Star Crossed: Finding the other - 15. Maybe a little feeling

Norian

“Are you saying that Mekaias is only here because of his drive for revenge?” I stare at the Director for an answer. “What did Tanner even mean when he said he’d see him later?”

shiver at the thought of Tanner calling Mekaias a pet. It sounded disgusting and didn’t fit at all.

“I did want him apart of the team. I believed he would be a great addition," The Director says. "I will say though, I did want to help him get revenge. His mother was very close to me. When I learned that Tanner was the one who did it, I may have already lost hope with it ever being achieved.”

He sighs and looks down at his keyboard.

“I didn’t want to tell Mekaias that obviously. As for the ‘see you soon’ part, I am not so sure about that. Mekaias said that he has been having dreams where he is being told that someone knows where he is. I am guessing that is Tanner’s part. How he has done that or what he is doing to communicate with him is a mystery.”

“He never told me what his dreams were about," I frown. "He only said that he is scared of being mind controlled.”

I drum my fingers on the arm of my chair.

As soon as I was sure Mekaias was sleeping, I snuck out and went to find the Director.

I didn’t tell him about Mekaias trying to harm himself with hot water and a knife. I only told him that Mekaias was acting different.

I didn’t really want to give away Mekaias’ struggles. He deserves his own privacy.

It’s not like he has had much of that before.

Seeing Tanner in the video was a bit of a surprise.

I am guessing the human workers were rushing to delete all they could from their computers; maybe even called him in to tell him we were attacking.

He talked to Mekaias as if it was a casual thing.

How long has he been speaking to Mekaias? Why does he want to see him again? How is he communicating with Mekaias?

“It’s late Norian,” The Director says pinches the bridge of his nose and stands. “Go back to bed. We’ve taken a loss so it would be best to sleep it off. I would really recommend you or one of the squad members stick by his side at all times. Not necessarily to keep an eye on him, but mostly to keep him safe.”

He pats my shoulder and walks out the office.

I make my way back to my room.

I find Mekaias curled up and shaking in the darkest corner of the room. I walk slowly towards him, trying to appear friendly.

He gives off small whimpers and turns to hide his face into the wall.

“Mekaias?” I whisper, “It’s okay. It’s me!” I kneel on the floor but stay far enough away to give him some space. I don’t want him to feel trapped.

“You’re safe with me. Nobody is going to hurt you.” I keep my voice low and hold a hand forward; letting him decide to get close if he wants to.

He squeezes himself closer to the wall.

“They are coming.” He whispers, possibly more to himself than anything. “I don’t understand! I killed them! How can they still hurt me when they are dead?”

He voice shakes so much, I think he might be freezing.

I see shining tears start running down his cheeks.

“It’s all my fault! I made things worse!"

“No, no it’s not your fault," I frown. "You were defending yourself, Mekaias. You saved so many others because of it!”

He looks up at me finally and then shakes his head.

“Why do you even care?” He practically growls at me.

I get a bit surprised by the sudden wave of anger thrown at me but I try not to let it get to me.

“You should leave me," He glares. "I’m ruined! You deserve someone who isn’t dirty and hasn’t been used so many times! Don’t you see? This could never work. You're...you're clean! I'm not.” The last part is said in the shaking voice again.

“I’m not safe. I can’t sleep because I either get nightmares of Weslum, Demetrius, and Talemo or I get nightmares of being choked to death and being told that I’ll be taken again.”

I open my mouth to say something but he raises a hand to stop me.

“I trust you. I really do, but you are one person against a giant universe of strangers. Every stranger I’ve met has wanted to use me for the last ten years. My own family from before couldn’t even protect me. I don’t think you could either. You can try but you will never win.”

He stand over me and holds the sides of my face. “Did you know that when you lose hope, when you lose any thought of possibly escaping, that you just stop fighting back? What was the point? I didn't have anything!” He huffs a laugh to himself and sniffs. “I would let them use me. I didn’t struggle anymore. I let them have their way.”

He wipes his thumbs under my eyes and wipes the tears that I didn’t realize I had.

“If I had known for even a second that someone was fighting to save me, even if it happened to be the thought that you were looking for me, I would have fought back each and every time...yet I didn’t!”

