car and now they were adrift in a town of college students just heading out for the night. People with plans. Dennis wished that he could share in their excitement, but now it was all he could do to will his feet forward and try to forget the tension that had left a knot in his stomach back at the community center.

The kids weren’t so bad. Growing up, Dennis hadn’t had any younger brothers or sisters, and didn’t discover until recently that he didn’t mind them so much. Sometimes at the bookstore small groups would come in, and he rather enjoyed watching them make chaos out of the organized shelves while his boss chased after them with sharp words and irritated tones, acting as if it would take up precious moments of his life to make order again. Which never really made sense since it was Dennis who always did the cleaning up afterwards.

Still, he didn’t mind, and liked to listen to the gossip they shared amongst themselves; small troubles that seemed like the most important worldwide issue to them. It reminded him of a time when he’d sneak away from his house to meet Phil Clayton and Leo Sader in the woods behind his house. They’d bring their backpacks and hastily thrown-together lunches, explore their surroundings and go home so filthy that not one had a mother unprepared to scrub them down with Brillo pads and an acid bath. And he remembered when Leo had found the drainage tunnels one summer, prompting them to gather flashlights and hard hats, convinced that if they followed the tunnels long enough, they’d find a whole new town. They never made it past twenty feet, of course. Back then Dennis had blamed it on Ryan Sader, who’d just started to insist he be allowed to follow Leo everywhere.

This was all before, of course. Before things failed to be innocent between a small group of friends. Tonight it was difficult not to think of the changes that had taken place back then, the lines that were crossed that led to rifts that couldn’t be mended with a few spontaneous wrestling matches. Ben Summers was too much of a reminder.

Dennis had tried to keep his distance from Ben. Valentine’s Day had been the closest he’d bothered to get to him or Leo, but that had seemed different until Leo made it clear that Dennis wasn’t wanted. Tonight, though, he’d walked straight into Ben’s territory and it had taken everything he had not to just walk away from it. The tension every time he looked up and saw Ben’s wary glances had been smothering. The hair at the nape of his neck prickled every time he worried that Ben was coming towards him, and a constant fear that timid little Ben Summers would somehow lash out at him and him alone had followed him straight up until he’d followed Travis out the door. He should have felt safe now, but there was something he couldn’t place in Travis’s mood, hidden beneath the smiles and the familiar looks. And then the question came.

“It was Ben, wasn’t it?”

Dennis glanced sidelong at him, feeling oddly as if he needed to confirm that Travis was speaking to him, and not someone else. “What?”

“You once told me,” Travis explained, “that someone Leo cared about got hurt. It was Ben, wasn’t it?”

Dennis’s mind reached for topics capable of changing the subject, even a few pointed words to suggest that he didn’t feel like talking about it. But finally he shrugged helplessly. “Yeah.”

“Did you hurt him?”

The question was asked so bluntly that it took Dennis by surprise, and he realized that this time he didn’t know what response to give it. It seemed complicated to him, as it always had, but trying to explain would sound like an excuse. Dennis had promised himself that he was finished with excuses the day he moved out of his parents’ house. He was finished trying to defend being... well, a Gordon. “He got hurt because of me,” he finally said, deciding that was as close to the truth as he could get. Facing forward, he tried to pretend that he couldn’t feel Travis’s eyes on him, and tried not to notice the way he desperately wanted to look; to read what Travis thought of him.

And of course Travis was waiting for an explanation. As they walked, and the silence grew between them, he expected one so much that he began to concoct explanations of his own. “So, what happened? I mean, you and Leo were friends, right? What, did he hook up with Ben and you got jealous? You might like girls... but, well, come on,” Travis remarked, making a gesture towards his own body. “I think we both know that’s not the full story.”

Something he’d said caused Dennis to stop walking altogether, and when Travis turned to face him, there was something on Dennis’s mind that had caused him to pale considerably. “Why are you so curious about me?”

Travis frowned. “Why wouldn’t I be?” But all curiousness aside, Travis couldn’t help feeling somewhat guilty, as he always did when he felt he’d pushed Dennis too far. “But you know what? Never mind.” He sighed. “Let’s just try to have a good night. I’m not working in the morning, so it would be nice to just... relax for once, you know?” He started to walk again, only to stop a few moments later when he realized that Dennis wasn’t with him.

