Stonegate Stables - 28. Chapter 28

The next morning, I rode Zena to work and was just unsaddling her when Tommy found me. He was smiling, but didn't say anything until I was finished putting Zena into her stall.

"Come see," was all he said as he walked to the south barn. There in a stall deep with straw was Fran the donkey with a fuzzy grey baby by her side. Fran looked pleased with herself, snuffling her nose along the baby's back as he poked under her belly for a drink. I went in with them, smiling as I ran my hand over his soft downy coat. He was the first baby born since I'd owned Stonegate, and although he wasn't a horse, he was still all mine.

Matt received his high school diploma the following Wednesday in a small ceremony at Wade's office. Wade, Adam, and I were there, and took Matt out for lunch at Corleone's afterward where Vincent joined us.

"So, do you feel any smarter?” Adam asked after we'd ordered.

Matt grinned. "Nah. It was something I wanted to do, but I'm glad it's over. Now I can concentrate on my art."

"On that note," Adam said, handing Matt a package.

Matt tore the paper off to reveal a soft leather case holding a full set of Kolinsky Sable brushes. There were rounds, brights, filberts, mops, and fans - everything Matt would need for years of painting. It was a beautiful gift - thoughtful and generous - something Matt probably wouldn't have splurged on for himself.

He stared at the brushes for a long moment, running his fingertips across the little leather loops holding them in place before looking up into Adam's face.

"How did you know I wanted these?"

Adam smiled at him, locked onto his eyes. "I just bought the best ones I could find and hoped they were good enough."

They smiled at each other, the intimate smile of two people who are beginning to know one another well. It was Vincent’s turn to give me the sideways glance and subtle smirk as we watched. Thank God our food arrived then, or they might have crawled under the table together.

TJ started vet school that week. He had morning classes Monday through Thursday, spent the afternoons at the barn helping Sam, and studied all evening. I often saw him and Gabriel with their heads together over one of the horses, and finally I asked TJ about it.

"Gabriel's a really smart guy. I was having a hell of a time the other night, so he read the chapter, and then talked me through it. His explanation was clearer than the one in the book, so now we're sort of studying together. I tell him about what happened in class, and then we go through my notes. I bought a second set of textbooks so we could both read at the same time, and it's really helping me. I suppose he'll never be a vet, but he'll probably wind up knowing damn near as much as I do."

"Well, if he really sticks with it, I'll use him for a lot of the minor stuff and pay him accordingly."

I saw them again a few days later. They were sitting side by side on a bale of hay, leaning back against another, eating lunch out of a brown paper sack from home, and reading Practical Veterinary Medicine. Now and then one of them would lean over to the other, pointing out something in the book, their heads close together.

We'd stayed in touch with Jack and Paula, Katie's parents, and they drove over for the gymkhana. I told Katie I'd have a horse she could use since her jumper wasn't suited to the quick starts and tight turns of gymkhana events. They showed up on Friday afternoon, and Katie was out of the car before it stopped, dashing across the yard to me.

"Sean! This place is beautiful! How old are the barns? Where's the horse I'm gonna ride? Is Matt here?"

She grabbed me in a quick hug, which I returned with a laugh. She was so enthusiastic about everything it was hard not to get caught up in her excitement. Matt pulled in just then, and she ran over to his truck and jumped on him when he got out. He held onto her for a minute before leading her off for a barn tour.

Paula watched them until they were out of sight, shaking her head. "Can we leave her here until dinner? I think she'll behave herself. We threatened her with everything from no phone to dishes for a month, so I think you'll be safe for a few hours."

"Of course. I was gonna send them off on a ride, if that's okay with you. I'll watch her in the arena for a little bit to make sure she's okay with the horse I have for her. Matt'll be on a horse he's familiar with."

"Sure, sure. She brought all her riding gear along. Just make sure she wears her helmet."

We agreed they'd be back in time for dinner at our place, and they drove off to find a motel and meet with a realtor. I found Katie and Matt in with Ginger, who was munching carrots and getting her belly scratched.

"You guys wanna go for a ride? You could get used to the horse you'll be on tomorrow."

Katie's eyes lit up. "Yeah!"

