Unraveled - 4. Shadows

Chapter Four – Shadows

Jake awoke in the morning to find himself alone in the dorm room. Overnight, Danny had managed to remove every trace that he’d been in the room, and all his belongings were gone. Jake sat up in bed. He sighed and felt like going right back to sleep, like maybe the whole fight could just become a bad dream instead of a horrible reality. He didn’t even bother to take a shower or brush his teeth before he grabbed his phone and called Kyle.

“The person you are trying to reach… Kyle McHenry… is not available at this time. After the tone, please record your message…”

The tone beeped and Jake spoke.

“Hey Ky… So, I think I really fucked things up with Danny. I don’t even know what I did exactly. He’s been sleeping with Ryan. I mean, of all the people in the world, why him? It’s like… Like he wants to make me feel like a dick. I’m… I just really need to talk to you when you get a minute. Okay, I’ve got to get ready. I miss you…”

Jake pulled his shirt off and tossed it on the bed. A shower would help him feel better…

Danny woke up after spending half the night on a couch in one of the dorm’s rec rooms. He would worry about finding a new roommate later. He just couldn’t stay in the same room with Jake another minute. He knew the rhythm of Jake’s breathing well enough to know when he was truly asleep, and he quickly gathered his things and escaped without making a sound. He was very much not looking forward to seeing Jake at band practice. He really wished that Mr. Reilly was still around so he could talk to someone who would understand the situation.

Danny brushed his teeth in the communal restroom. He ran into David and Mark, two of his sophomore trumpet players, and asked if he could stash his stuff in their dorm room. He’d explain the situation later. He managed to grab a quick breakfast and get out of the cafeteria without running into Jake. Every time he caught a glimpse of blond hair, he felt his stomach tighten, but Jake was nowhere to be seen.

Jake was sitting under the same tree where he’d talked to Kyle the night before.

“I don’t get it! How am I the bad guy in all this?”

Kyle replied, “I think Danny’s been under a lot of stress lately and it’s leaking out sideways.”

“Well he must not be too stressed out about anything since he’s got Ryan to help relieve his stress.”

“Jake, I know you’re angry and hurt, but you need to focus. Danny is his own person. He’s allowed to make his own decisions. I know you feel blindsided, but Danny’s probably been holding on to a lot of what he said last night for a long time. Everybody did treat him like the bad guy over what happened last year.”

“But I never did! I know I was equally responsible for what happened. I wanted it just as much as he did.”

“But have you told him that?”

“I shouldn’t have to!”

“You think he should just know automatically because he’s your best friend?”

“No… I… You know what I mean.”

“And Jake, you were really jealous about Lydia. You really messed up that whole situation.”

“I missed my best friend! I mean… He never… I don’t know. Why didn’t he just tell me he was mad at me instead of waiting until band camp? I have so much going on right now!”

“I hate to let you go, but I have to get to practice. Call me later, okay? My schedule is clear this evening.”

“Okay. Love you, Ky.”

Jake knew he had to eat something even though he wasn’t hungry. He didn’t want to go to the cafeteria and have to see Danny having a good time surrounded by people who liked him just because he was fun to be around. He made friends with everyone so effortlessly. They didn’t know Danny like he did. They just saw the fun. Jake saw everything.

As Jake walked into the cafeteria, Danny was walking out. They saw each other and paused. Danny sighed as Jake approached him.

“So, we’re just going to ignore each other like second graders now?” Jake asked.

“Yeah, because you’re so mature and adult now.”

“Dude, I’m literally the youngest person in our class. I’m not even going to be seventeen until the end of the month.”

Danny rolled his eyes. “Jake, the master of missing the point, yet again. You don’t get it. I’m not even mad at you. I’m just tired of being treated like shit.”

“Danny, I don’t get it. Please tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it.”

“It’s not like that, Jake. You can’t just erase this last year. I’ve dreaded coming back to this place. I’ve dreaded being stuck in a room alone with you again. I want some space. I don’t hate you. But I can’t keep pretending I’m fine and that everything is normal. I feel like I’m drowning when I’m around you. Just leave me alone.”

Jake put his hand on Danny’s shoulder, but Danny quickly pulled away.

