Standing at Crossroads - 1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Jay sighed as he felt the cold water run down his body. There was nothing
better than a cold shower to completely wake up. Jay glanced down at his
stomach and saw several pink marks. Hickies! It seemed that he would never
get rid of these marks. He always thought of stopping Ryan when the latter
nibbled his stomach but it felt so good that he simply couldn’t. Ryan! He
smiled as he thought of his boyfriend. Ryan was not perfect; he had his
qualities and his flaws. But he was that part of the jigsaw that completed Jay.
He was always by his side and his love never wavered for the three years they
had been together.

Jay rinsed his body a last time before stepping out of the shower and drying
himself. However, he kept his shoulder-long black hair wet for a few more
minutes. He loved the way water dripped from his hair and rolled down his
back to his ass. He found it…sensual. But he had to dry it before Ryan woke
up. Last year, Jay had caught pneumonia and Ryan threw a fit whenever he
saw him with wet hair for more than a few minutes.

He stepped out into his bedroom wearing only his boxers. He could not help
but smile as he saw the sleeping form of his boyfriend. He leaned against the
wall as he admired his charming prince. Neither Ryan nor Jay had a model’s
body but they went to the gym to maintain their weight.

He crept stealthily next to the bed. Grinning mischievously, he shook his head
above Ryan as drops of water fell from his hair on the sleeping guy. His
boyfriend groaned loudly. Ryan was not a morning person. After mumbling
something, from which Jay caught only ‘morning’ and ‘illegal’, he rolled to
other side of the bed.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Jay said in a loud and shrilly voice.

“Fuck off, asshole,” Ryan said before pulling the pillow over his head.

“I know when I’m not wanted,” Jay replied, feinting hurt. “If you are not out of
that bed in ten minutes, it’s just you and a bucket of cold water.”

He then went to the kitchen and, at the same time, took a towel to dry his hair.
Each morning was the same thing. In ten minutes, Ryan would walk into the
kitchen cursing under his breath but they had to wake up at six to get to work
on time. They worked as helpers in the nearby bakery. The money they earned
helped them with their tight finance. Then, they had to get to the college, too,
after ten.

Jay was preparing the coffee when his cell phone rang. He was rather puzzled
since their friends generally called on Ryan’s phone. It was, in fact, his elder
brother, Rajiv and it did not augur well. It was about midnight in India and his
family didn’t phone him at this hour unless it was an emergency case. He
picked up the phone and it turned out to be an emergency case indeed.

Jay sat down on the sofa as he rested his head on his hands. He felt a strong
pair of arms around his shoulders and recognized the lavender smell of Ryan.
He leaned on his chest as his boyfriend stoked his hair.

“Who was it?” Ryan asked.

“Rajiv. Mom is really sick. She had a second heart attack. She just went
through an operation and is in the ICU right now. She seems better now but is
still in critical condition. We don’t know for how long she will stay with us.
She may slip any time but can also live for other twenty years. It’s like a fifty-
fifty chance,” I said as I wrapped my hand around him.

“Don’t worry, Jay. If what you told me about her is true, she’ll make it. She
seems to be a very strong woman. You want to go to be with her?” Ryan
inquired with concern.

“I do,” Jay replied as he nodded his head, rubbing against Ryan’s hairless
chest, “Rajiv is saying that she wants to see me. Doctors claim that if she sees
me, she might feel better. But then, what about here?”

“I will talk with Fred at the bakery. I’m sure he’ll let you away for one or two
weeks. As for Professor Hilton, we have already completely the assignment
and he’ll understand your position. And I’m here, aren’t I?” Ryan comforted
his boyfriend as he kissed him in the head.

-*-*-*-

“Do you have your passport and tickets?” Ryan enquired as they sat on a bench
waiting for Jay’s flight.

“Yes,” Jay replied. Whenever Ryan was worried, he entered the caring-mother
mode.

“Have you packed everything? Have you well checked?”

“Yeah!”

“And when you’re there, you better dry your hair after a bath or I’ll come there
and whoop your ass. And don’t eat much ice-cream, you’ll get a cold.”

“Okay!”

And finally Ryan shut up a bit. As they sat there in silence, he held Jay’s hand
tightly. Jay smiled sadly. It was not like they were never separated but at least
they phoned each other every day when that was the case. However, this time,
it was not the same. Jay was still in the closet at his home. If Ryan phoned him
too often, his folks might get suspicious. So this meant a week without any
contact at all.

“It’s my flight,” Jay said as a voice announced the next flight.

“Okay. So take care,” Ryan said as they stood up. They immediately got lost in
a deep kiss, a kiss to keep them alive this whole week. Eventually, Jay broke
the kiss and went to board the plane, but not before turning back and waving to
a teary Ryan.

-*-*-*- 

“Jay!” an extremely familiar voice boomed as Jay looked to see if anyone
came to fetch him.

Indeed, as Jay turned to his right, he saw his father and his maternal uncle
waiting for him. His father was an ex-police officer and earned much respect
and awe as one. Many persons, when hearing that he used to be a police
officer, imagined that he was sturdily built with a very disciplined personality.
And they turned out to be right. As for his uncle, he was still unmarried despite
the numerous times Jay’s mother tried to get him to the alter. He said that he
was waiting for, using his own words, ‘the right one’. But Jay knew that it was
just a pretext to stall any unwanted proposals.

In fact, Jay was only ‘almost’ in closet at home. The only person aware of his
homosexuality was this uncle, Uncle Veer. Two years ago, intending to
surprise his nephew, he caught Jay in a deep lip lock with Ryan. Jay had never
been more scared. He got very nervous in matters of minutes despite his Uncle
Veer’s gay-friendly attitude. Had it not been for Ryan’s cool head and control,
the matter could have been much worst. Uncle Veer admitted to a reassured
Jay that he was completely at ease with gays. After all, he had lived in America
for about five years before moving back permanently to India. But he also
added that not everyone would react in the same way.