I'd ridden Zena over a few days ago, and Chex the next day. They were hanging out together in a double stall, dozing hipshot until they heard me opening the stall door. I let Katie tack up Zena so that I could see how she handled a horse. I knew she could ride from her junior title, but didn't know how well she'd get along with Zena, who could be a little grumpy sometimes. But everything was fine, and I took them to the arena to get mounted, fixing stirrup lengths and making sure Katie was dialed in on riding western.

After having them both walk, jog, and lope for me I turned them loose on the trails, telling them the horses better be cool when they got back, and that we were eating at 6:30. They waved and trotted away, Katie posting easily to Zena's soft jog.

With them out of my hair for a couple hours, I cornered Teresa in the office to make sure everything was in place for tomorrow. She gave me one of those flat-eyed stares, daring me to ask again (this was the third time I'd asked her today), sighed theatrically, and assured me that it would come off without a hitch.

"Sean. It's a gymkhana, for Christ's sake, not the Queen's coronation. The kids'll have a ball, almost no matter what. Go bother somebody who needs it."

With that, she turned her back on me, so I decided to take care of something I'd been thinking about doing for a while. Gabriel was free-jumping Barney over a series of low jumps in the big round pen. Barney was circling the pen at a slow canter, leaping gracefully over the two-foot jumps as he came to them, rating his own stride while Gabriel talked to him from the center of the pen.

"Come see me when you're finished.” He nodded and I wandered back to my office, thinking of what I'd say to him. He knocked on the open door about twenty minutes later and I waved him in. He’d filled out a little from the steady physical work, and was tan and healthy looking. He sure filled more of the office doorway now than he had that first day when he came in, asked me for a job, and told me about his prison record. He’d shaved his beard after he moved in with TJ, so I knew there had been some influence there. There was a certain rugged beauty about his younger looking face now that the beard was gone. He’d taken 10 years off his age.

"Close the door.” I waited until he sat down across from me. He was watching me warily, and I wondered just how badly he'd had it before coming to Stonegate. "You like working here, don't you?"

"You know I do. Best place I ever worked."

"Good. You've got a knack with the rescues that TJ keeps hauling home. Wanna work for the Foundation?"

He eyed me for a moment. "Maybe. Doin' what?"

"A lot more than you are now. You'd be responsible for the evaluation and rehabilitation of the horses - the six we have now plus whatever TJ comes home with in the future. I'd like to adopt them out if they're suitable. That'd be your call, as well as what kind of rider they'd need. You'd interview prospective homes, and do follow-up visits for the life of the horse, so there'd be some travel involved if they get taken out of state. I'd supervise for the first six months, then gradually step back until you were running that part of things. If it gets to be too much, we'll hire another guy as your assistant."

He was staring at me by now. "Jesus, really?"

When I nodded at him, he got up and paced away from the desk, stopping halfway across the room with his head lowered. After a few moments, he spoke in a strained voice. "I'm gay."

I could just tell from the way he said it that this was the first time he'd ever uttered the words aloud, and so I was careful with my reply. "Me, too, Gabriel. It's okay. At least half of Stonegate’s employees are gay."

He turned to me with a driven look in his eyes. "I've never said that to anyone before. I wasn't even sure myself until just before I got into trouble. Then I was in prison, and Christ knows you don't want to admit that in there." He walked back until he was standing a few feet from me. "Working here has been . . . it's like coming home. I'd love to work for the Foundation, Sean. Thanks for the offer."

I stood up with my hand extended, smiling at him. We shook slowly, and as we looked at each other, we knew that there was more to it than him accepting a job. I was accepting him as a gay man, something no one had done before. He finally broke into the first real smile I'd ever seen on his face. We grinned at each other for a few seconds, and then I tugged on his hand, pulling him close enough to kiss the corner of his mouth lightly. He closed his eyes for a second, and I felt the breath of his sigh against my cheek.

"Welcome to the family," I told him. I handed him a small box. "There's a cell phone in there. Keep it on you all the time in case TJ, Sam or I need you, AND keep studying with TJ. Go send Tommy in here, will you?"

When I informed Tommy that his crew was now lighter by one stable boy, he just shrugged philosophically. "I figured you'd eventually tag him for something more than shoveling horse shit. He's a bright guy." Tommy always had a line on another kid or two, and went off to call one of them after finding TJ and sending him my way.

"He accepted, huh? Great." TJ seemed pleased with the prospect of working more closely with Gabriel.

"Anything happening with you two?" I asked him.