“Don’t,” Danny insisted.

“Look, whatever it is I did, I’m sorry,” Jake said.

“Jake, it’s so much more than just some thing that you did. We’re beyond simple apologies.” Danny exhaled heavily. “Look, I’ve got to get to the band room.”

Jake didn’t feel like eating after that conversation, so he just wandered down to the band room himself. There was a buzz of excitement around the room over last night’s news about Mr. Reilly’s new baby. No one was certain about what was going to happen without Mr. Reilly being there. Mr. Butler, the retired band director, was coming to supervise camp. But as far as Jake was concerned, Mr. Butler was there to mind the shop while Jake led things. And so no one was surprised when a kindly old man walked into the band room and sat in Mr. Reilly’s place.

“Good morning everyone! I’m Mr. Butler. Some of the seniors might remember me. I was the band director here for a few centuries before Mr. Reilly came. In fact, I was here for so long that Mr. Reilly was one of my students. I’ve got to say how proud I am of what he’s done with the program since he came on board. He’s an amazing teacher, and an even better young man. And good news! He and his family are all doing great! He should be back at the beginning of the school year to lead you. In the meantime, I get to spend some time with you here at camp. Jacob, why don’t you begin the warmups and then we’ll spend some time on the music for the show this morning.”

“I thought Jake was going to be in charge while Mr. Reilly was away,” whispered Gina, Danny’s second chair trumpet player.

“So did I,” Danny whispered back.

“Can I have the attention of the trumpet section please?” Jake snapped from the director’s podium.

Practice went somewhat smoothly. Mr. Butler seemed content to let Jake run things. Jake tried to keep his annoyance with Danny in check, but the trumpets were a mess for their part in “Uptown Funk.” Jake asked Danny to play the part alone so everyone could hear how it was supposed to go. That did not go well. Danny was a lot of things, but a soloist was not one of them, especially with the whole band watching him.

As they walked to lunch, Gina, Caleb, and the rest of the trumpet section gathered around Danny.

“That wasn’t fair what Finnegan did to you,” Gina said.

“That’s Jake,” Danny said with a shrug.

“He didn’t need to stop the whole practice and have you play that part by yourself,” Andrew, a junior in the band, said.

“Guys, leave Jake to me. You all did great this morning,” Danny replied. “Especially you Caleb. You nailed that breakdown in Party Rock Anthem.”

Caleb blushed.

“Jacob, can I have a word with you?” Mr. Butler asked as the two of them followed the band toward the cafeteria.

“Sure,” Jake replied.

Mr. Butler put his hand on Jake’s shoulder. “Don’t you think you were being a little tough on Daniel this morning?”

“What do you mean?” Jake replied. “The trumpet section was all over the place this morning. They were constantly talking and being annoying. They’re going to make the rest of us look bad if they can’t get it together.”

“That may be true, but you know what I heard? I heard a young man who might have been making things personal in front of everyone. There was no need to put Daniel on the spot by making him play alone with everyone watching him. He’s not a soloist. He plays much better with others.”

“He’s the section captain. He needs to be able to play the part better than everyone else. Kyle would’ve played it easily.”

“You know, I once had a student who wasn’t the best player in the band, but he had more heart than anyone else. His playing was all over the place too, and he was constantly playing different instruments because he’d get bored. He never shut up during practice either. I had to make a choice. I could either squash him or harness that energy and turn it into something productive.”

“Sounds like he needed to practice more and learn when to shut up,” Jake scoffed.

“Maybe. But then maybe the most creative minds need room to grow beyond the boundaries the world sets up for them.”

“So what did you do?” Jake asked.

“I let him run practice sometimes. Turns out he was a pretty good director. Still is, actually.”

Jake smiled. “Mr. Reilly?”

Mr. Butler nodded.

“Sometimes I forget he was a kid too.”

“He probably quit and rejoined the band at least once a year. He was an amazing pianist, but that doesn’t always translate to a group setting. He was a challenge, that’s for sure. Most of my colleagues dreaded seeing his name on their roster. But he was always willing to learn. He just needed a chance.”

