Distant Calls - 5. Chapter 5- Decisions and Regrets

::

"I'm not going to force you to say anything," Mrs. Kenari gently prompted. "Whenever you're ready, we're both willing to listen. We understand if it's difficult for you right now."

I felt a dull ache in my chest. The last time I cried for so long, it had been two days after my father had picked me up from grandpa Genbu's house. All I had done was ask him to visit the elder Takiwa. However, Genbu Takiwa, the younger, adamantly refused. If I believed what he had rambled about while he was under the influence of drugs, then my departure from grandpa's house hadn't been a mutual understanding. My father had downright kidnapped me.

I'd add it to the list of growing disturbing things he did, especially to me.

As mortifying as it had been for my father to have treated me as if I were my mother, Leo's warm hand on my back didn't bother me in the slightest. The fact that it didn't disgust me was what confused me the most. Under the current circumstances, I shouldn't have wanted anyone to touch me. I kept tensing and shirking away from Mrs. Kenari, after all. And yet, I made no move to remove Leo's hand from my back. It gave me strength.

"...I think it's drugs," I told them out loud with a shaky and undignified sniffle as I confessed to yet another secret I had kept hidden. The cat was really out of the bag now. The words that I needed to say had to be forced out through sheer will. If it hadn't been for Leo's centering presence, I wouldn't have been able to so much as get them out. "He...thought I was my mom. He treated me weirdly, and then he bit me."

Mrs. Kenari knelt down on the floor beside me as if she were trying to appear as non-threatening as possible. I reached behind me to take the hand that Leo rested against my back and held it between both of my own. The skin-to-skin contact made me feel a bit calmer.

"Momo..." Paulina prompted, using my nickname for the first time.

For some reason, that made me feel privileged. Weren't nicknames used more comfortably amongst family? Did she consider me to be family?

"I don't want you to stress too hard over this, but would you be willing to report your father? Not today, but tomorrow?" She asked. "Leo and I could come with you."

I thought I had cried enough. But, when Leo's mom offered to help me to that extent, more tears pooled and fell from my eyes. Leo handed me another tissue, and I blew my nose. Every breath I took was erratic, shaken by the toll of my tumultuous emotions. She was right. I was having a tough time just talking to them, so I couldn't possibly bring myself to report my father right away. The police wouldn't understand a single word that came out of my terror-filled lips.

Though I opened my mouth to say as much, the words refused to come out. I nodded a few times, instead. As much as I would have preferred to hide away, my father's actions had reached a point of no return. For years, I had been so scared to be alone...my father made me believe I couldn't survive alone.

I would much rather starve alone than spend another minute in his manipulative web.

::::

That night, the Kenaris rushed about filling up an air mattress for me and finding sheets and pillows. I had taken the fastest, hottest shower of my life, but I still ended up nearly scrubbing my chest raw. Even after drying myself, I couldn't shake the feelings of disgust off.

However, when I pulled on the soft set of pajamas Leo loaned me, I smelled a hint of lavender emanating from the fabric. The scent managed to get me out of my own head for a bit. I inspected the front and back of the PJs in front of the bathroom mirror and couldn't find a single hole or tear anywhere. It was nice to be in decent nightwear, for a change.

I didn't want to let that feeling go.

"You're not getting these back," I told the taller teen as I clambered onto the air mattress.

Leo let out a chortle as if I had caught him off guard. "I mean, if you like them that much, they're yours," he conceded. "I imagine we'll be borrowing each other's clothes all the time if you decide to stay with us."

I couldn't give him a definitive answer. "I haven't fully made up my mind," I admitted honestly. "Living here or with my Grandpa Genbu would make me an additional burden to either household."

"There's no shame in that," Leo countered. "We're teens, not adults. Not in the ways that count. Our focus should be on keeping up our grades, scholarships and preparing for college. After that, we'll finally be able to give back."

"That seems like a long wait until we're able to give back," I mused aloud.

"Oh? I kind of look forward to it," the amber-eyed teen acknowledged. "The idea of us waiting together."

The smallest of smiles tugged at the corner of my lips, but I refused to respond aloud. I had a lot of things to take care of. So, I couldn't afford to get my hopes up too fast. My favorite photo featuring my mom and grandfather had been left behind in the danger zone. None of my other possessions really mattered to me, not even my schoolbooks. But, I needed to get that photo back somehow.

My thoughts scattered when Mrs. Kenari stopped in one more time to wish us both good night. Leo gave her a quick hug. She then moved towards me as if to do the same but hesitated. With a rush of bravery I never knew I possessed, I hurried forward to give her a hug, as well. Her fingers trembled when she raked them through the top of my hair. More tears fell down my face at the sensation.

