Damaged - 4. Chapter 4

Things were pretty good. But there were the occasional bumps in the road. And there were the regular things you had to do. The tribe knew us by now. We came into town more than I did before. We went to have dinner and get some things done one day. Trego was a beautiful town. The surrounding landscape drew people even when the slopes weren’t running. There were shops and a coffee bar.

Ben looked at his reflection. “Man, I need a haircut.”

I chuckled. “Well, you’re no longer in the Army. The Universal Code of Military Justice’s regulations for haircuts doesn’t apply now.” I ran fingers in his hair. “Besides, there are times I need something to pull on.” I grabbed a little of his hair pulling him to me.

“Yeah.” He grimaced. “I don’t like it too long.” He glanced around. “Trudi did a good job last time. I’ll go to her.”

I nodded. “Sure.”

And we were so used to doing it now. He leaned in and kissed me.

We heard the gasp of a woman. Ben and I glanced up to see a woman, late thirties with blonde hair staring at us in horror. A tourist. Not a local.

“You’re up here, too?” She asked in disbelief. The accent put her in Wisconsin or near there. Then Walter, always showing up at the right moment, was coming by in uniform. “You allow them here?” She practically yelled at Walter.

Walter looked at us, then at this woman puzzled. “We allow all kinds of people. No restrictions.”

“Fags!” The woman corrected. “There are fags up here!”

Walter’s smile just grew, and only because I knew him, did I know he was pissed. You could see it in his eyes. He knew what she’d meant when she said it the first time, but grinned. “Sure they’re up here and honored members of this community. They live here.” He winked at us. “And we fags are everywhere.” Then he smiled patiently. “We allow Catholics, Muslims, Atheists, and Jews here, too. The enlightened and the ignorant.” Her eyes grew when he pointedly said ignorant meaning her. “And we prefer the term two spirited here. Not fag. If you’d contacted us before you came, we could have told you all were welcome here. Including fags. In the future, you should probably contact someone where you intend to go, to be sure the wrong people won’t be there when you arrive. We have internet here too, so you don’t need to send smoke signals anymore.”

She snorted and walked on. Walter came over smiling. “My friends.”

I shook my head. “You enjoyed that.” I grinned.

Walter nodded. “Immensely.” He looked back as the woman glanced back to confirm Walter was still talking to us. “I think people like that are poisonous to the human race.” He growled. “She’s one of those who probably call us Indians or wetbacks. All because some crazy Italian didn’t know where the hell he was. Indians, hah! The West Indies? He was lost and a buffoon.”

Ben chuckled. “He was indeed.” He took my hand.

“You should see him deal with Spring Break college students who have gotten a little rowdy or just broken laws,” I said to Ben. “This man can really give the evil eye. I swear you can hear the war drums.”

Ben grinned.

“Walter? Howard Clear River, would he perform a wedding?” I asked.

Walter’s smile grew. “Finally got to the right path, have you?”

Ben grinned back. “Well, yeah…some of us are bull-headed.”

Walter chuckled. “It’s not your fault. Being handicapped as you are.”

“Handicapped?” Ben asked.

“You can’t help it. You were born white.” Walter grinned.

“Would he do it?” I asked, ignoring his light banter.

“Of course.” Walter nodded. “And of course it will be a Niitsitapi ceremony.”

Ben and I nodded. “That’s what we wanted,” Ben said.

Walter did a victory elbow thrust. “Yes!” Signifying we saw the light Walter intended us to at last.

“And it will be legal.” Ben clarified. “Not that it matters too much about that, but there are benefits Eric qualifies for as my spouse where the military is concerned. My pension….if the unthinkable happens.”

“Sure.” Walter nodded. “Have you told Sally?”

I shook my head. “She’s next. I wanted to tell you first.”

Walter gave a slight bow. “I’m honored.”

“Is there a best man in the Niitsitapi Ceremony?” I asked.

Walter gave a considering nod. “There is a man of honor. Traditionally it could be the father of the groom.”

“My father is dead,” I said. “Would you do that for us?” I hurried on. “You have been such a good friend to me, then to Ben, you’ve been a good friend to him as well.”

I never thought I’d catch Walter by surprise, or leave him speechless. His mouth dropped open and then his face grew so serious. “You’re asking me to stand in this place of honor?” He said it with such reverence.

Ben looked a little confused. “Well, if it means what I think, I would say no one deserves it more. It was your words that brought us together and counsel. I think no one is better.”

“And who could help us put together the Medicine Bundle better?” I asked.

Ben looked more confused. “Medicine bundle?”

I nodded. “It is a power that will bind us together.”

