Damaged - 3. Chapter 3

We did as planned. The snow was not as frequent now, but still on the ground. I had a truck, but I had removed the battery because of the severe cold. It was too early to put it back and charge it again. We would use Ben’s truck this time. The day came when Koot was getting more and more anxious, and when I saw him pace I knew it was time. Opening the door, I was sad again, knowing we wouldn’t see each other a while. I dreaded when Koot left, there were people the still didn’t understand about wolves and would shoot him before asking anyone. Then Ben and I packed the snowcat and rode down. Of course, we had to stop at the Trego Trading Post. It was a key location. Sally was pleased to see us but sad to learn we were leaving.

“But you just got here!” She argued to Ben.

“We’re coming back, Sally,” Ben assured patting her on the shoulder. “I just need to settle some things.”

“This is an important journey for them.” Walter, who always seemed to know when to show up, said.

I wasn’t startled this time. I should have been ready the last time, but he liked it when I wasn’t ready and he startled me. “I don’t guess Napi gave you a hint?”

Walter didn’t smile. “He never really does.” He shook his head. “I just know things will be intense. You two need to depend on each other. Your friendship and love for each other will see you through.”

“I hope it won’t be too bad,” I said a little worried.

Walter gave a look that told me it might.

“Great,” I muttered.

“Listen,” Walter said firmly. “Ben loves you. And I know you love him. I see a peace in both of you that comes from that. Now this fact, Napi didn’t need to tell me about. You two will be fine. Stay together and you’ll be fine.”

I told Al what we were going to do and I wouldn’t be there for the free clinics. He understood.

I left the snowcat at Sally’s. Walter drove us the storage facility where his truck was held. I knew it would be a long drive, about a day worth solid. A day and a half if we took it easier. Frankly, I didn’t see Ben was too much in any hurry to get there. We shared the burden of driving. It would take a long time, but we broke into ten-hour periods. We stopped for the night and meals, then went on.

Ben chuckled when I was pulling my jacket off. “A little warm, isn’t it?”

I grimaced enjoying the breeze coming in the passenger window. “Now you know why I left the South.” I saw Ben reach for the air conditioner switch and I stopped his hand. “It’s not crunch time yet. I’ll let you know.”

“It’ll get warmer,” Ben warned chuckled.

“I was in basic in San Antonio. I know hot.” I grumbled. “This ain’t Montana.”

Travel was interesting. In Casper, we stopped at a hotel and I know, those of us who are the other genders are not common. Or people that are just plain fags as far as they’re concerned. There was a part of Ben that could be a problem, especially…when we got a room the front desk man who kept looking at us suspiciously.

“All I have is a king.” The man said. Did he have more and was just testing us?

Ben smiled, but he’d sensed the same thing I had and his smile was not…friendly. “We’ll take it.”

After we got the room, Ben smiled at the front desk worker. “Don’t worry about it. I’m his bitch, so we’re good.” Seeing the stunned look on the front desk worker seemed to satisfy something in Ben. Perhaps the front desk wondered if Ben were kidding. But when we walked away Ben took my hand. So, no. We weren’t kidding.

“You know you’re not my bitch,” I said as we walked away.

“He doesn’t know that,” Ben growled. “And I am your bitch, just as you’re mine.”

The lack of concern as to what anyone thought was shown when we got dinner in the restaurant as well. Ben didn’t care!

 

The ranch! Ben’s family ranch was just North West of Fort Worth, Texas. On the West shore of Eagle Mountain Lake. No, it wasn’t the Ewing Ranch. All grand and like that. Dallas TV show? Southfork? Remember? Nor was the big house on the movie Giant before Elizabeth Taylor’s character got hold of it. Great movie. Rock Hudson? The big fag was great! But the house was sprawling. Two stories in the middle. And white fences surrounding with cattle moving about. Long-horned cows. Excuse me, steers. Men walked around, I assumed were “hands” that helped maintain the ranch. We had left for the last bit just after dawn, so it was still morning here. The temperature wasn’t bad. Then again, I don’t wear short sleeves out until June in Montana, a kept a jacket ready for the sudden snows. It happened! Even in June. Still, it was a ranch.

“You can do…” I motioned around as I saw a hand roping a steer. “This cowboy stuff?”

Ben looked puzzled a moment, then nodded with a grin. “I can. I was riding alone at four. Roping at eight. Busting broncos at twelve.”

I grinned back. “An officer, a gentleman and now a real Texas cowboy. Who knew?”

Ben chuckled. “You don’t have to bow or anything.”

“Gee, thanks.”

Ben looked at the house. “Unless he threw it away, I still have my hat, boots, and chaps.”

“I’d love to see that.” I agreed. “Nothing else. Just those items.”

Now he was looking a bit worried at the house.

I leaned toward him touching his arm gently. “Ben. I know things are problematic for you and your Dad. I won’t do anything to embarrass you.”

Ben sighed. Then gave a shrugging nod, then sat up firmer, angry. “No! I’m tired of being ashamed of what I am. I’m not here for Dad. I’m here for Brad. I love you and I don’t care whether he’s bothered by it or not.”

I squeeze the arm. “What you are is a good man. One I’d put up against any pillar of the community. You’re the man I love.”

Ben smiled at me, then leaned to meet me half way kissing me passionately. “I really love you.”

“Just remember that.”

