Standing at Crossroads - 2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Returning to one’s home after four years was a delight. It was like traveling back

in time and entering childhood again. Each step, each walk revealed a forgotten

memory: the little tomb where Jay had buried his pet dog, Tuffy, the park where

he had learnt to ride a bicycle, and the bush behind which he had his first and last

cigarette… The place had changed a bit through time though, just like Jay. Big

malls and supermarkets replaced the tiny shops at the corner of the roads, the

dusty roads were now covered with asphalt, and the children in the neighborhood

had grown into teenagers. However, there were a few things which time itself

could not change like the giant crooked oak tree, the inquisitive attitude of Mrs.

Bhatt, and the gossiping amongst the people.

 

Jay missed Ryan very much. He felt as if he had left something important back

there. Numerous times, he picked the phone up to call him but then desisted.

What if someone walked in on him? The wet hair was no fun without Ryan to

jump on him so he dried it up immediately after his shower. When he would wake

up in the morning, he would roll to the side to hug Ryan only to find that he was

absent. Jay missed his touch, his voice, his scent, his intense gaze and even the

hickies Ryan gave him.

 

The only thing that sustained him was his mother’s recovery. The doctor said that

it was mostly due to Jay’s presence. After spending two days with Jay, she gained

a bit of her lost weight as well as her lost stamina. Her face was always adorned

with a radiant smile. She had even agreed to go on a stroll in the morning when

Jay asked her. Jay spent as much time as he could with her. He could not

recapture the lost time but he could at least give her maximum happiness with his

attention. But secretly, Jay feared to be with his mother a bit; he did not want the

marriage issue to rise up. Two days went without its mention. But as someone

once said ‘good things never last’, on the third day during their morning walk, his

mother talked to him.

 

“Jay, since you agreed to marry, I’m trying to find the best girl for you. Most I

think of are just not good enough for you. Nevertheless, I have a girl in my mind.

What do you think of Maya?” she asked as they walked.

 

“Maya? You mean Mrs. Sharma’s daughter?” Jay exclaimed as he stopped in his

tracks.

 

“Yes, the same Maya. You were very fond of her when you were children,” she

smirked as Jay gave her a weak smile.

 

Jay felt that his legs were made of marshmallows as he tried to walk. His mind

had not yet registered the news. Maya? The Sharma family had lived near their

house when he was a kid. Maya and her elder brother, Vineet were close to his

age. So they played and went to school together. They were good friends and Jay

was close to both of them. But when he was only thirteen, they had to move to

Chandigarh as their father had gotten a transfer. He had not seen them since.

Maya was a nice girl-outgoing, obedient, and hard working. But he never thought

about her in that way. He was gay, for God’s sake!

 

“Can you tell me what you mean by Maya?” Jay asked as he jogged up to his

mother.

 

“I met Maya last year at a wedding. She has grown up and has become so

beautiful. She’s well mannered too. I talked to Mrs. Sharma yesterday and like

me, she believes that Maya and you would make a marvelous couple. Today we

are going at their place to talk a bit,” she replied.

 

“You finalized everything without asking me?” he shrieked.

 

“C’mon, nothing is finalized! Only after Maya’s and your consent, we will

consider the marriage. It’s just a proposal.”

 

“And what if I don’t agree to the proposal?”

 

“No marriage…yet. We’ll look for another girl. But you have got to have a solid

reason for saying no,” she replied as Jay scowled.

 

-*-*-*-

 

Jay looked around him to find something to talk about. Maya and he were sitting

in the garden to talk a bit. But he didn’t’ know what to say and there was this

thick silence surrounding them. In fact, they had gone to the Sharma family for

the proposal. He met Mr. and Mrs. Sharma who were as usual very polite and

warm. It was weird and even unnerving when they talked about him and Maya as

if they were not here. Jay just sat there and replied to their questions as if it was

an interview.

 

“You like roses very much, don’t you?” he asked to initiate a conversation.

 

“Yeah, the rose plants around you will blossom in a few months. Most of them

will be red, my favorite,” she replied. Then, the uncomfortable silence returned.

 

‘What a gay should say when talking to his future wife?’ Jay thought furiously.

The situation was ridiculous. He thought about coming out to her. She would

surely understand but she would also talk to his parents and it was not what he

wanted.

 

“This is getting really awkward,” Maya finally said in a voice higher than usual,

“We have been friends for years and now we are talking like strangers. Okay, tell

me a bit about your four years abroad. Your mom told me that you don’t have any

girlfriends. It’s very difficult to digest, you know.”

 

Jay laughed. That’s the Maya he knew- the one who took control of everything.

She used to head all the projects they did together.

 

“Engineering is not as easy as Human science! I was busy with my classes and

my part-time job. Anyway, the few girls I met were too… frivolous for my taste.