He lets out a sob and wipes his eyes with his arm. “I’m so sorry I didn’t fight back!”

He wraps his arms around my neck and falls against me, burying his face into my neck and letting out all his tears.

Again, I try and say something, anything to try and comfort him, but he stops me by pressing palm over my lips.

He shakes his head and closes his eyes before saying, “Please don’t speak. Do that for me?"

I give a nod and we stay on the floor for the rest of the night. Neither of us sleeping.

~~
~~

Mekaias

I’m guessing it’s morning time now.

I can't exactly tell without the sun waking me up. I refuse to get up or leave the room.

Norian stays with me.

I told him he can go out and explore whatever planet we have stopped on.

He says he doesn’t want to go.

I sigh and keep myself close to him.

I feel disgusting. Tears and snot feel like they are dried up on my face.

I decide to shower instead of staying on the floor.

He joins me.

It’s not at all romantic or anything. A rather strange but pleasant silence.

He helps me and I help him.

For such a giant, he is incredibly gentle.

Even when he massages shampoo into my hair, I can tell he is trying to use the softest touch he can do.

It feels nice.

My body betrays me and I end up purring.

My face burns from embarrassment and I quickly hurry with this shower.

When we finish, we dry off and then get onto the bed.

It’s better than the floor, that's for sure.

Last night wasn’t how I expected it to go.

I thought maybe falling asleep to Norian’s voice was the answer I needed to finally sleep in peace.

It started off well I think. A nice dreamland of nothing.

Eventually it turned into a harsh light with three shadows of the masters standing over me.

I didn’t really stay asleep after that.

I woke and found Norian gone. I thought maybe it was actually happening! I thought that everyone was gone and now I was waiting to be taken away. I thought I would lose the small bit of freedom that I have been living.

I did what I always thought helped me and hid in a corner of the room.

I could have hid under the bed. It would probably have been smarter.

I didn’t harm myself at least.

I did what Norian has been hoping for. I let some of my thoughts out in the air for him to hear.

I didn’t need to hear his response.

I think I have an idea of what he would say. He isn’t like most people.

I’m sure they would say that I should get over it and that it is all in the past.

It doesn’t feel like it’s in the past.

I feel like I am still fighting for my life now.

Pretty sure Norian would say that I’m strong or whatever.

I try and keep that in mind, especially with these new powers, but I don’t want these powers. I only have them because I almost died.

I’m pretty sure I got them from Weslum attacking me.

Memories of that night come back to me in small snippets.

I vaguely remember touching his face and feeling power surging through my fingers and into his skin, but then I blacked out. I woke on a boat, Lucain said I had my mother’s eyes, then he jumped off and sacrificed himself.

His death was my fault.

I could have helped him. I could have done something. Yet I couldn’t. He didn’t even give me a chance.

What I could have done, I don't know.

I needed to do something.

I turn my back to Norian and pull his arm around me.

I will say that the safest place I ever feel now is with Norian. It helps he’s a giant that can easily surround himself around me. I just can’t consider myself completely safe. If not from others, then from myself.

Not to mention he’s incredibly sweet to me.

I don’t understand why he has to be burdened with having me as his soulmate. I should find it nice and amazing that he’s with me, yet I feel like I’ve been ruined to the point of being...nothing.

He still acts and treats me as if I’m the most special person.

I hate to say I enjoy it.

I can’t tell if I should or not.

Do I even deserve this?

I know for a fact that he certainly deserves better.

Apparently he doesn’t seem to care. He is still treating me as if I am the best thing in his life.

It kind of helps me in a way.

I would have thought being loved wouldn’t ever become a possibility. I was certain I would be too nasty for anyone. That I wasn't worthy of anyone's time.

There is also the fact that I am terrified of love. It’s all full of promises.

I take promises pretty seriously.

To hear Norian say he loves me weirds me out beyond anything else in this universe.

Why would you even want to say that to me?

There is also the fact he says that he promises that I am safe here with the squad.

I know I should be telling myself to not trust that promise. He doesn’t know what could possibly happen in the future. Nobody does, yet I feel myself accepting that promise and it brings me some ease.

I know I could be mind controlled and possibly kill everyone around me.

It hasn’t happened yet, right?

