Happy Birthday to Me - 1. Home Again

“So, what did you buy me?” Jazzy opened the door before I even put my key in the lock.

“Chill Jazz, I just got in, let me unpack my bags first.” I crossed the threshold and dropped my bags closing the door behind me. Jazzy sprung into my arms. I inhaled her watermelon body wash. God, I had missed her, I couldn’t help think as her ringlets tickled my nose.

“Okay stop being a birthday grinch and tell me what you got me.” I laughed kneeling down I opened my backpack and pulled out a wrapped rectangle and handed it to her. She crinkled her nose. “I love you dearly but this better not be a book.” I smirked. Three years ago, I got her the lord of the rings trilogy and she ignored me for most of the day. According to Jazz books belonged in the classroom they were not sufficient birthday gifts. We couldn’t be more different. She ripped off the wrapping and groaned.

“Seriously, Little Women. No more books.” She smiled. “I’m so glad your back.”

“Open it.”

“What?”

“The book, open it.” She opened it and flipped through the pages stopping at a set of peculiar looking book marks.

“No You didn’t!” She squealed. She looked up at me. “These tickets must have cost a fortune.” The Cakes were an up and coming indie band. Ma kept complaining about Jazzy driving her crazy with that cake music. Or so I heard from my cousin Leroy. Speaking of Ma.

“Where’s Ma?” Her expression sobered.

“She’s in the kitchen.”

“She still mad?” Jazzy nodded. I let out a breath. After Leroy accidentally outed me three months ago. My mother stopped speaking to me. I decided to give her space. I transferred to a school as far away as I could afford, New York, to put as much distance as I could between us. The down side was I missed my twin, Jazzy terribly.

“Elizabeth Mae welcome home.” She only ever used my full name when she was mad. Both my sister and I turned towards the sound of our mother. We took after our father in appearance. Our lighter skin was a testament to that. Jazzy was silly and quick to joke like dad was and my temperament is more on the serious side, like Ma’s.

“Thanks.” I whispered. Ma looked like she had stopped ageing at 40. Frankly she was beautiful.

“Please bring your stuff up stairs. We eat at 5.” She said, as if I didn’t know. She turned and walked back in the kitchen.

“Happy birthday to me.” I murmured.

***

My relationship with my mother had never been easy. I always felt that Jazzy had been both our parents’ favourite. After the divorce last year. I retreated into my shell whereas Jazzy became Ma’s rock. I was filled with regret.

Retreating for me was easy. My only friends where Leroy, Jazzy and Drew, my ex. The four of us did everything together. Until I Leroy found Drew kissing a girl at a night club who wasn’t me. I sighed, rubbing my temples. I did not want to think about her. Not now, not ever.

I could hear them chatting over the stereo laughing as they cooked family dinner while I hid upstairs in my room. My phone buzzed. It was Jazz.

‘How long does it take you to change?’ I rolled my eyes. She was such a pain. Reluctantly I sat up. No time like the present to face the music. I hastily changed into sweats and put my curly hair up in bun before grabbing my phone and closing my room.

Leroy was in the kitchen not helping.

“Hey Cuz.” He said softly. He was munching on a bowl of cherries. Leroy is a bottomless pit yet he remained rail thin. He was one of my favourite people until he inadvertently caused the rift between Ma and me. I nodded at him. He frowned. “Still not talking to me I see.” Truth was we still spoke, sending the occasional text here and there but things weren’t the same. Leroy is also the most straight forward person you’ll ever meet. Frowning I went over to Ma. Her lips were pursed as she cut up some potatoes by the counter by the stove. The water was already boiling in preparation. Ma made the best mashed potatoes.

“Need any help?” My voice was low but since you could hear a pin drop, even with the radio going, I might as well have been screaming. She looked at me briefly, her hazel eyes, the eyes Jazz and I inherited from her were unreadable. She shook her head.

“Go have a seat with Leroy, you’ll just be in the way.” That was all the permission I needed to go back upstairs to my room.

***

There was a soft knock on my door. I was under the covers working tapping away on a paper on my laptop. I considered ignoring it when Jazzy spoke.

“It’s me.” I huffed closing my laptop. She entered the room as I was starting to straighten. “What are you doing in here?” She looked at the disheveled bed and my laptop.

“Working on a paper.” She had a small wrapped gift in her hand. She frowned.

“All work and no play makes Lizzy a dull girl.” I shrugged.