Ben gave me his sloppy salute and pulled to the front of the house. There was a young man, in his late teens that looked so much like Ben. He had the hat, belt and, cowboy boots. Ben barely got the truck in park and he was out of the truck before it even stopped. I knew what he wanted to do, but walked to his son carefully. “Hi, Son.”

Brad walked down the steps and stuck his hand out. “Hi, Dad.” His greeting was a little stiff.

But Ben couldn’t hold out any longer. He bypassed the hand and grabbed the young man in a hug. “God, I missed you!”

Brad hesitated only slightly, then returned the hug with as much force. “I missed you, Dad.”

I felt the smile on my face before I knew it was there. Problems? Sure, but the bond between father and son was still there and just as solid as it could be. Ben released his son a little. Held his arms out. “You’re a man now.” He gazed his son from head to toe.

Brad nodded. Then looked at his father. “It’s okay, Dad. Really, I’m fine.” Then he looked closer at his father. “Are you okay?”

Ben, whether he was aware of it or not, had tears coming down his face. “I’ve not been any better in a long, long time.” He was touching his son’s face. “How beautiful you are.”

That made Brad a little embarrassed, but being a smart-ass teenager, he grinned. “You could have said handsome.” Could it have come from another smartass I saw hugging the boy?

Ben hugged him again. “Handsome, beautiful….whatever. I’ve missed this face!”

Brad held his father off. “Seriously, Dad. They said at the Base Hospital you could be suicidal!” I heard the horror in the young man’s voice. He had really been scared for his father.

Ben bowed his head a little. “I was, son, I was. That was part of why I came to explain.” Then he looked back at me. “This man literally saved my life.” He brought his son over to me. “Brad Johnson, this is Eric Carson. Eric, this is my gorgeous, handsome, beautiful son, Brad.”

I shook his hand as Brad began blushing, but shook my hand with a smile. “It’s good to meet you, Brad.” I grimaced. “It figures you’d get your father’s height.” But he still had the slenderness of youth.

Brad nodded. “I hope to get as big as Dad or Grandpa.”

Ben looked around. “Where is your Grandpa?”

Brad shook his head and frowned. “He heard you drove in, and went somewhere.” Then he frowned at his father. “What is with you two?”

Ben patted his son on the back. “I’ll tell you about that, too. Are we allowed to come in?”

“Of course you can come in. You’ve been gone, but it’s your house!” Brad didn’t understand it. “Why does Grandpa not talk about you? He won’t even talk about you. I have to call the Base Hospital to find out anything. Grandpa won’t talk to you on the phone. What is going on?” Brad looked at his father closer. “It was something in the past. He’s been this way as long as I’ve known him.”

Ben stiffened. He’d have to tell Brad. “Your Grandpa disowned me.”

Brad looked startled. “Why?”

Ben looked very uncertain now how Brad would take it. “Because….I’m gay.”

Brad looked a bit surprised about this but then waited for the rest. “And?”

“That’s it,” Ben answered.

“That’s it!?” Brad fumed angrily. He shook his head and began to pace in a circle. That ran in the family, too apparently. “That’s all?”

Ben nodded. “That’s all.”

“I thought you might have killed someone! A bunch of people maybe. That you were some kind of war criminal! I thought maybe you’d gone crazy or something.” Brad wailed. “I didn’t know what trouble you were in. I hear you’re suicidal. Now I realize my Grandfather disowned you simply because you’re gay!? I’m surprised, but what’s the big fucking deal?”

Thank god this generation was not being taught it was wrong as much. And by his Grandfather not saying why Ben had been cast off, he had no opinion about his father’s confession. He thought it was rare, but no big fucking deal!

“You don’t care that I’m gay?” Ben asked to be clear. “I like men.”

“Of course not, I don’t care!” Brad shook his head. “You stayed away because of that all these years? I mean, I was a little shocked. You had me, which means you can have sex with a woman. Are you bisexual?”

Ben seemed a little relieved. “No. I’m gay.”

“Then why marry Mom?” Brad asked trying to understand.

“It was a copout. I know. I caved under pressure, but I figured if I married your mother, your Grandfather would leave me alone.” Ben explained. “I was a coward.”

“I’ve seen awards for you given in the Army! You are not a coward!” Brad said firmly.

“I was about this.” Ben winced as he struggled to explain. “I was really messed up. I messed up.” Then he looked his son in the eye. “First I had a duty, I went to serve, but I owed the Army for helping me find…a home. Your grandfather cut me off. I went in the Army almost as soon as I got my high school diploma. Then the war…but I always thought of you.”

Brad looked beyond me. “You disowned Dad simply because he’s gay!?” His statement was more of an accusation than a question. “You cut him off!? Why?”

Behind me was another big man. This man was in his mid-sixties. Hair gray but still had the Johnson face. “So, you told him.” He said to Ben sad and quiet. “He didn’t need to know that.”

“I didn’t need to know what!? That’s he’s gay! Who cares? I needed to know what was keeping Dad away.” Brad said angrily. “I thought he had done something so wrong…that’s why you wouldn’t talk about him!” Now he was mad. “You kept me from my father because he’s gay. Why?”

His Grandfather just walked away.

“Grandpa! Why did you do this?” Brad demanded to know. Ben stopped his son from going after his father.

“It’s okay, son. I was scared to tell you. It’s my fault, too. Don’t put all the blame on him.” Ben admitted. “But there is so much more. When I got back from fighting, I was so messed up. I’m still haunted by what I saw. Eric will tell you I still wake up screaming at times. He’s a veteran, too.”

