die catfish, die. - 3. moms and aunts

Wish we could turn back time, to the good ol’ days,
When our momma sang us to sleep, but now we’re stressed out.

_{TWENTY ONE PILOTS — STRESSED OUT (2015)}

* * * * *

Eli shook violently.

Who is Bob Bobberson? Who the fuck is Bob Bobberson?

He collected his thoughts, what he’d do to Bob Bobberson if they ever crossed paths; it was by no accounts picturesque.

3/10, 11:57pm

we're telling everyone at school tomorrow about you

everyone gonna no you take it up the ass

u shld just kill urself and get it over with. nobody wants a gross fag like u trying to grab their dick

suckee suckee you like dick long time

3/12 10:32am

Fuckin fag. you deserved it.

It had been laid out for Eli—every emotion, every sensation lit his soul and set his nerves on fire. He was pitted with rage and despair, occasionally letting out short grunts of misery through a tightly clenched jaw.

Someone had done this to him, to his Jacob. They had driven him to his end with poisonous words, and he knew there were more. Someone had found out about Jacob, and Eli wondered who it could have been. The both of them had always been so careful and secretive.

Eli crawled into his bed, pushing the PlayStation box over the side and into a basket of folded laundry, flopped down face-first onto the mattress, and pulling the pillow around his face, he screamed.

* * * * *

Missus Stockton looked up from her desk, then glanced back at the clock on the wall. “You’re about ten minutes late,” she said.

Eli sighed, forcing himself not to snap at her. “Sorry, I had a bad night. I didn’t sleep well.”

She leaned back in her chair. “I haven’t heard anything from the office about Chase. I was hoping you’d have come in sooner so I had more time to talk to you.”

“First period doesn’t start for another forty-five minutes.” Eli put the palm of his hand over his eye and rubbed it across his face, putting the slightest bit of pressure against his aching eyes.

Suddenly, Chase walked into the room; they were locked into a heated stare for just an instant. Chase scowled and turned to walk back out.

“Chase!” Stockton leaned forward. “If you walk out that door, I’ll make sure whatever punishment you got for yesterday is tripled.”

He stopped and glanced at her sideways. Eli could tell that Chase was wrestling with the idea of saying something, but for the time being, he remained quiet.

Eli studied Missus Stockton as she dropped a thick book onto her desk.

“Chase, you had some issues with your independent book report. Eli is going to help you through the assignment. Eli, I want you to do a peer edit on his report, and I want you both to do a discussion on what Chase can do better.” She pointed at Chase. “You, behave. No violence.” She pointed at Eli. “And you, make sure you’re giving good critiques. Strong feedback. If I don’t see an improvement, you both get a failing grade on this assignment.”

Eli nodded.

Chase’s face burnt bright red.

Stockton stood up and gathered a stack of worksheets into a wire basket. “I’ve got to pop into the faculty room to get some copies made. Can I trust you two to be alone for ten minutes?”

“Yeah,” Eli said softly. He shuffled across the room to where he normally sat.

Stockton ducked out, but Chase remained standing near the chalkboard.

They stared at each other, Chase’s eyes unwavering.

Eli crossed his arms. “Can we get this done?”

“I don’t know. Can we do this without you running your fucking mouth?”

Eli shrugged.

Chase sighed loudly and tossed his backpack by the strap, throwing it down the aisle, the bag landing on the floor next to Eli. Chase walked slowly to the desk and sat down next to Eli.

Chase seemed like your run-of-the-mill, corn-fed white boy; he was a very average kid with no features that really stood out. His hair was still damp from a morning shower. The scent of citrus fabric softener and toothpaste surrounded him as he leaned over and dug around for his homework.

“She’s punishing us,” Eli said flatly.

“Whatever.” Chase slapped several sheets of paper down on the desk in front of Eli. He sat back and crossed his arms.

Eli picked up the report and struggled to read through the first few paragraphs. He stopped and glanced over. “What’s your friend’s name again?”

Chase squinted back at him. “Why the fuck you want to know?”

Eli set the paper down and leaned forward. “Because he got a B on his paper. I saw it when she was passing them back. So, basically, you got him a B on his paper, but you got an F on yours?”

The color drained from his face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Look, I know you do most of his homework. It’s not really a secret.” Eli held up the paper. “This is awful. You didn’t read the book, did you?”

Chase stared at the paper.

“And you know she hasn’t read this book yet, or she would have chewed you a new ass in front of everyone.”

He sighed. “I didn’t have time to finish reading it. I only got through three chapters and bullshitted my way through the rest.” Chase hesitated. “How did you know I didn’t read it?”