At lunch, Jake stood in line with the adults and looked across the cafeteria and saw Danny, smiling, joking, enjoying the company of his section mates. He used to have a place at that table. Now he wasn’t sure where he belonged. He didn’t fit in with the adults or the kids. He ended up taking his lunch and going outside to sit under the shade of the tree he’d made his own, eating by himself again. He was desperately lonely. He checked his phone for messages.

“Your father had to tow your car back to the shop,” his mom had texted. Of course he did…

“Did you remember to put oil in the car before you left?” his dad had texted. Jake rolled his eyes so hard they hurt afterward.

“Would it have mattered?” he replied.

“I love you. Please have a good day today. I’ll be thinking about you,” Kyle had texted. Jake replied with a heart emoji. A tear did manage to resist his effort not to start crying and rolled down his cheek.

He scrolled down his messages and found his conversation with Danny. He read the last message he’d sent. “You can come up here if you start to feel sick.” Jake frowned. How did he miss the signs that Danny was pulling away from him? He was willing to make himself sick rather than sit with him on the bus ride.

“Sorry for being a dick this morning,” Jake texted. He breathed a sigh of relief that the message went through and he hadn’t been blocked. Jake saw the message had been received, and then he was encouraged when he saw that Danny was typing a reply. But then the little dots that indicated a message was being typed disappeared. Jake leaned against the tree and closed his eyes. A little nap before practice would help out a lot.

When Danny arrived at the cafeteria, he had intended to go looking for a new roommate. He sat alone at a lunch table, but before long, his entire section and several others joined him. They supported him, said Jake was being a jerk for calling him out in front of everybody, and generally did what they could to make him feel better. Danny appreciated the support, but assured everyone it wasn’t necessary. He thought he saw Jake in the lunch line, but didn’t see him again. Then his phone buzzed. It was a text message.

“You have a minute to talk?”

Danny excused himself from the lunch table, tossed his trash away and called Kyle.

“You’re not calling to get on my ass, are you, Kyle?”

“No. Danny, what happened? Jake is really messed up right now.”

“It’s not one thing that he did. It’s his entire attitude. Ever since we slept together last year, he’s resented me.”

“Did he say that?”

“He didn’t have to,” Danny insisted. “I’ve known him his entire life. Everything changed after band camp last year. He’s been content to move on with his life and leave me to feel all the guilt over what happened. All he talks about is what a big mistake it was and how it meant nothing. It meant something to me! But he just moved on to you. I poured my heart out to him that day. I told him how I felt about him. But he was so stuck up his own ass he didn’t even think about what that night did to me. I just get all the resentment and he gets all the glory. Like it was all just a big joke to him. Like I’m a joke to him. He broke me and Lydia up and everybody had a laugh about it. I got outed and everybody just made jokes. He broke up with Ryan and it was like the end of the world. I’m tired of being treated like a joke.”

“Damn Danny… Look… I know Jake has so much love for you.”

“Yeah, but he has no respect for me. He expects me to just forget about what we did and move on like he did. I can’t. I need him to understand how much this last year has hurt me.”

“Then talk to him.”

“I’ve tried!”

“By telling him you slept with Ryan?”

“That’s another thing! I didn’t tell him that so he could go blabbing it to everybody!”

“I’m not everybody.”

“Well you’re somebody, and that’s one more somebody than I wanted to know.”

“I have to go. I’m sure you do too. Just… Please talk to him. He needs you, even if he won’t say it.”

“Whatever. See you later, Kyle.”

“Yeah, see you later.”

Danny was about to head to the dorm to look for a new roomie when his phone buzzed again. It was a text from Jake.

“Sorry for being a dick this morning.”

Danny sighed. He started to type a reply, but then Andrew called out to him.

“Hey, I found you a roommate!”

“Great, who is it?”

“Sam.”

“Sam the tuba player?”

“He said he’d be glad to have you. He thinks Jake’s a dick too. We all do.”

“He’s… Okay, can you help me move my shit?”

Danny deleted his partial message: “I…”

He followed Andrew back to the dorms and met Sam at the door.

“Lover’s quarrel?” Sam asked.

“’Fuck you’ is what it is,” Danny replied.

“Come on, let’s get you settled in before practice,” Sam said.