“And this works?” Ben asked. “Not that we need it, but if it works, who cares?”

Walter nodded. “It’s worked for Al and me for twenty years.” He nodded again. “It would be an honor. I accept. I’ll start to gather the things we’ll need for the bundle. Nothing will split you up.” Walter declared.

“Works for me.” Ben nodded.

“Is she still looking?” Walter asked without checking himself.

My eyes darted over to the woman who was still trying to work out if Walter was going to do something with us or was he serious about him being two-spirited. “Yep, I think you blew her mind when you said you were one of us.”

“There really wasn’t much to blow,” Walter said sadly. “So let’s blow it a little more.” He stepped up to Ben and put his arms around him and kissed him. Then came to me, gave me a dip and kissed me hard. Standing me up again.

“Why did he get dipped and I only get a kiss?” Ben smiled but in protest.

Walter shook his head not understanding why Ben didn’t get it. “Have you looked in the mirror lately? I’d get a hernia. You’re huge!” Then he smiled and kissed Ben again. “Now, you’ve had two. Satisfied? Is she looking now?”

I chuckled. “She ran.” I took Ben’s hand again. “I always knew you would be a good kisser.”

Walter waved it off. “That wasn’t even my best.” Then he hugged both of us. “I love you both. Come by.”

I nodded and waved as Walter walked off whistling.

Ben shook his head. “Is he always this crazy?”

“Absolutely,” I answered. “He is a very happy man.”

Ben cupped a hand near his mouth and put a little breath out. “Hope my breath wasn’t bad.”

“You kissed me right before Walter kissed you and now you’re worried about bad breath?”

“Well? Do I?” Ben asked.

Using my unclasped hand I turned his face to me and kissed him deeply. Then I patted him lightly on the face. “You’re fine.” Then leading him toward Trudi’s. “Let’s get that haircut.”

While we there, I decided to get one too. During that time Ben talked with me.

“I have to hand it to Walter. He’s right about so much.” Ben said. “Napi, or whoever has been telling him things that proved to be true. Are you expecting me to convert or something?”

“With the Niitsitapi, it’s not so much as a religion as a way of life,” I answered. “There’s no converting.”

Trudi laughed when she heard this. Then stopped herself. “I’m sorry, but Napi doesn’t care if you believe in him or not. He is. It’s that simple.”

“Well,” Ben grinned. “I’m new here, so I just want to figure things out.”

“We found a place where they don’t judge us. They accepted us for who we are.” I shrugged. “I was raised Baptist. They would never accept us. So, since I’m here, yes, I’ll be one of them.”

Trudi turned Ben around so he could see what she’d done. “Personally, I think you two are a cute couple.”

 

That evening we went by the house where Howard Clear River lived. I rang the bell and heard the door open immediately.

“How good to see you, Eric.” Howard greeted smiling. He was a more traditional Native American. He wore more native clothing and wore his hair long. In his late fifties with a weather-worn face. “And you must be Ben. Good to meet you at last.” He said extending his hand to Ben.

“You’ve heard of me?” Ben asked surprised.

Howard nodded and laughed. “It’s a small community. We all know of the man Eric rescued from the snow and fell in love. It’s quite a story.” Then he turned to me. “You should write it down. No greater inspiration that a life you’ve lived.”

I nodded. “Well, that’s part of the reason we’re here.”

“Eric and I want to marry. We hoped you’d do it.” Ben said.

Howard’s face told me he knew already. His smile told me he would. “I will be proud to. Just tell me when and we’ll take care of it.” Then he looked at Ben. “Are you here to ask about joining the tribe, as well?”

“No, but can I? You certainly don’t do it for the general public.” Ben asked.

“No.” Howard shook his head. Then he motioned for us to come in. “Tribal Membership was usually by birth or some great deed. Have some percentage of Native American blood.” He motioned for us to sit. “In Eric’s case, he did a great work for us.”

Ben looked at me. “What did you do?”

“These people have songs they pass down. That’s how they record history. I just put those songs down on paper.” I shrugged.

Howard grinned. “It was much more than that. He brought attention to our many problems and offered solutions which are ongoing. He did it asking nothing in return. That and his invitation by Walter sealed it since he is a tribal elder. And he’s been one of us before he came here. He, by invitation and deed. You, Ben, were invited by Napi himself. Your steps were guided here.”

“We’re not talking about membership by marriage, then?” I asked.

Howard nodded. “This is a separate invitation. You can join by marriage. You don’t have to join at all. Napi sensed a soul that was lost, brought you here. That is your invitation. It is your choice.”