He shook his head, but he was smiling. "Nah, but I really enjoy him living there with me. Thanks for thinking of that. He's real comfortable to be around, and I'm starting to like him a lot. The studying thing is good, too - we spend every spare minute together, talking and reading. This is what I always wanted it to be like - getting to know a guy pretty well before sleeping with him."

I got up and hugged him close, happy that we were friends. "Good. I'm glad it's going the way you want." I didn’t tell TJ about the gay part of my meeting with Gabriel – I figured they’d sort it out for themselves given time and compatibility.

After he left, I plowed through the paperwork necessary to add Gabriel to the Foundation's payroll, and then went out to see if the kids were back from their ride. They were just putting the horses away, so I waited until they finished and then led them to Fran's stall. The baby donkey was frisking around in the straw, kicking up his little heels and squeaking, while Fran watched indulgently. Matt and Katie were entranced, and I had to drag them out of the stall when I heard Katie's folks arrive.

Katie had to show them the donkeys before we left, so we spent another ten minutes saying 'awwwww' every time he did something cute, which was about every thirty seconds. Paula asked what his name was, and when I admitted that he didn't have one, she suggested a contest with the winner getting visitation rights for a year. I thought it was a great idea, and stopped by the office to tell Teresa to make a sign for tomorrow.

We drove home in a little procession with me leading the way, then Matt and Katie in Matt's truck, followed by Jack and Paula in their Suburban. They gave each other a long look when they got out in my driveway and glanced around. I'm not sure what all Matt had told Katie about how we lived, but they looked surprised at the size of the house and grounds.

Vincent was home already, and opened the front door to welcome us in. He hugged and kissed me like he always does regardless of who's around, and I loved that he was so comfortable with us as a couple. Jack was looking around the entry hall, but Paula smiled at me over Vincent's shoulder.

We had lasagna from Corleone's with salad and lots of garlic bread. Vincent had brought home a few good bottles of wine, and we had a really pleasant evening. Jack and Paula were friendly, casual, and intelligent, and our dinner conversation covered a wide range of subjects. Matt and Katie hung in there through desert, but then ran off to Matt's room.

At the end of the evening, Katie begged really hard to spend the night at our place. Vincent just shrugged and Matt nodded with a smile, so I said it was okay with me, assuring Paula that Katie would have her own room with a private bath. She didn't seem near as concerned with that aspect of it as she did with the prospect of Katie driving us all crazy, but I told her we'd manage for one night, so they drove off without her. Matt took her bag up to the guest room at the far end of the hall.

Having Katie in the house put the kibosh on our usual dress code of underwear for TV watching, so we all ended up in sweats, and lounged around the den eating ice cream. Around 10pm, I chased both of them upstairs so that they'd be fresh for tomorrow's busy day.

After they left, Vincent pulled me down onto him and shoved his hands down the back of my sweats, gripped my ass, and dragged me up and down his body. I started to move with the motion of his arms, and in a few minutes we were both hard and grinding into each other. As I started to breathe more quickly, Vincent slowed us down and pushed me to my feet.

"We can't fuck here - there's a seventeen-year-old girl loose in the house."

I had completely forgotten about Katie as soon as Vincent's hands had landed on my ass. We made it up the stairs, down the hall, and halfway to the bed before Vincent dropped to his knees, taking my sweats with him. As my dick met the wet warmth of his mouth, I exhaled in a long 'uhhhhhhhhh', making Vincent smile around my cock. We were between the doorway and the bed with nothing to hang to but each other, so I held Vincent's head as he sucked me, feeling the soft velvet of his short hair in my hand.

When my knees began to quiver, he brought me down to the carpet, never losing his hold on my dick. I lay on my back thrusting up into his mouth as he fondled my balls, and I had the wild thought that when I died, I wanted it to happen right in the middle of a fabulous blow job. But then I thought about how awful that would be for the person doing the blowing and quickly cancelled the idea.

After he had milked me dry, Vincent straddled my chest and jerked himself off using my cum for lube. He watched me as his expression went from enjoyment to deep concentration to the grimace of orgasm, and he dropped down to kiss me as he tugged the last few drops from his cock. After he wiped me up we finally made it to the bed.