"No matter what you decide, this home will always welcome you," She whispered. When I clambered back over to the air mattress, I saw her wiping stray tears from her own eyes with the back of her fingers. "Sleep well, my sons."

As she closed the door behind her, I sniffled loudly. Leo tossed a box of tissues at the foot of my bed. And here I thought I had cried enough for one day.

::

Why did he keep hurting me?

I asked him for permission to go to Zoey's house after school. At first, it seemed like he was okay with it. He was struggling through a hangover, and I was busy getting him something to eat.

"...so, is it okay?" I asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," he grumbled with a wave of his hand. "Just make me some lunch already, will ya?"

I was so happy that I gave him a quick hug. "This is her address for you to pick me up later," I said as I placed the page with the address next to him on the counter.

I was filled with immense joy the entire school day. But, when I hopped off the bus at Zoey's stop, my face fell. He was there in front of Zoey's house, waiting for me.

"Dad? I...I thought you said it was okay for me to stay for a bit," I questioned.

"Changed my mind. It's not safe for you to be hanging 'round other people's houses," Genbu drawled.

"But, Mr. Takiwa, I can assure you my parents are really kind and-" Zoey began only to be cut off.

"Last I checked, it's none of your goddamn business what I decide is unsafe for my son," the older man growled, and I caught him glaring at her. "Such a nosy little snot."

While Zoey was taken aback, I knew what the look in his eyes meant. My dad was going to be in a sour mood for the rest of the day. With a sigh, I turned to my friend.

"It's okay, Zoey," I appeased. "Maybe next time."

I got into the car for him to drive us home and thought that would be that. But, when we arrived back home, my dad made it clear that it was far from over. He grabbed me by the hair and shook me viciously.

"So willful, just like your mother!" He hissed as he shoved me into the ground. "Next time?" The first backhand across the face was a sharp and sudden sting. I had injured myself before, but the fear seemed to amplify the pain. Though I expected the second backhand, I didn't expect the force to knock me off my feet. "There won't be a next time if I have anything to say about it!"

The next day at school, the right side of my face was swollen, and I walked hunched from the pain. When Zoey greeted me and asked me what was wrong, I felt too ashamed to face her. So, I made a brave face instead.

"I-It's nothing. I'll be fine," I responded. I had to be. Without my dad, I'd be all alone. I had no one else.

::

I woke up the following morning, quite surprised that my dreams featured my own memories instead of Raemka's. My father's disturbing behavior hadn't changed. But I had. I had reached my breaking point; the point in my life where I just couldn't live in that constant state of fear anymore. The Kenaris had given me an escape ladder and I was damn well climbing it.

As I turned to look at Leo's sleeping form across from me, I realized that I wasn't alone. Hell, I never had to be. I had Zoey, Rick, Leo, his mother...if I had plucked up the courage years ago, I would have even had the support of my teacher Mr. Hanlon, or that woman at the rotisserie counter I went to whenever my father forced me to buy hot food.

The Kenaris had more love and joy in their two-person household than I ever had with my dad. A part of me was downright starving for that kind of environment. Hadn't I suffered enough? This was the start of me pulling myself together. Though it was far too late to change what already happened, a life without my father felt like a new beginning.

:::

I wore a set of clothing that Leo loaned me. The other teen acted a bit too eager to have me borrow his things. A part of me didn't know if it was genuine selflessness or if he was desparate to make an effort to keep me at ease. Either way, I couldn't be more grateful. He gave me space whenever I needed it and he didn't stalk me around the house or anything as creepy as that. Being in the same room as him made me feel safe and more at home than I had ever felt while living with my father.

When I showered and changed, I tried my best to not look at the bruise and teeth marks on my neck. Every time my green eyes caught glimpses of my reflection, I wanted to gag in disgust. Why did I keep alternating between anger and sadness that threatened to drown me?

Damn, I needed to get a hold of a therapist at some point.

I didn't want to continue like this. As a teenager, I knew that learning to deal with shifting emotions was a normal part of growing up. But, I doubted extreme situations were included in that generalization. Too much fear kept me from living everyday life. Too much anger might have me lashing out at people that deserved better…and too much sadness was downright debilitating.

"Mom's made us some eggs and sweet potato waffle fries," Leo announced in the hallway, drawing me out of my musings. "Meet us in the kitchen whenever you're ready."

"I'll be over in a bit," I responded. Leo Kenari seemed to always know when I needed a distraction the most. The thought of not being able to do the same vice versa made me feel guilt and frustration. Wouldn't it be fairer if I could return the favor?