“What else am I supposed to do. All my friends were really Drew’s friends except for you and Leroy.”

“Who you should forgive by the way.” She plopped down on my bed.

“I’m not mad at him. I’m just processing.”

“Like Ma?” I said nothing. She smiled apologetically. “Sorry too soon. I got you this.” She held out the small box. I walked over to her, took the box and slowly unwrapped it. It was jewelry. I looked at her, puzzled and touched. Jazzy didn’t make much as an early childhood educator. She worked in a daycare and even though she lived at home she still had car insurance payments and her and mom split the bills on this big old house 50/50.

“Open it before I take it back.” She laughed. I opened the small box. It was a beautiful gold necklace with a pendant that had a centaur shooting an arrow. I looked up at my sister, my twin. We differed in so many ways. However, I loved her fiercely. When Drew and I would fight she would often say the only person I’m capable of loving is Jazzy, I chalked her attitude up to her being an only child. “I got one for me too so even when you’re not here we’ll still be connected.” We were Sagittarius’s, born December 9. I believed that held absolutely no significance over my daily life but Jazzy loved horoscopes and star signs. She was nervous because I still had yet to say anything, I realized.

“Jazzy,” I breathed. “this is the best.” To my surprise I was slightly teary. I took it out of the box and secured the clasp around my neck. “Thank you.” She beamed, standing and wrapping her arms around me.

“Happy Birthday big sis.” I snorted, I’m older by two minutes.

“What’s going on up here?” Leroy drawled as we pulled apart. He leaned against the door frame.

“A touching family moment.” I smiled. For the first time since my return I almost felt like my old self again before everything fell apart.

“Ahh well in that case I’ll see myself out.” His smile was shy. I sighed.

“Leroy get in here.” He knew damn well I couldn’t hold a grudge and beside it was an accident. Leroy was a head taller than and me despite being thin he was all muscle. He picked me up and spun me around.

“I missed you Birthday Girl.” He put me down and changed the subject. “I heard about the tickets.” I had bought three tickets to the Cakes even though at the time I was still angry.

“Can you make it?”

“Duh!” They replied simultaneously. I couldn’t help grinning back.

***

“I have to tell you something.” I was doing the dishes. I always volunteered to do the dishes after dinner since I was mostly useless in the kitchen. Mom, Jazzy and Dad carried the domesticity in this household.

“Can it wait?’

“You should really hear this.” Leroy had this uncanny inability to keep a secret. No matter how big or how small. He openly told people he did not like the pressure of secrets he did not want to be vault. He simply was not built that way. I sighed turning off the tap wondering what lame tale he’d stumbled upon. Most of his secrets everyone already knew. “Drew is cheating on you.”

“What?!” In one swift moment all the air escaped from my lungs. He reached out for me, I took a step back. “How?”

“I saw her last night, with Abigail at Torrid. Apparently, this isn’t the first time.” Drew was a year older than me and while I was still an undergrad and thinking of transferring to a different college, she was done with school. She had asked me to go out last night but I wanted to research on a few schools that were out of state. I sank down to the floor. Completely at a loss. How could she do this to me especially after she knew what my Dad had done to me, to us. Dad not only cheated on Ma he predictably forgot about us the minute he left. It’s been a year but we were still struggling in every way. I didn’t realize Leroy had sunk to the floor beside me.

“I’m sorry.” He croaked. Silent tears streamed down my face. I felt a curious feeling, like I was being watched. I looked up and there was Ma and Jazzy standing at the threshold. I scrambled to standing and quickly wiped my tears. Jazzy mouth hung open almost comically.

“Ma…” My throat felt like sandpaper. She said nothing. I was unsure of how much she had heard but I assumed everything based on her stony expression. “I’m gay.” The tension in the room was so taut I thought I would snap. Ma had never liked Drew. I asked Ma once why she didn’t like Drew, thinking it couldn’t be homophobia since Drew was more straight passing than me and I am pretty femme. ‘She seems dishonest’ was all Ma had said.

“I know.” She said after moment. Her voice was even. “Thanks for doing the dishes I’ll be in the study.” She turned and left the room. The kitchen stood silent as we collectively held our breath until the door closed. I didn’t cry, tears threatened to fall, but I sucked in a breath, I wanted to cling to whatever dignity I had left. Jazzy and Leroy tried to comfort me. I shook them off and calmly walked upstairs to my room.

Thanks for reading!!