I was edgy about the first event at the new show grounds, and was in the kitchen at 5am making coffee while I watched out the window for rain. Since there wasn't a cloud in the sky, weather wasn't going to be a problem, but I was sure other things would come up. When I got to the stable at 6am, a few horse trailers were already parked along the fence as the early birds got the best spots. The concession stands were doling out coffee and donuts, and horses were munching hay while their owners chatted with each other, filled water buckets, or unloaded lawn chairs and coolers.

I love a horse show. There's a camaraderie to it all that I miss, and I was pretty damn happy to be having one on my own property. I wandered around saying hi to people, lending a hand here and there, and answering questions. By 7am, Teresa and her helpers were doing a booming business in class registrations, and it looked like we'd have a full day.

Every horse needed to get a quick look by Sam or TJ, and the vet line was moving smoothly when I walked by. Gabriel was holding horses for them while they moved around the animal checking feet and legs for soreness. Now and then, one of them had a word with the owner, but so far, not one was rejected, and I hoped it stayed that way.

At 8am, Adam, our announcer, called the first classes to the 'in' gate. All horses in a given class waited outside the arena until it was their turn, milling about as each horse or team ran, riders talking to each other and checking out the competition. We were running the same event in both arenas simultaneously, 10-13 year olds in one and14-18 in the other.

Things came to a brief halt when one girl flew off her horse in a turn and sprained her wrist. She argued her mother into letting Sam wrap it in an Ace bandage and staying for the rest of the day, although we wouldn't let her ride.

Katie was absolutely fearless in the saddle, running Zena through the pole bending like the prize was a million bucks. I was very impressed with her riding ability, and Zena looked surprised that she had gone that fast. Katie won that class, with Matt coming in 9th on Chex, who was more into retirement mode and didn't see much point in running anywhere.

We broke for lunch from 12 to 1, giving horses and riders a chance to eat and rest a bit before the afternoon events. The 'Name the Donkey' contest closed at noon, and I helped Teresa and Sam sort out the entries. I suppose it should have come as no surprise that ‘Eeyore’ won by a landslide. When we announced it at the end of the lunch break, the crowd roared loud enough to scare a few horses. Alejandro painted up a sign real quick, and hung it on the donkey pen. Eeyore didn't look particularly impressed with his name.

One of the afternoon events was the egg race, where you clamp a plastic spoon between your teeth with an egg in the bowl. The object is to get from one end of the arena to the other - while weaving through cones - faster than anyone else without losing your egg. Two things Chex did still have going for him were a very smooth lope and good steering, and Matt had practiced quite a bit the last couple weeks. Since he'd only been riding a few months, this one event was probably the only place he had a chance of doing well.

When his turn came, he had a little cheering section consisting of Vincent, TJ, Gabriel, Cody, and me. Adam was still in the announcer's booth, but I knew he'd be cheering silently also. In the egg race there are four horses running at once. Katie ran in an early group and managed to hang onto her egg, but she walked the entire time and was fairly slow. Matt was in the last group of four, and I could see him settling deep into the saddle as we'd discussed. He clamped the spoon between his molars where it would bounce less, another trick I'd mentioned to him, and then the whistle blew. He immediately asked Chex for a lope, reining him gently around each cone as they outdistanced the other competitors by a mile.

As he crossed the finish line we hooted and whistled at him, and when he realized he'd won, he stood up in the saddle with both arms raised, promptly dropping his egg onto Chex's neck, where it broke and slid down his shoulder to drip into the dirt. When we got back to where Zena and Chex were tied up for the day, Matt was talking with Katie and grinning like he'd just won the lottery.

"I won!" he yelled, grabbing me in a big hug. "Thanks for the tips."

"Tips? You coached him?" Katie stared at me with her hands on her hips and an indignant expression on her pretty face.

"Yes, Miss State Champion, I did,” I said, leaning forward to get in her face a little. “He didn't grow up on a horse like you and every other kid here. I just gave him a few pointers." Matt and I beamed at each other and high-fived.

Katie won another class and was thrilled with herself since she'd never done gymkhana before. She loved Zena, and was already making plans to drive over at least three weekends a month so that she and Matt could ride and hang out.

Adam found me as I was helping load a reluctant horse.

"Can I use Donna tomorrow?” He sounded somewhat excited.

"Yeah, I suppose. What's up?"

"I want to put Katie on her. She's got a phenomenal seat, and I want to see what she can do on a real jumper."