A part of my brain is still telling me that I need to not be so accepting of people and their words. It’s an annoying war in me that gives me a headache.

But it's Norian!

I can trust him more than anyone, yes?

“Starshine?” Norian whispers behind me.

I feel myself tense a little.

He hugs me tight and presses a kiss against the back of my neck.

Was he sleeping?

“We should get lunch,” he says.

Wait, how long have we been in here?

“Okay.” I turn and crawl over him to put the beads in my hair.

He waits for me to finish because of course he does. He even has a soft smile on his face as he watches me.

When I finish, He takes my hand and leads us to the cafeteria.

It’s empty since everyone has gone out to the planet we have landed on.

I know I should probably be excited and explore with them all, but I am not in the mood at all right now. I am sure I can get many other chances in the future anyway.

I do feel bad however because I am pretty sure Norian wanted to go.

“You can go out there with them you know," I push at his arm. "You don’t have to stay here for me.”

“I don’t care,” He says with a smile that makes my stomach feel funny.

He leans down to kiss my forehead and I sigh.

I do smile a little though.

We sneak our food into our squad’s living room.

Each squad on the ship has their own little areas. No food allowed but nobody is here to stop us!

We sit on the couch and he decides to put a game on.

I just eat and watch him play.

He offers the controller for me to play but I decline.

The game he is playing will have these monsters pop out of the ground at random times when the music would go quiet.

It made me jump a few times...or maybe every time.

You can’t hear them coming at all so how is that fair? I am pretty sure I would be able to hear something crawling its way out of the ground in front of me!

Norian gets bored of it pretty quickly. He decides to just lay on top of me and that was a new experience all together.

Usually I am being pulled or pushed on top of others. I would be their “trophy” in a way.

I would always go along with it because I didn't have a choice in the matter.

To be on the opposite of that is...nice.

He has his head resting on my chest and I gave him a small massage. I even ran my fingers through his hair! I've never done that before!

It was pretty relaxing and I liked having his weight on top of me.

He isn’t so heavy but I am pretty sure he was holding himself up a bit.

We talked for a bit.

He told me about his family and how he is pretty sure his mother doesn’t like his siblings’ soulmates.

He says I am most likely going to be her favorite, mostly because literally everyone else in his family is a Metonian.

I guess it’s rare to have a soulmate who isn’t a Metonian?

“When are we going to see them together?” I ask.

I run my claws against his head and his body gives a small shiver at the sensation. I can’t help but smirk at that before kissing the top of his head.

Also something I haven't done before! He's too tall for me to ever give head kisses!

“Well, um, I guess we could make a trip after we get back home?” He seems a little nervous about it. “It isn’t so far from Earth and we could take a shuttle with just the two of us.”

“Are you afraid of what they will think of us?” I tilt my head.

He gives a sigh before nodding.

“I don’t want you to feel bad if they look down on us,” He turns his head to look up at me.

It is so, so weird to see someone’s head on my chest! I can't get over it!

“I could care less if they don’t accept it because I really do love you and I know for a fact you are my soulmate. I mean I almost died for it.” He gives a small laugh.

I give an understanding smile.

I remember being scared to tell my mother about being attracted to the same sex, but apparently she was raising me to be submissive to people so she said she wasn’t surprised.

She said being submissive allows others to look over you and that means safety.

She also used to try and push Lucain and I to be together. I didn’t really want that back then.

I knew she mainly wanted Lucain to keep me protected. Not for actual feelings.

It’s weird to think of the times before being taken away. I remember being happier and without a care in the world for what could come next.

I know I could be annoying back then. Talking too much and joking around in serious times.

Mother and I used to argue all the time because I would get into too much trouble with Aileta or Kane.

I still blame Lucain for most of those tricks!

It did invent the stare off that she and I do...or did.

I was stupid back then.

“I won’t feel bad," I say. "I promise! I have a feeling they’ll be rather accepting of you, especially since you are so sweet to me. They must have taught you that.”

I hug his head close to me and kiss the top again.

When I let go of him a little bit, he has the biggest smile on his face.

'“Then we will go visit them after we get back home," He says, his cheeks a little pink. "I need a break from flying for a bit if we are going to see them soon.”