Outside of a home-design store, there was a flagstone bench that had survived years of graffiti and a few run-ins with too-close snow plows, and that’s where Dennis had chosen to sit as he brought his drink to his mouth, frowning when he found that it was empty and tossed it into a nearby trash can. Travis joined him and handed over his own cup, which Dennis decided as he took a drink, did taste a little bit better.

“I don’t know what I was doing with Leo,” Dennis said quietly. “Sometimes I think... maybe I just thought I was keeping him with me. We were friends, and when he met Ben, he changed.”

“Keeping him with you?” Travis repeated. “By doing...?” he stopped when Dennis shot him a meaningful look, and then Travis’s brows flew up. “Oh... So... was he any good, because he seems like he has a lot of energy, and I kinda wonder...”

“Will you shut up?” Dennis said as he ran a hand roughly through his hair.”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

Dennis shook his head, as if he were at a loss for what was running through his mind. “You know my dad. That kind of thing... he just wouldn’t have it, you know? My brother was worse, and Ben was such a fucking flamer that I couldn’t have him around, and Leo didn’t wanna be anywhere where Ben wasn’t. Lyle saw them together a few times. I tried to tell them to be careful, but Ben never cared what other people thought, and Leo... he stopped caring, too.”

Travis frowned, something in the conversation hitting close to home as he realized that he was hearing from the other side of the fence, so to speak. Aiden had warned him that there was a reason why so many people preferred to remain in their closets, but it was still something he didn’t quite understand. If someone didn’t like him for something that was none of their damn business, then to hell with them. To hell with Kyle. Personally, he was with Ben and Leo on this one. That didn’t mean that he couldn’t respect Dennis’s interest in keeping his personal life private; Travis was all for privacy. He supposed that what he didn’t understand were people who couldn’t live and let live.

“You know, your dad’s a lot of talk,” Travis said carefully. “But I don’t see how Leo and Ben being... Leo and Ben, would mess you up unless you cared about Leo more than you think...”

“I did care about him,” Dennis stated. “And when my dad heard about what he’d been up to he threatened to beat the shit out of him the next time he showed up at our door. The only time I was even allowed to talk to him was in class because my parents had our teachers watching... they were all friends, you know. There was no way to get away from it, all because Leo had to show everyone he was...”

“A fag?” Travis remarked, causing Dennis’s frown to deepen as he thought of the way Owen still sometimes threw that in his face. Of course, he probably deserved it, but it seemed so much more difficult to defend his feelings on the matter when people tended to judge him for his past.

Of course, Travis couldn’t do that. Travis didn’t know him back then. And, when he met Travis’s eyes, he could see easily enough that there was no malice there. “He wasn’t safe about it,” Dennis said simply.

“So you blew him off? I guess it makes sense... and, it’s not really your fault if your parents were all about making sure...”

“I didn’t blow him off,” Dennis said testily. “That’s my fault. I found ways to talk to him; sometimes I’d leave school early, or take a little longer to get home. On the weekends I’d say I was going to see Phil and would end up with Leo, anyway. But, my parents found out and made it even harder. They had Lyle following me around, and my mom started giving me these stupid notebooks. I had to write down everything I did from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed. Everyone I talked to, everyone I even fucking looked at, and if there were any inconsistencies I was the one paying for it. I stopped trying to see Leo so much, and he got pissed over it. He didn’t know what was going on because all he heard from me was that he was being fucking stupid. And I told him he wasn’t being safe. I thought that if he just started hanging out with Ben where it wouldn’t bother anyone, things could just go back to the way they were, but he wouldn’t, and I...”

“You took it out on Ben.”

Dennis sighed. “Sometimes. I thought that if Leo could see what would happen if he came out he’d think twice about it. So, I started hassling Ben at school. It got my parents off my back a little, and my brother... but that’s not why I was doing it. I figured if I could make Ben miserable enough, Leo would figure out that he had the same thing coming if he stayed with him. But, then it backfired.” Dennis snorted. “Should’ve known it would. Leo was such a hothead. You could tell him to do one thing and he’d take you to the other end of the map. He finally came out all over school and all the people I had hassling Ben sort of knocked it off when they figured out Leo would toss back more than words. By then I figured he hated me, so I just gave up for a while. I still fucked with him at school--had to, after Lyle found out Leo was making out with Ben in the middle of the cafeteria every damn day.”

