Sunday was really dull as compared to Friday and Saturday which, actually, was ok by me.I caught up on some of my reading and played with Cedric and Frank for a while.They were funny as ever and wanted to know if I’d ‘gotten the job done’ as Cedric puts it.No, I hadn’t gotten ‘the job done,’ the ‘job’ being losing my complete virginity to Marie.I know, technically, I’m not a virgin anymore with what happened with JOEseph, but, really when I look back on it, we didn’t, um, stick it in or anything, so maybe I still am a virgin after all?Hey! I don’t know how this works, ok!So, Sunday was a cool-down day.A ‘Day of Rest’ as Monsignor Young likes to call it.
Anyways, despite all the fun this past weekend, there wasn’t much talk about the dance or the goings on there on Monday, not with me anyway.I didn’t even get to see Jamie or even Billy.Part of that was my fault if you could call it a fault. I’ve been spending this week in the Library more out of necessity than actually wanting to be there.I’ve been ‘cramming,’ as Chandler calls it, all week for this final or that final.To be honest, I’m exhausted.I probably wouldn’t have known about any of the gossip from the dance since I was isolated in the Library.Perhaps that was a good thing so I didn’t have to know about anything I didn’t want to know about.Things like: did I make a complete dweeb out of myself dancing? Did the rumor mill spill over to overflowing with me coming to the dance as Jamie’s ‘date?’What did Billy think when he saw me with Marie if he saw me with Marie?Did he get ‘The Job Done’ with that Joanne or whatever? I wouldn’t have known anything earlier in the week.Of course, I would learn more things later on.
No real news happened until Wednesday when I heard something rather unbelievable from Jamie.He told me that Jimmy LaPlane actually HIT Jamie’s teammate, that evil Jason Froder, right in the nose!I was like 😱 when he told me that!This was the same creep that was telling Jamie to, basically, go rape Joanne at the dance!The same Jason who is Karl’s linebacking mate!The one who is about 250 at 6’ tall and most of that being solid muscle!I, naturally, had to ask if Jimmy was dead!I figured that was the only logical result that could come from a fight like that.I could totally see that Jason asshole living up to his horror film namesake by tearing poor Jimmy’s head off to use as a basketball!What could have possessed Jimmy to be that suicidal?Jamie calmed me down after looking horrified by my reaction.I don’t know what else he expected. He already knows how I feel weirdly protective of Jimmy for some reason. I, honestly, had to sit down and catch my breath after hearing that one!
However! Apparently, Jimmy is just fine!He’s bruised up and has a black eye, but no permanent damage. He can still walk and breath on his own without machines.I don’t know if he can take food with anything but a straw, but even if he has to do that I’d count him as the luckiest kid to ever punch an evil psychotic moose in the nose ever!
Now, Thursday, left me feeling not a little confused, but a LOT confused.The most confusing part of my life right now, as you may have guessed, continues to be Billy.
What does he want? He WANTS something from me, but what? He’s straight, right? Right?
So, as it turned out, I couldn’t run from Dance News anymore because Stevie had found me in the Library and he is a total ‘gossip boi.’ He said that he’d heard from his pal George (a completely beautiful senior who is part of the main ‘Scene’ click in school) that he’d seen Billy and Joanna out in the parking lot reaching ‘First Base’ already. I guess that means they were kissing pretty hot and heavy in their make-out session or whatever.I have no reason not to believe Stevie that he heard this. But, I don’t know this ‘Gorgeous George’ at all so I couldn’t verify that this person was telling the truth until I heard a couple of girls in Science class snickering about Billy and Joanna’s kiss too. Billy, who, as you know, shares this class with me was oblivious to the snickers about him. Either that or he’d gotten so used to it by now that it didn’t bother him anymore. So, for me, this is further evidence that Billy is straight as an arrow and couldn’t possibly have any special feelings for me. He’s straight, right? Right? Of course right!
Except, NOT of course right!
Later that day, after Stevie left me with a further confirmation that Billy could never want me in that ‘special’ way, Billy himself found me.He’d gone looking for me again and, though I was not in my usual place, he found me anyway.Oh, that smile!I couldn’t help but feel that thrill when I saw it! It’s like a drug!It, totally, feels like when you get juiced up in the ER with morphine!I can easily get stoned just watching Billy smile!
Have you ever noticed when someone has a certain 'perfect' day that hits them every month or so? A day when they're wearing JUST the right clothes, and their skin is JUST the right texture, and their hair is JUST the right length, and everything about them is completely wrapped around this intense sexual aura that makes them the most beautiful person in the world that day? Well...I think that Billy was having one of those days.
Between that smile and that glow he had, Billy just seemed to, sort of, float over to me.I don’t even quite remember what we were talking about at all.I just felt wrapped in this comforting warm glow that I wanted to be in for the rest of the day.I can’t stop feeling this way.Billy is just perfect! Why must he torture me like this?