My eyebrows rose. “Really?” I marveled. “Invited by Old Man himself.” I reached out to Ben. “Can I touch you now?”

Ben grinned at me. “If you do, there are other people around.” He kissed me quickly. “Is there something I should prepare for? Some ritual?”

Howard grinned. “There is. So, you want to join?”

Ben looked around, but not at the house. He sighed. “For years I was looking for somewhere I could belong. I never found it until I came here. Yes. I want to join.”

“Be clear about this,” Howard said. “You will be a part of the tribe when you marry Eric. That is the simplest way. If you choose to join on your own, you will be tested, not by man, but by the spirits and Napi himself. They will determine if you are worthy.”

Ben’s face got serious. “No. I want to join.”

Howard slapped his hands on his knees. “Splendid. Being a part of the tribe is less about the color of your skin, but what you have…” he patted his chest over his heart. “…in here. You were a warrior. Still, are. You have a warrior’s heart. You are a good soul. We’ll be happy to consider you one of us.”

Ben grinned. “Thank you.”

“We can do it before the wedding if you like,” Howard suggested. “In a month?”

“Walter needs to get some things together for our medicine bundle. So, no rush.” I explained.

“I’ll get things ready.”

 

Ben and I now walked through town. Gone were the worries about anyone seeing that Ben had my hand. I swear it all seemed to clearer now. Perception again.

“You may think I’m silly about this…” I began.

Ben looked at me with a smile. “What?”

“I feel…” I struggled to think. “…more at home here than I did when we got back.” I waved at the town. “We’re home!”

Ben nodded. “Yes. God, I feel so…free.” He sighed. “Thank you, Napi!” He shouted to the sky. “Suddenly this whole….weight has been lifted. Things are so much brighter, clearer….I don’t know.” He waved a woman that smiled and waved to us first. “See? I swear the people who live here are even friendlier.”

Then I remembered. “Oh, god, we didn’t tell Sally.”

Ben’s face fell. “Oh, no.” He started hurrying, pulling me along. “We need to get there.”

 

When we entered the Trading Post, Sally was tapping her foot impatiently. Arms crossed and looking a bit put out.

“I’m sorry, Sally.” I hurriedly said. “We intended to tell you, but we needed to see Howard Clear River, got caught up there.”

“Then Howard invited me to join the tribe…” Ben hurried to tell it was partly because of him.

Now Sally’s eyes grew in amazement. The anger is gone. “You’re joining the tribe!?” She asked excitedly hopping like a little girl as she clapped her hands.

Ben shrugged. “I joined the Boy Scouts and the Army. I’ll join the tribe.”

She launched herself at Ben hugging him. “Welcome, welcome, brother.”

Ben laughed as she rocked him. “I’ve not joined yet. Maybe I won’t pass the mustard.”

“You will,” Sally said confidently. “When Walter told me he’s been asked by you two to stand for you at the wedding, he assumed I knew.” She explained. “I was mortified. But this makes it all better.” She smiled.

“And you have to be there,” I told her.

“Try and stop me.” Then she brightened. “I’ll even get the wedding set up!”

I frowned. “Shouldn’t we do that?”

Sally shook her head. “No. The women of the tribe do that. It’s a tradition.”

Far be it from me to go against tradition.

         

 

Word of the upcoming Joining and Wedding spread. Like Howard said, it’s a small community.

Ben got his first glimpse of Hagrid. As always, the bear was far enough away he posed no threat. But Hagrid looked at us but kept going. Life was now becoming as it would be. Ben did a lot around the place. He did look for the right job. And of course, Walter stated he could use some help, and since Ben had a degree in Criminal Justice and experience in the Army, he became an assistant deputy. And that was strange at first. Ben and I had become inseparable. Now, he was off to work on duty. He worked the night shift. Another problem. So, I changed my sleep schedule. I started writing again and made use of private time to do that. Out Magazine, the Advocate and other magazines were all was in search of a good story or article.

Montana did get warm in the Summer. And soon came the scratch on our door.

Ben went and opened the door. Koot trotted in as if he’d never been gone.

“Koot! Great to see you.” Ben greeted. “Sired a few pups I bet.”

Koot just whined and lay down as if he were exhausted. Being a father, maybe he was.

The cabin only had two windows, one in the front and one in the kitchen I kept the door open as well, that was more for allowing a draft through than for light. It was on July 1^st. By mid-morning, it was just not cool at all and I couldn’t think to write. Knowing Ben was going to be back, depending on what he had to do at the end of his shift, I left a note telling where I was going and how to get there. It was warm, but the river was always cold and I needed relief. I had writer’s block and it was too hot to just sit. I went down and stripped and dove in. Nothing like a skinny dip. There was no one around, really, so no problem. Even if there were, I would still do it. I lived here. That first plunge always took my breath away. The water was cold. I was in only a few minutes when.