Brad just grabbed his father and hugged the man hard. “I am so sorry, Dad. I didn’t know.” Now Brad was near tears. “I wasn’t sure if, maybe I’d done something to keep you away. That there was something I did or didn’t do to make you not want to see me.” He was shaking his head. “When you came back you were happy to see me and seemed like you wanted to see me….”

“I was! I was! I did and do want to see you!” Ben hugged his son back. “You could never have done anything to make me stay away. I thought you were safe with your mother….”

“But she left me!” Brad said angrily.

“No, no.” Ben shook his head. “She left me! By the time I knew it was too late. I felt guilty for doing the three tours. I was away so much. I thought of you every day! You were the best thing that has happened to me.” Ben was crying now again. But they were healing. “And I was suicidal. Not where I would put a gun in my mouth. I would see those horrible images in my mind even when my eyes were open! I couldn’t deal with it. I was so messed up inside! So, I made choices that would challenge death. And I almost lost.” He took my hand and brought me close. “I made a stupid decision to go to Calgary, why? I don’t know. My truck went in a ditch the beginning of a blizzard. I almost died. I would have died. I was literally minutes from death, but Eric found me. He took me to his cabin and nursed me back to health. Then we realized we had a lot in common. And we fell in love. I owe this man my life. I owe him everything!”

Brad looked at me as Ben said those things. “Thanks for saving my Dad.”

“I’m glad I did. He’s saving me, too.” I said.

“But I’m back now, Brad,” Ben said firmly. “I’m not leaving you behind again. I’m out of the Army now.”

“You’re gonna stay?” Brad asked uncertainly. “But Granddad won’t let you.”

Ben smiled. “I think he’ll put up with me a few weeks. Now that you know the truth. You won’t let him throw me or Eric out.”

Then I waved to the house. “Can we….go inside? It’s too hot for people from Montana. Or do you think that will be a problem?”

Brad shook his head. “No problem. As a matter of fact.” Brad brightened and sniffed to rid himself of the snuffed up nose from crying. “I’ve got Dad’s old room back in order. Come on.” He pulled his father by the arm. But Ben was smiling. He got his son back. Victory!!

The house, what little I saw that time, spread out. The rooms here were wide and tall, to ease the heat. Brad led us up the wooden staircase. He ended at a set of double doors. He flung the doors open.

At one time, Ben must have been pampered. His room was six times the size of my whole cabin! Red carpet, a large four post bed. A huge bed. Even the wallpaper was red.

“I thought blue was your favorite color.” I chuckled.

“It is.” Ben grinned. “I was in my red period.”

“Your red period.” I nodded like I understood. “Any other color periods?”

Ben shook his head. Then went to a saddle in the room displayed on a small polished table. It was displayed like a work of art. And I supposed it was. Highly polished and gleamed. “My favorite saddle.” He looked at his son. “Did you do this?”

Brad nodded. “I wanted you to feel comfortable.”

Ben smiled at his son. “I am. Now.” Then Ben glanced at me, then went in his walk-in closet. He came out holding a pair of black chaps and wearing a black hat. “Later.” He grinned with a wink.

Now, I was the one blushing. “Sure. When we play Cowboys and Indians.”

Brad looked from his father to me. “Oookay.”

“I’ll be the Indian.” I said.

There were pictures. One a woman with a young man, I assumed was Ben when Ben was Brad’s age. Picking up the photo, Ben and Brad looked a lot alike. But the woman, I wondered if…

Ben looked over and smiled sadly. “That’s Mom.” He told me. “Isn’t she beautiful?”

It was natural for a child to think his mother was beautiful, even if she wasn’t. But she really was. Long dark hair and an open happy face who was smiling at her son.

“That was seven months before the aneurysm.” He said with a sense of longing. “No warning. Just boom.”

I put the picture down. “I’m sorry.”

Ben collected his thoughts. “In many ways, I think it affected Harlan more.” He called his father by his first name. “He really loved her. When he lost her, that was when he really became unbearable.”

I nodded. “It could be.”

“Will you guys be ready for lunch?” Brad asked out of the blue. “Nettie’s making her famous chili.”

I couldn’t help but smile at that. “Don’t tell me. She’s been here for years and knew it was Ben’s favorite.”

“How’d you know?” Brad asked.

“Lucky guess.” I shrugged and said.

“Nettie was twenty-five when she got here,” Ben said. “She started as one of the cooks and housekeepers.”

“Now she runs the house.” Brad continued. “Come on, I’ll help get your things.”

 

Like I said. It wasn’t Southfork, you know? But was spread out. Tall, wide rooms with those vents in the upper part of the ceiling to let heat escape. I’d see it in Charleston. It was a rugged home, but still had an appearance of elegance. Ben had not been poor. The Johnsons were not one of those oil-rich Texas families. They did cattle. There were hundreds and hundreds of head of those Longhorn Texas steers.

The original structure had the cookhouse separate in case of fire. Wise. We did that in the South, too. Now there was a connection. And the kitchen had added an eating space. That was where we had lunch. Breakfast was served in the solarium that was now the connection to the main house. That was a little uppity.

Nettie was a woman in her early sixties, hair in a style a woman of her years. And plump. Not fat, but plump. Brown hair and blue eyes. She smiled as Ben entered the kitchen.

“Ben!” She greeted coming to hug him. “It’s good to see you.”

“Good to see you.” Ben smiled. “I been looking forward to some great Texas-style chili and to have your award-winning chili is more than I dreamed.” Then Ben put an arm around her. “Nettie won the state chili cookoff five years running.”

