Eternity - 3. Chapter Three

Jared could not deny that it felt good to be so close to Kyle, but he had not wanted to be close to him again this way. He felt like he had forced himself on Kyle and that was the last thing that he had wanted to do, but when things happened at the bar, he had not known who he could call. He knew that there weren't many people left in Ogden that would give two hoots about what happened to him, but he also knew that no matter what, Kyle would always be there, despite what had happened in the past.

Jared finally managed to pull himself up off the couch and made his way slowly to the spare bedroom. He wished that he had not given up his right two years ago to crawling in beside Kyle. He had always felt complete when he had Kyle's arms wrapped around him as they snuggled together in bed. As he passed the master bedroom he smiled softly as he heard Kyle's light snore. At least Kyle would get a decent sleep tonight, Jared didn't know if he'd even be able to manage to sleep.

An hour and a half later he was still about half way awake when he heard the door to the spare room open. He knew that it was Kyle coming to check on him and though he hated to deceive Kyle, he made sure to keep his breathing even to let Kyle think that he was asleep. He had known that Kyle was going to be in to check on him every couple hours but it still warmed his heart. He did not know exactly how long Kyle stood in the doorway before coming over and ‘waking' him up.

"Jared, c'mon man, wake up," Kyle said softly. Jared wanted to pretend to be hard to wake up so that he could hear more of Kyle's deep voice, but he knew that if he was hard to wake up then it would just worry Kyle.

"Hmmm?" He mumbled, hoping it sounded sleepy enough.

"You gotta wake up for a minute man, I just need to make sure that you're okay."

"I'm awake," Jared mumbled before sitting up and looking at Kyle. The moment he did he wished he had not, he had the sudden urge to run his fingers through Kyle's mussed up hair. He could see the worry in Kyle's eyes and it completely humbled him. After everything that had happened, Kyle still cared about him, that was easy to see, what was hard to see was why.

"How you feeling? Any major headaches?"

"Nope, just a bit sleepy, but you know me, I'm always groggy," Jared said with a chuckle.

"Yeah, I know that you always used to be. Get back to sleep and I'll see you again in a couple hours," Kyle said before heading towards the door. He seemed to pause for a minute before walking out the door, but it could have just been wishful thinking on Jared's part.

~~~~~~
Kyle was sitting at the kitchen table the next morning when Jared walked groggily out of the spare bedroom. With the check-ups every couple of hours neither one had gotten much sleep and it showed in both of their eyes. Kyle could not manage to suppress the smirk when Jared stumbled in and headed straight for the coffee pot.

"Didn't get much sleep last night Jared?"

"Did you really have to wake me up ever two hours Kyle? I don't think it would have really mattered to miss one wake-up."

Kyle knew that Jared was right, after the first couple of times waking him up, he was fairly sure that Jared didn't have a concussion. Kyle just hadn't been able to help himself, by having to wake Jared up it meant that he could see Jared when he was the most vulnerable. When Jared was asleep was the one time that Kyle didn't have to pretend that he didn't still want Jared. He was still hurt about the way that Jared had left two years before, but he could see a little easier why Jared had made the decision that he had. He still didn't think that Jared did the right thing, but it helped to know the true reason that Jared had walked out.

"Sorry Jared, but you heard the doctor, but hey, at least you'll be able to get a good nights sleep tonight. You won't have me coming in every two hours and waking you up."

"That was the only good part about last night," Jared whispered, his voice so low that Kyle couldn't make out what he had said.

"What was that Jared?" Kyle asked him.

"Oh, nothing, just me thinking out loud."

"If you say so," Kyle began, the tone of his voice showing that he clearly didn't believe it.

"So what's the plan for today?" Jared asked, apprehensive about Kyle's answer. He didn't know if he was supposed to leave now that it was morning or if Kyle was going to tell him he was staying until the full twenty four hours were up.
"What do you mean what's the plan for today?"

"Well, am I heading to my apartment now? Am I staying here for the rest of the day? What's the plan?"

"Well, I think you're fine, but the doctor did say twenty four hours," Kyle began, "and the full twenty four hours won't be up until tonight. So I guess the plan is that we go down and get my bike, I don't want to leave it at the bar any longer than necessary. After that, I guess we'll just have to play it by ear."

Kyle couldn't help smiling as he thought about another day in Jared's company. He was torn about what he should do, on one hand he wanted to spend the day with Jared, but the other part of him said that it wasn't a good idea. Being around Jared made him feel vulnerable and exposed and he did not want to let Jared see it. He knew that the more time he spent with Jared the harder it would be to resist the connection that he felt.

~~~~~~
Jared couldn't help the feeling of joy that spread throughout his body when Kyle told him that they were spending the day together. He knew that every minute that they spent together went towards repairing the damage that he had caused. It seemed to him like fate was giving him a chance, and at the moment he actually felt like thanking Matt for decking him the night before. If it hadn't been for all of that then he wouldn't be spending the day with Kyle.

"So when do you want to go get the bike?" Jared asked as he sipped his coffee.

"As soon as you take a shower," Kyle said, tongue in cheek.

