Teacher's Pet - 8. Chapter 8

The shack loomed out of the gloom quite suddenly, closer than he had expected. It gave him renewed energy and, in moments he was crashing into the wooden door, which was barely holding on its hinges. As he tugged at the rotting wood the last remaining hinge gave way and the whole door came loose in his hand, knocking him backwards. He almost fell but righted himself and flung the door to one side. The smell of animal occupation almost made him gag... you would have to be desperate to shelter in there.

As he hesitated in the doorway an enormous fork of lightening lanced through the sky overhead and at almost the same moment the loudest clap of thunder he had ever heard threatened to tear the sky in two. The suddenly illumination lit up the inside of the hut and Josh saw the huddled figure lying on the floor, half propped up against the wall. The terror that had gripped him at the incredible outburst of noise released him instantly to be replaced by a different kind of fear.

“Ash!” Ignoring the smell and sheep droppings which littered the floor he threw himself to his knees.

Ash was lifeless, slumped against the wall, his head hanging forwards, sodden hanks of lank hair falling to obscure his face.

“Ash?” Gently Josh parted the long wet hair and lifted the drooping head cradled between his hands, leaning it back against the wall, supporting it. Even in the dim light he could tell that Ash was grey, all the colour drained from his face, apart from two bright spots over his cheeks. Even his lips were pale and he was shivering although his skin felt hot.

“Ash... please. I’m here. I’m so sorry. I should never have left you alone. I knew you were ill. I should have stayed with you. I’m so sorry. Please be okay.” The heavy lashes fluttered and Ash sighed, a whimper escaping from between his lips. “Ash, it's me. You’re safe now. I’m here.”

“Safe?”

“Yes. I swear it. It’s alright, it’s me, Josh.”

“Josh.” The word was a murmur, little more than a sigh, but then he repeated it, more strongly and urgently. “Josh... no.” His eyes flew open and his hand reached out, grabbing Josh’s. “No Josh, no. Not safe. Not...” Fleetingly his eyes lit up and he smiled a beautiful smile. “You’re alright. They didn’t hurt you. I was so afraid they would hurt you.” The smile faded. “But you have to go. You can’t be here, with me. I... I’m bad. I’ll hurt you. Please... if they find you here they’ll hurt you.”

“Hush Ash. It’s alright. No one is going to hurt me, and no one is going to hurt you.”

“But... but he... he said... he said...”

Josh stroked his face gently with his thumb, still holding it between his hands with infinite tenderness. “I have no idea what’s been going on in that pretty head of yours but you have everything mixed up. You are talking about a dream, just a dream. It wasn’t real Ash.”

“Not... real? Yes... I... he came... he... he told me to leave.”

“Yes... the headmaster came. He told you to leave but that was only because he said that it would lose me my job... not my liberty or my life.”

“I... there... there was....He said you would lose everything... everything Josh. He said I had hurt everyone... my father, my mother... he said I would hurt you, make you lose everything.”

“He was wrong... so wrong.”

“No... please Josh... please don’t... he wasn’t wrong. I know it. I’m not stupid. I know what they’re like. They’ll take everything away from you, everything. I can’t...”

“Ash... listen to me... listen.” Ash was shaking his head, his eyes sliding past, Josh, losing focus. “Listen.”

“No... you can’t stay... have to... have to go.”

“Ash listen to me!” Without thinking Josh took him by the shoulders and shook him. He was immediately repentant when Ash cried out in pain, his eyes instantly focussed and very clear. “Ash, I’m so sorry but you have to listen to me. I don’t know what Hendicott said to you but he’s an idiot, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

“I can’t lose everything Ash, they can’t take everything away from me because everything that means anything to me is right here. Do you understand?” Ash shook his head, frowning, but he stopped looking around as if trying to find an escape route. Josh realised that he was still shivering violently and quickly slipped off his coat wrapping it tightly around him. Sliding down the wall so that he was sitting next to Ash he put his arms around him, pulling him across his lap so that he could warm him with his body, cradling his head against his shoulder.

Ash let his head fall back and stared up at him. In the dim light his eyes glittered like sapphires. He was completely dazed.

“Ash, I should never have left you... and by the love of all the gods I should never have turned away from you. I had no idea how much I felt for you until I thought I was going to lose you. I can’t do that Ash, I can’t. I don’t care about the job. I don’t care about the career, the house, the reputation... none of it is important to me. They come and go, but someone like you... someone like you only comes once in a lifetime.”