She pushed him slightly. “That’s been over a decade ago.”

“Still,” Ben said. “Nettie, this is Eric Carson.” Then he only hesitated a moment. “Nettie, he’s my partner.”

Nettie wasn’t fazed. “It’s pleasure to meet you.” She shook my hand. I was beginning to think things wouldn’t be so bad. But Ben’s father never showed up for lunch.

Ben devoured the chili and then asked for more. It was very, very good. I learned that Texas Chili didn’t have the beans. I preferred that in the first place! Maybe I was a lost Texan.

Ben finally slowed down and his eyes narrowed slyly at me. “I never asked you, can you ride, Eric?”

I mocked a wounded heart. “Because I’m from a Southern city, I can’t ride? Please. I may not have ridden at four, but I’ve been on a horse or two.”

Ben chuckled. “Oh, pardon me. I was going to take you around the ranch. I will if you like.”

“Sure.”

 

He and Brad saddled up and gave me a horse. She was a bit spirited, but I was told that was only because she was anxious to get going. The ranch was now 350 acres. It had been in the thousands, but times had gotten tough a few times and a lot of the land had been sold. It was still beautiful. I said I’d been on a horse before, and I had, but it wasn’t second nature. For Ben, it was. Now I was seeing him in another light. He was a cowboy. Okay, I was attracted to him anyway, which you no doubt know by now, but now he was HOT! He and I had donned the hats, he had on the boots, but none he had would fit me, so I was in sneakers. Neither did Brad’s. After a while, I didn’t really notice the heat. It was early Spring, so not as hot as it could be. But I understood the hat better. The sun could be brutal.

“You could almost persuade me to move here.”’

Ben smiled at me. “Almost?”

“I have a spectacular view of the mountains, the river and all of nature there. I could stay here a while, but that’s home for me now.”

“And what is it you do?” Brad asked. “Besides digging people out of snowbanks.” He chuckled.

“Eric is a writer,” Ben said proudly. “A good one.”

Brad nodded. “And you lived up there alone?”

I nodded. “I did.” I grinned at Ben. “I had some issues. Lost a husband, mother and other things. I needed the quiet.”

“Well, he wasn’t all alone.” Ben corrected. “He had a friend live with him. Koot.”

I laughed. “Yes, can’t forget Koot.”

“Koot?” Brad asked.

“The biggest gray wolf you ever saw.” Ben nodded. “Scared me to death the first time I saw him.”

“You have a pet wolf?” Brad asked shocked.

I shook my head. “No. He was, or is, never a pet. But he is my friend. He’s off…making little wolves right now.”

“And there is Sally Crenshaw, Walter Old Person, Alan Greywolf, his nephew Paul….he lived alone, but he was never too far from another person,” Ben said.

“They sound mostly Indian,” Brad said.

“They are all Indians, Pigean. Part of the Blackfeet Indian Tribe and there are several of them.” I said. “And they are a wonderful group of friends.”

Brad grunted, but it was not a sound that made me think he got it. Something else was on his mind. “So, Grandpa didn’t like that you were gay?”

Ben nodded. “Unfortunately.”

Brad looked a bit uneasy. “We were taught it was not common, but it happens. It’s more common than people think.”

Bless whoever was his teacher!

“Is there something I can know?” Ben asked noting his son’s unrest.

Brad hesitated. “Well, there’s a girl I like. I don’t dare mention it to Grandpa that we are more than just friends, so I can’t ask him for advice.”

Ben nodded. “Of course.”

“She’s Latina.”

“Ah…” Ben understood and knew what happened. “But Grandpa didn’t like her because she was Latina.”

“Yeah. He wouldn’t like it.” Brad nodded. “Her name’s Consuela Garcia.” Then he rushed on. “She’s a beautiful girl. A great girl…”

“Whoa, whoa…” Ben chuckled putting his hand on his son’s shoulder. “You don’t have to defend your love of the girl. Or convince me.” He grinned and pointed at me. “Look what I brought home.” He took a deep breath. “Grandpa was raised by a man that believed your life should be one way. He still believes it. He doesn’t see we’re all just people. I do.”

“I was going to ask her to the Senior Prom,” Brad said.

“So do it,” Ben said.

“I will,” Brad stated.

After I’d seen a lot of the ranch. Ben got a devilish look in his eye. “Race home?”

Brad grinned. “You’re on.”

“I’ve ridden, but guys….”

“Go!!” Ben shouted, kicking his horse lightly and shouted the “Yah!”

Well, my horse heard the yah and bolted without me prompting her. This was normal apparently. I yelped but managed to stay on as things began to whiz by. The wind in my hair as I rode, I loved it. Now you know why most cowboy hats have that string. You can’t lose it. I don’t know who won. We all three seemed to arrive at the same time. I was just thankful I didn’t get thrown.

Ben’s father still was scarce. It was after dinner when I heard it.

“How long are you going to ignore us?” Ben asked.

“How long are you staying?” I heard his father ask.

“Can I at least stay until Brad’s graduation?” Ben asked. “You owe him at least that much.”

“If I said you couldn’t?”

“We’d stay at a hotel,” Ben said. “Or try Base housing.”

“But Brad wants you here.”

“But you don’t,” Ben said.

“You’re still queer, I see.”

Ben nodded. “Always have been and always will be.”

“You’ve answered your first question.”