“Okay then,” I kiss his cheek. “I can’t wait."

~~
~~

Norian

“Pruaq Proqzume! Hyo boz wern?”

Mekaias' friend, Aileta, is on monitor that I’ve moved onto the bed.

“Pruaq Aileta! Wern boz mej anchzlo, Norian,” Mekaias smiles and pull me by the arm to better show me in the camera.

“Speak english, please," He says. "Norian doesn’t understand us.”

He smiles and holds one of my hands with both of his.

“Anchzlo?” She gasps but a smile is on her face. “Arnio will not be happy to hear that.”

“Please don’t make this weird,” He says in a sort of sing -songy voice.

I kind of look at him in shock but he doesn’t seem to notice.

I know he was teasing, but that little voice was really cute and sweet!

“Well, my name is Aileta and...wait a second!” She leans into the screen and squints her eyes then gasps again. “You are fucking the big one, Mekaias? Oh I am definitely telling Arnio now!”

“Aileta! Stop, please!” Mekaias groans and looks at me in apology.

I can already feel the heat rising up my neck.

“What? I can’t act like myself with your damn anchzlo?” She crosses her arms on the screen and glares. “Ench Camiya shlaen?”

Oh! I know Camiya!

I know one word out of all this at least.

“Yes she does," Mekaias gives a pointed look at Aileta. "She was fine with it...I think. It was kind of a rushed meeting between them.”

He looks at me and shrugs.

I am so damn lost right now.

“I would throw him at her again,” She grins and laughs to herself. “How are things out there?”

I try and sneak away but Mekaias’ grip on me tightens. His claws probably would have punctured my skin but yay for battle form!

I take it he really wants me here right now.

“Everything is fine. It’s so different from Utrio. Did you know they have animals that look like me? My friend showed me one the other day. It is disgusting.”

Mekaias’ face at the mention of what I am guessing is Poofs, makes me laugh.

Aileta laughs as well.

“I’ve only seen pictures of them. I don’t find them so ugly. You are more ugly compared to them.”

She says that so casually that I have to bite my lip from laughing.

Mekaias scoffs and says another word I don’t understand.

“Don’t disrespect your elders.” She points but smiles.

“You are only about fifteen years older than me! You aren’t my elder!” He laughs and then fakes a yawn.

I raise an eyebrow at that.

Does he not want to talk to her? What was the point of me hauling a monitor into our room then?

“Well I see you are tired," She says. "I must get to work. I’m telling Arnio about your anchzlo! Ixtasen, Norian!”

She blows a kiss and the screen goes dark.

“She likes doing that.” Mekaias pouts and crosses his arms.

God that's cute.

“She leaves the call before you get a chance to say goodbye to her.”

I wrap my arms around him and kiss the side of his cheek. “I don’t know half of what was said or what was even happening.”

He chuckles and turns to kiss me properly.

“It wasn’t anything interesting!” He grins and wraps his arms around my neck, sits on my lap, and uses his fingers to trace whatever he sees on my face. I am guessing my cheekbones.

“‘Fucking the big one’ sounded pretty interesting,” I smirk and peck his forehead as he can gives a small gasp.

He giggles and shakes his head then rests his forehead against mine. “That evil woman! She was just joking.”

I run my fingers along his back and pull him closer to me.

“Is it okay if I sleep?” I ask.

He nods against me.

“Promise to wake me if you need me?”

There is a slight pause but then he gives another small nod.

“Good.”

I pull up his hand and kiss his palm.

"You can sleep on me if you'd like."

He seems to be a little shy asking for that. He even looks away as if he is embarrassed by that!

Who am I to decline such a sweet image?

Getting to hear his heartbeat while trying to sleep sounds amazing!

"Yes please." I smile.

He lays back onto his pillow and pulls me down on top of him.

I quickly put the battle form away before I crush him.

His heartbeat is at a worrying pace but it starts slowing down as we settle in better.

"I love you," I say and lay an arm over him.

"Promise?" He whispers.

It startles me a little hearing that.

Why would he ever think I wouldn't?

"Of course I promise!"

He gives a nod and starts running his fingers along the hairs on the back of my head.

After a few minutes he says something that I barely hear.

"I love you too, Norian."

Holy shit!