"Have you asked her folks?” Jack and Paula had spent the day at the gymkhana cheering on Katie and Matt as they rode.

"Yeah, they're fine with it. Katie only has one more year in Amateur Owner before she'll be too old. If she's going to move up, she needs to get on a better horse. I figured Donna was a good place to start."

I agreed, and we planned to meet at 9am to see what Katie could do with a Gran Prix horse in her hands.

The last class finished up around 4:30, and trailers started rolling out the drive shortly thereafter. It had been a great day. Kids had fun, parents were happy to have a local show venue, the bathrooms never had a line, and no one got hurt aside from the sprained wrist. I chalked it up as a winner, and was already thinking about what I'd do differently for the next one.

The last trailer pulled out about 5:30, and we closed the gates with a sigh. Matt and Katie had gone home to clean up. Jack and Paula were staying in town for the night. Vincent had left an hour ago to go cook dinner, so I called it a day and drove home, tired but happy. Vincent greeted me with a kiss and a glass of wine, sending me up to shower while he put the finishing touches on a salad to go with the meat loaf and baked potatoes that were in the oven.

We ate, and then the kids cleaned up before running up to Matt's room for the evening. Vincent and I took coffee and tiramisu to the den, lounging on the couch and talking as he fed us both.

"So it was a success, huh?" he asked as I licked his finger way more than necessary to get the sticky desert off.

"God, it was great. It all came off pretty much the way I planned it. It's sooo satisfying when that happens."

He held me while I slept through a movie, rubbing my back slowly, and then woke me so that we could go upstairs. As we walked past Matt's room, I heard voices, so I stopped for a moment. They were talking softly, giggling now and then, and I smiled to myself. The door was slightly ajar, so I glanced in as I moved on.

They were lying on their sides face to face on Matt's bed, drawn up knees bumping between them. Matt had his usual evening boxer briefs on, and Katie was wearing a big t-shirt and hopefully panties, although I couldn't see that for sure. I paused for a moment, wondering if that scene would pass muster with Katie's mother. I reluctantly decided that it probably wouldn't, and tapped softly on the door before stepping in.

"It's getting late. You guys about ready for bed?"

Katie sat up and smiled at me. As she turned to slide off the bed, I caught a glimpse of her underwear and heaved an internal sigh of relief. Not that I thought they were up to anything - Matt liked boys, remember? It just made me feel better. Katie kissed my cheek on the way out the door.

"I had a wonderful time today. Thanks a lot for letting me use Zena."

She walked off down the hall to her room, and a moment later I heard the door close behind her. I turned to Matt, who was still lying on the bed, on his back now, watching me.

"What do you suppose her mom would think about the two of you in here in your undies?" I asked him calmly.

He thought about that for a minute, studying my face to see if he could tell where I was headed with this.

"I'm not sure. I guess I'd hope that she trusted Katie enough to know that it was okay, no matter how it looked. We were just talking."

"I know, Matty. I'm not upset, but you need to remember she's only seventeen. Please leave the door open halfway when you guys are in here, okay? I need to be able to look Paula in the eye in the morning."

He chuckled and smiled at me, nodding. I leaned over the bed on one hand to kiss him, losing my balance when he pulled me down onto him. He rolled quickly so that I was on the bottom, and attacked me with kisses. By this time, Vincent was missing me, and stuck his head in the door.

"Jesus, I can't take my eyes off you for a minute. I thought you were tired."

Matt was chewing on my neck at that point, so I was laughing as I replied, "I thought so, too. Wanna join us?"

"Let's take the party to our room, the bed's bigger." So we did, getting to sleep one hour and three orgasms later.

Adam had Donna tacked up and was riding her in the arena when we got to the barn the next morning. Katie was all decked out in her jumping gear and looked a lot different than she had yesterday in jeans and a t-shirt. Jack and Paula had joined us and were taking a keen interest in Adam’s ‘future student’.

I tossed her onto Donna, where she gathered up the reins and listened to Adam's instructions as he adjusted the stirrups.

"Go through the gaits, both directions, to get used to her. Then we'll start with some low jumps and work our way up. What's the highest you've jumped?"