“Because this isn’t how Asimov wrote The Naked Sun. And if you’re going to read Asimov, you should start with I, Robot, then go on to the Foundation Series.”

“You’ve read this?”

“Yeah.”

“All of it?”

“Everything from I, Robot to The End of Eternity. Even Elijah Bailey’s stuff.” Eli blushed. “You sorta read a lot when you don’t have people to talk to.”

Chase blinked at him. “Never pegged you for a nerd.”

“Thanks,” Eli said, sarcastically. “You know, anything to get me out of this hell for a few chapters.” He furrowed his brow. “And is being a nerd really an insult anymore? You can do better than that.”

Chase cocked an eyebrow. “W…what?”

“If you’re going to roast me, try harder. Or find a sturdier keyboard.”

“Fuck, man.” He shook his head.

“Sorry, I didn’t get much sleep.” Eli sighed. “Look, you could have read the Wikipedia article and gotten a better understanding of the whole book.” He started reading the paper again.

“I haven’t read any of the others.”

“Wild guess: you walked into the library, went to the fiction section and grabbed the first thing at eye level that didn’t look like a chick book.”

“You can tell just by reading it?”

“Yeah.” Eli looked back over to him. “Man, you’re going to have to rewrite this whole thing. I can run you through the whole plot, if you want. But we shouldn’t do it where Stockton can hear us talking about it.”

“Where, then?”

Eli shrugged. “We could meet at the library after lunch. If you don’t want to do that, maybe my house or something.”

Chase studied Eli’s face. “I don’t know.”

“Man, I don’t want her to take away my grade,” he said. “I got a solid A on this.”

“Why should I give a shit what you get?”

Chase was wearing thin on Eli’s last nerve. “You want help, or not?”

Chase scowled.

“You’re giving him a full ride, man.”

“Joey,” he mumbled.

“What?”

“His name is Joey.”

“Look, dude, I’m not trying to be an asshole. I shouldn’t have said anything about it yesterday in the lab, but…shit. You’re obviously smart if Joey’s getting B’s on his assignments. I know you don’t need my help. I’m offering.”

They stared at each other.

Chase leaned his head back and rested it against the wall. “Maybe if I got held back, I wouldn’t have so many classes with him.”

“Don’t do that.” Eli scratched his arm. “He’d fail next year because you weren’t there to help him, then you’d probably have classes with him again, anyway.”

He shrugged and closed his eyes. “What am I supposed to do?”

“Stop doing his homework, maybe?”

Chase pressed his lips flat and leaned against the desk on his elbows. “I’m sorry I hit you.”

The corner of Eli’s mouth twitched. “It was kind of funny the way you were standing there with the keyboard. What’d they give you, anyway?”

“A week of detention. I’m surprised it wasn’t a suspension. Would have been nice to have a week off.”

“Wouldn’t your parents be pissed?”

“I got grounded last night for it. I don’t really care because it gives me some time to myself.”

Eli still wondered why Chase would let Joey walk all over him and let him talk to him the way he did. Eli wanted to ask, but he didn’t want to piss Chase off again. Besides, there wasn’t anything small for Chase to hit Eli with, so if something did happen to go down, Eli was sure he’d be taking a desk to the face, WWE style. “Do you still want me to help you with this?”

“Can you come to me? I can’t get to the library during school. I’ll just tell Mom we have to work on an English project or something.”

* * * * *

“Please, sit wherever you’d feel most comfortable. Sorry, please just give me a moment to finish this up.”

Eli shut the door behind him and glanced around the office as the lady scribbled down a few notes on a pad of paper. On the wall there was a framed drawing of Freud, along with several diplomas. Around the office, there were shelves with little toys and knick-knacks. “I’m sorry, I thought I was supposed to be seeing a guy.”

She looked up at him.

“That’s what Mom said anyway.”

“Would you be more comfortable seeing a male therapist?”

Eli shrugged. “I don’t think it matters.”

She nodded. “In that case, my name is Reagan. What would you like me to call you?”

“Optimus Prime.” He stopped at a photo on the wall of her standing next to a patchy looking horse. “You have a horse?”

“I used to, Mister Prime. We had to sell the horses before we moved down here.”

“Please, call me Optimus. Mister Prime was my father.” Eli glanced back over his shoulder. “Where did you move from?”

“A small town in northern Montana. My husband got a good job offer, so we packed up, and here we are.”

“Do you like it here?” Eli asked.

She smiled warmly. “City life takes a bit to adjust to. I still look out the windows every time I hear a fire truck or an ambulance.”

Eli sat down on the couch.