Jay approached the two men and touched their feet. It was a sign a respect that
Jay never forgot.

“Welcome home, son,” Jay’s father said as he hugged him, “Hadn’t I told you,
Veer, that my son may live abroad but he will never forget his culture. After
all, he’s my flesh and blood!”

-*-*-*-

“Jay!”

Jay had barely opened the door before his vision was completely obscured by a
huge amount of black hair. He instantly recognized the girlish and high-pitched
voice of his little sister, Komal. She had grown a lot in four years. The last
time he had seen her, she was just a child and now she was not far from being a
fine woman. Even then, it was difficult to believe that she was going to marry
next year and leave them all.

“Let him breathe a bit, Komal,” he heard Rajiv add.

Smiling as always, Komal led his brother to sit down on the sofa. Jay looked
around his home from which he had been away for four years. The paint on the
walls was still the spotless white he remembered; Rajiv might have had it
painted again. The family photo they had taken ten years ago, when he was
only twelve years old, was hung on its usual place above the oval table.

As he looked around him, he noticed as his sister-in-law, Rajiv’s wife Divya,
was also with them. She told Jay that his mother was feeling much better these
days but she was taking a little nap. Meanwhile, they chatted and tried to catch
up with the time they lost.

-*-*-*-

Jay opened the door and entered one of the holiest place for him- his mother’s
room. His mother was sitting on the bed watching TV. For a moment, Jay was
scared but then controlled himself. She was no longer the plump and vigorous
woman he knew but a living skeleton. She had lost a lot of weight and dark
semi-circles could be seen below her brown eyes. Her black hair, which once
was the cause of many compliments, was now dry and neglected. But as soon
as she saw him, she genuinely beamed and told him to have a seat. Instead of
sitting on the chair, Jay sat down next to her on the bed.

Since he was a child, Jay was closer to his mother than his father. He had
grown up under her care while his father was busy with his duties as a
policeman. Jay watched as she battled through the ups and downs of life. He
loved his mother a lot and she was the one who made him such a cultured and
responsible young man. But he really feared her reaction when he came out.
He could deal with the abuse and even beatings of others but not the
disappointment in his mother’s eyes.

“How are you feeling now, Mom?” Jay enquired after touching her feet.

“Much better now that you have come. There’s nothing to worry about. It’s not
as serious as Rajiv says. I’m all right. When did you come?” his mother said
with her voice a bit sore.

“In the morning. You were resting so I thought to not disturb you.”

“Silly boy. Could you not have woken me up? I have been waiting for you for
such a long time,” she scolded him good-naturedly.

And this started hours of chatting. They talked about everything from the latest
movies to Mrs. Bhatt’s new pet. Jay and his mother were less mother-son and
more like close friends. Before Jay went to the college, he would confide
everything to his mother, except his sexuality. She was the best friend that he
never had at school.

“So, did you find yourself a girlfriend at last?” his mother asked.

“Nope. Not yet,” Jay said casually. Living in the closet, he was used to such
questions and had many answers available in his mind.

“Oh come on! You must have one. We are friends and you can tell me,” she
said, grinning like a teenager.

“No mom! You know that I believe in ultimate love and I have not found the
one yet.”

“Don’t tell me that you have become influenced by Veer! Okay, swear that you
don’t have any girlfriends,” she asked.

This was getting really weird but Jay gave in and swore that he didn’t have any
‘girlfriends’.

“Jay, I think that it’s time for you to get married,” she said seriously as Jay
groaned, “Please listen to me first. You know that I could look for a girl for
you and accept a proposal without even asking you. It’s the norm here. But I
know that you have spent years abroad and have molded into their ways of
living. I want to ask you first. I know a few girls worthy of you. If you say yes,
I’ll proceed.

“I don’t know how much more time I have. I want to see you settled before
God calls me. Rajiv is already married and Komal is engaged. Only you are
left and it’s time to get you married. I don’t want you to be alone anymore.”

“Mom, I’m okay. I want to be independent. I can manage alone. Anyway, right
now, I’m busy with college. A wedding will not allow me to concentrate,” Jay
argued.

“I’m not telling you to stop college. And I know that in one month, you’ll
complete you final year. Your wife will not be a distraction but an inspiration.
She’ll be your support at each step of your life,” his mother explained.

This was his best opportunity for him to come out. He could easily tell his
mother that he was gay. But Rajiv’ words over the phone still rang in his ears:
“She is very weak. A small shock could cost her life.” Jay took in her weak
figure and knew that too much was on stake.

“I don’t want to force you, Jay. You choose if you want to marry. But my last
wish is to see you married. I don’t want my son to wander here and there after
my death. Everyone needs a companion, a companion who’ll halve your
sorrows and double your joys.”

“I know but why hurry? Marriage is not a game,” Jay opposed.

“It pains me to put you in such a hurry but I have very little time, dear. No one
knows when I may leave you all. Your brother and your father married at this
age. It’s the age when the bond is created and it strengthens over time. I’m
talking from experience, Jay. But I’ll have you married only if I find a proper
bride for you. I would never play with your future,” she said with tears in her
eyes as she grabbed Jay’s hand, “Will you marry?”

It was like time itself stopped to laugh at Jay’s state of confusion. He looked
around for a little loophole to run away. He could not even find a proper
argument. How could he marry? The idea itself was atrocious. But when he
looked in the expectant face of his sick mother, he didn’t have the heart to
refuse her. He would have to find a solution later but for now…

“Yes, I’ll marry.”