Things were not always serene up here. It was a dangerous world and sometimes those dangers appeared here. This one was in human form naturally.

“A naked man in the river.”

Looking up, I saw a man I didn’t know. But it was clear by his tone he was not just passing by, nor did he stop to say hello. He saw an opportunity to do….I don’t know, but it wasn’t good.

“And all alone.” The man said the smile on his face was not friendly. “I watched you arrive. I saw you strip and dive in. It’s been a few minutes. No one around.”

“Good theory. But about to be proven false.” I saw something move behind him. “You see, I’m not alone at all.” I pointed behind him. “There’s him.”

The man turned to see the large grey wolf, who also sensed the man was not being friendly and was bearing his teeth and growling.

“And there’s him.” I pointed again.

“I can’t say you’re on private property, because this is a National Forest and open to everyone.” Ben began and pulled his badge like he didn’t have on his uniform. “Kindly empty your bag.” Ben’s right hand resting on his holstered gun.

The man backed away.

“I would do as Deputy Johnson asks,” I said calmly. “He may not be able to catch you if you run. But the wolf can. And they are both friends of mine.”

The man froze looking at the wolf. “I didn’t do anything.”

Ben nodded. “That is true, but I’d like to see that it remains that way. And I’m not clairvoyant, so I can’t say what you were planning, so one more time. Empty your bag.” His right hand released the fastener that would allow him to draw his weapon if needed.

The man lowered his bag.

“Empty your pockets first,” Ben instructed.

The man took a wallet out and a pocket knife. “That’s all.”

“Now the bag,” Ben said.

The man emptied his backpack. The gun was there among the clothes.

Ben came over, took the gun and made sure the safety was on.

“I need that for protection.” The man said. “It’s dangerous out here.”

Ben nodded reading the man’s license. “It can be dangerous out here, Mr. Phillips.” He tucked the gun in the back of his pants. “Is there a permit for this gun?”

“We’re in the forest. Who needs it out here?”’

Ben smiled. “You do.” Then he stepped closer to the man, making the man back a step. “And anyone else who carries a handgun for protection out here, you aren’t protecting yourself from the wildlife. All weapons, even a hunting rifle is to have a permit. So, if you want the gun back, see Walter Old Person at the Deputy’s Office in Trego. That’s about fifteen miles by trail, that way. Thirty by road.” Ben pointed. “So, I’d start walking.”

The man gathered his things and started off. Koot followed him.

“What if he attacks me?” The man moaned worriedly.

“I suggest a steady walk that way,” Ben said. “Or he will.”

Ben sat on the big rock that I had dove off. He grinned at me leaning back against his elbows on the rock. Legs stretched out.

“My hero,” I said.

“You are a vision.” And it was clear he was enjoying what he saw.

“Is that an appropriate thing for a deputy to say? On duty, too.” I grinned.

“Deputy Old Person would say so.” Ben chuckled. “You’re my fiancé. And I’m not on duty now.”

I nodded. “Oh, then I guess it’s okay.” I waited a few minutes and saw Ben wasn’t moving. “You’re not following him?”

Ben glanced in the direction the man went. “Nah. Koot will follow him.” He cocked his head and listened. “Besides, I have his name and address. He’s gone.” Then he grinned again at me. Shaking his head. “Damn. You are a handsome man.” And he brought his hand down to his crotch, to allow more room in his pants. They appeared to be getting tight there.

“That’s good. It’ll make being married to me more endurable.” I said with a laugh.

“Something about this picture is just wrong,” Ben said. But he was smiling.

“What’s wrong with it, Deputy?” I asked. Yeah, love and perception, but he was hot in that uniform. That hot had nothing to do with the heat.

Then Ben started unbuttoning his shirt. “I’m not in it.”

Grinning at him as I watched him strip. “I see you know what to do to correct that,” I said. “Be warned, the water’s cold.”

Ben grinned having removed all his clothing and stashed the gun in hiding. “Then you may want to come out.” He turned around. He was very aroused. “Or I’ll lose my erection.”

I chuckled. “Well, hopefully, it won’t be your last. Besides, I’ll help you get it back.”

Ben dove in. When he surfaced he yelped in a gasp. “Geez, this is cold.”

Swimming up to him. I kissed him gently. “Told ya.” My hand ran over his stomach and found his cock. “The only thing I like better than you in uniform is you out of that uniform. Nothing else. Now, to get that erection back.”