Struggling to keep his eyes from drifting away from his face Ash frowned at Josh, his lips parting to speak. Josh silenced him, shaking his head, tears spilling over and running down his cheeks.

“You are incredible... beautiful, talented, sweet and lovely... you are strong and brave and even when something terrible happens to you, you don’t sit back and say ‘poor me’ looking for someone else to blame... you keep fighting... you just keep on fighting and you’ve completely blown me away.

“I tried to fight it... god knows why... and I was always doomed to fail. I love you Ash, I have always loved you. I didn’t realise it until I thought I was going to lose you but I have, always. You are the only thing in this crazy god forsaken world than means a damn thing to me. You are everything, everything to me. I love you.”

“But... but it’s wrong Josh. I can’t...”

“It’s alright. You don’t have anything to worry about any more. Maybe it is wrong for a teacher and their student to have a relationship... maybe... I’m not sure about that but it isn’t important for us because I’m not your teacher any more. I quit.”

“No. No, I don’t want you to do that. I don’t want to cause you trouble Josh. I don’t want to hurt you. Please don’t... please...” He was begging, tears in his eyes, desperate.

“Don’t worry about it Ash, honestly. Do you really think I could work there now, with these people? Do you think I can work with the man who did this to you? We’ll go away, start again. I have friends in London. I thought I needed a change, some peace and quiet... Hah! You’ll love London. It is so full of life, so accepting, so exciting. I had thought I had seen it all, got bored with it but now... now I am going to see it all again through your eyes. I am going to introduce you to all my friends, show you the sights, and I am going to be so proud.”

Ash’s eyes went wide, shining with wonder, lost in the picture he was painting.

“You... you are?”

“Oh yes... I am going to be so proud, so amazingly proud to show off my beautiful boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?”

“If you want it.”

For a moment Ash looked utterly confused, as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. He smiled hesitantly, testing it out. “I... I love you Josh. I really do. It’s not just some kid thing... I swear.”

“I know, and I should have listened to you. From now on I will always listen to you, always.”

Ash smiled, a soft, distant smile and his head grew heavy against Josh’s arm. Josh was suddenly frightened. Outside lightening flashed and thunder rolled across the valley and Josh tightened his arms protectively around Ash.

“Don’t go to sleep Ash, please. Don’t go to sleep. Look at me. Look at me and talk to me. I’m afraid. It’s so dark all of a sudden. It’s the storm, it’s right overhead. And it’s so cold. Please stay with me. Your father and brother are on their way. They will be here soon and we will take you home. Please stay with me until then. I can’t lose you now.”

“I... I’ll try. But... but I feel... I feel so... so cold, so tired.”

“You’ll be warm soon. We’ll take you home and I won’t leave you again, never again. I’ll take care of you.”

“Josh I... Josh...” The shivering was easing and he looked more present. His eyes widened. “My father?”

“He’s been looking for you; everyone has been looking for you.”

“My father? But I... But I screwed up. I hurt him... really badly Josh. You don’t know him.”

“We all screw up Ash, we all hurt people we love sometimes. I hurt you. I didn’t mean to. I was trying to do what I thought best, but I still hurt you. Your father loves you. He was hurt and shocked but he still loves you.”

“I know but...” He shook his head, confusion creeping insidiously through his mind again. “I thought I was alone. I thought I had to be alone.”

Josh laughed softly. “You will never be alone, you just weren’t made for it. You attract people like moths to a flame, for good or bad. You will never be alone. And as long as I have breath in my body I will be at your side. So will your family and your friends.”

Ash blinked. “I... I’m so confused. My head... nothing makes sense.”

“I know. You’re not well sweetheart. That’s all. Your mind’s not clear because you have a fever and it’s turning your brain to soup. But it’s okay, because you don’t have to think now. I’m here with you and your family are on their way. All you have to do is just hold on and everything will be okay.”

Ash nodded and eased his position, wincing and biting his lip.

“Are you in pain?”

“Yeah. Everywhere. I forgot to bring my pills.”

“You forgot a lot of things. You’re completely insane you know.”

“I suppose.” Ash blinked and looked puzzled. “How did you find me? I didn’t think...”

“No... you didn’t think, you didn’t think at all, but that’s okay because, luckily you have friends who can do the thinking for you. Ruth told us that you would come to the mountain. She has half the school mobilised looking for you. I guess I was just the lucky one.”

