die catfish, die. - 5. benjamin

A kick to the teeth is good for some
A kiss with a fist is better than none
You hit me once
I hit you back
You gave a kick
I gave a slap
You smashed a plate over my head
And I set fire to our bed

_{FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE - KISS WITH A FIST (2009)}

* * * * *

Some rock nerd had found a Microwhip Scorpion in a ball of amber over in Asia. As Eli rested his head against the doorframe, watching the sidewalk whiz by, he wondered if the scorpion could have even fathomed the idea that primates would be studying her a hundred million years after her life had ended. She had lived and died and probably had very little to contribute to her ecosystem.

They had made it a point to mention she was female. She was found in Burma near other prehistoric remains. And when they found her, the science community clamored. They issued press releases and had black-tie fundraising dinners.

So, let’s raise a toast to the oldest-found prehistoric Scorpion, long live the queen!

But beyond that, the universe remained cold and uncaring that she even bothered to hold out for a hundred million years, just to be the focus of a fancy dinner party.

Eli wondered what would be digging him up in a hundred million years. What would they know about him and his kind? Humans would most likely be gone by then, surely. If whatever found him were to be indigenous to Earth, what would it have evolved from?

More importantly, would Eli, frozen in a big block of tree sap, be the focus of some fancy reptilian fundraiser dinner? What if it was a species of evolved hyper-intelligent scorpions—can you imagine the irony? Would they drill through the amber to harvest his DNA and clone him, to put him in some sort of zoo? Would he contribute to a better understanding of the Earth, or would he further contribute to the same confusion surrounding all of antiquity?

The universe at large still wouldn’t care. Was this the sort of shit Douglas Adams thought about when he was driving around with his mother?

“What’s wrong?”

Eli snapped to attention. “What?”

“Where were you?”

“In a block of amber about a hundred million years from now.”

His mom glanced across the car at him. “Ouch. What was that like?”

“A little hard to breathe.” He looked back at her with a smirk.

“What goes on in that head of yours?” She hit a button on the steering wheel to change the radio station. “Where do you even come up with that stuff?”

“It was in the news.”

His mother cocked her head.

“They found a hundred-million-year-old scorpion fossilized in tree sap.”

“That’s a bit of a jump,” she said.

Eli sighed. “Yeah, I guess.”

She drove in silence for several moments. “You remind me so much of your father. Both of you have the same brain.”

He shot her a dirty look. “Way to compare me to someone I don’t know.”

“Elijah,” she chided.

“Well, it makes me uncomfortable.”

She tapped the steering wheel. “Sorry for pointing out some of your better qualities.”

“What, by comparing me to the jerk who slept with your sister?”

“Jesus Christ, Eli.” She pursed her lips and shook her head slowly. “How do you think I felt? Hmm?”

“If he hurt us so bad, why do we keep talking about him?”

“Like it or not, sweetheart, you’re fifty percent him. And I’m sure you still mean a lot to him.”

“Wish that fifty percent didn’t include a broken dick and breathing problems.”

“Stop it. Your dick… penis is fine.”

He leaned his head back. “You weren’t the one who got metal rods shoved into your pee hole,” he mumbled.

“For shit sake, Elijah! You were under anesthesia.”

“Yeah, and it really helped that my first memories were about how much it hurt to pee.”

She slapped the steering wheel. “Fine. I get it.”

He studied her face.

“Poor Eli,” She continued. “We had to fix his broken wiener so he could urinate. Is that what you want me to say?”

“Jesus, truce!”

“How did we get from scorpions to your urological issues?”

Eli sighed. “Dad.”

“You’re not going to be snappy like this with Benjamin, are you?”

“Pshh. I won’t say anything if he doesn’t.”

“Would you please remember what we talked about? Take the high road.”

“This isn’t about me, is it?”

She sighed. “Marlene’s dealing with a thing. I thought… I don’t know, maybe I could help her before she drowned in the bottle.”

Aunt Marlene’s issue with alcohol was one of the worst-kept family secrets.

Eli knew that even Benjamin wet his whistle on occasion and had a bottle of coconut rum hidden in his bedroom. Benjamin had been sneaking booze in his room since he was ten or eleven. He was probably going to end up the black sheep of the family, and Eli figured he’d be arrested for drinking or something long before he got out of high school; Aunt Marlene pretty much let Benjamin do whatever.

Eli’s mother pulled to a stop in front of a house and nodded her head toward the backseat. “Jump in the back. And please, just one nice day out.”

Eli unbuckled and crawled over the console to the back. He situated himself in the seat behind his mother, and buckled in for the ride.