She smiled; her green eyes and dark eyeshadow looked very striking behind her cat-rimmed glasses. “So, Eli, Elijah, Optimus—Why don’t we start with why you’re visiting me today.”

Eli let out a single chuckle. “Visit?” He grabbed onto a pillow and examined both sides. “My boyfriend shot himself.”

Leaning against the arm of her chair, she said, “Tell me about Jacob.”

“I guess Mom filled you in.” He glanced up at her and tossed the pillow to the side. “Where should I start?”

“Wherever you feel comfortable.”

“He was… was warm, caring, gentle. He taught me how to stand up for myself. He was always there when I needed someone to talk to. You know, non-mom issues.”

“What did you like about him the best?”

He blushed. “It’s going to sound stupid.”

“I bet it won’t.”

“When he smiled. He had these pointy teeth.” Eli pointed his index fingers at his bicuspids. “They weren’t, like, vampire long or anything, but when he didn’t do anything with his hair and just let it be, you know, with his brown hair and brown eyes, he looked a little like a werewolf. It was…”

She nodded him on.

“It was kinda cute when he smiled. It drove me nuts.”

Regan smiled. “That’s very sweet.”

He choked up. “Yeah.”

“Your mom didn’t mention that Jacob was your boyfriend. Did she know about your relationship with him?”

Eli shook his head. “Never got around to telling her about it.”

“Do you think your relationship with him would upset your mother?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know. She’s an attorney. There isn’t a lot that fazes her.”

“I just wanted to make sure so I don’t accidentally out you or something.” She sat back. “How are you coping with things?”

Eli stared at her. “It hurts each time I have to talk about him. Something sorta hit me this morning when I was talking to this kid at school.”

“What’s that?”

“I don’t have anyone to talk to anymore.”

“Like an adult, or someone your age?”

“He was my only real friend, and… and now it feels like I have to go back to what I was before.”

“What do you think you were before?”

“Just some invisible slug that nobody wanted anything to do with.”

* * * * *

Eli stood in front of a door that was painted red. Above his head was a flourish of round windows, and in the center of the door was an antique brass knocker. He reached off to the side and hit the doorbell.

After a brief moment, Chase came to the door dressed in mesh basketball shorts, a ratty t-shirt, and black ankle-high socks. His shins had a light dusting of blond hair on them. “Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” Eli quietly replied.

Chase blinked at him. “Is something wrong?”

“Sorry, I just got done with my therapist. Just a little bummed out.”

He nodded. “That Jacob kid?”

“Yeah.”

“We can do this some other time, if you’re not feeling up to it.”

Eli shook his head. “No, let’s get it done.” He smiled weakly. “I could use the distraction.”

“I haven’t really told my mom you were coming over. She might be pissed at me, just so you know.”

Eli scratched a little part of his scalp behind his ear. “Do you want to do this some other time? I don’t want to get you into any more trouble or anything.”

“It’s fine,” Chase said. “Come on.” He nodded over his shoulder and pulled the door open.

Eli stepped in and followed Chase across the living room to the kitchen.

There was a very slight smell of cat pee in the air, mixed with powdered carpet cleaner and detergent. The culprit cantered out to the kitchen; the cat stopped when it saw Eli, hunched down a bit, then took off running.

“I should have asked if you’re allergic to cats.”

“I’ll be fine,” Eli replied. “As long as he doesn’t get right into my face.”

Chase nodded. “If she does, just push her off the table. Once she gets to know you, she’s a bit of an attention whore.”

Eli sat at the table and pulled out his copy of The Naked Sun, while Chase meandered to the fridge.

“Want something to drink?”

“I’m fine,” Eli said.

As Chase rooted through the fridge, Eli’s eyes were drawn to that slight angled protrusion at the front of Chase’s shorts. It was the sort of bump common in anyone wearing that style of shorts, but the way the cloth draped and bunched, and the bagginess of the outfit, it was never a fair indication of what was underneath, and it usually made people look smaller than they actually were. Eli let his imagination run for just a few seconds, then forced his stare away as a pang of guilt hit him; he felt as if he was straying on Jacob.

“So, I think I’ll go through each chapter and tell you what happened. Maybe two or three sentences on each. Would that be enough to finish the report?”

“That should be fine. I’ll read the Wiki page, too.”

“She wants it on Monday. If you write up a draft, I’ll read over it if you want.”

Chase gave him a little half-smile. “That’d be cool.” He leaned against the counter and chugged out of an orange juice carton. He set the carton on the counter and wiped the corner of his mouth with his thumb. “Let me get my notebook, and we can get going.” He walked through the kitchen and down the stairs.

