Stonegate Stables - 43. Chapter 43

By the end of January I was feeling better. Not A-OK, not by a long shot, but much better. Three visits (so far) to the psychiatrist had helped me understand the reasons for my descent into the stinking hell of depression. Knowledge is power, as the saying goes, and I was beginning to enjoy life again.

After my shaky seduction of Vincent in the kitchen, we were back to sleeping close to one another. I suddenly couldn’t get enough of touching him, and we spent a lot of time on the couch in the den, curled up together. It was very reassuring for both of us, and helped mend the tears in our relationship.

However, it took longer to get our sex life back on track. I wanted to fuck (or thought I did, anyway), but my dick was singularly uninterested. Vincent's best efforts with hand and mouth had no effect. I concentrated, imagining fucking every cute boy I’d ever set eyes on, but my cock just lay there, dead to the world. I tried fantasizing my way through MEN magazine, and we watched a porn flick or two, but nothing worked. We tossed around the idea of Viagra, just to jump-start things, but I decided no chemicals enhancements for this boy. I was frustrated and embarrassed, but the doctor assured me things would return to normal, and told us to just let it come back when it would.

During those few weeks, Vincent was the beneficiary of many guilt-induced blow jobs, given by me in an effort to make him feel good, and by association, myself. It worked to some degree, and Vincent got me laughing about it one night when he was kneeling next to me in the final stages of jerking himself off over my chest. He had his rigid, straining erection in one hand, my limp, unresponsive dick in the other, and he talked to it in an instructive tone of voice.

"Now pay attention - this is how you have an ejaculation."

Only, since he was in the process of cumming, it came out more like, "This is …… unnnnh ….. how you ……. arrgh ….. have a ….. grrrrr …..!"

The last word was lost as the first shot spurted from his cock, splattering across my chest in a shotgun pattern. For some reason the whole thing finally struck me funny, and I started to laugh - just a chuckle at first - but then it became a full-blown laughing jag that ended with me in tears. Vincent was mortified, but I wasn't crying for crying's sake; it was more a cathartic release, and when I was done, I smiled a real smile at Vincent, and rose up to kiss him.

Ryan stayed in touch by phone after Dylan's funeral, calling me every few days. The first time, Vincent almost didn't let him speak to me, fearing that he would dredge up sad memories of Dylan, but I enjoyed our conversations. Ryan did most of the talking; telling me little stories of the shady characters he investigated, and I began to look forward to his calls.

My birthday was right in the middle of all this, so we barely acknowledged it. Matt and Adam came over for dinner that night - Maria's enchiladas - and then we adjourned to the den.

Matt was so obviously happy and content that it made me feel even worse that I was having such problems with the fact that he had moved in with Adam. Actually, his moving in with Adam wasn't what bothered me. Moving out of our home was the real problem. I wanted him to stay here and never leave, which was selfish and unrealistic, but that didn't make me stop wanting it.

Vincent pulled me down next to him on the couch, and Matt settled in on my other side, while Adam sat on the floor between Matt's feet and mine. Nothing much happened, but it was a good evening for me, an evening where I felt fairly normal. When Matt hugged me goodbye, I clung to him for a moment, thinking that if I held on tight enough, he wouldn’t go. He gently disengaged himself at the same time Vincent pulled me into a hug, and the moment passed.

The last day of January, after we climbed into bed, Vincent ran a hand down to cup my nuts - a gesture I love - and my dick twitched. A small twitch, but a twitch nonetheless. He just tugged me closer, ignoring it, and I tried to do the same, but when it happened again, we both went still.

After a moment, he moved his hand up to loosely hold my penis. When he licked my neck, my cock leaped to attention in his fist. He firmed up his grip as I groaned and turned to him, thrusting hard into his hand as a surge of need swept through me. He quickly spit into his other palm and switched hands.

The urge to cum was so strong after almost three weeks, that within a couple minutes, I was spewing all over his hand and stomach. It was a jerky, spastic orgasm that felt like it was dragging my balls right up my cock, and I wailed my way through it, my voice getting higher with every spasm until I ran out of cum and air, and collapsed back into the pillows.