“Why would you bother keeping that up for Lyle’s benefit?” Travis asked skeptically. It seemed easier to believe that Dennis’s jilted feelings would cause the trouble. But then, Dennis regarded him seriously.

“You don’t understand. Lyle was already asking me if Leo had ever... tried anything with me. I denied it, but he was still disgusted with the whole thing. He kept threatening to do something. So, every time Lyle was watching, I picked a fight with Leo. Figured it was better me than Lyle. It’s not like we were gonna get our friendship back, either. And, things would have stayed like that if Ben hadn’t tried to get involved in it.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Travis asked.

“He thought he could fix things,” Dennis explained. “The little shit found out what was going on with me--why I was being such a dick. He told Leo, and Leo, being Leo... he tried to tell me that I could get away from my family. I probably should have listened back then.”

“You didn’t even think about it?”

Dennis shook his head. “I told him to fuck off, and he did. But, Ben wouldn’t. I tried to scare him off, but he kept coming back and finally I took a swing at him. Lyle would’ve done worse, but Leo didn’t see it that way and things were fucked up all over again. And Ben still kept coming back for more. Every time he showed up, I was catching hell at home. My dad... maybe I never caught more than a slap to the back of the head from him, but his words were enough, and he didn’t exactly care that Lyle was using more than words when I finally told him I wanted to deal with Leo and Ben on my own. I guess my brother figured I was being too soft. Maybe I was, because when Leo showed up again to call a truce, I was ready for it. He swore that he’d keep Ben away. But, Ben had a mind of his own, and when he thought our little truce was a good sign, he finally went too far. I had to do something to keep him away for good.”

“So what did you do?” Travis asked, sensing that Dennis was struggling to continue on with words that he’d rather not let out.

“I called him.”

Travis raised an eyebrow. “You called him?”

“I called Ben,” Dennis explained. “My family was out, and I told him to come over, so we could talk about Leo.”

“Were you going to talk about Leo?”

Dennis shook his head. “No. I was going to scare the shit out of him--I wasn’t going to hurt him,” he added quickly. “I just wanted him to get that he couldn’t be anywhere near me. But while I was waiting, Lyle and one of his friends showed up.”

“You hurt Ben to stay on your brother’s good side?” Travis demanded.

“No!” Dennis snapped, and if Travis didn’t know any better, he might have thought that Dennis was hurt by the accusation. “But Ben was already on his way, and it’s not like I could reach him... I was so fucking stupid. I thought if I explained to Lyle that I just wanted to scare him, he’d let me just do it, and Ben could get out of there quick. I thought Lyle and his friend... they were just supposed to watch. Told me if I got Ben out back, we wouldn’t even see them, and I believed him.”

“It was Lyle?” Travis asked quietly.

Dennis shrugged. “They just grabbed him. I didn’t do a damn thing, and they hit him until they got tired of holding him up. I swear to god I thought he was dead when I called Leo...”

“You called Leo?” Travis blurted, not sure why that surprised him.

Dennis took a breath. “They made me go with them when they took Ben away from the house. I was with him in the back seat of one of the cars from the dealership my dad was always bringing home. I couldn’t hear him breathing, and then Lyle just shoved him out in front of the school. I had to tell Leo where he was, but I couldn’t tell him anything else.”

“Why not?”

Dennis met his eyes. “Because Lyle kept looking at me, the whole fucking time. He just kept saying, ‘See what happens to faggots...’ I didn’t do a damn thing.”

Dennis suddenly pushed himself off the bench and paced down the street. Not sure what else to do Travis followed him until he changed directions and stopped close to the bench where they’d started from, and when he looked at Travis, the paleness in his complexion was finally recognized for what it was. Fear. “I wanna go home,” Dennis whispered.

“Okay,” Travis replied, nodding slowly. But, Dennis didn’t move, and when Travis realized it was because he no longer remembered where he’d parked the car, he led the way himself.

