Growing Pains - 8. Chapter 8

Alex's Diary -

Oh diary, I wish I had someone to talk to besides you, but mom and dad are at a business meeting at church and Uncle Pop is busy. Oh God, is he busy. But he said one time that when he has something on his mind and can't talk to anybody about it, it sometimes helps to write it down on paper. So here goes.

Today has been beautiful and ugly both. Gee, neither of those words seems good enough to say what I really feel. But what other words can I use? Shoot, I can hardly see to write, I'm crying so hard.

I'm scared, diary, really really scared. Today started out so well and just got better and better until just a little while ago. I guess I just need to start at the beginning.

If you were real and could read, you'd know that I already told you a lot about my best friend Jason and me. But I haven't told you everything. Ya see, Jason's not just my best friend any more. He's my BOYFRIEND! YEAH! And I love him, diary. I really and truly do. I know he's a boy and I'm a boy, but that doesn't matter to us. It doesn't matter to Uncle Pop, either, or to my mom and dad. Well, maybe it matters some to my dad, but not a lot. I mean, he's cool with it. He just doesn't want to see us making out or nothing, you know, kissing & stuff.

Anyways, Jason and I've been building up to something serious for quite awhile now. I just didn't want to tell you 'cause I was afraid I'd jinx it for us, ya know? But today was special, beautiful, wonderful, awesome.

And terrible. SHIT! I am so scared.

I better not let mom see this page. She'd wash my mouth out with soap if she saw what I just wrote.

Anyhow, this is what happened. When Jason and I got home from school, I dumped my books here at the house, took a leak and ran over to his house. I shoulda waited to take a leak, 'cause Jason coulda held it for me. hehehe. Anyway, when I got to his house, Uncle Pop was out at the pool reading so I went straight up to Jason's room.
He had his Karaoke machine out and was setting it up with a tape the guys had made for him.

You know the guys. Joey and the gleesome threesome, Nick, Scott & Keith. I think a couple of them are like me and Jason, but I'm not gonna say anything here in case I'm wrong.

I just sat down on his bed and watched him. On the way home he told me he had something special for me, and I was getting kinda anxious to see what it was. As soon as he had everything set up, he came over and sat beside me on the bed. BOING! My favorite part came to attention. It always does that. Every time he sits close like that, little John Thomas gets excited.

I told you about John Thomas didn't I? That's what the guy in Lady Chatterley's Lover called his prick. That's a book we had to read this year in English. I'm surprised it made it by the censors. Cool book. Good thing Mrs. Keys didn't ask for oral book reports on it though. Wow! Would THAT have been something.

Anyways, John Thomas and I are getting excited about what Jason has that's gonna be so special, and before I can ask him, he pushes me back on the bed and lays a big one on me. Kissed me right on the lips. Yeah, I know I told ya we been kissing and stuff, but mostly kissing on the neck and cheeks and stuff. This time he goes straight for the goodies. I could tell his little John Thomas was lookin' for somewhere to go, too, 'cause it was pounding on my leg like it was knocking on a door.

So here we are lying there on his bed trading spit and his tongue slips outta his mouth and into mine like it was just meant to be. We'd never done THAT before. Gosh, it was sooooo kewl! Aside from the fact that it felt like an anchovy sliding along my tongue, it was great. And then it didn't seem like a fish anymore. It got real active, and so did mine. And our breathing got heavy, and our John Thomases kept on knocking like they really wanted to get out.

So after we kissed for like forever, like 10 minutes or so, he gets off me and grabs the mic and turns on the tape. I sat up on the bed and watched him as he sang this really cool Billy Gilman song to me. I'd heard him sing it before, but today he was singing it TO ME! It had things in it like "I wanta be the one you're kissing" and "I got my eyes on something sweet" and he was lookin' right at me when he said those things. Then he got to a part that said he was getting down on his knees and he did! He sang that part kneeling at my feet. It made me cry.

I can't remember all the parts, but there was one about simple little things like holding hands that made me think of all the times we've sat together at his house watching TV and holding hands. If Mitchell was home, we'd shove them down between the cushions of the couch. But if it was just Uncle Pop and us we didn't have to. We could hold hands right out in the open. It was so cool. And there was this part near the end where he sang "The way I feel, I know this love is real, baby, I'm head over heels for you." And he went up real high when he sang "You..." He said he loved me, diary, and he called me baby. It made me cry it was so beautiful.

