Brandon Smiling: From the Billy Chase Chronicles (2) - 15. Entry 15

Wednesday

Well, I didn’t get to see Billy today. For some reason, he just didn’t seem to be around! As per usual for me, a day without Billy is, sort of, like a day without sunshine. A cloudy day. Not one with the promise of rain or snow, but just a blah day. It’s kind of depressing, really.

In any case, I spent more time with Bobby. We have his Troop’s fundraiser tomorrow at the community center. He wanted to talk about ‘details’. Not that there were many ‘details’, but Bobby seemed to need an excuse to talk about them to me. Apparently, we’ll be selling t-shirts, hats, and chocolate bars. I guess chocolate bars are the Boy Scout’s answer to Girl Scout cookies so you have to sell them no matter whatever else you might be selling. I don’t know who’ll want to buy the t-shirts and hats. They will be mostly patriotic things with American Flags and Boy Scout slogans, etc. Meh. Maybe there are Boy Scout groupies out there that like that kind of merch. I don’t know. I guess I’ll find out.

I asked if he was going to be in uniform and he was like, “Nah. The Scout Master said it wasn’t necessary and I’m sure as heck not going to wear that stupid thing if I don’t have to! It’s embarrassing!” He shrugged.

I guess, I could see why. When you get beyond a certain age (like, maybe, ten!), the whole Boy Scout thing seems to get childish. To wear your uniform and be in High School will immediately brand a guy as a nerd, so nobody wants to be caught dead in one. It’s too bad, in a way. I’d have liked to have seen how Bobby’s butt filled out scout shorts! Am I sick or what?

Bobby also wants me to come over Saturday to hang out. We’ll see. If Billy wants to come over to my place I’d rather keep the weekend open for that.

I wanted to call Billy, but his absence today made me feel like, maybe, he wanted to take a break from me today. That makes me a little sad. Did I do something wrong?

I hope not!

I hope he’s not sick! Well, maybe if he is I can go play ‘doctor’ with him when his mom’s gone to work! If only…

…if only.

This is Brandon dreaming again.

Thursday

Billy was being all kinds of silly today!

I don’t know what kind of illness he had or what happened, but he was acting pretty weird today!

It started off at lunch where he joined me. I’m sure, I acted weird and dopy myself! I was just…so happy to have him with me. I’d missed him more yesterday than I thought I had and I felt, somehow, privileged that he’d seek me out and want to be with me today!

But, he was acting weird. He was a lot shyer than usual and had a hard time looking me in the eye. I can only guess what that may be all about! He acted, almost like, he had a naughty secret he wanted to tell me, but didn’t have the courage. What could that secret be?

I know what I’d love it to be.

In any case, despite it being a bit frustrating and strange, Billy’s weird attitude at lunch was cute and made me feel…loved…somehow! Could he be coming close to telling me how he feels? Is all my Chandler inspired work finally paying off? Maybe…

We talked a bit about this silly fundraiser thing Bobby wants me to help him with today. Billy seemed undecided if he wanted to come and join us or not. Fortunately, he did decide to come down and visit with us.

Bobby was being his bubbly funny self and was, really, a perfect companion for a project like this. He was goofy enough to where he had me giggling through most of the fundraiser. We were lucky the Scout Master wasn’t there because I’m sure we would have gotten an adult ‘quit horsing off and get to work’ order with the way we were carrying on. I don’t know why adults have to be that way with kids! Especially, when the obvious fun we’re having attracts customers who then buy up stuff just to be a part of it! I guess it’s a matter of attracting more bees with honey, whatever…

Billy arrived shortly after we did. He didn’t help, exactly, but just stood there straddling his bike while we did our stuff. Hehehe, it felt more like he was keeping watch on us rather than visiting. I guess that was Billy’s weird attitude continuing from earlier in the day. If I didn’t know better, I’d have figured the Scout Master had paid Billy off to keep an eye on us and be sure we actually sold something. Hehehe!

In any case, when the fundraiser was over, Bobby and I broke down the tables and put away the unsold merchandise. That wasn’t such a big job because we’d sold quite a bit and made a few hundred bucks! Not a bad take for a couple of goofballs at a community center. Billy had gone off before we’d started packing so…I guess no help from that quarter.

Billy almost seemed annoyed with us for some reason!

Yes, that was all part of Billy’s weirdness today.

I have no idea what caused it or where it was going, today, but I’m betting he’ll be a completely different person come Monday.

I was disappointed that we made no plans for this weekend. He didn’t even mention it. Maybe he’s bored with me already! I am pretty boring when you get to know me. I hope that’s not finally sinking in with Billy and that he’s losing interest already.

I guess I’ll find out soon enough ~sigh~.

At least Bobby thought I was fun enough to stick around with today. I imagine we’ll be up for something this weekend. Maybe Stevie and Benji might also come over and I can introduce Bobby to them. That would be, kind of, kick-ass honestly! Maybe…I can make that happen! Instead of staying cooped up in the house all day we can go out to the skater park!

This is Brandon, trying not to be as boring as I am!

Friday

Well, no Billy again today.

I just don’t know what the deal is with him these days. He’s, like, here and then not here and then pop there he is again and poof there he isn’t.

It’s like being friends with a jack-in-the-box!

Without him I thought I’d have one of those solitary days like I used to have a lot back not too long ago. But, apparently, that wasn’t going to be my destiny for today. Maybe it won’t be ever again!

It was Stevie that found me today! He’d brought a very ‘interesting’ new friend! This friend I was almost scared to have around me for fear that I might become associated with him somehow! For me, such a thing would be way too close for comfort!