And you? How’s your life?” Jay said smiling.

 

“Really good. I managed to convince my parents to allow me to study more. So I

was admitted to a college in Chandigarh itself for Human Science,” she said.

 

“You never fell for someone? Or someone never fell in love with you?” Jay

asked. He wanted to keep himself out of the conversation.

 

“No, no one fell in love with me,” she said but Jay caught a trace of sadness in her

eyes, “I guess I was not good enough for them.”

 

“Bullshit! You are an amazing girl. They have to be idiots to lose you. Their bad

luck!” he comforted her as he held her hand.

 

Maya blushed at the contact. Jay smiled sadly. It was just a friendly gesture on his

part but it seemed that Maya misunderstood him. It was going to difficult to

explain the situation to them later.

 

-*-*-*-

 

“So you are going to marry, huh?” Arvind asked.

 

Jay choked on his drink as the other two smirked. He had invited his close friends

for dinner at a nearby restaurant to catch up a bit with what he had missed. They

were chatting about mundane things when Arvind had to bring up this topic.

 

“Who told you this? I have not even said yes yet!” Jay said indignantly.

 

“Like you are going to say no! Another one bites the dust,” Rohit said as he

looked at Jay with mock pity. Both sniggered stupidly.

 

“But I never thought Jay would be the one to marry first. You remember how he

used to stay away from the girls. He didn’t even look up when one passed by,”

Arvind said as he grinned.

 

“Yeah! And you remember the love letter a girl once gave him. He was so

nervous and told the poor girl that he had no feelings for her. She was so heart

broken!” Rohit added.

 

“Yeah, I also remember how you went to console her. A bit too much consolation,

I think. Now, shut up and eat silently. Or else you’re the one paying the bill,” Jay

snarled. This shut them up.

“So what’s up here?” Jay eventually asked after a few minutes.

 

“Nothing special. Unemployment. Corruption,” Arvind replied.

 

“You remember that tall guy in our class? His name was Krishna,” Rohit asked.

 

“Yeah, the one with large glasses. Why?” Jay said.

 

“Well, he’s living with another man in London, his boyfriend!” Rohit said in a

small voice lest someone hear him.

 

“He was gay?” Arvind asked as they looked at Rohit in surprise. Jay never

thought that Krishna could be gay, but then he had awful gaydar.

 

“Yeah. Even I couldn’t believe it at first. I mean, he looked really normal,” Rohit

said in the same small voice as if they were talking about assassinating the Prime

Minister.

 

“Well, gays are normal,” Jay piped in meekly, “It doesn’t matter if he’s gay or

not. He was a nice guy.”

 

“Easy for you to say since you have been abroad for years. But you know how it

is here. It must have been a real shock to his parents?” Arvind asked.

 

“Shock is an understatement, mate. His mother was admitted to the hospital for

one week. His father is telling everyone that he doesn’t have a son,” Rohit filled

them in.

 

“You’re kidding?” Jay exclaimed, “His parents loved him very much. I remember

that once when he got a prize for an essay, his father came and hugged him in

front of everyone. He was really close to them.”

 

“But a gay son is hard to accept. His parents aren’t able to show their face to

anyone. Last week they moved to another city,” Rohit said.

 

Jay suddenly lost his appetite.

 

-*-*-*-

 

Jay was in his room brooding over his situation. It didn’t take a genius to guess

the reason. He was gay and he was being asked to get married to a girl. In

addition, he had no reason to refuse. Jay’s head was aching like hell. He tried to

think of a way out but nothing worked. He tried to phone Ryan but the line was

coming up busy. Uncle Veer also wasn’t here so that Jay could talk to him.

 

“Can I come in?” his mother’s voice said.

 

“Yes.”

 

She entered the room and sat down next to Jay. The latter knew she was here to

get an answer.

 

“When your grandma died, all her children were married except Veer. She tried to

get him married during her last breaths but it never happened. She gave in to

Veer’s tantrums and left him on his own. Years have passed and he’s still alone. I

agree that he’s not miserable and is enjoying his life fully but for how long?

When he gets old, who will look after him? Who will be at his side during his last

breaths? Heck, who would have taken care of me right now, had I not been

married?

 

You think that the ones who marry for love have no problems? Don’t they have to

make compromises? Love is a feeling you need to create for your partner, Jay.

And I don’t think you’ll get a better partner than Maya. They have phoned. Maya

has given her consent. What do you say?”

 

Jay rose from the bed and went to the window, facing out to the dark yard. He

could feel his mother’s eyes on his back but he didn’t have the courage to face her

and see her break down.

 

“Mom, I won’t get married,” he said with his voice strangely neutral.

 

“What? But why? Did Maya say something? Or something happened?” she

exclaimed. Jay heard her get up from the bed and walk next to him.