Aunt Marlene wasn’t the most graceful of train wrecks. It took her five minutes of jimmying the front door of her own house to get the damn thing shut and locked, and Eli often wondered if she ever got the door locked at all. While his mother gave the door a hard smack and a good rustling, Benjamin strolled across the yard toward the Lexus.

“You two walk exactly the same,” his mother mumbled.

Even seeing Benjamin’s face was enough to bring Eli’s guts to a boil, and his mother had just added flames to the fire. Eli gave the tip of his tongue a firm but sharp bite to keep himself in check. War would eventually be declared, so he sat quietly pondering his strategy.

Benjamin cantered to the door across from Eli and pulled the handle, climbing inside. He slid into the seat.

Their eyes met for a fraction of a second, as if by accident.

Benjamin was wearing a hooded sweatshirt that was so baggy, he was practically swimming in it. Eli balked at the fact that Benjamin tried to pull off skinny jeans, because they both had that chicken-leg thing going on. And his shoes! Stupid black Vans with yellow laces and they made his feet look ginormous. Ugh! His messy hair was covering his face, with one little strip dyed to some obnoxious color which had long since faded.

Eli loathed everything about Benjamin. His presence. His smell. The way he carried himself. The fact they shared fifty percent of their DNA, rather than the twelve-and-a-half percent they should have. Every fucking thing about this kid made Eli angry in ways he could not fathom.

“Hey, Benjamin!” Eli’s mother had put on her cheerful persona. “How are you?”

Aunt Marlene made her way to the car; she got in and set her purse near her feet.

“Good, A’nt Dee,” he said softly. “How are you?”

Even his voice annoyed Eli. It lacked the raspiness and the character that Eli’s had.

“We’re doing well,” she answered for the both of them, to Eli’s chagrin.

“Hey, Aunt Marlene,” Eli mumbled.

“Well, hello handsome!”

God, I hate when she does that.

Eli’s mother kicked the car into gear and drove toward the main road.

“Benjamin, aren’t you going to say hello?” Aunt Marlene said.

“Hey,” he said without even looking at Eli.

Eli’s mom shot Eli a stern look through the rearview mirror.

“Hey,” Eli replied, in kind. With a small rotation of his head, he popped a few vertebrae in his neck, then leaned against the back passenger door.

“Benjamin, don’t you have something to say to Eli?” Aunt Marlene said forcefully.

Benjamin hesitated. “I’m sorry about your friend.” Again, no eye contact.

“I don’t need your pity,” Eli said flatly.

“See?” Benjamin said to his mother.

Eli’s mother started in on him. “Elijah James.”

“What?” Eli replied.

“Why don’t you start over? And this time, try being nice to your cousin.”

Eli leaned forward, and with an exaggerated performance, he said, “Hey, Benjamin! It’s so good to see you!”

Benjamin rolled his eyes and slumped back.

“That’s not what I meant,” Eli’s mom said.

It was Eli’s turn to roll his eyes. He forced his gaze out the window.

“Are you two going to be nice to each other?” Aunt Marlene asked Benjamin.

“What, he’s just going to be all mopey and whine about his boyfriend all damn day.” He was throwing barbs—that’s all he was doing, and Eli knew it.

“Benjamin!”

Eli snapped his head around. “You can go suck a bag of dicks, asshole.”

“Elijah!”

“Go fuck yourself.” Benjamin crossed his arms.

Eli was starting to see red. “I hope you aren’t allergic to nuts, because I’m about to kick yours up into your throat.”

“I’ll wear your ovaries as a necktie.”

“Okay, fruitcake, keep telling yourself that. Do you even know what ovaries are?”

“Yeah, they’re connected to your gross cunt face.”

Eli fumbled with his buckle. “I will fucking wreck your shit.”

Eli’s mother whipped the car into the parking lane and jammed on the brakes. Once the car had jerked to a stop, she twisted around in her seat. “Both of you. Knock it off! You will respect each other for the rest of the day. Eli, so help me, I will ground the shit out of you. Understand?”

His face burned. “Whatever.”

She slapped his leg and pointed a finger.

“Yeah, fine! Christ.”

His mother looked over at Aunt Marlene expectantly. She held a hand up and nodded at her with a wide-eyed stare. “Marlene.”

Aunt Marlene glanced back and forth between Eli and his mother. After a moment, she said, “You too, Benjamin.” She swirled her hand around in the air. “Same thing.” She shrugged and leaned forward to root through her purse. “Boys are going to fight. It’s just the way they are.” She pulled out a flask and took a swill.

Eli’s mother stared at her with disgust. “You’re just going to let him call people cunts?”

“Yours just told mine to suck a bag of cocks. I’m not getting into this whole Stepford Wives who’s the better mother bullshit right now.” Marlene capped the flask, and when she noticed her sister glaring at her, she held out the container in offering.