Travis suddenly wanted to hold Dennis’s hand, to reach out and touch him in the affectionate way capable of letting someone know that they weren’t alone. But a recent painful blow to the nose in a movie theater, and words Dennis had said afterwards in the comfort of his own room stopped him. What goes on in here--that’s no one’s business. Out there you’ll run into consequences. People can get hurt. It all suddenly made more sense than Travis cared to think about. He didn’t reach for Dennis’s hand. He didn’t try to touch him. That was exactly what Dennis needed him to do. Nothing.

And Travis hated it.

***

Nicky stared at his cousin’s back where it blocked the small space--the only space--that led out from behind the bar and into the club. With two trays of fries and beverages occupying his hands he wasn’t feeling very patient when it came to waiting for Kyle to move.

“Kyle. Kyle!”

Kyle turned, and Nicky rolled his eyes in disgust at the way Kyle was once again, staring at his cell phone. Honestly, he’d come to the club to seek out a little fun. He figured he deserved it after spending a good portion of the day dealing with the lunch crowd. They’d been short-staffed, probably would be until Chris could find more people to work part-time during the day. He hadn’t expected the night shift to fall short, too. Though, that probably had more to do with a record crowd than a lack of a full staff. Chris had put him to work as soon as he’d spotted him. The benefit of having good friends, he’d called it. Nicky called it inconvenient. He’d asked a girl to meet him there, and it hadn’t taken her long to become impatient enough to spend her time with someone else.

“Hey, can you take these?” Nicky asked his cousin, holding out the trays. “I’ve got two more that need to go out ten minutes ago.”

Kyle slid the phone into his pocket and took the trays, barely managing it before Nicky was reaching for the other two.

“Where do these go?” Kyle asked.

“Table number should be on the tray,” Nicky said, and then he was on his way across the room to drop off at two tables.

He really wished that Jake and Tony would get back from vacation. He missed construction, and would have applied with another company by now if Owen hadn’t pointed out that Jake might take a personal offense to that. Nicky didn’t actually believe that, and was pretty sure that this was Owen’s way of keeping him around longer, but it didn’t bother him so much, knowing that his friend needed him for now. Besides, he figured as he expertly moved through tables and around a few stumblers that had had too much to drink, he was getting pretty good at this waiter business. It made him feel a little better, at least.

What didn’t make him feel so much better was what he saw when he returned to the bar.

“Jesus Christ!” Nicky hissed as he shoved Kyle aside and lifted up the two trays he’d left with him minutes ago.

Kyle, who’d been staring at his phone again, made a grab for them. “I’m sorry, I’ve got it! I’ve got it!” he insisted.

“No, you’ve lost it,” Nicky corrected. “Shit, Kyle, you picked a bad night to go comatose on us. Will you just call Travis and tell him you’re sorry already?”

Kyle frowned, still thinking about the way Travis had walked past him without saying a word just the day before. “Why should I have to apologize?”

“Because you’re a jackass,” Nicky informed him before turning to get the orders to their tables.

Kyle didn’t waste any time in following him. “I’m not a...”

“You’re a jackass,” Nicky repeated. “Apologize to Travis, it’ll make you feel better.”

“Doubt it. I don’t think you understand...”

“Kyle, if he said it was none of your business, then it was none of your business. It was up to him to tell you he’s gay. The fact that he did should speak for something, and you could have handled it way better than you did. If he thinks you’re hating him, he isn’t going to come to you--trust me, I know what I’m talking about.”

Nicky dropped the first tray off at the first table and turned to face his cousin. “And I’m still mad at you for making it out like Owen did something wrong. So you’re a jackass.”

“Are you saying you wouldn’t be pissed if Owen came on to you?”

“That’s not the point! Owen knows I’m straight, and even if he’s thought about it, he respects that. You don’t go after a girl if you know she has a boyfriend, do you? It’s the same fucking concept. Did it ever occur to you that Owen might have kissed Travis because he thought Travis gave him a reason to? And if that happened, it’s still none of your business, Kyle. Fuck. People like you are the very reason why Owen would have rather run away from me when he came out than talk about it. You think it’s a mystery why Travis wouldn’t tell you, sooner? Just listen to yourself!”

Nicky walked away then, and Kyle frowned, wanting to go after him. He wanted to say that he didn’t care that Travis was gay--just that Travis hadn’t let him know it sooner. Unfortunately, he wasn’t sure that was entirely true.