 

“I can’t tell you why but I won’t marry. It’s my final decision,” he said with the

same neutral tone.

 

He himself knew the pain he went through saying those words but it was

unavoidable. He didn’t have to see to feel his mother’s disappointment and pain.

Her slow steps and lack of words said everything. She stopped at the doorway but

Jay didn’t say anything. Then, he heard a ‘thud’. As he turned, he saw his mother

lying still on the floor.

 

“Mom,” he yelled as he rushed to her side, “ Mom, wake up. Mom! Komal!

Arjun! Someone please call the doctor!”

 

Within minutes, the family doctor, Dr. Khanna was at their house examining Jay’s

mother. Meanwhile, everyone was anxiously waiting for the doctor to say

something. Jay was silently calling on every deity he could remember. How could

he be so careless?

 

“She’s fine,” Dr. Khanna said to Arjun and Jay, “I have given her an injection to

help her sleep. By morning, she will be completely fine. But I will once again say

that a small shock can take her life. Today, she was lucky and it was just a mild

stress. She fell unconscious. Next time, it can take her life.”

 

Jay felt guilt trickle from his head to his toe. How could he be so selfish? He was

about to take his mother’s life just because of his own happiness. At the same

time, the phone rang. Jay, being the nearest, answered it.

 

“Hello,” he said.

 

“Hello, son. It’s me, Mrs. Sharma. Can I talk to Nirmala?” he heard a feminine

voice say.

 

“She’s resting right now. She had a small attack.”

 

“Oh my God! Is she okay?”

 

“Yeah. She’s fine now.”

 

“Jay, I shouldn’t be asking these things at such a time when you are upset but I

wanted to ask you something,” she said. Jay had a small idea what it was.

 

“No, it’s okay. I understand. So what do you want to ask?” he said. He was not

sure he wanted to hear the answer

 

“What do you think of Maya? Do you accept the proposal?” she asked in a small

voice. What should he say? The image of his mother lying on the bed flashed in

his head.

 

“Hello son, are you there?”

 

“Yes. I was just… Yes, I accept the proposal,” he said closing his eyes.

 

“Oh, Jay you have made me so happy. May God bless you with a long life, my

son,” she said. Voices of joy could be heard on the other side.

 

“The priest said that tomorrow is a very auspicious date. So tomorrow we are

coming for the shagoon!”

 

-*-*-*-

 

Jay watched himself as he slipped the golden ring in Maya’s finger. It was as if he

was trapped inside a body that was no longer in his control. He just stared as the

little ring slid on his finger. It suddenly felt very heavy. This little ring made him

feel as if he was suffocating. It felt like a noose tightening around his neck. But he

let none of this reflect. He just hid his pain behind a smile.

 

“They make such a lovely pair. Now, both of you are engaged. Thinking about

another but your fiancé is a sin. Okay?” his mother said to Maya and him,

“Rekha, let’s start the shagoon.”

 

Jay’s mother was just on the seventh sky when she heard that Jay had agreed to

the proposal. She was almost jumping from joy. The attack forgotten, she was

doing her best to welcome the Sharma family for the engagement and ‘shagoon’

ceremony, which was finally started. The two families bind themselves together.

They exchanged plates containing clothes, food, jewels, and flowers for the newly

engaged couple. It was a way of welcoming each other into their family.

 

“Congratulations! We have become relatives,” he heard his father say to Mr.

Sharma as they hugged. Shortly, the priest arrived

 

“Guruji, the children are now engaged. And we need to fix the marriage date. Can

you tell us an auspicious date?” Mr. Sharma asked the aged priest.

 

“Let me see their horoscopes,” he said before immersing himself in their

horoscopes, “The Saturn of the boy is quite heavy, and will gain strength in about

one month. The nearest date is that of next week. After that, Saturn will enter the

seventh house and there is no date for three years.”

 

“Next week? Isn’t that too early?” Mrs. Sharma said.

 

“We’ll make it work together. There are so many caterers. Anyway, three years is

too far. And I want Maya to become my daughter-in-law as soon as possible,”

Jay’s father said.

 

“I would bring her to my house tomorrow itself if I could,” Jay’s mother said as

she kissed Maya’s forehead affectionately.

 

“Well, you’re the bridegroom side. Your wish is our command,” Mr. Sharma said

jokingly, “next week, you’ll take our Maya from us, won’t you Jay?”

 

“Hey, Jay, look who’s here.” Arjun said from his left.

 

Jay turned and met an extremely familiar face- one which looked quite bemused

by the atmosphere.

 

“Ryan!” he uttered softly.

 

“You have come at the right moment my son,” Jay’s father said as he hugged

Ryan, “Jay’s wedding date has just been finalized for next week.” Jay watched as

Ryan’s puzzled expression turned into one of hurt.