“Gonna live?” he asked me with a chuckle, as I lay panting and sweaty next to him.

“Yeah,” I whispered, kissing his neck and reaching lower to run my hand down his belly. I lifted my leg over his hip and rolled on top of him. The tip of his stiff dick poked me in the back, and I lay down on him so that it dragged up and down the wet valley of my ass. Vincent got the idea right away, reaching around behind me to hold his cock in position as I settled down onto him. Now that I was back in the game, I was eager to make up for lost time and started to ride him aggressively. He took it for a bit, but soon stopped me, his fingers clenched in the meat of my hips as he bared his teeth in a grimace of concentration.

“Jesus, Sean, slow down," he muttered through clenched teeth. "It’s been a while, and I’d like to enjoy it.”

“Sorry,” I smiled, laying down on him again, so that he could move me as he liked.

He pushed me down, lifting his hips to press deeply into me for a long moment. “God, you feel good. You kind of forget, when it’s been a while, just how fantastic it feels.”

We moved slowly, stretching it out for a long time, savoring the sensations and sounds our bodies made as they moved apart and came together. After a while, it almost didn’t feel like sex any more - it was something much more. At one point, Vincent wrapped me up in his arms and began to shake a little.

“What is it?” I asked him. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head, unable or unwilling to reply, but after a moment he whispered, “It’s just so good with you. This. Our life together. Everything.”

Suddenly he began to move more quickly, gripping my thighs and dragging me up and down his cock. I met his thrusts with an urgency of my own, and we raced each other to powerful orgasms that emptied us physically and emotionally. Vincent gasped for air and bucked into me, almost out of control, which was rare for him, and thus, incredibly exciting for me.

We collapsed when we were finished, and it was hard to imagine that just last night, I’d been unable to get an erection. The mind is a powerful thing - and a little scary, as I’d found out. We showered, went back to bed, and slept soundly in each other’s arms until morning.

After that night, I made good progress toward getting back to my previous self, although a little bit of the shadow stayed with me, a subtle reminder of those dark days. Bit by bit, I felt the betrayal and abandonment being pushed away and replaced with the love, care, attention, and sometimes subtle humor that Vincent was giving me. When I'd have a quiet spell - and I had them more often now - I'd catch Vincent watching me, and I was quick to assure him that I was okay. We were still on somewhat shaky ground, but things were a little better each day.

February was a month of arrivals and departures.

The first Tuesday, Vincent had to go out of town for a few days. He wanted to expand the repertoire of Corleone's kitchen, and was attending a cordon bleu French cooking school in San Francisco. The trip had been planned for months, but now that it was here, he wasn't happy about leaving me.

"Why don't you come with me?" he asked for the twentieth time. "I'll have the evenings free, and we can see the sights together."

He was folding shirts into a suitcase as I lay on the bed watching him and running my hand up and down his bare leg. It all sounded like way too much effort to me.

"I'll be fine. You've got Matt checking on me every day, and I'll be at work most of the time anyway. Just go and have fun."

He finally left Tuesday morning early after making me promise I'd be home that night at 7pm so he could call me. I watched his car go down the lane, staring after it till he turned the corner. The Irish say it's bad luck to watch a loved one until they're out of sight, but I wanted to hang onto him as long as I could.

I went to work early and rode as many horses as I could fit into the day, figuring that would keep me distracted. Matt came by with a lunch he'd prepared, and we rode Zena and Chex over to the property we'd given him for Christmas so we could eat by the stream.

As the horses grazed, we wandered around, looking for the perfect building site. There was several, but he loved the view from the top of a slight rise at the front corner of the acreage. The land fell away through sparse woods, leveling out by the stream with the barns of Stonegate in the distance. It was a lovely place, peaceful and quiet, and although I loved my own house, I envied him the home he'd have here some day.