Ben chuckled. “Just keep up what you’re doing. No problem.” He kissed me hungrily. “I love you.”

 

The ritual before Ben was to become a tribe member, involved some time with Howard Clear River and time alone. Three days really. During that time he would eat nothing and all he would be doing is praying, or experiencing whatever his version was. That was to come before he sought his guide. Like a Spirit Quest, it would be either a spirit guide or something like it. I stayed with Walter and Al for that time. Then the end of day three, I went back to the cabin. He wasn’t there, which didn’t surprise me. Both he and Koot were gone. It was a few hours later when Ben walked in. He wore only a skin around his waist and had the vile that Howard had given him tied on a leather string there. The vial contained an elixir that allowed a person to see and talk with a spirit guide. I had done it and whether it was just caused hallucinations I couldn’t say, but it worked. As he instructed, that was all he consumed during these three days. He was Ben, but it seemed he wasn’t there. His eyes were blank. I knew this was what was going to happen. Then Walter, Howard and another man from the tribe I knew as the Chief. Achak Greywolf. Without a word, they escorted Ben outside. Then set up the ground for the ritual. A fire was built and as the sunset, we sat in a circle around the fire. Then Howard put the paint on Ben’s face while singing the traditional song. Then, and don’t laugh, it’s not like those peace pipes you’d see in the old westerns, but a small pipe was passed to Ben, then around and we all inhaled a puff. People who liked pot would frown, it wasn’t pot. But it made things…calmer. I felt a peace I only felt once when I joined the tribe. Then Howard said the words I knew where telling him that he had a duty to the tribe and would he promise to give his life for the tribe? Of course, this was all done in their native language. But Ben answered. “I will.” Then Howard told him that he would also have the protection of the tribe and they would give their lives to protect him. Then Howard said something else. Welcoming him as a brother.

Then Chief Greywolf smiled. “Welcome, Brother Ben. You are now part of the tribe.”

Ben’s eyes opened wide. “Wow.”

Everyone, including me, laughed at that.

“Wow, indeed.” Howard nodded.

“That…” Ben started as he thought of a word. “…was amazing.” Then he grimaced slightly. “Is it okay to say, I’m starving!”

“Well, of course, you are, Brother,” Walter said grinning. “You haven’t eaten in three days!”

Ben’s eyes widened. “Has it been three days already?” Then he rubbed his stomach. “Wait, my stomach says it was. Nevermind.”

I reached over. “I’ll get you anything you want.”

Ben’s eyes softened. “Hi, Sweetie.” He grinned and kissed me.

I was surprised. There was no rule, but we didn’t call each other pet names with other people present that would draw attention to our relationship. And there were others. Even if the fact was they knew we were lovers already, it was still odd. And Chief Greywolf was a stranger. Head of the tribe, but still a stranger.

“First,” Ben began. “And he told me this to share with you.”

“Who told you what?” I asked.

“Napi,” Ben answered. “He was not my spirit guide but was there. He said not to be ashamed or embarrassed about the gifts he gave us. Me to you, you to me and the love he gave us.” Ben leaned in kissing me again. “And I’m not.”

I was amazed. “You saw him?”

Ben nodded. “He knew I didn’t really believe in him. But I do now.” Then he rose. “Chili. That’s what I want.”

I nodded smiling. “I have some in the fridge made, all I have to do is heat it up.”

We went back into the cabin and I realized it was after midnight. The others begged for another time and left. I warmed Ben’s chili.

“So, what did Napi look like?” I asked as I put some of the chili in a bowl.

Ben looked puzzled. “You know? That’s the strange part. I remember seeing him clearly then. Now, I don’t remember.”

I nodded understanding. “That’s Napi.”

Four bowls of chili and Ben finally sat back with a sigh of satisfaction. “That was awesome. But it tasted….different. Not like any chili I’ve had before, but….”

“It was bear.”

Ben’s eyes widened. “Bear chili.”

I gave a shrugging nod. “It’s kind of a Niitsitapi version of chili, but yes.”

Ben grinned. “It was very good.” Then when I got up to clean up, Ben stopped me. “Do that later. I want you right now.”

“You have me,” I said leaning down for our lips to meet again in a loving, familiar kiss. “Any time.”

Making love just seems so natural. We were still learning each other, and we both had a ways to go. There was always room for improvement. He knew how to stimulate me. I knew how to stimulate him, like getting his to a level of arousal, then his nipples were like buttons. I could turn the volume up by tweaking them. If I did it too soon, he’d be too ticklish. If I did it right, his orgasm was colossal! But in spite of this, believe me, or not, the more we made love, the more I wanted. Doesn’t make sense, does it? Could I love him any more than I did in the beginning? I did! How? Why was I not feeling the connection? I got the feeling Ben felt these things, too. Then I confessed this to Walter at his home. His response was to laugh!