But hold on, it got worse/better/whatever!So, we were, literally, just sitting there staring into each other’s eyes for what seemed like a couple of hours. I’m sure it wasn’t more than a minute, but for a little bit, there, time stood still like in a Star Trek episode. The kind of thing where the alien stops time and makes everyone just stop in their tracks and they won’t know the passage of time when they come out of the spell.I actually asked him, “Whattya lookin’ at?”I asked it in a playful way that, I admit, was a bit more flirtatious than I’d ever dared to be with Billy before.
He didn’t answer!For a few seconds, he just had this totally dreamy/dopey expression like he was . . . lost in my eyes for a moment and couldn’t hear me.The question went unanswered because the bell rang and we had to get back to class.His sparkling deep coca-cola eyes are still staring at me right now like they’ve been burned into the back of my brain!
Do any other guys ever look at each other like that and not be Gay?
I guess I have another ‘dumb kid question’ for Chandler the next time I see him.He mentioned something about a ‘Gay Stare’ that is a signal a guy wants you.Was that what Billy gave me today?
But, he’s straight, right? Right?
Friday was a blur. Nothing fun or interesting.It was three finals in a row and I really didn’t remember much after the last one, Social Studies or something. I don’t even know.I was just so tired.When I came home I went to bed and fell asleep straight-off without even eating.
My Dad came in to check that I wasn’t sick, but when he saw all the school books were strewn around and notes lying all over the place he got it.He gave me a couple of my migraine pills as I was feeling one come on.After that, I don’t remember anything.
So today is Saturday and I did some alone-time bike riding.My Dad actually suggested that I just take off for the day, no plans, and just clear the cobwebs away from all the hard work. He said that he’d have a surprise for me when I got back, which I found a little weird, but interesting.
I decided to ride up to the reservoir since it is getting on to summer and the flowers are starting to come out.There is some prairie land around this reservoir that is, sort of, a nature place, where meadowlarks and other birds like to sing. It’s always been really peaceful.I rode through the neighborhood and out onto the main drag (a two-lane road in the center of town. Our town is really quiet so it's never busy.)I loved how the trees were all bright green and everything smelled nice and fresh.The sun was warm, but there was still a coolness to the air.It hasn’t gotten hot and muggy yet, thankfully.
Right on the edge of the reservoir is a hill. It’s like the tallest one around for miles though it may only be, tops, 100 feet higher than everything else. It has some trees and grass and its always really quiet. I rolled my bike up the hill and flopped down on the grass and just let the warm sun melt all my cares away. I could smell all the flowers and grass and stuff. It was so nice. After so much going on, you know, just having a little bit of peace and quiet was really welcome. I must have nodded off because I was awakened by a rustling in the little bag I have that I brought snacks in. Hehehehe, when I looked over there was a squirrel helping himself to my bag of nuts!I didn’t scare him away, though. I doubt I could have if I wanted to. The squirrels around here are virtually tame. They aren’t bothered by people at all and often come up and beg for food right at your feet!I just watched him for a bit, his grey fluffy tail flipping up and down as he grabbed another nut and stuffed it in his mouth. He finally grabbed one more and scurried off and up his oak tree not too far away that was starting to shade me from the sun.For some reason, he reminded me so much of Billy for some strange reason. I think it was the way the squirrel’s bright brown eyes sparkled and how his cheeks would ‘chipmunk’ out when he had them stuffed with goodies. Billy’s cheeks tend to chipmunk when he smiles and his dimples appear. After that his brown eyes sparkle just like my squirrel friend’s. For some strange reason, it almost felt like Billy was there with me in animal form right on that hill. Like his spirit or something. Weird, huh? I’ve been watching too much Twilight Zone, I think.
Anyway, Billy is as cute as a woodland creature and (sigh) just as untouchable.My thoughts of Billy are always bittersweet. Just like the squirrel, I think he’s cute and I’d love to pet him, but I don’t dare. He just might bite because he’s straight, am I right? Heh. I rhymed right there like I just don’t care!
Oh no, I may become the whitest most uncool rapper to ever exist if I keep busting rhymes like that!
This is Brandon the Bittersweet White Rapper
Oh! Hold on! I just remembered I didn’t tell you what the ‘Big Surprise’ was my Dad was going to reveal to me when I got home. I just found out a few minutes ago, actually. I was a little worried that he’d bought that new lawnmower we’d been checking out a while back. Luckily, that wasn’t my nice surprise.
My nice surprise is that my cousin/sister/buddy Sharon is coming home from college and wants to stay with us for a little bit! Yaaay!
I’m so happy! I love her so much and I‘ve missed her even more!
It will be so nice to have a woman around the house again for a change!