That evening I got home about six, showered, and was in the kitchen making a salad when the doorbell rang. It startled me, and I stood there for a moment, wondering who it could be before walking down the hall to peek out the peep hole. TJ was standing on the porch looking back at me.

"Hey," he said when I opened the door.

"Hey, yourself," I replied as I looked him over. He was wearing a tight white t-shirt under a black leather jacket with jeans so old that the fabric was worn white over the crotch. He had his thumbs hooked in his front pockets with his dangling fingers curled provocatively just above the bulge in his pants. By the time my eyes got back up to his face, his eyes had narrowed and one side of his mouth had curled up into a sexy smile.

"Gonna ask me in?" he said, stepping through the door before I had it fully open, so that he brushed against me as he went by. I stared at his back as he walked down the hall, admiring his tight, round ass rolling along under the faded denim.

"So what are you doing here?" I asked as I got another bowl from the cupboard.

"Vincent asked me to keep you company."

My eyebrows went up as I turned to him. "He did?"

That seemed unlikely since TJ was the one guy Vincent was a little worried about.

"Yeah. He called me from the airport this morning, and we talked for quite a while." He glanced away out the patio doors into the dark garden, and I turned my attention back to the lettuce. "I ended up telling him how I felt about you. He said he already knew, and then he asked me to come over anyway. So here I am."

He'd been circling the room as he talked. I jumped when he whispered the 'here I am' about an inch from my ear, and his breath was warm on my neck as he said my name. I wasn't sure what to think about Vincent setting me up with TJ, but my dick wasn't the least bit confused and began to lengthen down my leg. When TJ gently bit the side of my neck, I put the lettuce down and leaned forward a little with my hands braced on the counter. He held my shoulders while he worked on my ear, licking the folds and contours until I was squirming in his grip. After a few moments, I turned in his arms so we were face to face.

"What exactly did he say to you?"

"He told me to keep you entertained while he was gone."

We stared at each other for a long moment. Finally, I blew out the breath I'd been holding and nodded. "Okay, then."

TJ smiled at me again, just before he leaned in and kissed me. He'd come a long way since our first encounter a year and a half ago; his kisses now were wonderful things - smooth and deep and exciting - and I let myself get lost in them. I looped my arms around his waist, holding him loosely while he kissed me silly. When he began to grind against me, dragging his hard cock alongside my own, I moaned into his mouth.

"How hungry are you?" he muttered to me.

"Not so much," I replied, rolling my hips into him.

He turned away, caught me by the hand, headed down the hall to the den, and pushed me onto the couch. In short order, my sweats were in a pile on the floor, and my cock was buried in his throat. Knowing this was a gift of sorts from Vincent gave it a whole different feel than if I had just hooked up with TJ that afternoon at the barn.

A little later, when I was blowing him, he said, "I wanna fuck you, Sean."

With his cock still in my mouth, I glanced up at him. He was watching me, his blue eyes smoky with desire, and I wondered again at Vincent's motivation in arranging this. As I kneeled on the couch with my chest and arms resting on the back, TJ moved between my spread feet and began to lick his way up my spine, knob by knob. His hands moved slowly over me, sliding up my ribs to play with my nipples, then down my belly to stroke my dripping cock, then on down my thighs.

By the time he slid his dick into me, I was really close, but he took it slow, easing in bit by bit. When his thighs bumped mine, I let out a shaky breath and reached back to hold him still for a moment. His hands on my hips were trembling slightly, and his voice was unsteady when he spoke.

"Jesus, Sean........ unh, god."

He started to move with long, deep thrusts, sighing every time he pushed into me. I hadn't been with him in months, and he'd learned a bit about topping - from Del, I imagined. We let it build slowly, stopping once so I could turn over. TJ held my eyes as he fucked me, then dropped his gaze to my cock, his jaw muscles tensing now and then as I stroked myself.

When he had me almost begging, he took over my cock and picked up the pace until I began to cum in his hand. Another few quick thrusts and he pulled out to shoot all over my belly, his face contorting with each spurt. When he was finished, he eased down next to me on the couch.