“Of course you can’t,” Walter said shaking his head. “You’re seeking to become one with him. You can’t. Not yet.” He sat forward holding his hand up. “You do well, really. But the physical joining only goes so far. You seek a joining. This will be more than just a wedding. The two of you are to be joined. But until that joining is blessed by Napi and the other spirits, you can’t.” Then he kissed me on the cheek. “You two have been a blessing to me. Al and I love you both so much. You’re both family. So, when I tell you, once that blessing is done and you are spiritually joined. You won’t believe you ever loved anyone before. You will have that familiarity you want. Finishing each other sentences and knowing what the other is going to do. A true joining of your souls.” Then he pointed to the living room. “There it is. Your medicine bundle. That will keep the blessing. I promise.”

I never told Walter what I was looking for. But then, it was Walter. He had that annoying knack of knowing.

We told Brad what was going to happen and invited him and Harlan. Neither Ben or I were surprised Harlan declined, but Brad said he’d be there. He seemed excited about it. The flight would come into Whitefish, they had a little airport, but they had one. Ben and I met him when he got off the plane. Brad brightened when he saw his father and the two hugged. Then Brad looked at me.

“So, what do I call you?” Brad grinned. “I have a Dad. Dad 2?” Then he hugged me as well.

“Just…I prefer it not to be profane, that’s the only rule.”

Brad just laughed. “I’ll remember that, Dad.”

 

We drove back to Walter and Al’s. Introduced Brad. Then I pointed off to the side.

“And that’s Koot.”

Brad looked over, saw the large wolf and his eyes grew. “Damn. That is a really big wolf.”

Ben chuckled and went over to Koot to scratch him on the head between the ears. “Yes, but he’s a sweetheart.” He knelt down and received a lick on the face from Koot. Koot was a sweetheart. No one could dislike him. And Koot loved Ben.

“Okay,” Brad said hesitantly. “I’ve dealt with dogs and even a coyote three times, but he’s a bit…different.”

Ben explained that our cabin would be renovated, but we didn’t have the room now.

“So, I can’t see it?” Brad asked disappointedly.

Ben chuckled. “Of course you can, son. We just don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“So, I get to see the love nest?” Brad asked with a knowing grin.

“Sure.” Ben nodded.

We drove out to our cabin. Brad just stared at the surrounding trees, the mountains and river. And it was as spectacular as always.

“It’s beautiful here,” Brad said in awe, gazing around. “No wonder you wanted to come back.”

“It is.” I agreed. “It makes me feel…at peace.”

Ben came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me from behind. I guess Napi’s telling him not to be ashamed was really paying off. It was for me! We kissed in front of Brad, but this affectionate? “I think that was what I had looked for when I came up here. Peace. And I found it.” He hugged me again. “I am at peace.”

Brad grinned seeing his father happy. “No more nightmares?”

“Not so much,” Ben answered. “I have my companion here who soothes them. I’ve not had a nightmare in…” he thought. “…several weeks.”

Brad smiled. “That’s very good.”

 

Then came the question about wedding rings. We could go with the traditional ones, but there was a Native American that made one of a kind jewelry. Going to him, he promised to make two that were one of a kind, well, two of a kind. We opted for a wide band that was titanium and turquoise. It had the Pigean symbol on it and wolves in turquoise around them. Perfect.

 

The wedding was taking place in a week. Plans were coming together and as always, it was to be outside.

Walter showed us the contents of our medicine bundle and explained the need for everything and why.

“This is a small pouch holding the soil from the sacred mountain representing Mother Earth. Also, there is a small amount of tobacco, corn pollen for the Plant Kingdom and The Three Sisters, corn, bean, and squash seeds. There is a small piece of flint for grounding, amethyst for calming. A crystal for simplicity, clarity, and calmness. A piece of agate as a “worry bead” while thinking of the wedding. That’s the Mineral Kingdom. There is also a feather and a claw from an eagle and a small wooden sculpture of a wolf, that’s Koot because he is a part of your lives. That’s the Animal Kingdom.” I had never seen Walter look so serious. “This is key. During the ceremony, Howard will ask Napi to bless your union and these items are to be protected by you. Find a secure place in your home. Keep it there. Don’t let anything from the pouch touch the ground, ever. Howard will ask the spirits of these elements to enter these objects and they will protect your union. Then he will ask those who had meaning to each of you that have passed….your mother and father, Eric. A soul you were married to once, Eric and your mother, Ben….” Then he looked at me. “I sense someone else…a man….a friend? He’s not a relative….but very strong. I sense a sizable man.”