As I sat next to Leo at the table, I couldn't deny that the scent of sweet potatoes was oddly soothing. A few bites were all it took for my appetite to open right up. How was Mrs. Kenari's cooking always so good?

"Alright, I just finished calling you both out sick," The woman in question said as she fixed herself a plate. "Are you feeling ready to give a report to the station?"

I locked gazes with Leo's amber eyes for a moment before directing my gaze towards her. "I was actually wondering if we could go pick up some of my stuff from my father's house first? He's at work by now and wouldn't be there." I pleaded. "I don't have much stuff, but there is one thing I would like to have back."

My future adoptive mother didn't look pleased. She took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. "Okay. But, Leo must go with you. And you both better be quick," Paulina conceded. "Let me just make one more phone call before you head out. Leo, you can use the hand wagon in the garage and any duffel bags you find."

Though I repeated that I didn't have many things to bring back, Leo insisted on bringing the hand wagon and two duffel bags with us. We then set out to the danger zone together. The closer we got to my father's house, the more anxious I felt. Why did I get the weird feeling we were being watched?

As usual, the front door was unlocked. I led Leo straight to my room and headed right for my most important possession…the framed photo of my mother, myself, and grandpa Genbu. I kept it tucked out of sight in the drawer of my nightstand. Luckily, my father hadn't cared enough to go through my things, or he'd have surely thrown it out.

Leo then helped me with packing my remaining clothes. I felt an odd pleasure in leaving behind my battle-scarred pajamas. The ones that Leo had given me were far better. Beyond clothing, I also owned a few books I had bought myself at the school book fairs. All that was left was my backpack full of textbooks.

When we were done stocking the hand wagon, I pulled out the cellphone that had been one of the only gifts my father had ever given me. I signed out of my accounts and deleted all the apps before dropping the device onto my bed. As much as I loved that cell phone, it wasn't mine. Besides, I wouldn't be without a phone forever.

Just as we were heading towards the front door, the imposing image of my father blocked our path. What was he doing? Wasn't he supposed to be at work? Fear froze me in place.

"So," Genbu Takiwa growled as he motioned towards Leo. "You're the unknown location my son's been lingering at for the last few weeks. You thought I wouldn't track his phone?"

"Momo! Run home and dial 911!" Leo urged.

No! I couldn't possibly…how could he expect me to leave him behind?

In a state of shock, I looked on as Takiwa tackled Leo to the ground and began to beat on him. I wanted to yell, or at least move, but I couldn't force my limbs into action. When I saw him pull out a switchblade, everything slowed down to a stop. I was then surrounded by a white room.

The scenes I had seen in my dreams of the past fought with what I was already seeing before me. The two locations seemed to overlay and flicker. I was no longer seeing what was happening. Instead, I stood in that empty room with two projections displayed on the wall before me. On the left was what was actually occuring, my father getting ready to stab Leo.

The right showed what had occurred in the past...an assassin about to do the same to Nevis with a scimitar out in the desert.

"The similarities are downright eerie, aren't they?"

I was startled at the sound of his voice...a voice that was like mine, but not at the same time. Prince Raemka walked over to stand beside me. Looking into his eyes gave me a sense of deja-vu and of staring into a mirror all at once.

"I was not able to do anything...I allowed the fear to hold me captive," Raemka explained as he waved a hand over the scenes on the right and showed an image of what he would have wanted to happen.

"I could have struggled harder, enough to be released…" he said as the image of his past self squirmed and kicked until he was dropped.

"I could have used the weapon of my enemy against him. If I had forced myself to act through the fear, could I have saved him?"

The image of Raemka's past self hurled the weapon in his hand towards the assassin that faced Nevis down, which distracted him enough for Nevis to fight back. But, eventually, the two of them were surrounded. The sight caused a deep ache within my chest.

"Perhaps the two of us would have died that day, together. I would have preferred dying by his side than dying alone. Even now, it remains your biggest regret."

My biggest regret? Mine? I frowned. "Don't you mean your biggest regret…?" I countered.

Prince Raemka took hold of both my hands and squeezed them tightly. "I am you, and you are me. We have always been one. As much as you want to trap your past memories away to stop feeling the pain, you can't expect your past to remain there."

He pressed his forehead against mine, and I realized that we were the exact same height. The ache in my chest grew and grew. It made my knees tremble.

I had grown up with Raemka's memories interwoven with mine and manifesting in my dreams. For years, I had denied the very thought of him being myself in a past life. Why would I want to take ownership of so much agony...especially when my own life wasn't the greatest?