“Marlene, I’m driving.” She yanked on the gear shift and pulled back into traffic. “Jesus Christ, why do I have to be the only adult in this vehicle? I swear to fucking God,” she said under her breath.

* * * * *

Eli’s mother handed him several folded bills as she leaned in and pulled him close by the back of his neck. “Should be enough for a game of laser tag or whatever. Stay with your cousin, and no more fighting. Okay?”

Eli didn’t reply.

“Okay?”

“Yeah, fine.”

She let go of his neck and rubbed his back.

Aunt Marlene staggered in place. “So, what are you boys going to do?”

Benjamin ignored her; he tapped on his cell phone.

Eli shrugged.

“Benjamin?”

He glanced at his mother. “I don’t know. We’ll find something to do. It’s a big mall.”

Eli knew Benjamin was going to ditch him at the first turn. He was just waiting for the mom-squad to leave them to their own devices. Discreetly, he counted out the bills in his hand—his mother had handed him two twenties and a ten—and shoved them into his pocket. Maybe once Benjamin had gone his own way, Eli might take a long stroll around the bookstore.

“The movie’s only an hour and a half,” Eli’s mother said. “I expect to see both of you here in the food court when we’re done. You have your phone?”

Eli patted his pocket. “Yeah.”

She smirked. “If I don’t see you, I’ll call. Go try to have some fun, okay?”

He nodded.

Benjamin turned and started walking toward the inner jungle of the Brentwood Mall; Eli followed at his elbow, giving one parting glance at his mother.

Once they had rounded the corner, Benjamin shoved his phone in his pocket. He kept his gaze fixed to some point ahead of him. “I’m meeting friends. You should get lost.”

You little fucker. “I thought your mother wanted us hanging out,” he said flatly.

“I just don’t want you around.”

“The feeling’s mutual.”

“Well, why don’t you leave me the fuck alone then?”

Eli stopped and watched him walk up the concourse. Once there were two or three shops worth of distance between the two of them, Ely pinched his pointer and thumb together, making a circle. He held an upside-down okay hand gesture over his crotch. “Benjamin!”

Benjamin turned his shoulder and looked back; he scowled.

“Suck it, douchebag.”

His cousin flipped him off and went on his way.

Eli glanced around to get his bearings. First thing he was going to do was find a place to get a haircut. He normally kept his hair short and neat, opting for the classic Caesar more often than not. He was about three weeks overdue, all things considered.

He found a map, located a QuikCuts, and wandered down the hall.

All of the chairs in the salon were vacant; one of the stylists sat in her chair. A Latino man, who was rocking a pink, Adam-Levine-style haircut, leaned against a nearby counter with his arms crossed. His peacock-patterned shirt was so loud Eli could hardly think, and the man’s gay flame could be felt all the way across the room.

The girl at the front counter smiled. “Do you need a haircut today?”

“Yeah,” Eli said softly.

“Great. Any preference on your stylist?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m digging the pink hair, though.” Eli knew he wouldn’t get away with something quite that extreme, but he craved something a little different, daring.

The man beckoned Eli to his chair. “Come on back, sweetie.” He rubbed the back of the seat effeminately, and patted the leather.

Eli watched him curiously as he sat himself in the chair.

The man wrenched the seat up a few inches with the foot pedal. He rubbed his hand through Eli’s hair and held up a few strands. “Now you tell Auntie Tim what you want to do with all this mess.”

* * * * *

Eli had gotten a lot more than he bargained for when he told Auntie Tim that he wanted something fierce. The stylist shaved down the sides, almost to the skin, and cut in a hard line up on top, before the longer hair started. Since Eli never kept his hair very long, there hadn’t been much to work with, but Auntie Tim kept what length he had and styled it to the side with pomade.

It would have been worth the forty-five-minute drive across the city to see Tim again—Eli loved what he had done to his hair—but it wouldn’t have been worth the trip if it meant dealing with Eli’s real Aunt and asshole cousin-slash-brother.

Eli knew that his new ‘do would have some unforeseen consequences for Benjamin.

He glanced around the bookstore as he balanced several books in the crook of his arm. A large decorative clock on the wall told him it was almost time to head back. Once he had purchased his new reading materials, he set forth to find Benjamin.

He glanced into stores and shops; he finally saw Benjamin standing with a group of older kids in the middle of the video game store. They were crowding around a PlayStation display.

Eli walked up to the back of the group; one of the kids noticed him.

“Hey, Ben—this your cousin?”

Benjamin squinted at Eli. “Nice hair, queermo. Thought I told you to fuck off.”

“Maybe you did, but it’s time to head back.”

“I’m busy. Go yourself.”

“What the fuck ever, man.”