That hurt me. I couldn’t imagine what Ben felt. He walked out, but didn’t look at me and went the other direction. Then I got angry.

“What is this stand-offish, cold feelings stance supposed to do?” I asked the man. “Change him straight?”

Harlan looked up at me surprised. “What?”

“You shun him. You make him leave. What is this supposed to do? What are you trying to accomplish?”

He frowned at me. “You’re here as Ben’s guest. And Ben is a guest of Brad’s. I don’t have to answer you.”

“I feel sorry for you. You’re pitiful.”

“What?”

“This stance,” I said. “I don’t get it.”

“He’s chosen a lifestyle he was not raised for.” The man argued. “Until he changes his mind, I want nothing to do with him.”

“So, you believe it’s a choice.”

“He chose not to be queer. He has Brad! Don’t tell me it’s not a choice.”

I nodded. “You could be right,” I said. “I don’t think so, but you could be right.” Then I glared at him. “But you may be wrong. Or hasn’t that ever occurred to you? He was forced to marry Linda to win favor with you, but couldn’t!”

“He chose!”

“So what if he did!?” I asked. “Because he chose a lifestyle you don’t approve of, he doesn’t get love? From his own father!?”

“You let him put his dick up your ass!!” Harlan shouted.

“So? And how do you know?” I shouted back. “He’s a grown man. What he and I do is none of your business. I thought a parent’s love was a given. The love of a parent wasn’t earned. I guess it is with you.” I shook my head. “What a pity. This whole treatment of him has cost you how much time? Two decades? More? I’ve only known him a few months. You knew him most of his life and I know him better than you do. He is an amazing person. He’s kind, generous…”

“Don’t you tell me about my son!” He shouted as he stood.

“I shouldn’t have to!” I shouted back leaning against the desk, not backing down an inch but coming closer to that angry face. “That man has been through hell! You cut him off. But he still went to college and got his degree. You disowned him, but he’s still here. And he always will be. The fact he may have chosen to love another human being…the fact he loves me…which I resisted at first. But he does. That blew and still does, blows me away. This tactic of yours won’t work. He’s gay! My father is dead. My mother is dead. But hopefully, they wouldn’t turn their love off because they didn’t like the life I lead.” I shook my head. “But you’re one of those old school. A man putting a dick up someone’s ass is just nasty. Probably only approves of the missionary position. Never tried the doggy style…”

“That’s no one’s business.”

“That’s what I said exactly!” I shouted. “It’s no one’s business! What he does or who he does it with! What I do is no one’s business. But you make it yours! Human beings have done it since time began! But you’re missing it!! You’re missing Ben!! He is an incredible human being! You drove him away. How long before you drive Brad away?” I asked. “He’s bound to do something you won’t approve of. In fact, I’m sure of it! He’s also an incredible human being. You had to have something to do with it because Ben was kept away. But if Brad leaves, what’ll you have? This ranch? You’ll die alone in this ranch. But more importantly, you’ll be alone.” I said and left the office. What possessed me, I have no idea. The man probably could have killed me, he looked strong enough. Did I change his mind? Of course not. But if just a crack would form….there might be some hope. As I reached a corner, I was grabbed. Suddenly I was pressed against a wall. Ben leaned so close with his body pressing mine.

“I heard what you said.” Ben smiled. “Thank you.”

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” I confessed. “It’s really none of my business.”

“Oh, but it is, that’s what you said.” Ben grinned, running his lips down my neck. “Remember what Walter said?” He kissed me. “We do it together.”

I kissed him back. “Absolutely.” Then I caressed the front of his trousers. “So, how about we get ready for bed. And before that, you could put on those chaps.”

He chuckled. “I can do that.”

I took his hand. “Let’s go.”

When I came out of the bathroom, I saw the silhouette of a big man in a cowboy hat, chaps, and boots…nothing else. Then he turned the bedside lamp on and I saw everything! He was gorgeous. “Give a cowboy a ride? Are you up for it?

I grinned. “Save a horse, ride a cowboy.”

Ben chuckled. “Looking at the front of your briefs, I’d say the answer to my question is yes, you are up for it.”

“Yeehaw!” Who needs porn? I had my own private show. And he let me touch! He was beautiful.

 

Ben’s father still made himself scares. But the few times I did see him, he wouldn’t look me in the eye. Better nothing than anger. Still, he didn’t seem to object that we were there. And we were there a few months, not weeks. I learned a lot about ranching. The ranch hands and Ben got along fine. If the ranch hands knew about Ben and me, they either didn’t care or didn’t want to offend Ben. Ben was the ranch owner’s son. He might be in disfavor, but who wants to take the chance? And I knew Harlan wouldn’t tell them why Ben as out of favor. More important was Ben bigger than all most all of them and would probably kick their ass. Then one day when it wasn’t that busy, a burly man came up to Ben, he was almost as big as Ben.

“I heard you were good in the saddle.” The man gruffly said pointedly, but it was a friendly point. You didn’t have to be psychic to know what was coming.

“I am. Do I hear a challenge?” Ben asked.

“You do.” The man grinned. “I say you won’t be able to handle Luna for a minute. She’ll buck you off as soon as you mount up. She’s crazy.”

Ben grinned back. “Bring it on.”

Luna was a beautiful black horse. Spirited from the moment they brought her out snorting and stomping even before anyone was on her. Saddled and ready, Ben climbed up and she went instantly nuts! She bucked, spit and snorted. She was crazy. Ben held on for a while. But she threw him and he landed in the dust on his ass, the dust whirled around him. His hat landed away from him. We had been cheering him on. I just cringed when he was thrown. I jumped down while the guys got Luna under some control. I leaned down.