All the other times I heard him sing that song, it was just words and music. But this time it was him and me. It was almost like he'd written the words himself, but he hadn't. He was just using somebody else's words to say what he wanted to say. And it was so right!

And when he was done singing he came over and pulled me off the bed and hugged me. Then he said, real serious like, "I love you Alex" and he kissed me again.

And that's when things turned ugly. Aw SHIT, I'm crying again, diary. Mitchell walked in and saw us kissing and he musta heard what Jason said, 'cause he blew up. I think he cracked. I never saw Mitchell so mad before. I didn't think he even knew some of the words he used. He yelled at me to get outta his house and never come back! Then he started slapping Jason and screaming at him and calling him all sorts of names and I was so scared I ran. I almost knocked Uncle Pop down as I ran down the stairs.

Oh God, diary, I'm scared. It's dark outside and I can barely see their house across the street. There's only one light on that I can see, and that's in Uncle Pop's room. Is Jason OK? Is he dead? Did Mitchell hurt him? Did Uncle Pop get there in time? It's been over an hour. I don't feel so good..................

Oh yuck. I just ran to the bathroom and puked. What's going on over there at Jason's house? Is Mitchell gonna hurt me the next time I see him? He's bigger than me, and I don't wrestle or anything. What's Uncle Pop gonna do? What am I gonna tell mom and dad? I'm crying so hard I feel like my head's going to explode. We weren't going to tell anybody else. We didn't want anybody to know. But I heard some of those things Mitchell said. He thinks everybody's gonna know about us. Is he gonna tell? I gotta stop writing and rest..........

I'm back, diary. I've just been sitting in the dark in the TV room next to the phone shaking and crying. Why doesn't Uncle Pop call? It's been two hours!

Hell, diary, now I got a damn nose bleed! I gotta go...................

I'm back. Used half a roll of toilet paper getting my nose to stop bleeding. Dammit, why'd Mitchell have to do that? Why'd he have to say those terrible things? Why'd he have to call us names like that?

I mean we haven't done anything that he and every other guy in school hasn't done except kiss maybe. I mean all the guys are in one JOC or another, some of 'em are in more than one. Everybody does it.

What's so wrong with kissing anyway? What else does he think we're doing?

What am I gonna do, diary? I'm sittin' here practically in the dark lookin' out the front window at Uncle Pop's house, and I don't know what to do. When's Uncle Pop gonna call?! Mom called a little while ago, but I didn't tell her what happened. I knew she'd wanta come home if she knew and dad really needs to be at that meeting. Fortunately I wasn't crying when she called.

I don't know what I'm gonna do if Mitchell has hurt my boyfriend, diary. If Jason's dead, I'll just kill myself and let 'em bury me with him. He is so sweet. He'd never hurt anybody. He's always helping people and kids and animals. And he's sweet, too. I just said that didn't I? He never fusses at me when I eat too slow and cause him to be late for something. And he always waits for me. And he really likes to huggle in bed at night and in the morning, and if I don't wanta beat off he doesn't make a big deal about it.

I'm cold but my forehead's sweating. When's Uncle Pop gonna call me. It's been three hours already. SHIT! Now I gotta go crap. I think I already messed my pants............................

DARNIT! Now I have the runs. Crap all over my underwear, almost running down my legs. What the heck's happening to me anyway? I might have to burn these pages, diary. If mom ever sees all these cuss words, I'm dead meat.

The phone just rang and it was Uncle Pop. Sounded like he'd had one of those dark beers he likes so much. He was kinda slurring his words. The way I feel, I wish I could have one. Geez, it took him long enough to call. It's only been four hours. He said Jason was OK. Mitchell didn't really hurt him, just slapped him a few times. He said he got Mitchell calmed down and they talked some.

Can you believe it? Uncle Pop said that Mitchell was sleeping with Jason, rubbing his hair and saying he loved him. Oh wow! I think I'm gonna faint! I wanta run over there and climb in bed with Jason, but I'm not ready to see Mitchell yet. Besides, I stink. Smell like barf and crap. I'm glad Jason isn't hurt. Uncle Pop said he thought Mitchell would come around in a few days. I get to go over tomorrow while Mitchell's at work.

I'm going to go take a shower and drink some of that pink stuff mom's always feeding me when I have an upset stomach. Maybe that'll help. Then I'm going to bed. Like I said, today has been beautiful and ugly both. But at least it's ending sorta nice, and I'm not cold or shaking any more.

Later, paper dude.