“Doesn’t your cousin take a hint?” one of the kids asked.

“Oh, we’re actually brothers,” Eli said.

Benjamin’s face turned beet red, and he clenched his fists at his sides.

“When my mom was pregnant with me, my dad was kind of an asshole and fucked his mom. That’s why his mom drinks.” He nodded toward Benjamin.

“Shut your goddamn mouth,” Benjamin snapped.

Eli leaned in a little toward one of Benjamin’s friends. “He’s a little sensitive about it. Oh, God. All of the medical issues our dad gave us. The asthma and then this rare genetic thing with—”

“Fine!” Benjamin yelled, pushing Eli out of the shop. “Let’s fucking go.”

“Nice to meet you!” Eli effeminately called back to Benjamin’s confused-looking friends. Today he was feeling a different kind of bold.

“I should beat the shit out of you,” Benjamin said as he hurried them down the hall.

Eli scoffed. He was still pissed at Benjamin for using Jacob’s death to take cheap jabs at him. “Keep saying that. It almost makes you sound like a dude.”

Eli never saw the wind-up or the punch that nailed him in the eye socket. All of a sudden, everything on his right side just went white, and a searing hot pain ripped through his head. He stumbled backward into a trash can and landed on his ass.

He held his eye and squinted at Benjamin.

A small crowd of people gathered around, and a black man stood between them with a hand up toward each of them. “Hold up. Am I gonna have to call the cops?”

Eli waved a hand and struggled to his feet. “He’s harmless,” he said. “He’s my cousin. He’s just being an ass.”

“What,” Benjamin said, “not going to give your stupid little speech anymore?”

“Oh, nice. Your balls finally dropped. Good for you.”

Benjamin took a leap toward Eli.

* * * * *

The Lexus came to a stop in front of Aunt Marlene’s house; she sat with her hand covering her eyes, leaning against the armrest in the backseat next to Benjamin. She glanced around, gathered her purse, and let herself out of the car. “Come on, Benjamin.”

“I talk to Dad once a month,” Benjamin said to Eli. “He never asks about you.”

“Benjamin!” Eli’s mother snapped. “Ass out of the car right now!”

Benjamin slid out and while Eli’s mom wasn’t looking, flipped Eli off before shutting the door.

“And now you know we don’t get along,” Eli mumbled.

“Oh, no you don’t,” his mother replied. She yanked the car into gear and peeled out. “Picking you both up at the Cop Shop, now that was a really nice touch to a fine fucking afternoon.”

“He punched me in the fucking face.”

“I know that, Elijah. I'm not a fan of that tone or that fucking language."

He glanced over at her.

"Keep that ice pack on it, or I’ll paddle your ass to match it. I should, anyway.” His mother had never hit him. She’d always threatened, like any normal parent would, but never raised a hand to him. “You’re lucky that cop didn’t give you both a ticket or something. What did I tell you?”

Eli pressed the cold-pack against his eye. “Huh?”

“I told you to keep your mouth shut. I told you to take the high road.”

“Mom, he was being—”

“I don’t care if he was being a little asshole. You were being a little asshole. I didn’t raise you to be a little asshole. Did I?”

“Did you hear what he said when he got out of the car?” Eli yelled.

“Yeah. I did. And you know what? He was probably just saying shit to make you angry.”

“Well, I told you I didn’t want to hang out with him.”

“And you couldn’t just brush it all off? You fanned the flames from the moment he got into the car. You’re just as guilty as he is.” She drove in silence, shaking her head every so often. “I think you’re grounded for a while.”

Eli knew it was coming. She was a lawyer; fighting with her over punishment was an exercise in futility. There would be no way out of it.

“Maybe I should take away your books and force you to play that damned PlayStation you haven’t even touched,” she mumbled. “If Benjamin wasn’t party to this, I might have just given him the damn thing.”

She glanced over at him. “Why don’t you say something?”

Eli sighed.

“Well?”

“What if Dad does call them and he never asks about us?”

Her shoulders slumped the tiniest bit. “Elijah.”

“Why is Benjamin good enough for him to fucking call up and not us?”

“Because I told him not to.”

He snapped his head around, partly in anger, partly in shock. “What?”

“When Marlene told me she was pregnant and it was my husband who knocked her up, I told him to get out of our life. I told him never to call again, and that we would get by fine on our own without any help from him. And we have been fine on our own.”

“What about me? What if I want to meet him or talk to him?”

“You can make that decision when you’re eighteen. I had to fight tooth and nail against old money to keep you, and thank God divorce and custody law in this state works against assholes who cheat on their wives.” She was fuming; her cheeks were turning red. “The last thing in this world I want is for you to grow up thinking that sort of shit is okay and ending up in the same goddamn situation.”