Suddenly, the front door popped open and a heavier woman walked in; she had several plastic bags hanging from her fingers. “Chase!” She took two steps in and stopped suddenly to stare at Eli, looking a little more than surprised. “Hi?”

Eli shifted in his seat. “Uh, hi. Chase went downstairs to grab a notebook, I think.”

“Chase,” she yelled. “Get up here.”

Chase came running up the steps with his backpack slung over his shoulder.

She pointed at Eli. “I specifically told you no friends. Didn’t I?”

“Mom—”

“Didn’t I?”

“I tried to call you, I swear!”

“It doesn’t matter if you tried to call. I said no friends because you’re grounded.”

“He’s from my class,” he argued. “We have to do this book project for school!”

Her face laced with anger, she studied him for a moment, then shifted her gaze to Eli.

Eli held up the book. “The teacher wanted us to work together on our reports and turn them in on Monday.”

She sighed. “He needs to go home by dinner,” she said to Chase. She turned to Eli. “I’m sorry, he’s in a little bit of trouble for something at school.”

Eli smirked. “I know. He didn’t hit me that hard, but the space bar sure hurt.”

Her eyebrows raised. “Oh, you’re… He’s the one you hit?” she asked Chase.

Chase nodded, his cheeks bright red.

She smacked him up-side the head. “Well? Did you say you were sorry?”

What the shit? Eli thought.

“Yes, Momma!” He held the back of his head. “I told him this morning, honest!”

She looked back to Eli.

“He really did. That’s why she’s making us do this report.” Eli rested his hand against the top handle of his backpack, just in case he’d have to bolt.

“I’m sorry I smacked you,” she said to Chase. “Go get your work done. I’ve got some stuff to sew together for a gal at church, so I’ll be downstairs, but I’ll be keeping an eye on you. No messing around.”

“Sorry, Momma,” he said quietly.

She lightly pushed him forward. “Get at it.” Chase’s mom took the bags with her and slowly waddled down the stairs.

Chase sat down at the table. “I’m sorry you had to see that. She’s, uh… a little strict,” he said quietly.

“No worries,” Eli said.

* * * * *

Eli was glad his day was over. There was one more day of school, then BAM! Instant fucking weekend. He stood naked in his room, searching the floor for his favorite shorts; he figured he must have left them in his bathroom.

He pulled his door open and started across his basement.

His mother pulled open the door at the top of the stairs; he stopped and looked up at her. She did that surprised head shake thing. “Sorry, I should have knocked.” She leaned her shoulder against the doorframe, which meant she wanted to talk about something, but at least she averted her gaze.

“No big deal,” he said. “Trying to find my shorts.” He walked into the bathroom and dug through the hamper.

Eli had never been afraid of being naked around the house, although school was a different story. It never bothered him when his mom walked in when he was naked, as she always told him never to be ashamed of his body. Not to mention, she liked to remind him from time to time who changed him when he was a baby; apparently, he used to poop so much it would drive her crazy. Once things started changing, when he started changing, she just stopped coming downstairs without calling out first, or knocking on his door. Eli’s slow ascent into adulthood must have freaked her out a bit, at least that’s what Eli thought.

On the other hand, he could never understand why people were so afraid of nudity, or what was so appalling about the random bit of flesh. Besides, he ran through a gauntlet of dicks every day at school, but that’s just because people were assholes to him. At least she knew his boundaries, and he knew hers.

“I wanted to ask if you were okay,” she called, bursting his concentration.

“Be better if I could find my damn shorts,” he mumbled under his breath.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he hollered back.

“Was your appointment okay?”

He stuck his head out the door and glanced up at her. “It went fine.” He ducked back into the bathroom. Frustrated, he dumped the hamper out onto the floor, kicking various bits of clothing around with his foot. “She seems like a nice lady,” he called.

“I’m glad you like her.”

He walked out and stood at the bottom of the steps. “Did you do something with my shorts?”

“Check the dryer.”

Eli streaked to the other side of the basement to the laundry room; the dryer was running.

He heard his mom make the six steps down into his flat. “Aunt Marlene wanted to go see a chick flick this weekend.”

“Oh?” He pulled the dryer door open and shoved his arms through the warm, dry laundry inside, pushing items around to find his favorite pair of shorts. He pushed his face in just a bit to get a better look.

“She was wondering if you would do something with Benjamin.”

Eli jerked back, hitting his head on the lip of the dryer door. “Shit,” he hissed, holding the back of his head.

“What happened?”

“Mom, Benjamin doesn’t want to hang out with me.” And I don’t want to hang out with him. “He’s probably got plans with his friends, anyway.” He went back to his task.