"Goddamn, Sean," he said breathlessly.

I turned onto my side to face him. "Why do you think he did this?"

He shrugged a shoulder as he gently kneaded his balls in one hand. "Don't know." Then he grinned. "Maybe he figured you needed a treat."

"Maybe." I smiled back at him. "Can you stay the night?"

"I'm staying all three nights. My bag's in the car."

I rolled my eyes - Vincent wasn't taking any chances. We got mostly dressed again, and went back to the kitchen to finish making dinner. Vincent had left an almost-full bottle of a wonderful chardonnay in the fridge, so we polished it off with our salads and some bread. When the phone rang around nine, I giggled 'hello' cause TJ was trying to drop a cherry tomato into my underwear.

"Well, sounds like you're having fun." Vincent's familiar voice was warm with affection.

"I am, thanks to you."

"That was the idea." He paused for a moment. "I miss you, baby. Sleep good."

"I will. I love you."

"Love you, too. Night."

I flipped my cell shut and turned to meet TJ's eyes. "Everything okay?" he asked. I nodded.

We went up to bed, but at the top of the steps, I hesitated, not sure I wanted to sleep with TJ in the bed I shared nightly with Vincent.

"Your call," TJ said quietly, watching me in the dim light of the hall.

After a moment, I turned toward our room. We showered, slept, played around in the morning, went off to work, and did the same thing the next day. We made dinner together, talked about our day, fooled around, brushed our teeth in the same sink, pissed in the same toilet - all the everyday stuff that I usually did with Vincent. It was a great three days, and I was sorry to watch him pack up his bag on Friday morning.

"What's with you and Del?" I finally asked him that last morning.

He barked out a short laugh as he shook his head. "Nothing, I guess. I pushed him a little at Thanksgiving. I want more than a few weekends a year, but he's married to that damn farm of his daddy's, and doesn't want to leave home. I don't want to move either." He shrugged. "I haven't talked to him since just before Christmas."

We both drove off to the barn. I dawdled through paperwork, sorry to have TJ gone, but eager to see Vincent. His plane landed at five, so he wouldn't be home till close to seven. I went home around six, put a meatloaf in the oven, along with a couple big potatoes, and took a quick shower. I was standing at the front kitchen window, sipping a glass of wine, when I saw his headlights turn in the drive. By the time he pulled into the garage and got out of the car, I was standing in the doorway to the house, a little nervous about seeing him after my three days of carousing with TJ.

Our eyes met across the roofs of the cars, and the moment stretched out as he stared at me. Suddenly he smiled. "Hi, sweetheart, got a hug for me?"

I was down the three steps and across the garage in a flash. As he wrapped me up in his arms, I pressed my face into the curve of his neck, breathing him in. This was the second time he returned from a trip where the moment left me speechless.

"You okay?" he asked me, his voice rumbling in my ear. I nodded, and we just stood there for a few minutes, getting the feel of each other again. After dinner, we went for a walk. The night was cool and cloudy, and our voices were hushed as we talked softly. He told me about his trip, making funny stories of some cooking disasters during the class.

We were quiet for a bit, and then I asked him the question that had been on my mind.

"Why did you send TJ?"

He was silent for several steps, then squeezed my hand as he started to talk. "A couple reasons, I guess. I really didn't want you to be alone, but Matt was tied up with Adam, and David's got his hands full with Levi, so TJ seemed like the logical choice. Plus, I know you like him. And……. I needed to get over being worried about him." I started to speak, but he shushed me with a raised hand. "I knew I didn't have anything to worry about, but I did anyway. Putting the two of you together for a few days forced me to deal with it. And now.... well..... it's okay." He stopped walking and turned to me. "Did you have fun with him?"

"Yes."

"Do you love me any less because you spent that time with him?"

"I love you more."

He nodded once as if I'd proven his point, and began to walk again. "Then I'm a lucky man."