By two o’clock, Danny and Andrew had moved his things to Sam’s dorm room and the three of them had arrived in time for afternoon practice. Everyone was in place and ready to begin when Mr. Butler looked around the room.

“Where’s Jacob?”

Everyone looked around the room, some wondering who in the world “Jacob” was since they’d only known him as “Jake” or “Finnegan.”

Danny grabbed his phone.

Jake’s phone buzzed next to him in the grass as he lay asleep under the tree. Jake slowly awoke from his nap and checked his phone.

“WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?!” Danny had texted.

Jake checked the time. “OH SHIT!!!!” Jake sprang up and ran as fast as he could to the band room. By the time he got there, Mr. Butler had already finished warmups.

“You might as well take the rest of the practice off, Jacob,” Mr. Butler said.

“Sorry, I fell asleep and…”

“I know Mr. Reilly expects leaders in his band to be early, not late. Why don’t you just have a seat and I’ll handle things for this session.”

Jake was humiliated. The worst part was that he had no excuse for what happened. He was sure the trumpet section was laughing at him. He couldn’t even look at anybody without feeling like an asshole. He took so much pride in being a responsible leader, but like an idiot he’d overslept on the most important day of camp. Mr. Reilly had trusted him, and he’d failed him.

Mr. Butler called for a five-minute break. Jake wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out. He wouldn’t need to worry about falling asleep because Jake spent those five minutes being talked to privately by Mr. Butler.

Jake didn’t even go to the cafeteria for dinner. He just went to his room and ate the snacks he’d brought along. The thought of facing those people after being humiliated was too much for him. He arrived fifteen minutes early for the evening practice on the football field. The first person to arrive after him was the little freshman trumpet player, Caleb. Jake could see how hesitant Caleb was as he approached.

“Hey Caleb,” Jake offered. “Having a good camp so far?”

“M… Mostly,” Caleb replied.

“Better than mine, I’m sure,” Jake said. “God, what a cock up this afternoon was, huh?”

“Yeah… Mr. Butler seemed pretty mad.”

“I deserved it, that’s for sure.”

“Are you mad about it?”

“What, about getting yelled at?” Jake asked. “Not really. Mr. Reilly’s yelled at me a lot worse than that.”

“You got yelled at by Mr. Reilly?”

“You have no idea. Getting told off sucks, but it’s almost always for a reason. You can’t get mad about it. You just try to do better the next time. Mr. Reilly’s the best teacher I’ve ever had, and he’s yelled at me like twice as much as any other teacher. And I’ve learned like ten times more from him than any other teacher. He cares about us. You know what I mean?”

“Yeah… Even if he is a little… intimidating.”

“A little?” Jake laughed. It was the first time he’d laughed all day.

Mr. Butler arrived soon afterward.

“Jake, glad you could join us this evening,” he said. Jake gave a wink to Caleb and then followed Mr. Butler to plan for the evening’s session.

By the end of the evening, Jake was exhausted. Everyone had done a great job on the field show prep, and Jake made sure to praise the trumpet section for how well they were marching. And then every single one of them made an “L” with the finger and thumb of their left hand as a show of solidarity. Jake wanted to catch Danny after practice was over, but he didn’t get the chance, and he didn’t even know where Danny was staying since he’d moved out. He was ready to wash away the sweat and stink of the day and start fresh in the morning. So imagine his surprise when he opened up his door and found someone waiting for him in his room.

“KYLE!!!” Jake exclaimed. “What in the world are you doing here?!?”

“I heard you could use some cheering up, and that you needed a roommate tonight,” Kyle replied, greeting Jake with a kiss and the best hug ever.

“But how did you know? How did you know what room I was in?”

“I have my sources,” Kyle said. He showed Jake his phone and a text from Danny.

“Room 121”

“When Danny told me you were late for practice this afternoon, I knew I had to come. I mean, it was only ninety-five and a half miles.”

Jake was so happy he almost started crying. “I was just about to take a shower. Want to join me?”

“That sounds like a great idea,” Kyle replied.

“And since there’s an extra bed, you can stay overnight if you want,” Jake joked, tossing his shirt on what had been Danny’s bed and walking toward the bathroom.

“Oh, how thoughtful of you!” Kyle laughed, pulling off his shirt and joining Jake.