“Fred,” I said still amazed that he sensed this. “He was my father…sort of…he meant everything to me after my father died.”

“He will be included.” Walter smiled. “They will be asked to witness and protect you during the Joining.”

“Wow,” Ben said in amazement, knowing Walter truly did see things that couldn’t otherwise be explained.

Walter chuckled. “You bet.” He nodded. “After the Joining. You must put this somewhere….Al and I had ours under our pillows after we were Joined. I suggest the same. Then afterward, keep it secure. Nothing will break you apart. I guarantee it.” Then he took both our hands. “Then, you two will have that connection you so desperately seek.”

 

Al stayed with me at the house he and Walter shared. Walter was at my cabin with Ben. Every culture kept the two separated before the wedding. The wedding was taking place at sunset in a garden portion of the nearby National Forest. But it seemed odd to me that neither Ben or I were asked to decorate or participate in any way preparing anything but us. That I was told was to be done by our mothers. And since Sally was the closest thing either of had to a mother, or at least she was the one that treated both of us as a mother. Okay. That was different, but I remember getting married once and that was a headache. And it wasn’t even that a formal wedding! This not doing any decorating or the like was fine with me. There were other headaches for me. And of course Sally spearheaded all of it, I’m sure. She loved us, so that was fine.

The wedding clothes were Native American. Deerskins and elaborately decorated with beads and crystals. And…there was a gay side, sort of to Al. I had to look right. That’s what he said. Watching the drape of the garments? Who cared!? I didn’t. Then we were escorted into the park. It was beautiful! There were natural flowers, but not the roses you see at most weddings. I wasn’t a florist and I only knew roses and daisies. All of the other flowers were pretty, but I didn’t know their names. These were the native flowers from the area. The torches lit and I think everyone in town was here. Many faces, most all I knew if nothing more than having passed them in the street. And Brad was up front with Koot. They had to be there as members of the family. Koot, I was told later even consented to allow a bath! Handsome wolf. Then, what nearly caused me to faint, was Harlan! Yes! He came! He was even smiling. I don’t think he understood why all these people were here, because he kept looking the crowd over in disbelief. His son was gay, marrying a man and these people looked okay with it. Happy about it! And I don’t have to tell you, Ben was magnificent. He was.

Then Walter came up, now looking more like a true Native American than I have ever seen him. Dressed in clothes of the Niitsitapi, he looked very handsome. “Friends, Tribal Members…I wanted to say before we started. I have never been so happy about what I have been blessed to see here, what has happened with my brothers, Eric and Ben has been a journey I watched and so glad to see happen. Six years ago, Eric came into town alone and damaged. His spirit was crying out and Napi told me to befriend this lost soul. I did as instructed. I did it at first because I was instructed, but then I became friends with him because I wanted to. Here was a man, not born to our people, but was one of us nonetheless. His spirit was instantly one with our world. His soul touched the life of a wolf and his spirit became one with the earth. He is one of the few white men to ever join our tribe. Again, this was instructed by the Great Spirit. I knew something amazing was going to happen to him but was not sure what that would be. Then about a year ago. I sensed that another spirit, also damaged, was going to arrive. That these two spirits would help each other heal. Then I met Ben. I have never met two that were so meant to be together like I have seen with these two. Just being in their presence you feel it, see it. Now, I stand in the place of Honor to present these two to you, and beseech Napi to bless their joining.” Then he got that tone and look again telling me he knew something he hadn’t shared. “I give Eric. Is there anyone else who will give Ben?”

Brad stood instantly. “I will.”

Ben grinned at his son. Then for the first time noticed his father there and was shocked.

Then Harlan stood. “I guess that’s me then. His father. I will. Both of them.”

Knock Ben with a feather!! Harlan was not only there, but he gave Ben to me! He was giving his blessing! Then I looked back at Walter. That son of bitch knew it! Again, he knew! But Ben was nearly losing his standing position, he was so shocked.

Walter nodded and sat down. His grin to me said it all.