“Am I really so predictable?”

“To those who love us we are all predictable but no... no you are certainly not predictable, my love. You are the least predictable person I know. You are going to keep me on my toes, no doubt about that.”

A look of intense concentration passed over Ash’s face and he stared deeply into Josh’s eyes. “You said you love me.”

“Taking you a while to catch up isn’t it?” His words and touch were gently as he stroked the wet hair, easing the sticky strands away from his face. Ash smiled, a bright brief flash of his old spirit. Josh stopped stroking his hair and caressed his face, tracing the sweet lines of his cheekbones, chin, lips. His eyes burned, ignited in an instant by the beauty under his fingers. Ash was soaked to the skin, his hair hanging in sodden hanks. In the dimness of the hut his face was pale as a ghost, his eyes merely dark puddles in the whiteness, all colour leached from them by the pall of the storm. The bruises on his cheek looked like dirty smudges. And yet... and yet he was still beautiful, even now he was beautiful, more beautiful than ever.

Josh continued to stroke his face, his fingers lingering on the dark shadows on his cheek. Ash closed his eyes and sighed, for the first time relaxing against him. For a moment Josh panicked fearing that he had passed out.

“Ash?”

“Huh?” He opened his eyes again and smiled.

“Don’t do that. You scared me.”

“Don’t do what?”

“Never mind. Are you warmer now? You’re not shivering so much?”

“I’m okay. No... I’m great. I never thought I would be, not here. I thought...” He paused and shook his head. “I never thought I would be in your arms again. I like it here.” Sighing he snuggled into the warmth of Josh’s body, burying his face in the damp cloth of his shirt.

“What here? In this shit hole of a shed, with sheep crap all around, stinking of animal piss?”

“Anywhere with you.”

“I’ve been such a fool Ash. A complete idiot. To have thought that I could have let you go, that I could ever have been happy again without you.”

With some effort Ash raised his hand and laid it against Josh’s face, silencing him. The burning intensity in his eyes was paralysing.

“What will happen now?”

“I don’t know... whatever we want. This is not the time to think about the future. This is the time to think about here and now. Just being with you overloads my senses. Just being close to you, holding you. I know this is a terrible place and you’ve been through a really bad time but... you’ve never looked more beautiful to me. I’ve never loved you more.”

“Really?” His eyes were like stars, glittering and huge. His fingers against Josh’s face were trembling, running over its contours like a blind man trying to see through his finger tips. Then, unexpectedly he buried his hand in Josh’s hair and pulled his head down to kiss him desperately.

“Woah there tiger.” Josh was gasping, his eyes bright and burning.

“Josh you say... you say I’m beautiful but... but you... you are so much more beautiful than I am... so... so...” He was breathless and had tears in his eyes but enough strength to pull Josh’s head down again and his voice was lost in another kiss which was less desperate and more tender. Despite the pain Ash put his arm around Josh’s neck and pulled himself up so he was sitting across his lap. Josh resisted at first, afraid of hurting him but eventually had no choice but to melt into his arms, putting his own carefully around him and holding him gently but firmly against him, their bodies moulding, their souls touching.

After a time Ash moved his head back and stared at Josh. At that moment, outside the lightening flashed and lit up the scene and Josh though how truly incredible it was that, in that moment, in a filthy hut stinking of god knows what; cold, wet and tired, with the world trying to tear itself apart outside, he had never felt so happy, so right. Ash caught the look and mirrored it, smiling.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m more alright than I have ever been in my life. It’s...” he shrugged. “... weird. This is a horrible place and yet I have never felt more like I belong.”

“It’s not the place you belong to my love... it’s me and you better get used to that.”

“I don’t belong to anyone. But I do belong with you.”

“You just can’t help yourself can you? You’re so...” Josh cast about for the right words. “You’re such a free spirit. I wouldn’t want to own you.”

“Good.” He closed his eyes and frowned. “I’m cold.... and I hurt.”

“Okay. Let’s see what we can do about that.”

Carefully he pulled his coat away from Ash and helped him turn so that he was sitting between his legs his back against Josh’s front. He then wrapped both the coat and his arms around him. Ash leaned his head back with a sigh, turning it so he was looking up. Josh bent forwards and kissed him gently on the forehead. It still felt hot.

“Better?”

“Perfect.”

“How are you feeling now?”

“I don’t know. I was feeling good, so good, in your arms but...” He turned his head away and closed his eyes, pressing his cheek into Josh’s arm. “I’m so tired Josh... so tired.”