"Three-six." (3 1/2 feet)

She settled into the saddle and worked Donna up and down the gaits. Adam was right - Katie had good hands and an excellent seat. You could barely see her cue Donna to canter. After twenty minutes, Adam headed for the gate, and we all went over to the jumping arena where Tommy had set up three-foot fences for her. She circled Donna once, and then aimed her at a vertical jump, soaring over it with room to spare. The look on her face made us all smile. She lit up like someone had flipped a switch.

"Wow! What a jump! That was great! Was there, like, two feet to spare?" she asked Adam.

"Well, not that much, but, yeah, it was a nice jump. Do the line down the right side."

She cantered along the fence, jumping each fence easily, and then pulled up near Adam again. Tommy and I raised the jumps to three-six, then four feet, then four-six as Katie got used to the feel of a GP horse. At four feet six inches, Donna wasn't even breaking a sweat, and Katie was getting used to the greater impulsion the horse used over larger fences. We raised a couple jumps to five feet and one to five-six, and then sent Katie around the entire course.

She knew this could be a big break for her if Adam decided to take her on as a student, and you could see her concentration from where we sat in the bleachers. She'd been on Donna for about two hours at that point, and had gotten a fairly good feel for her. They went around the course cleanly and fairly fast for her first time over fences of that size. Paula looked a little pale, but didn't say anything as she watched her only child pilot a 1200-lb horse over jumps taller than she was.

When Katie was finished, we all went into the arena, where she was jumping up and down next to Donna as she told Adam how neat it was to ride a real jumper. We sent Katie and Matt back to the barn to unsaddle Donna and put her away, while Adam and I talked to Jack and Paula.

"She's got a lot of ability, and I'd like to take her on as a student . . . my first student, actually. I'm not sure how soon you thought about moving, but we could probably work something out for Katie to board here until you do - maybe with Sean, or maybe with Sam and Teresa."

Paula turned to me. "Do you . . . are you comfortable with Katie staying at your place on the weekends for a couple months?" I was real glad I'd had that talk with Matt last night when she added, "You've done such a good job with Matt that I trust you taking care of my baby."

I assured her that we'd be happy to have Katie stay over for as long as it took them to buy a house and get moved. I left them haggling with Adam over money, and went home to have lunch with Vincent.

It was a beautiful day, so we decided to take a picnic down to the stream. I told him about Katie spending weekends and he thought it was a good idea – something about the three of us learning to act like gentlemen when we were at home. Vincent packed up a basket, I grabbed a blanket, and we walked down through the meadow to a patch of low grass close enough to the water that we could hear it tumble and splash over the stones of a little rapids. I spread the blanket, took off my shoes, and helped Vincent empty the basket. He'd brought all sorts of goodies - cheese, crackers, grapes, chicken salad, baby carrots, brownies, and a good bottle of Chardonnay. We lay back with the food between us, sipping wine and watching the clouds as the afternoon passed.

After a while, Vincent put the food away and lay down on his side with his arm across my chest and his head in his propped up hand. I looked up at him, loving the way his face softened as he looked at me.

"What are you thinking?" I asked him softly.

"That I know your face better than I know my own. I know what it means when you narrow your eyes a little when I'm fucking you. I know how to get you to smile that little one-sided smile that makes my dick hard every time. I know when you're going to tell me that you love me because you get a certain look in your eyes." He leaned down and kissed me lingeringly. "I love knowing you that well. I love what you and I have together. I've never been in love before, so I don't have much basis for comparison, but I think it doesn't happen like this very often." He sighed and shrugged an eyebrow. "Maybe everyone who's in love thinks that, but . . ."

His voice trailed off and he lay down with his face in my neck. He doesn't often get like that - contemplative and serious. It's more my style, and it touched something in me. I rolled to him so that we could look at each other.

"I love it that you know me that well, too. We haven't talked much about it, but since that morning in our room when we exchanged rings, I've felt like I belong to you, that you own a part of me that no one's ever touched. Whenever you do something special - like my birthday - it makes me feel incredible. No one understands me like you do."

He lay there quietly for a bit, thinking about what I'd said, I guess. When he spoke, his voice was vibrant with emotion. "I knew from that first weekend we spent together that you were the man I wanted. When you injured your shoulder, it almost killed me to see you in so much pain. I wanted to find that fucking horse and shoot it in the head. No matter what happens to us, promise me you'll never forget that I need you, that you're what makes my world complete."

He was watching me with dark, solemn eyes, holding my gaze. I swallowed and nodded. "I promise."