“She said he didn’t.”

“I have lots of homework,” he lied. “And I think I just want to stay in and not deal with people.”

He heard her sigh. “Elijah, I know Aunt Marlene is hard to be around. Trust me, I’ve known her all my life. But I think it would be good for you to get some fresh air. Do something fun with someone your age—even if he is your cousin.”

His eyes alighted a small patch of royal blue cloth. He pulled it out and held his shorts up by the waistband. “Don’t forget brother.” That was a phrase that always rustled her jimmies, and he knew it—it had always gotten her off the subject before. He pulled his shorts to his face and brushed the warm cloth over his cheeks, taking in the clean fragrance; this was his warm-happy—a guilty pleasure he always relished.

“And you really like to remind me of that an awful lot,” she said.

That was new. He furrowed his brow and thought.

“But he’s family,” she continued, “and family is important. Especially when you’re dealing with something this heavy.”

He stood up and practically jumped into his shorts, rubbing the toasty fabric against his bare skin, the cold of the basement nipping at every other part of his exposed body. He smiled slightly, sighed, and closed his eyes. Turning toward the door, he gave his nuts a good scratching, and when he opened his eyes again, he found his mother standing at the door watching him. She’d caught him scratching the boys, and that embarrassed him; he blushed. “I don’t want to deal with Benjamin, Mom. Especially when I’m dealing with something this heavy.”

“Why all the hate with him, lately?”

Lately? “What do you mean?” He squeezed past her and walked toward his bedroom.

“You two used to get along so well.”

“Well, maybe if Benjamin wasn’t the one who told me about that Argentine lady who was bumping parts with Dad. Because, you know, that sorta brought up a whole bunch of other shit.”

“Elijah!”

“Well, you always say we should talk like mature adults. So, let’s talk.”

The surprised look on her face told Eli that it hadn’t been the reaction she was expecting. “Baby, what happened between your father and I had nothing—”

“And Aunt Marlene.”

She scowled and sighed angrily. “Fine. Between your father, and your aunt, and me, and maybe even the milkman. But none of that had anything to do with you. And none of that had anything to do with Benjamin.”

No, it had a lot to do with Benjamin.

“You’re too young to be this apathetic.”

Eli turned and crossed his arms, leaning against the doorframe of his bedroom. “Maybe it didn’t. Maybe it did.”

“No, it absolutely did not, Eli.”

“Okay, well, there’s that, and then there’s the fact that Benjamin’s kind of a dick.”

“Elijah, your mouth.”

“I’m sorry. Benjamin’s kind of a penis. A whale-size penis. Something between a finback and a blue whale.” He paused. “Massive.”

She looked annoyed. “Okay, just stop it.”

He shrugged. “You were the one who asked.”

“But you don’t have to fan the flames. Why don’t you just amuse me, take the high road, and if he is being a little asshole, well…”

“Well, what?”

“Then you be the better person.”

Eli scowled.

“What’s that look for?”

“You know, if it makes you happy to spend time with Aunt Marlene, then fine. I’ll do it.”

“It’s not for me, baby.”

“Mom, I’m tired. I’m going to bed.”

She held up her hands and lightly slapped them against her legs. “Okay, maybe next time. Should I call your secretary to set up an appointment to talk to you?”

Her frustrated sarcasm was one of the finer traits he had inherited from her. “Mom… Jesus.”

“Truce?”

“Yeah, fine.”

“Okay, we’ll talk tomorrow. Enjoy your warm shorts.” With that, she left.

It would have been strange to have been a fly on the wall for any number of their conversations—they were usually all over the place like this. And whenever they’d argue, one of them ended by calling a truce so the anger wouldn’t be held over later. But Eli knew how to read between the lines, and so did she. They didn’t have to say anything to speak volumes to each other. Eli doubted psychics existed, but he figured the rapport he had with his mom was the closest thing to a sixth sense.

He shut the door and pulled his blankets back.

Then, there was a strange tone.

Jacob’s phone was making noises at him.

He thumbed in the password and looked through the alerts; someone had sent him a message on E-STAG.

Again.

Eli wondered which torso this one might be and what comical length he’d claim his junk was.

He popped open the message.

DHG: You disappear for a year and when you come back you don’t even say hello? Also, thanks for standing me up. I miss our chats.

Eli held his breath for a moment; this guy had talked to Jacob. Eli tapped out a reply.

FrgJkb88: I’m so sorry. Family emergency. I had to leave for a while. How have you been?

There was a near instant response.

DHG: I’ve been well. I hope things are okay? And you owe me a drink.

FrgJkb88: Where and when?

DHG: How about tomorrow?