And he sounded it. He sounded completely and utterly exhausted, barely able to find the energy to speak.

“It’s alright. If you want to sleep you can. I’ll hold you. I’ll keep you warm.”

“I’m afraid.”

“Afraid? What are you afraid of?”

“I feel... I’m... I feel that if... if I close my eyes I’ll never open them again.”

“That’s just silly. You only feel like that because you are ill and tired. You’re going to be fine. It’s just a bit of a fever, hardly the bubonic plague or anything like that. So stop being so dramatic and rest okay?”

It was so hard to keep his voice level when his heart was twisting with fear and beating so hard he knew that Ash must be able to feel it making a lie of his words. Even so he felt Ash relax, seeming to melt into his embrace. For a time his breathing was harsh and ragged but then it deepened and Josh knew he had fallen asleep. This frightened him for no reason he could have vocalised but only because he was so, so afraid of losing Ash. Laying his cheek against Ash’s hair he let go and sobbed.

Josh had no idea how long he sat there on the cold stone floor, holding Ash in arms that were growing numb with cold. He stopped crying after a while and simply sat there, breathing in the sweet scent of his love, a smell that cut through the stench of his surroundings and filled him with a sense of wellbeing that belied their situation.

Ash continued to breathe deeply and evenly, lost in a sleep of exhaustion. He was shivering again but not like before. Josh was shivering too. Trying to ease his aching shoulders Josh shifted his position and Ash slid sideways. With a soft cry his body jerked and Josh caught him, holding him close.

“It’s alright. It’s alright, I have you. I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”

“No... no I...” He sounded so sleepy and sighed deeply, gazing up at Josh with eyes that were deeply dazed, his body limp in his arms.

“I didn’t mean to disturb you, I swear it. It’s just... I was... cold and... my arms went numb.”

“It’s okay. I’m okay.” He sighed again and winced. “It’s cold.” His voice was so soft Josh had to lean over to hear him. He smiled a watery smile.

“Yeah. It won’t be long now. They’ll be here soon, really soon. Just hold on a little while longer.”

“I’m... fine. I’m with you.”

They exchanged a look that was so intimate, so gentle, so eloquent that both of them almost stopped breathing at seeing it in the eyes of the other, especially when a fortuitous bolt lit up the room, and then slowly they both smiled, not seeing the figure outlined in the door who also saw the look, saw the way that his son, looking heart achingly frail, was cradled in the arms of the older man. He noted that Josh was in his shirt sleeves, having wrapped his coat around Ash, that he was trembling with the effort it was taking him to hold him. In that single illuminating moment he saw it all.

“You alright?”

Both Josh and Ash looked up, startled. “Mr Leonard. Thank god.”

Mr Leonard didn’t respond. He was staring at Ash whose eyes were locked with his father’s.

“Is this really what you want?”

“It’s what I am.”

The big man nodded, his face serious, his voice gruff. He turned his burning gaze to Josh. “I hear you quit. What are you going to do now?”

“I’ll manage. Can we talk about this later? Please help me get Ash somewhere warm. He needs...”

“Hmm... Do you love my boy?”

Josh froze. He glanced at Ash who was staring at him with an unreadable expression in his eyes and then back at the intense gaze hovering over them.

“Yes. Yes I do. I love him very much.”

“And you will take care of him?”

“Always.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “How will you support him now you have no job?”

“I have... means.”

“Then I suppose it’s time you started calling me Ray.”

He moved forwards into the shack as another figure appeared in the doorway, a younger version of the same.

“Fuck Ash... what the hell you gone and done now?”

Ash smiled a weak smile. “Hi Dec.”

“Can you stand up Ash?”

Ash stared up at his father and slowly nodded. Ray slipped his arm around him, just under the shoulders and heaved. Ash gave a strange little cry and crumpled against his father’s side. Without missing a step Ray scooped him up into his arms as if he was weightless and held him cradled in his arms looking more like a child than ever. He pressed his face briefly against his hair with a look of such tenderness that Josh felt suddenly overwhelmed.

“You need a hand up mate?”

Declan was crouched in front of him, smiling in a friendly way. Josh felt momentarily dazed, almost unable to comprehend the sudden change. Then he smiled and shook his head. Finding that he was surprisingly stiff and weak he climbed to his feet and stretched easing the kinks.

“Ready then?” And he was.