The following Wednesday I was working one of Amanda's horses in the arena when I happened to glance at the row of trailers in the next field. At any given time there are ten to fifteen trailers parked at Stonegate. What struck me immediately was the hole where Levi's trailer had been parked for the past two months. I pulled the horse to a quick halt.

"Son of a bitch!"

Tommy was walking by with an armload of blankets and stopped to look at me. "What?"

"Levi's gone."

Tommy nodded. "Yeah, he left early this morning for Amarillo."

"He barely lasted two months. David's gonna be devastated."

Tommy frowned at me. "He didn't look too upset."

"He was here?"

Tommy nodded slowly. "Yeaaaah."

"Where'd he go?"

"They went together. Get a clue, Sean. They loaded up two horses, put some of David's painting stuff and the dog in the back of the truck, and took off about six this morning. Levi was singing that George Straight song about Amarillo on my mind as they pulled out."

Cody had decided not to compete in this year's reining, so none of us were going, and I’d forgotten that we'd met Levi there last year. Apparently, it was a yearly pilgrimage for him. Although I was a little miffed that they hadn't even said goodbye, I mentally wished them a safe trip as I got back to work.

Late the following Tuesday, I was holding horses for Danny when I heard an unfamiliar rig coming up the lane. A dirty, well-traveled F250 pulling a 3-horse slant trailer came slowly into view, kicking up little dust devils in the chilly breeze. The truck came to a halt on the far side of the yard, and both Danny and I stopped what we were doing to see who it was.

The driver's side door was pushed open by a black cowboy boot attached to a long denimed leg, and in that second I knew. The black Stetson that followed the boot confirmed my guess as Del stepped down from the cab, stretching his arms up over his head and yawning.

He glanced around the yard, and then grinned as he caught sight of us watching him. His dimple was still adorable, and as he ambled toward us, Danny said softly, “Oh, man.”

I was chuckling by now, happy to see Del again. It had been a year since we’d hooked up with him in Amarillo, and he looked at least as good now as he had then. I stepped out of the barn to meet him, and we grabbed each other up in a big hug.

“Great place you got here,” he said, looking around as we broke the hug.

“Yeah, it’s all right. Come on into the office for a minute, then I’ll show you around.”

He was admiring the trophies on my side table when TJ appeared in the doorway. Del glanced up at him and their eyes locked. TJ spoke first and I was surprised at the tension in his voice. I'd have thought he'd be thrilled to see Del.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

Del took his time answering, looking TJ up and down like a hungry wolf. “Wanted to surprise you.”

TJ looked anything but happy with the surprise. “Just passing through?”

Del had turned to lean against the wall with his hands in his front pockets. “Nope, I was plannin' on stayin' a while.” He hitched his chin at the window. “Brought all my belongin's.”

After another moment of the stare-down, TJ walked stiffly past him to look out the window. He was in profile to me and I could see his jaw muscles working as he gazed at the back of Del’s truck loaded with several boxes and some furniture. Del gave him a couple minutes, and then ambled slowly over to stand a couple feet behind him. He glanced at me before gently laying one big hand between TJ’s shoulder blades. TJ sucked in a breath, but didn’t pull away.

“I missed you, T,” Del said quietly.

“Got a funny way of showing it,” TJ responded in a tight voice.

I knew I should leave, but since Vincent wasn’t there to drag me out of the room, I wasn’t about to miss this.

“I know.” Del bit his lower lip for a second. “I’m sorry. Movin’ away from home’s a big deal for me. Had to think on it for a while.” Another pause. “But I missed you. A lot …… so here I am.”

TJ's eyes slid to me after Del said the same words to him that TJ had said to me a couple weeks ago. As we looked at each other, I smiled slightly, and he blinked once before turning back to the window.

Del moved his hand up to hold the back of TJ’s neck, squeezing and releasing slowly, and TJ closed his eyes for a moment before dropping his head slightly. Del took that as a positive sign and wrapped his other arm around TJ’s waist, stepping closer to hold him. After another few beats, TJ turned in his arms to grip Del's biceps, and they stared at each other from eight inches apart. Del brought his face slowly toward TJ’s, closing his eyes just before their lips met.