His name is Mitch and as black haired (with a blue stripe) Emo as Stevie is, Mitch is platinum blond and wears virtually nothing but white! It’s the same kind of super-tight jeans and t-shirt deal as Stevie, only with white and pastels. The fact that I’m fifteen and know what ‘pastels’ are should scare my poor Dad into a fit about his only son!

He also speaks with a high-nasal voice and really ‘fems it up’ as Chandler would say.

Mitch is obviously Gay and here I am trying to keep a low profile in that department!

“Heya, Brand-X, how’s it hangin’?” Stevie did this strange backwards handshake deal with me that I’d learned at the Skate Park with Benji. It includes fist-bumps and other things. I’m surprised I know a ‘secret handshake’ at all!

“This here is Mitch! He’s my cousin from California! Since he’s visiting I thought I’d show him around our High School. It was really more his idea than mine. Why would anyone want to be in a school when they have the week off?” Stevie gave Mitch a strange look.

“So-oo? I was curious! So sue me! I swe-ear my cousin is so silly about these things sometimes! It’s fun seeing other people’s places to go and comparing notes! Plus, what else was I going to do in this hick town on a weekday?” Mitch said in a voice much too loud for the Library. It earned a clearing of the throat from the bitch-librarian.

“Mitch! You dick! inside voices! Um, LIBRARY!” Stevie groused at his very light in the loafers cousin. He pointed at the ‘Library’ sign for effect.

“Why don’t we take this outside. Less…trouble to get into.” I mentioned as I saw the Librarian continue to eyeball us with evil in her black heart.

So I took them out of the Library after apologized to Mrs. Hokensen (the Librarian). She just grunted at us. Bitch!

Unfortunately, this put me into other dangers. Mitch was one not to be contained, apparently, because once we got outside he was even louder and more outrageous than in the Library.

“OMG! That is in your class? Oooo, Stevie you need to introduce me! Pweeeze!!” Mitch had found the trophy case and had zeroed in on last year’s Junior Varsity trophy our football team had won. A picture of the team was behind the trophy and Jamie, younger and even cuter than he is today, was front and center in the picture.

“He’s actually a Senior now and, no, I doubt sincerely that you could even get close to him, much less meet him! His friends hate Gay people, Mitch. I mean…really hate them!” Stevie said with this dire threat in his voice. Somehow, I think he’s had run-ins with Jamie’s ‘posse’ that he hasn’t bothered to tell me about. Maybe, his showing up at Chandler’s birthday party earlier this year was not such a good thing. Stevie is so in and out of my life that I don’t get to know a lot of what goes on with him for weeks at a time!

“Awww! Why do you people have to be that way about everything! Everyone is cool with anyone being anything they want to be where I go to school! Tsk! Serra Mesa High is Proud, see?” Mitch showed off a rainbow bracelet with ‘Serra Mesa High School’ printed on it.

Wow! A High School where you can just be yourself with no consequences? Sounds like…heaven!

Since it was lunch (though I had already eaten) we went out to my grassy spot and Mitch continued to tell us about how different things were in California…at least at his high school. For instance, in June - just before Summer Break - Serra Mesa will have a Pride Dance to close out the school year! Everyone is invited, but Gays, Allies, and closet-cases are especially encouraged to participate. I’ll have to ask Chandler what an ‘Ally’ is. That’s a new term in ‘Gayness’ that I don’t know about. Anyway, the Pride Committee sets it all up and it ends up being the second biggest dance of the year next to Prom (which also encourages the Gay Seniors to come ‘Out’ and participate). Apparently, Mitch is a part of the committee (big surprise).

“I’m surprised there’s no Gay Alliance or Pride Club here! They are, like, almost everywhere in California schools.” Mitch really seemed confused by this.

Stevie’s answer was a small laugh and a slightly bitter, “I’m not.”

That only made Mitch even more confused. I have to say, maybe I need to talk to my Uncle in San Francisco about this. Never could I have imagined that there’d be actual High Schools that could be so accepting of Gays! I’m so ignorant of how things are in the rest of the country! Maybe, my Dad and I could go for a visit to San Francisco so I can see for myself what this more ‘accepting’ world is like.

Well, we broke up at the lunch bell. Stevie had to get to gym class and Mitch went back to Stevie’s, I guess. I was worried, as I was going to class, that I’d get some weird looks and some snickers after having just hung around with a flaming Gay Emo from California, but no one seemed to care.

Maybe, my own paranoia about all this Gay stuff is overblown even for my school. Maybe it isn’t quite as bad here as it has been. Jimmy is being treated a lot better and he’s Out and Proud now! Maybe, I’m letting my own fear and prejudices color my own way of thinking about being Gay?

So many forces in my life have told me how ‘wrong’ it is for so long that I still half-believe it. I still go to Church and I don’t, really, want to give that up. I don’t know why, but I don’t. Part of it is to keep my Dad happy as he’s very devout, but also…I’d miss it! Jamie’s ‘posse’, though a powerful influence at school, are still only a handful of assholes and not the whole school population. The girls, in particular, seem to be cool with there being Gay guys among them. Jimmy is a prime example of how that works out.

It’s strange how a window into the wider world can open a person up to questions about what they are seeing and what they are believing!

But, even still, personally - I still have to be careful. I still have my Dad to consider. The school might be more accepting of Gays now - maybe - but, I don’t know if he’d be nearly as understanding. Chandler’s advice aside, I still don’t…trust my Dad enough with this to let him know my true feelings.

So, I still have to remain on guard. I can’t slip up. Whatever I do or feel still has to be on the down-low. I have to remain…careful.

This is Brandon, continuing closet-case.