Kyle didn’t really know what he wanted from Travis. He supposed that it was the secrets that bothered him so much. He knew he couldn’t change Travis; knew he couldn’t get involved unless Travis wanted him to. But he supposed the fact that Travis couldn’t even confide in him was not only offensive, but hurtful, too.

They were supposed to be friends. It was true that friends were supposed to respect each other’s boundaries, and Kyle could admit to crossing that line. But, friends were supposed to talk to each other, too, and the recent discovery of Sara alone had Travis questioning how it was possible he had a friend he knew nothing about. Travis confessing that he was gay... it was just one more thing that made Kyle feel like a fool. Something that had been under his nose the whole time, and yet he’d never once suspected it.

Maybe Travis really hadn’t intended for it to be a secret. Maybe Kyle just never took notice. But then, when he thought of all the times he and Travis were together and he pointed out a pretty girl; all the times that Travis had picked up girls--and granted, he’d passed them all off to Kyle; and all the times... all the times it could have come up, but didn’t--he couldn’t help feeling like he’d been lied to. Disrespected. He felt like maybe, the friendship he shared with Travis had always meant a hell of a lot more to him than it ever did to the guy with secrets who’d turned up in his life only months ago.

***

The basement that served as Dennis Gordon’s room was warm, but it was the cold that reached Travis in his sleep, jerking him awake as he grasped at the invisible figure that left him feeling abandoned and only caught air. Eyes opening heavily, he reached for his flashlight but found fur instead, and started at the cool tongue suddenly licking his shoulder. Turning to his side despite the headache creeping up the back of his neck that insisted on leaving him partially impaired, he came face to face with Valentine and pushed her back before she could lick his nose; but the familiarity of the small dog reminding him of where he was had him bringing his arm around her, allowing comfort to replace the anxiety that followed his nightmare.

Swallowing against a dry throat, his body felt heavy, but not so heavy that he couldn’t bring himself to sit up minutes later when he realized that while his surroundings were familiar, they weren’t altogether right.

His hand fell to the spot on the bed still indented from Dennis’s missing body and his head turned when the sound of running water reached his ears.

Being a light sleeper, Travis vaguely remembered Dennis climbing over him, walking away from the bed... he didn’t know how long ago, and the thought bothered him as he pushed aside the sheets and found his feet. He stepped over Valentine when she jumped from the bed, excited that he was up and moving; but he otherwise ignored her as he headed towards the bathroom, pausing only briefly at the door before he pushed it open, closed it on Valentine and locked it.

He didn’t bother removing any clothes because that would have only seemed necessary if he’d been wearing them, and he pushed back the shower curtain only enough to slip behind it before slipping his arms around Dennis’s waist and pressing his body tightly against his back.

Still rinsing away the soap foam running down the front of his body, Dennis only paused briefly before continuing on with the task, paying no mind to the way Travis was trying to take a nap on his shoulder. It was only the second time Travis had managed to surprise him in the shower. The first time Dennis had made it clear that he didn’t appreciate the intrusion and called Travis a predator who needed a bell around his neck. Travis had taken that as a compliment, of course, and then he’d taken advantage of Dennis. But, as much fun as that had been, Travis thought he preferred the mild response better, especially after last night when Dennis had tried to push him away. It had been subtle enough, but it was clear that he wanted Travis to leave the moment they’d reached the Chesleys. He’d even gone as far as telling Travis to take his car so he wouldn’t have to walk.

Travis might have gone. He didn’t like being anywhere where he wasn’t wanted, and probably would have left if he hadn’t thought the reason for Dennis’s sudden coolness had nothing to do with not wanting him there, and everything to do with thinking he didn’t deserve to have Travis there.

Travis had never actually seen anyone hate themselves more. It was irritating, and pathetic--as self-pity usually was. But, it made perfect sense, too. It was why Dennis didn’t like to be defended. It was why he let half the people he ran into just hate him without doing a damn thing about it. And, while Travis had little tolerance for that, so little, in fact, that he’d thought about walking away more than once, he supposed that he stayed because in part, he felt a little guilty himself.

When he’d been talking to Ben at the community center, just for a second, he’d thought the worst of Dennis Gordon. He’d thought what everyone else thought despite the fact that it went against his gut. Dennis Gordon wasn’t a bad person. Misguided--definitely. Afraid--that was a given. But that didn’t make him a bad person, and Travis wasn’t ready to be finished with him yet. Besides, he smelled too good to walk away from.