“Had enough?” I asked calmly, knowing the answer.

He grinned back shaking his head, but the smile told me he was having fun. “Haven’t even started.” No, not just having fun, he was having the time of his life!

I nodded. “I figured. I don’t guess I need to tell you to be careful.”

Ben shook his head. “Nope, you don’t.” Then he grinned. “A kiss for luck?”

“I said I wouldn’t embarrass you. But if you want…Good luck.” I said and kissed him. The cat was out of the bag now, no one here didn’t know we were a couple. And not one of the guys cringed. In fact, there were a few catcalls. A few “OOooh’s.” All seemed to be in good fun. The fact was, no one cared!

Ben, dusted his hat off, handed it to me and got back up and took the reins again. Then got on her again. This time Ben did better. I also saw there was someone else watching. Harlan. It wasn’t much, but it was a start. Harlan was showing interest in what his son did. I didn’t say a word to Ben. Ben was showing his father, being gay didn’t take the cowboy out of him. He certainly was no sissy. I did see the two times when Ben was thrown, his father cringed. Sympathy for what had to hurt. And a smile when Ben grabbed the reins to get back on. It was a start.

Then slowly, his father quit leaving the room when either of us entered. He didn’t say anything, but he stayed.

Ben and Brad were getting along just great. Then Brad brought Consuela over. She was gorgeous. She was sixteen. I could see what he saw in her. She had Brad wrapped around her little finger. That shy demeanor, coy, if it was fake, who cared? It worked for her and Brad slurped it up! He clearly liked her a lot.

One day, I was with Ben when a cow, excuse me again, steer, got spooked, and pulled the rope wrenching his arm and another nearby steer, also spooked, put a gash on the other arm with the purposely "dulled" point of its Longhorn, but still there was a gash from the sudden impact. Ben got up and shrugged off the other guys who asked if he were okay. But when I asked. He was in pain!

“I’m fine,” Ben growled and started to walk off.

“Freeze, Major Johnson!” I shouted angrily. Which he did, turning slowly his eyebrows rising. “You are not fine. That yank could have pulled your arm from its socket. And that gash needs dressing or it will get infected. So, either I deal with it, and you know I can, or I call an ambulance. Your choice.” Then I pointed to a bench nearby. “Plant your ass right here.”

“Yes, sir,” Ben said in his best military voice, snapping a sharp salute and winced from the pain from a wrenched arm, then sat down.

“It hurt you to salute. But you’re fine. You can show everyone else how rough and tough you are. You have nothing to prove with me.” I said softly as I growled getting the first aid kit. I helped him remove the shirt. I cleaned up the gash and frowned. “I will need to put in a few stitches. It’s pretty deep.” I looked at the first aid kit. It was well supplied, and it had the needed items. I even had Lidocaine for numbing the arm. I sutured him up and wrapped the wound. Tested the other arm. “It’s just pulled. I think it was close, but it’s still in there. It doesn’t appear to be out its socket.” Then I felt a hand pull my face toward him.

He kissed me tenderly. “In case you didn’t know, I really love you.”

I nodded and sternly said. “You better.” Then grinned. “You can be such a pain in the ass, Ben.”

“Yeah.” He chuckled. “I can, can’t I?”

“But I love you to death. Just try not to get yourself killed. You promised me you wouldn’t. One day you’re busting broncos, then punching steer or whatever you call it the next. I love that devil may care attitude.” I pressed my lips to his. “You court danger, honey. Don’t get your neck broken. You promised me.”

“I’ll try harder,” Ben promised as our foreheads met.

What I didn’t see, was we were being watched the whole time. It was later that night, after dinner when I heard someone come in the room. Ben had said he was going to take a shower before bed. I was finishing a drink. (The evening drink at Southfork? The Ewings? Remember? Only we hadn’t dressed for dinner. Very highbrow, huh?) This time, Ben’s father sat down in a chair next to me.

“You really do love my son.”

I looked at him. “Of course I do. I wouldn’t lie about that. What would be the point? He means the world to me.”

He shook his head. “I just don’t understand.”

“What’s to understand? Love is love. You either do or don’t. I do. He does.”

He sighed. “I saw you.” I didn’t say a word. “I heard you’re tone. You called him an ass, but there was love in it. He listened because he knew that you really loved him. But he listened!” Harlan seemed to be dealing with this issue in his mind and not accepting what he’d seen even was possible.

I grinned. “Well, he can be quite a pain in the ass. I told him that day one. He freely admitted he could be. But I still love him.”

“And it’s not all….he’s not using you for sex.”

I looked surprised. “Is that what you think? That your son is just using me for sex?”

“You let him…”

I held my hand out to stop what I feared Harlan would say. “For one, I would never let anyone use me. And how do you know it’s my ass getting the dick? Just because he’s such a man, he’d never enjoy having his ass fucked? That’s too gay.”

Harlan looked startled.

“You don’t like your son.”

Harlan looked at me as if he didn’t understand.

“Yes, I love your son,” I explained. “But I like him as well. He is my best friend. I enjoy spending time with him. I really like him. What we have is a partnership we’re building. We work together. It’s not all about sex.” I got up. “And part of that is helping each other when they have problems. Right now he’s getting ready for a shower and he may need my help. So, I’ll leave you with this. I live in a community that doesn’t see male and female. They exist naturally, yes. But a person is more than just the fact that a person has or doesn’t have a dick. They accept people are varied. Hence they see many genders, not just male and female. Perhaps you can consider that. Good night.”