My gaze fell to the ground. I felt ashamed of my current self; that I couldn't grant my past the happiness that had been ripped away. How many times would I fail to protect someone I cared about? How many lifetimes?

No. All this time, my own memories had been consistently showing me what I wanted and where I had fallen. If I couldn't learn from the past, then I didn't deserve to have Leo by my side. I had lived two lifetimes in terror, and it was time for me to push through that fear.

"I am you…." I affirmed as I gave Raemka's hand a firm squeeze and looked back up into his eyes with more determination than ever. "And you are me."

The adrenaline was still running high when my mind finally shifted its focus back to what was actually happening before me. For once, I felt in full control of my body. Immediately, I took off one of my shoes and chucked it at the back of my father's head.

"Leave him the fuck alone!" I cried out, using the exact phrase that Kane had shouted in the restaurant the other day.

My intention was to draw my father away from Leo, but I didn't think he'd rush towards me, instead. I took a few steps back, but Leo dove for Takiwa's feet, and we both fell. I hissed when I felt a sting along the side of my shoulder. The damn blade!

My body reacted instinctively when I saw the armed hand lift back up. I grasped the wrist with both my hands to hold the blade away. But, I left the rest of my body open to attack by my father's fisted hand. I tried to duck my head down as much as possible, fearing being knocked out.

But by then, Leo had taken hold of the older man's other arm by the elbow. I managed to knee Takiwa in the stomach, which had him curl up enough for me to get out from under him. My father struggled and tried to force himself out of our grip. However, Leo and I held on tight to each of his arms.

How had I believed that my father was much more robust and bigger than me? Leo was undoubtedly the more muscular teen, but my firm hold wasn't budging, either. I never found out whether it was the situation, the desire for the two of us to survive, or whether we were in better physical shape than we realized.

"Gyro!" Kane prompted, drawing our attention towards the open front door.

"Who the fuck are you?" Takiwa barked.

The two young men had already rushed in to help us. How long had they been there? Had they seen my father attacking us?

Takiwa shoved me into the ground. But, Gyro quickly disarmed my father and forced him onto the ground face-down. The wheat-blond held Takiwa's arms behind his back and trapped him steadily while Kane carefully took the blade with a gloved hand and made a phone call. Leo helped me get back on my feet as I stared at the two in awe.

"Yes...assault. Caught it all on my phone. 4142 Merchant Lane," Kane explained on his cellphone. "We're not going anywhere. Thanks, Thomas."

"Kane?" I questioned softly, still a bit confused about what I was seeing.

The blue-eyed man sent us a smug grin. "I apologize," he explained as he showed us a badge and a license. "Gyro and I are private investigators. We've been keeping an eye on Takiwa Genbu after a skirmish at a bar where he angered the wrong people." His gaze fell on my neck and then my shoulder. "Are you alright?"

"Y-yeah, it just stings a bit," I responded as I motioned towards my father. "The bite was from yesterday, also inflicted by him.'

"My mom and I will take him to a hospital," Leo added firmly as he looked around for his own phone, which had fallen to the ground during his earlier confrontation with my father. He then immediately called his…no, our mother.

"She’s the one who gave us a heads up that you two were heading this way,” Kane commented as he turned his attention to me. “That shoulder's probably going to hurt a lot more later after the adrenaline's worn off.”

"I've suffered worse," I admitted with a wry smile. "I'll be fine." And, for the first time in my life, the words rang true.

From what Kane had revealed, my father would surely go to prison. Being parentless at nearly eighteen wasn't nearly as frightening as the thought of being left alone as a kid. As Leo returned from his phone call and we locked gazes, I felt strangely at peace.

For a brief moment, I saw an image of a smiling Nevis within Leo. My heart ached in a good way. We shared a past, a present, and a future together. The truth was that I wasn't alone.

Perhaps I had never truly been alone.

"Hey, aren't you a little short and young for a detective?" Leo taunted Kane as he took hold of my hand. He had to say it in a loud voice to be heard over my father, who was still hollering and cursing up a storm in the background. Gyro was stronger than I thought to be able to hold him captive all by himself.

"It might only be by a year, but the fact of the matter is that I am still older than you," Kane responded as he crossed his arms across his chest. "Therefore, I have more authority."

"Kane, a little help here?" Gyro requested.

"Tch!" Leo tutted. "Whatever you say, shortie."

That earned him a glare from the blue-eyed detective, who had walked over to help his partner restrain the foul-mouthed Takiwa.

"Seriously, though, thank you." Leo insisted. "If it weren't for you guys...who knows what might have happened."

The smug expression was back on Kane's face. "Don't mention it," he replied.