Closing his eyes as the water from the shower added weight to his lashes he inhaled against Dennis’s skin--the spot between his neck and shoulder, smooth and clean where the faint odor of soap still clung. He slid his hands up his sides, over his ribs and along lean muscles before he realized that Dennis had stopped moving and opened his eyes.

The shampoo was on the shower floor, and Travis laughed when he realized that Dennis was debating on how to reach it while Travis was so close behind him. But, instead of teasing him about it, Travis kissed his jaw when he turned enough to glare green daggers at him, and then reached for the soap himself.

Outside, Valentine grew impatient and scratched on the door while Travis clicked the soap lid open and Dennis turned towards him, only expressing mild protests when Travis reached up and lathered the blond’s hair himself, leaning forward until their chests touched as he tried to reach the back of Dennis’s head and spoke softly, close to his ear. “Is there a reason why we’re up so early?”

“What do you care? It’s not like you sleep, anyway.”

Travis guided Dennis’s head back beneath the water, and then made a face when the soap was out and they faced each other again. “Maybe I did sleep last night.”

Dennis considered that, but only for a moment. “No you didn’t.”

“Maybe.” Travis sighed as he leaned forward, relieving as much of his own weight as he could onto Dennis without threatening to knock them both over, and closed his eyes as he lifted his fingers to Dennis’s face, studying his features blindly. “But we should still go back to bed. I don’t wanna get up today.”

Dennis’s silence gave Travis a small hope that he was thinking along the same lines, but that wasn’t the case. “I have to walk Valentine, and later, I’m working.”

Travis sighed. “Can I go with you?”

“To walk Valentine?”

“What about work?” Travis asked, opening his eyes to see the odd way Dennis was looking at him. “What? Too clingy?”

“Probably. And you’d be bored. I’m selling cell phones.”

Travis raised a brow. “Is that a new one?”

“Yep.”

“Then you definitely need me,” Travis assured him. “You’re gonna suck at that job.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means I don’t think you could sell water to fish,” Travis said pleasantly, and then kissed away Dennis’s offended look. “I’m going to help you.”

“Thanks,” Dennis said dryly. “But I think I’ll try it on my own. You can still walk Valentine with me, though. I’ll let you hold the bag.”

Travis laughed. “Just like you to give me the shitty job,” he remarked, and then rolled his eyes at himself before he leaned in for another kiss as he allowed his hand to drift down past Dennis’s hip, ready to end their morning conversation.

Dennis caught the hand, and ignored Travis’s pout when he stepped away and turned off the water, making Valentine’s whining more apparent. “If we don’t walk her now, I’ll be handing you that bag before we get out of here,” Dennis explained.

Travis didn’t bother to argue since Dennis was already out of the shower with a towel around his waist. Instead, he reached for the cold faucet and called after him, “I’m gonna have to catch up.”

***

Dennis didn’t like drifting out of his comfort zone, so it seemed ironic that getting too comfortable was completely outside of it. And he was getting too comfortable with Travis Beltnick. Worse, he wasn’t the only one.

The Chesleys had always been laid-back people, as long as Dennis had known them. They tended to function as a unit, and while it didn’t happen every Sunday, sometimes all three of them would wake up with plans of heading out to church. This was one of those Sundays, and Dennis had walked upstairs and into the middle of a rushed breakfast as the elder Chesleys reminded each other that they were hosting a lunch later on and Reilly reminded them both that they didn’t have anything defrosted for it. But, none of this was disturbing to Dennis. He didn’t give a damn about chicken. What struck him as odd was that when he was seated at the table, there in the middle of it, was Travis, and not one Chesley seemed to think anything of it.

In fact, they had greeted Travis as if it was no surprise that he was there first thing in the morning. But then, that made sense because Travis was there a lot of mornings. It also occurred to Dennis that they never asked why he was over so often, and they never even announced his arrival anymore; when a Chesley answered the door that Travis was on the other side of, they simply pointed him in Dennis’s direction.