Harlan sat back. “’Night.”

 

Ben groaned as he tried to remove his shirt as I came in. I reached over and pulled it off for him. I went to the large tub and began filling it.

“You need to sooth the muscle. We’ll try the bath instead of the shower.”

Ben nodded. “We? Are you joining me?” He grinned.

“We’ve done it many times before,” I said helping him get the pants off. “I had an interesting talk with your father.”

Ben jerked back a little. “More?”

“We’re getting to him,” I said as I removed my clothing. “He’s asking questions. He sees that we’re not all about sex. That we might actually care about each other. Maybe.”

“He said that?”

I shrugged a nod. “Not in so many words, but I impressed him when I called you an ass.”

He chuckled. “Then you must love me a lot.”

“You know I do.” I got in the tub and reached for his arm, careful of the pulled arm. “Come on, easy, Baby.”

His eyebrows rose when I called him that.

“Sorry,” I said. “I couldn’t help it. Like when I called you honey. It just came out.”

“No.” He smiled as his gaze softened looking at me. “Am I? Am I your baby?”

I nodded instantly. We had never used pet names before and it sounded odd but came out naturally. “Yes, you most certainly are. How can you ask me that? Of course, you are. I’d do anything for you. You’re my favorite human in the world. So, yeah, you’re my baby.” I hugged him carefully with a tender kiss.

 

Then came the prom. That boy was so nervous. But he looked good in that tuxedo. We waved to him as he rode off in the limousine to get his date.

 

Brad insisted we go out on the town one evening. We went to the Stockyards, had great steaks. But still, I was ready to go back, but I didn’t tell Ben. But he knew.

 

Then it was June and graduation day. Brad was a handsome young man. He still had a little ways to go height wise, but I was told Johnson men had late growth spurts. The boy was over six feet now but would finish about twenty-two years old. And he needed to bulk up to meet his father’s or grandfather’s size. And, I loved Ben’s face, and Brad was just a younger version. So, he was gorgeous. I feared a few hearts would be broken in his wake. What was really nice, were three generations of Johnson men there. It was nice. And Harlan was a good looking man when he wasn’t angry. So, I got to see how Ben would look in the future. I was happy with that. Then Ben said we needed to head back. I was all too ready. This trip had been better than I thought it would be, but I was missing my friends in Trego.

Brad saw us off. “So, I can come up?”

Ben looked surprised. “Of course you can. We don’t have a lot of room, but yes. Anytime.”

I nodded. “I guess we need to add on.” I looked at Ben’s father who came out to see us off. “You’re welcome any time, Harlan.”

He nodded.

“Well, maybe before college starts,” Brad said. “August?”

“Sure.” Ben hugged his son. “I love you, son.”

“I love you, Dad.”

Then surprise surprise. Harlan hugged Ben. Ben was shocked at first. Then returned the hug.

“Be careful driving back.” That was all Harlan said.

Of course, Brad hugged me. He liked me. He was a good kid…er…man…whatever. He was young.

 

It was wonderful to see those mountains again. And of course, we had to stop at the Trading Post.

Sally let out a squeal, left a poor customer standing at the counter wondering what the hell was going on. She rushed at us and hugged us both. “Thank god you’re back.”

I chuckled. “We said we would.”

She shook her head. “I know, but…how’d it go?”

Ben nodded. “Not too bad. I got my son back in my life.”

“And your father?” Sally asked.

Ben bowed a little. “Well, he’s not about to join the support groups like PFLAG, but he’s talking to me.”

“But you two were together.” Walter again. How he did it I will never figure out. Just appearing. How did he do this, just appearing when we were in town?

I grinned and hugged the man. “Aw, Walter…It’s good to see you. I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” Walter said sincerely. “And you, too Ben.”

Ben hugged him, too. “Yeah, we were together. Or course Harlan was not the same after Eric talked to him one day.”

Walter nodded smiling at me. “He did.” But it wasn’t a question.

I felt the heat as I flushed. “I just questioned what he’d gain. He’d be alone if he drove Ben and Brad away.”

Walter nodded. “And he must have heard you.” Then he smiled at us. “I went out to check your place a few times. It seemed fine.”

“I’ll be talking to you about an addition to the place. Ben’s son will come in August.”

Walter nodded. “Sure. Of course, you know an addition to a log cabin is a little more involved than a house. He could stay with Al and me. You all could.” And he stopped Ben before he said anything. “And don’t bother with we can’t impose bullshit. Eric’s a part of the tribe. And he’s my friend. Therefore, Ben, you’re a friend. It won’t be an imposition. Are we done now?” Walter did not leave any misinterpretation.

Ben closed his mouth and gave a short nod. “Sure.”

Walter nodded. “Good.”

“Thank you,” I said. “We’ll let you know the dates.”

 

I almost cried when the cabin came into view. I hadn’t realized how much I missed it so much until I was back. I missed it yes, but seeing it, I didn’t realize I missed it as much as I had. Now that a lot of snow was gone, but it was still around in shady parts. But the view was magnificent as always. The river below. The trees. It was breathtakingly beautiful.

Ben smiled at me, but I wasn’t seeing him. “This is your home.”

I looked at him oddly. “It’s our home, Ben.”

