Change is Good - 4. Chapter 4 - Is This Real...

Chapter 4: Is This Real…

*Alex*

I ran. At that moment in time there was nothing else going through my mind, I just wanted to be as far away from him as possible. I couldn’t take the pain, not again I literally ran until it felt like my chest was going to explode. I looked around for the first time since my sprint to find myself in an old park. I sat on the swing just to my left and as I rested their catching my breath I caught myself drifting down memory lane.

{6 months ago}

“I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I’m not watching,” I become nervous and quickly look around to see who may be watching.

“Oh don’t worry your secret is safe with me, besides you’re not half bad to look at either cutie,” With that he simply collects his books and leaves. All I can do is continue to stare in the direction of where he was just sitting. Did that really just happen? The head jock that every guy wants to be and every girl wants to sleep with, did he just call me cute?

I collect myself and my belongs as I make my way out of the library still in a bit of a daze over what just happened only to run right into the back of head jock number two and his cronies.

“Watch it fag,” he calls out as his cronies look over and snicker.

“He probably did that on purpose just to get a quick feel,” his cronies laugh. I ignore their comments and proceed to move on when something grabs the back of my shirt.

“And where do you think you’re going? You run into me and then try and walk off as if nothing happened without so much as an apology. Guys I think the little fag needs a lesson in manners don’t you think.”

At this point I’m visibly shaking I’ve avoided these situations every day of my life and the one time I mess up I come to odds with the wrong one. I brace myself as I expect the worst, but before anything can happen.

“Hey John knock it off,” he says.

“Aw come on Jason I’m just having a little fun with my new friend here,” John says as he still holds on to my shirt.

“Try explaining that when coach carries out his threat and benches you for the rest of the season that we can’t afford,” Jason states as John lets me go.

“Well looks like you lucked out this time faggot, but this ain’t over,” he whispers in my ear as he leaves with his cronies hot on his trail.

“Well now let’s see if we can’t keep you out of trouble from here on out,” Jason says as he flashes me a quick smile before once again leaving me staring in a daze.

{Present}

“Hey! There you are I’ve been looking all over for you, why did you run away like that?”

And once again I find myself staring into those eyes, knowing that he has no intention of leaving as he sits down on the adjacent swing, I sigh before then look directly at him. Why is it always the ones that are out of reach that I seem to fall for, I could go on just like this and be so content but I know it’s not meant to be not like this.

“I just needed to get some air is all, to many things happening at once. The move, new friends, new faces it’s a lot to take in at once I guess I was feeling just a bit overwhelmed,” I say, but somehow I get the feeling that he can tell that I’m not telling the whole truth.

“Well if and when you are ready to talk don’t hesitate to find me, now let’s get you home before it gets to dark out and besides I did promise you that ride,” he flashes me that killer smile once again and pulls me to my feet as we head to his car.

Now the odd thing that sticks out in my head is that he hasn’t let go of my hand the entire way to the car, of course I could just be over thinking this and just raising false hope. We reach his car and he lets go of my hand as he opens the passenger side door.

*Shawn*

So I’ve finally got Alex in my car and we take off towards his house. Unfortunately the ride was quite short seeing as he only lived a few blocks away from the spot I found him. I half consider taking a longer route, but then again that might appear suspicious and the last thing I want to do is give Alex any reason not to trust me.

“Well here we are, home sweet home or at least it is for you.”

He turns and looks at me and opens his mouth as if to say something, but then closes it and looks down at the floor. Damn he is beautiful, I so much just want to tell him how I feel but I don’t want to push him away not after getting this close to him.

“Thank you I really appreciate the ride, you didn’t have to do this you know.”

“Of course I did, it was the least I could do besides I owed you one.”

He looks at me again this time there is something else there, a questioning look almost like he is trying to figure out some deeper meaning to what I just said.

“Well thanks again, guess I’ll be seeing you around school,” he said as he opened the door readying himself to get out of the car.

“Alex wait!”

“What’s the matt…”

I kissed him, I didn’t even think about it, I just go for it. Just a sweet simple kiss but his lips are so soft and I immediately feel my pants begin to tighten. We pull apart from each other slowly looking into one another’s eyes, searching for what I am not sure.

“Shawn why did…”

I cut him off again with another quick peck on the lips. “I’ve wanted to do that from the very first moment that I say you that day in the hall, I just didn’t know how to tell you. Then when I saw how hurt you looked during lunch I knew that I just had to show you how I felt. That’s why I came to find you, but you took off running. Alex would you be my boyfriend?”