Dennis supposed that in a normal world this would all be normal behavior when a friend came to visit. But then, he hadn’t grown up in a normal house with normal friends coming and going on a whim. He’d grown up with a family full of suspicions, who questioned his motive for even speaking to anyone he might have crossed paths with. The Chesleys were nice people, but not knowing what they thought about Travis and caring to find out was enough to give Dennis a migraine; what threw him into a panic over the need to protect his privacy just happened to be the way that Mrs. Chesley winked at him--knowingly winked at him--after Travis volunteered to tag along with Dennis to pick up food for the luncheon when he said he’d do it so everyone else could get to church on time.

But it was still just a wink. A wink that could have meant anything. There wasn’t really any way to know what, exactly. But, Dennis did know one thing at that moment: It was time to find his own place.

He supposed that he’d been putting off the task for long enough, anyway. He’d meant to do it months ago; staying with the Chesleys, after all, was always supposed to be temporary. He was surprised to find how sad it made him. But then, the fear of staying with Travis’s constant visits outweighed that. Dennis needed privacy. That was important to him, maybe more than anything else. If he didn’t want to leave, Travis would have to go. That bothered him, too.

As they roamed their way through the natural-foods store in search of what was on the Chesleys’ list, he turned his attention to where Travis was picking through a bin of fresh apples. Travis hadn’t asked before taking the grey sweater he was wearing out of Dennis’s closet, but then, Dennis hadn’t asked if he needed the clean pair of jeans he’d handed over shortly after just because he liked the way they fit him. And Travis hadn’t forced Dennis to share some of his darkest secrets the night before, while Dennis hadn’t had to tell them. He wasn’t used to having a friend like this; he had Owen, but Owen didn’t really know him well enough to know better. With Travis he didn’t always feel like he needed to have secrets, but he didn’t feel like he had to divulge things about himself out of duty, either.

He needed to find his own place. He wasn’t going to mention it to Travis, and he wouldn’t tell Travis what had given him the push to do this now, but Dennis supposed that what counted was the way he was already considering places in closer walking distance from Travis’s apartment.

“What?” Travis suddenly asked.

Dennis blinked and realized he’d been staring at how well his sweater fit Travis. He also realized that he’d been caught several moments ago.

“Nothing,” he mumbled, turning his back to feign interest in cucumbers, but, the moment he looked across the stand he was reaching for his hand snapped back to his side while his eyes widened on a familiar face that looked as surprised as his own.

If Beth Gordon hadn’t been so bewildered to see one of her sons looking at a vegetable that didn’t come frozen and in a bag--or worse, in a can--Dennis might have gotten the impression that she’d purposely followed him in there. But, even if that wasn’t the case, it didn’t stop him from regarding her accusingly before he attempted to handle things peacefully by walking away.

When Dennis turned, he was surprised by how close Travis was suddenly standing to him.

“Dennis--Dennis, please wait!”

This came from his mother, and Dennis’s eyes snapped to Travis. Travis looked curious but patient, like he was waiting for instruction on how to proceed. Dennis didn’t even know how to proceed. It didn’t help that his feet were no longer moving and the few seconds he could have used to walk away were gone as his mother walked around the food display and ended up right in front of him, smiling the way she did when she wanted to look friendly.

“I’m glad I ran into you,” she announced.

Dennis frowned. I bet you are. “We’re busy right now,” he said, nodding towards Travis, who Beth didn’t even bother to acknowledge apart from a slight frown that reminded Dennis of Travis’s warning to avoid his parents. He decided to step around her, hoping that Travis would just follow--which, he seemed willing to do, but the way Dennis’s mom suddenly reached out for his arm threw a wrench into the whole idea.

“This will only take a minute,” she insisted, even as Dennis pulled away from her, nearly elbowing Travis in the process. “Dennis, I know you’re still upset about your brother being... difficult, but...”

“What about you being difficult?” Travis cut her off. Dennis looked at him, too surprised to be annoyed, and Beth shot him a warning look. Travis smiled at her.

“What?” she said tightly.

“I was talking about the way you’ve been going off about him behind his back,” Travis said casually, suddenly interested in his short-cropped fingernails. He leaned towards Dennis then, dramatically whispering, as if he expected Beth Gordon not to hear. “She totally hates it that we’ve been hanging out.”