He nodded. “I know, but…this is your home. I can see it touching your soul. You belong here. We won’t go away as we did ever again.”

I grinned. “It shows.”

He nodded. “Oh, yeah.” He leaned over kissing me.

I grabbed his arm before he got out. “We got your son back. That was more important. It was worth the time away.”

 

Getting the cabin open wasn’t hard. It was still cool right now. So airing it out wasn’t a problem. We unpacked in a few minutes.

“One word of warning,” I said to Ben. “It’s past time for them to be up. But if you come face to face with a grizzly….”

“Grizzly!?” Ben stood suddenly surprised. “As in bear?”

I chuckled. “Yes, as in bear. They’re already up and probably not hungry like they were when they first wake up. Never…and I mean, never run from a bear. You’ll lose. I’ve never surprised one. I usually see them before I happen on them. You can sing or carry a stereo to make noise. They usually go the other way long before you see them.”

Ben nodded. “It makes sense.” He said thinking about it. “Where’s a bear going to be? In the forest. Duh.”

“Your son’s vocabulary is rubbing off on you. And yes, it’s the bears’ home. Not ours. Duh.”

“Are there many up here?” Ben asked a little worried.

“Only one that you may see relatively often. I named him Hagrid. After the big guy in the Harry Potter movies?”

“And he comes here?” Ben asked. Then he pointed to the floor. “Here.”

“No.” I shook my head. “Koot is here most of the time and he should be back in a few weeks.” I smiled. “Hagrid can be seen a ways off. But he sees us and moves on. He’s fine.”

Ben nodded. “Okay.”

I grinned. “Its fine, Ben.” I pulled him toward the bed. “You need to relax. I’ve lived up here for years. You’ve nothing to worry about.”

“And what are you proposing to relax me?” Ben smiled knowing what I was thinking of.

“Nothing much. Just you, me…naked a while.” I said unbuttoning my shirt.

Ben laughed. “Sounds like a good plan.” He helped me unbutton my pants. “Make love to me, Eric.”

“That was just what I had in mind.” I never understood why there were men out there who didn’t see your ass as more than what you sat on or shit out of. Some guys have discovered this and use dildos and have taught their wives to use various things. It isn’t nasty or dirty. It can stink if you don’t take precautions, but it can also be a lot of fun. The truth was, I was jealous of Ben. Okay, everyone knows about a man’s prostate. It’s more than just an organ. In some guys, hitting it can trigger an orgasm if you hit it enough. I had a prostate, I am male. And I’d like to say I’m hung and greatly endowed, but that would be egotistical. I can say Ben hasn’t complained. But Ben is well endowed. He would be what I classified as hung. So why is it he gets those amazing orgasms and I don’t? That’s why he screams so often. Am I so much better than him? I don’t think so, he does just fine. I love being close to him. I’ve just been told some guys just don’t. Is that fair? I think not. That’s why he likes to bottom. He has a great ass, so why not? Hell, he’s got a beautiful everything. He’s just a beautiful man. A beautifully handsome rugged face, a well-shaped body. A great ass. He says the same about me. Love is blind apparently. Don’t get me wrong. My self-esteem is fine. I’m not bad looking. But I knew Ben was very good looking. To me. How could anyone say otherwise? He was! I know, perceptions. I’m sure your partner is good to look at, to you. Well, shouldn’t Ben? But he is!

Lying there in the warmth of the bed was close to perfection. It was still cool in the air, but it was comfortable. The mound of flesh showing above the sheets showed muscled shoulders. We had been on the ranch for two months and a couple of weeks and the hard work had shaped him more. The dark hair on his head was disheveled, but still, he was sexy. Then dark eyes opened. He smiled at me. “Why are you staring at me?”

“I like looking at you.” I chuckled. “Just admiring Old Man’s perfection.”

Ben’s eyes rolled. “Perfection? Hardly.”

My voice lowered. “I disagree. And I am reminded every day….how much I love you. So, naturally, I think you’re attractive. But the fact is, you are.”

Ben’s face got serious. Then he scooted over, an arm embraced me. “Do you love me enough to marry me?”

I wasn’t surprised by this, but still, hearing it took my breath away. Ever since the government decided we could, the idea was wonderful. I had only married once. Mike was a great guy and I would love him forever. My love for Ben was similar but different. Still, it was an intense feeling. All consuming feelings. “Yes. Just tell me when and where.”

Ben smiled. “You are everything to me, Eric. A reason to wake up. That you love me…I don’t deserve you. And I will do anything and everything to prove myself to you. I love you.”

“Having you here, next to me is enough proof.”

He pressed his weight on me as I liked it. “So, what do we do? A guy agrees to marry you. I don’t have a ring yet.” His lips drifted down my neck. “But I want to spend the rest of my life getting to know you.” He laughed. “As crazy as this may sound. I’m glad I ran off the road.”

I sort of nodded. “Well, I’m glad you’re here. It certainly made an impression.”

Ben grinned. “That was my intention all along.”

I nodded. “Of course it was.” Then I shrugged. “It worked.”

“See?” Ben chuckled. “And, in case you want to know, I think it should be done here. Do they have a ceremony here for us?”

That was a little surprising. “Of course.”

Ben shrugged. “It’s just…they were so good to you. And me. They made you part of the tribe….and they never judged you, or me. Would they make me part of the tribe?”

I smiled. “As my husband, you will be.”

“Good.” Ben proceeded kissing me.