Now the Niitsitapi ceremony, like most rituals were done in the original language by Howard Clear River. Niitsipussin. There was a woman that translated for those there that didn’t understand, which included Ben and me. I knew enough to make things out, but not anywhere near fluent. Not even a little bit. She translated as Howard sang and the flute played softly. No one so much as coughed. Howard opened our medicine bundle and touched each object, asking the spirit to come into each. Then he took out the sacred pipe and inhaled the smoke of sage and blew it over the objects, which he prayed over again. Then wrapped the bundle up and tied it off. Then asked those that have passed, that were of our blood and heart to come and watch over us and protect us. I don’t know if they did, but I sure feel like they were there. Even to the point I swear, I could smell the cologne Fred always wore. Perceptions? Could be the power of suggestion, but I’d seen too many things done since I came here to really dwell on whether it did or didn’t really happen. Then Howard gave the blessing of Napi over our heads. Then brought a pitcher of water which Ben and I washed the hands of the other, to wash away the evil spirits and memories of past loves. Not that I ever wanted to forget Mike, but Ben was my focus now. Then Howard said the prayer in English as we put the rings on each other’s fingers.

“You will feel no rain, For each of you will be shelter to the other; You will feel no cold, for each will be warmth to the other; There will be no loneliness, for each of you will be companion to the other; You are two bodies, Now there is one life before you, one spirit; Go now to your dwelling place to enter into the days of your togetherness and may your days be good and long on the earth.” Then he leaned forward. “Sorry, but they make me say this part.” He said softly. “By the power of The Niitsitapi People and the state of Montana…and what the Great Spirits have put together, I declare our brothers, joined.” Then Howard got a twinkle in his eyes. After a moment. “Do I really need to tell you what to do next?”

Ben gave him a smug look. “We’re doing it.” He and I kissed again. Like we hadn’t done it thousands of times by now. Again, perceptions, for it felt different. Like you were thirsty and didn’t realize it until you, at last, got that drink of water. Cool, crisp and clean. I was kissing my husband! That’s when those at the wedding were cheering, applauding and hooting! Even Koot seemed a little more excited than before. Maybe he knew and understood what was going on.

Then the aftermath. I still couldn’t believe they put this all together without us. And that feast! There were dishes there I had never had. Or even heard of. Everyone wanted to say congratulations and shake hands with us, or hug us or both! Then as things started evening out and the line of people stopped so Harlan came over Ben and I wasn’t sure what he’d say.

“Listen, son.” Harlan began softly. “I would be lying if I said I get it. I don’t. But I can’t deny what I see.” He smiled a little sadly. “When your…” he hesitated only a moment. “…husband…told me I didn’t know you. He was right. I don’t know you. That was a big mistake. I didn’t believe you could love another man and thought I could change your mind, but what I saw between you….the looks in your eyes when you looked at each other. I don’t see very often, not even in the eyes of men and women who claim they love each other. I wasted too much time trying to get you to change your mind when clearly, I can’t.” He sighed. “I’d like to change that. Your husband called you his best friend. I can see that. I’d like to get to know you….and Eric. If you’ll let me.”

Okay, break out the hankies! I was crying. Then Ben started crying. There were tears coming from Harlan!

“That’s all I ever wanted, Dad,” Ben said and hugged his father. There was a clinging by the two of them that told everything. Ben missed his father, his father missed his son and now, it could be good between them. “I missed you so much, Dad.”

I looked over at Walter and Al who had been close enough to overhear, and Walter who was smiling like the Cheshire Cat. Walter winked at me and hugged his husband who was crying. I guess we really are kind of girly. Not too much though. Walter rolled his eyes and gave me a “whatcha gonna do” look and patted his husband’s arm consoling. Big boys don’t cry, my ass.

Then I was grabbed into the hug with Ben and his father. Not by Ben, but by Harlan. Then not to be left out, Brad jumped in. Surrounded by Johnson men! I could die happy. But not really, I wanted to stay around a while yet to see what was going to happen.

We danced with everyone. Literally, as we did a dance the Niitsitapi did at things like this. As a group. Then I danced one on one with Sally and many others. Until I saw someone tap on the shoulder of Paul Greywolf, who I was dancing with at the time.

“Can I dance with my husband now?” Ben asked smiling.

Paul grinned. “I figured you two would be dancing later.”

“Move it, kid.” Ben laughed. “Or I’ll arrest you.”

Paul raised his hands. “Yes, officer.” And backed away.

Ben smiled at me as he approached. “My husband.” We both raised our hands as a slow song began. Both of us were holding our hands out to lead. Then we switched to follow, then Ben laughed and wrapped his arms around me in an embrace and we danced that way. “Feeling secure now?”

“Perfectly,” I answered.

“Thank you for including me in your life. I don’t think….no, I know I’ve never been happier.”

“Does this mean we’re no longer damaged?” I asked smiling at the satisfied feeling we were both feeling.

Ben shrugged. “We have a lifetime to heal, but yes, I think we’re good now.” He pressed his lips to mine again. All was right with the world.