"What? I didn't think I smelled that bad," Jared said as a chuckle slid past his lips.

"Nah, you just smell a lot like the bar."

"Yeah, sure, whatever you say Kyle," Jared said, dumping the last of his coffee down the drain as he headed back down the hall towards the bathroom. As he reached the bathroom he remembered that he did not have any spare clothes here and turned and headed back towards the kitchen.

"What's the matter," Kyle asked as Jared walked back into the kitchen.

"Umm, do you think we could just run by my place after picking up the bike and I'll take a shower there? There doesn't seem to be much point to taking a shower here before turning around and putting on the same clothes."
"Yeah, sure, shouldn't be a problem, you ready to go now?"

"Yeah, I'm tired of smelling like the bar, I thought I was imagining it at first," Jared said before walking towards the front door. It wasn't until they reached his Blazer that he realized that he didn't have his keys on him. Turning towards Kyle he started to say something when Kyle held up his keys.

"I don't think we're going anywhere without these," Kyle said, jiggling the keys.

"Smart ass," Jared muttered before grabbing the keys and unlocking the passenger door before going around the truck and unlocking the door. The inside of the truck was quiet as they made there way to the bar. Pulling up next to Kyle's Harley, Jared watched as Kyle hopped out of the truck and started the bike up before pulling back out, making sure that Kyle was following him. He didn't live that far from the bar so it only took a minute to get to his place. Pulling into the parking lot of the rundown apartment complex, Jared wished that Kyle wasn't there to see how he was living.

After leading the way up a rickety flight of stairs, Jared put his key in the door to his apartment and opened the door. He couldn't help but cringe when Kyle walked into the apartment, it was a far cry from the apartment that they had shared. It was an extremely small studio apartment, with barely enough room for the well worn futon that took up an entire wall. Directly across from the futon was an old coffee table with a nineteen inch TV/VCR combo sitting on top of it. In the far corner of the room was a single dresser, the paint chipping off in places. The one thing that Jared was glad for was that he had cleaned the place up before going out the night before. There were no dishes in the sink in the small kitchen area and the couple of plates and glasses that he had were sitting in a draining board.

~~~~~~
When Kyle had pulled up next to Jared in the small parking lot outside the apartment complex, he had hoped that the inside of the apartments looked more livable than the outside. Going up the stairs he hadn't felt any better, the rickety stairs felt as though they were going to fall out from underneath him at any minute. He couldn't hardly bear the thought of the man that he had once loved, and possibly still loved, living in such a dingy place. As he followed Jared into the small studio apartment he felt his heart nearly break in half as he took in the small room.

"Jared," he started, only to realize that he couldn't bring himself to tell Jared what he thought of the place that he called home.

"I'm going to go jump in the shower, there's some cold soda's in the fridge if you want one," Jared said, feeling extremely self-conscious. He couldn't bring himself to look at Kyle as he quickly grabbed a pair of well-worn jeans and t-shirt out of his dresser, as well as a pair of boxer shorts. He had never before felt so embarrassed as he did at that moment. He wished that he had just borrowed a pair of sweats or something from Kyle, rather than let him see the rat trap that he lived in. He hurried into the bathroom, the only area that was closed off from the rest of the apartment. He had seen the look in Kyle's eyes and knew exactly what he thought of the place where Jared lived. After closing the door he leaned his head against the wooden door and felt the tears start sliding down his face.

Kyle had taken a seat on the futon only to stand up again when it creaked in protest. He looked around the small room and got yet another gigantic shock. The only pictures that adorned any of the white walls in the room were pictures of him and Jared together. Kyle was still looking at the pictures when Jared came out of the bathroom again. At the sound of the door opening, Kyle's breath caught in his throat. Jared looked utterly breathtaking in the tight jeans and the faded green Calvin Klein shirt.

~~~~~~
When Jared came out of the bathroom the first thing he noticed was Kyle staring at one of the pictures on the wall. It was a picture that a friend had taken at the fair about a year after they had gotten together. Him and Kyle had their arms wrapped around other and were smiling into the camera. It was one of the best pictures that he had of them together.

"Kyle?"

"I remember that day, that was the day that I won that huge stuffed bare at the ring toss."

"Yeah, and then you turned and gave it to a little girl who had tried at least ten times and not won anything."

"It made her happy," Kyle said, a small smile softening his mouth. "Besides, what were we going to do with a three foot tall teddy bear?"

"Hey, you don't have to convince me, it just reminded me of what a great guy you were. You didn't even hesitate to give her the bear."

"Yeah, I guess, but it's in the past," Kyle said, turning abruptly from the picture. "You ready to get out of here?"

"Yeah, just give me a minute to put some food out for the cat."

"You have a cat?!"

"Well, not exactly, she's just a stray that hangs around the apartment complex. Of course, she started hanging out more when I started putting food out for her," Jared said as he pulled a can of cat food out of one of the cupboards.
"You do realize don't you that as long as you feed her she's not going to go away, right?"

"So? Why would I want her to go away? Besides, I'm not going to sit by and watch her go hungry."