I did finally leave at that point, but only because a loud banging was coming from Del’s trailer. He planted a quick kiss on TJ’s mouth, and then dashed for the door, cursing as he ran.

“That goddamn stud colt of yours is gonna wreck my fuckin’ trailer.”

He and I hit the door at the same time, but he elbowed me aside and raced down the steps, hollering as he went.

“Hey, hey, hey! Knock it off, you knucklehead! Jesus Christ!”

The banging stopped as a horse whinnied high and long. Calvin answered from the stallion barn as Del yanked open the back door of the trailer. A big, bay Quarter horse butt was shifting back and forth, black tail switching, eager to get out. Del tapped him on the hip.

“Come on, now, you. Easy, easy.”

The horse backed out of the trailer, and turned toward us as Del grabbed his lead rope. It was the colt I’d bid on a year ago in Amarillo, and he was gorgeous. His nostrils flared as he lifted his head and scented the unfamiliar air. Then he neighed again, and, as before, Calvin answered.

“You got another stud on the place?” Del asked, tugging at the colt's rope to keep him still.

”Yeah, the one I rode last year in the GPs. Calvin.”

“Well, keep him away from this guy. He’s still all balls and no brains.”

"What'd you name him?" I asked, trying to get close enough to get a hand on the dancing colt.

"I called him 'knucklehead' the first couple months, till I got on him. Then I started calling him Ticket, cause the first couple rides was like an E-ticket. I was black and blue for a month."

I laughed, glad it was him and not me who'd been the first to get on this beautiful horse. "He's better now, I assume?"

"Yeah, some, but he's a handful. Got a place we can turn him loose? Been in that trailer most of the day."

We walked to the big arena, empty of riders, but full of jumps. Ticket snorted as he looked around, prancing at the end of the lead. Del unbuckled the halter and backed away as Ticket wheeled to the right and let fly with a hind foot right where Del's head would have been had he not moved. He circled the arena at a brisk canter, shying away from a jump now and then, bucking a little. He moved beautifully, his strides long and fluid, and I thought what a marvelous baby he'd produce when bred to Ginger.

We'd been watching him for a few minutes when TJ joined us. He climbed up on the fence next to Del, who settled a big hand on TJ's leg and grinned at him. TJ smiled back, studying Del's face as his smile widened.

"Fuck, I missed you, you asshole," he said.

Del pulled a face. "Me, too. I'm really sorry I didn't call for a while. I needed to know if it was you I was missin', or just the thought of gettin' laid somewhat regular. I got to say it was a bit of both."

TJ laughed, shaking his head as he punched Del in one brawny shoulder. They were a good looking couple. Del's muscular build and dark coloring were nicely offset by TJ's more slender body and golden blondness. Del flung his arm over TJ's shoulders and hugged him tight.

"Speakin' of gettin' laid, where we sleepin' tonight?"

TJ peered around Del to look at me. "Okay if he moves into the house, for a while at least?"

I shrugged. "Fine with me. I don't suppose Danny and Gabriel will care."

We watched Ticket until he ran out of steam and trotted up to us looking for a carrot. Once he was bedded down in the western barn, and we had Del's trailer stored out in the field with the others, we headed back to my place for dinner.

Vincent got a kick out of seeing Del again, and was eyeing him with more than mild interest as he stood at the island making salads.

"Forget it," I whispered to him as I reached for the loaf of French bread. "He can't wait to get TJ's pants off."

At that point, Del stood and stretched, tightening his shirt across his broad back. "You sure?" Vincent asked wistfully.

Dinner was good, but they declined our invitation of coffee in the den. Del hadn't been able to keep his hands off TJ throughout the meal, and they hurried out the door to TJ's truck with barely a 'thank you.'

Vincent laughed. "I can just image what they'll be up to in about twenty minutes." His eyes drifted down to my crotch for a second, then came up to meet my eyes. "Actually, that sounds like a hell of an idea. What d’ya think?"