Beth ground her teeth, but her ability to force a smile seemed impressive enough to Dennis. It had been a while since he’d really been around his mother, but he was fairly positive that she’d strangle the life out of Travis if given the chance. At the moment, that was a point in Travis’s favor.

“I never said that,” Beth insisted. “I don’t even know you.”

“Oh. My mistake,” Travis replied, and then smiled sweetly at her. “I’ll look forward to fixing that.”

Beth cleared her throat with no comment, and returned her attention to her son. “You’ll be getting the invitation where you’re staying, but since we ran into each other, I might as well tell you personally that I’m having a small engagement party next weekend. Sunday afternoon at three o’clock. It would mean a lot to me for you to be there, Dennis.”

Dennis sighed, not sure what to make of the humbleness in his mother’s expression. He’d seen the same look on her face before as she addressed some of her best friends before making vicious remarks about them as soon as their backs were turned. “I’ll be working,” he decided to say, and then for good measure, added, “sorry.”

Beth frowned. “It’s one afternoon, Dennis. You can take one afternoon to celebrate with your mother.”

“Will there be food?” Travis asked.

“Yes,” Beth replied, and then waved off the interruption. “Dennis, I know you’re still angry about a lot of things, but if you could just put it aside for a few hours you might remember that you do have a family. Your grandparents will be there, you know. They ask about you all the time.”

“What kind of food?” Travis wanted to know. “Will there be like, a whole dinner, or are people going to be picking stuff off of trays? I hope you’re not planning some kind of communal bowl. Those are kind of nasty. I’d eat out of one, but Dennis strikes me as sort of picky, and...”

“There will be dinner,” Beth said impatiently. “Dennis, I don’t expect you to give me an answer now, but I think you should at least think about it and call to let me know what you decide. You should call me regardless--god knows you never take the time to let me know what’s going on with you, and it’s a mother’s right...”

“We’ll be there,” Travis cut her off.

“Excuse me?” Beth replied, seeming a little alarmed by the concept of we.

“What?” Dennis demanded, his tone sharper than even his mother could have pulled off. He’d just started getting heated over Beth’s ‘a mother’s right’ speech, and the last thing he needed was Travis working against him. In his mind, that apartment he’d been thinking about just moved about five miles out of Travis’s way.

“Dinner sounds great,” Travis told Beth. “I like food.” He pointed a thumb at Dennis. “He likes food, too. We’ll be there.”

Ten miles out of the way.

Beth stared at Travis oddly for a long moment, and then glanced at her disagreeable son. Whether or not she found Travis Beltnick distasteful didn’t matter when she found a reason for him to be useful, and another forced smile on her face suggested that she was going to take full advantage of it.

“I’m not going to be there,” Dennis said quickly, and only became more irritated when his mom no longer seemed interested in speaking to him, but Travis instead.

“I’ll make sure your seats are reserved,” she told him before glancing at Dennis. “And please don’t worry about your brother. He knows that if he’s not on his best behavior he won’t like the consequences.”

“I’m not worried about Lyle because I’m not going to be there,” Dennis insisted, but just as his mother looked as if she was listening to him, Travis interrupted again.

“Three o’clock, right?” he asked. “We’ll try to be on time. And, congratulations on the wedding.”

Travis would have to walk halfway around the globe to find him once Dennis found a new place.

“Thank you,” Beth replied, the first words she’d said to him that sounded sincere. “And Dennis, if you need something to wear I still have a few of your things at the house. Come over early if you need to.”

But, Dennis might not have heard her at this point. He was too busy envisioning his hands around Travis Beltnick’s neck.

Travis didn’t seem to notice as he waved Beth Gordon off, and he was still grinning when he finally turned his eyes back to Dennis. That’s where the smile faded, though, and he was quick to take a defensive step back when he saw the look on Dennis’s face. “Wow,” he commented. “Don’t ever let anyone say your mom’s scarier than you are--will you lighten up, I...”

Dennis’s hands flew up, and he turned so forcefully that behind him, tomatoes went falling to the tile floor before he stomped his way over them. “Don’t even talk to me, Travis--don’t.”

Travis sighed heavily as he got behind their cart and pushed. “Fine. I don’t need to talk to you,” he said as his eyes slid down Dennis’s retreating back and stopped pointedly on his jeans-clad ass. “I like watching you better, anyway.”