"Someone else could always feed her, I'm sure that there's someone else around who has a soft spot for cats. C'mon Jared, you can't really afford to feed her," Kyle said, not realizing the words that came out of his mouth before it was too late.

"What's that supposed to mean Kyle?"

"Umm...," Kyle stammered.

"You know Kyle, just because I don't live in the greatest apartment doesn't mean that I can't afford to take care of a cat. I think maybe you should leave," Jared said, not really wanting Kyle to walk out the front door, but he didn't know what else to do. Obviously Kyle was disgusted at the place that Jared lived.

"You know I can't do that Jared, you know I have to keep an eye on you until tonight," Kyle said, trying to find some way to keep Jared close to him.

"Well, I think I'll take the chance, I know that this isn't what you expected, but it's all I can afford right now."

"Jared, you know, there's that spare bedroom at the apartment, why don't you..," he began, only to be interrupted.

"No, I'm not going to stay in the spare room at the apartment Kyle. This is my place, and as I've already said, if you have a hard time dealing with my apartment then I think you should leave."

"C'mon Jared, don't do this, I'm just worried about you."

"You don't need to be worried about me, I have enough in the bank to live for at least another month without a job. When that runs out then I'll worry about what I'm going to do, but for now, I'm fine. Please Kyle, just leave, I know you're uncomfortable here, it's written all over you."

"Won't you even consider moving in with..."

"No, I won't, for two reasons. One, I may not have the greatest place, but it's mine for the moment. I've walked away before, and yes, what I walked away from before was a hell of a lot better than this place, but I'm done walking away. I learned my lesson about walking away the hard way, I'm done with that. The second reason is that I'm not going to take advantage of you. You could never see anyone you cared about suffer but you've done more than I could have ever hoped for, I'm not going to take advantage of that. Now please Kyle, just leave," Jared said, knowing that if Kyle didn't leave soon he'd witness Jared's breakdown.

"If that's what you want," Kyle said, defeated. "You know where I am if you need me," he said, taking one last look around the small studio apartment before walking out the door.

"No, it's not what I want," Jared whispered as the door closed behind Kyle. Jared gave it a few minutes before he opened the door and set the can of cat food outside of the door. He knew that Kyle was just worried about him, but he wasn't going to stay with Kyle just because Kyle felt sorry for him. Despite his misery, Jared couldn't help but smile as the street roughened cat came up and started eating.

~~~~~~
As Kyle drove off on his Harley he couldn't help but feel ashamed of himself. He should never have said anything about the apartment where Jared lived. He knew that he had trampled all over Jared's pride and it made him feel disgusted with himself. It just hurt to see the kind of place that Jared lived in. He didn't know what all possessed him to try to get Jared to move into the spare bedroom at the apartment that they used to share. The only thing that he knew was that he didn't want to leave Jared in that hovel, Jared deserved better than that.

When Kyle pulled up in front of his apartment building he couldn't help but notice the differences to Jared's apartment complex. The flight of stairs at his apartment was solid wood and was stained a deep, rich color. Rather than the ratty wood that surrounded the sides of Jared's complex he had a nice white siding. His feet felt heavy as he climbed the stairs and slowly unlocked his apartment. Stepping inside he was surprised to find Matt sitting on his couch, he'd have to get that spare key back from him.

"I'm not in the mood Matt," Kyle said tiredly as he sunk down on the plush couch.

"I promise Kyle, I'm not here to cause any problems. Actually, I wanted to apologize to Jared, I was way out of line last night."

"Yeah, I guess," Kyle said distractedly.

"Kyle?" Matt asked.

"Yeah?"

"What's wrong with you? What did Jared do this time?"
"He didn't do anything Matt, this time it was all me. God I'm such a jackass!"

"Tell me something I don't know," Matt said, trying to get a laugh out of Kyle. When it didn't work he began to get worried. "Kyle, what the hell is wrong?"

"I'm a jackass."

"Okay, you've already told me that much, now tell me the rest of it. Also, where is Jared? I thought he had to be under constant supervision," Matt stated.

"Yeah, but I screwed up. Man, I screwed up big time. I attacked his pride because I couldn't keep my big mouth shut. God, it was over a damn twenty-five cent can of cat food," Kyle muttered, disgusted with himself.

"What was over a twenty-five cent can of cat food," Matt asked, confused.

"He's feeding a stray cat, and I told him he couldn't afford to," Kyle said dejectedly.

"What?! Why would you think he couldn't afford to feed a damn cat?"

"You know that place on sixth street? The old rundown apartment complex?"

"Yeah, what about it? You can't be telling me that Jared lives in such a shitty place."

"That's exactly what I'm telling you. I tried to get him to move into the spare room here, but he wouldn't. Said that just because something was hard wasn't a reason to run away from it."

"Sounds like he's getting smarter," Matt commented. "Don't worry Kyle, we'll find a way to get him out of that place." Matt was surprised that Jared hadn't jumped at the chance to move back in with Kyle. He could see how bad it hurt Kyle to know that Jared was living in that place and then and there he vowed to himself that he would find a way to get Jared out of those apartments.