I waited nervously as my words seem to process in his mind almost like you couldn’t believe what I was saying and then it clicked.

“Yes, Yes of course I’ll be your boyfriend I can’t believe that you would want someone like me I’m just so…”

I cut him off again, but this time with a much more passionate kiss. I gently parted his lips with my tongue to gain entry and he replied in earnest. Soon it was a battle of tongues, his soft lips, and the slight mint to his breath, he was perfect and I couldn’t get enough of him. I never wanted this to end but sadly we had to come up for air.

“Alex you are the most beautiful person I’ve ever met and I would really like to see where this all goes if that’s ok with you.”

“Of course it is you big dofus I did just say yes to being your boyfriend, now it’s time I get out of this car before things heat up more than they already have,” and with a cute sheepish grin he leans over the center console and plants one last quick kiss on my lips. “See you later boyfriend.”

I watch as he seductively sways to the front door of his house, damn I just want to go up to his room and make love to him. Here and now is the wrong place for this kind of thinking so I honk my horn and drive off towards home. I have a boyfriend and his name is Alex, things seem to be finally looking up for me, it has been quite a while.

*Alex*

“So does that mean you and lover boy are officially a couple?”

I scream as I find Tiffany on the other side of my front door. On any other day this would not be unusual but my mind was so far gone that I was not even thinking straight.

“How much of that did you see?”

“Hmm let’s see there was the fact that he gave you a ride home, then he kissed you twice I might add, and then you seemed to be jumping for joy followed by a very hot third kiss, finally you come to the door in a complete daze like you are on another planet. So I think that about sums up how much I bared witness to.”

I hate her sometimes, ok hate is a strong word I strongly dislike her antics at times, she always knows how to make me blush more than anyone else I know.

“So spill it, are you and lover boy this year’s hottest gay couple or what?”

Sometimes I think she is more excited about my love life than I am.

“If the gossip column must know, yes Shawn asked me to be his boyfriend and I said yes,” there it is I said it, I have a boyfriend. It sounded so good to say that, but that quickly came to a halt by the hitch pitched girly scream coming from what I used to think was my best friend.

“You are so getting laid, and he is super-hot you lucky dog. Now we can double date, we can do the movies, go shopping at the mall, go out to eat….”

“Wait double date? Since when did you start dating?”

“Well remember the cute guy from earlier today, the one that found where you had been hiding,” I nodded. “Well I have decided to give it a shot and see where things with Justin will go. This is going to be great. Wait are you guys going to come out to the school? Is Shawn even out to anyone?”

Tiffany’s questions hit me like a ton of bricks. I had no idea if he was out to anyone. He never mentioned anything of the sort. I was now being overcome with feelings of dread this can’t happen again I’ve been down this road before and I know nothing good awaits at the end of this tunnel.

“I don’t know, what should I do? Do I call him and ask if he is out, do I wait to see how he reacts at school, do his parents even know that he is gay?”

“Hey slow down drama queen take things one breath at a time. I’m sure there is nothing to worry about, but if it will put your mind at ease just give him a call. Because I know you are going to call him anyway and see where things are in that aspect of your new relationship. Now I’ve got to run I have to pick out something ultra-sexy to wear tomorrow to show off to Justin.”

Tiff gives me a quick hug before she hurries on her way to undoubtedly try on her entire closet. Only to discover that she doesn’t like anything in there and rushes off to buy more clothes, like she needs anymore. I head up to my room thinking about this upcoming phone call. I’m not sure I am ready to come out myself, but I also don’t want to be treated like I don’t exist when we are in public. I guess the only thing to do is to make the call.

{2 Months Ago}

“Hey fag what the hell are you doing?”

I look at him in shock and surprise and then turn to see John and his cronies walking up to us.

“See that’s what happens when you are nice to faggots, they take your kindness to mean they can touch on you however they goddamn please. Do we need to teach this fag a lesson Jason?”

“No he isn’t worth it,” he says as he looks back over his shoulder with a look that I can only describe as a combination of fear and pity.

I’m dumbfounded; I thought things were going so well I thought he really liked me. I didn’t know what to make of the situation maybe things would be different the next day at school.

Well I was right things sure were different at school the next day. I had been at my locker for all of five minutes when a passing group of jocks looked my way and all said faggot loud enough for everyone within earshot to hear. And that was just the beginning; throughout the rest of the day people were constantly whispering looking in my direction. The friends I thought I had, all but disappeared when I tried to approach them at lunch and the worst was yet to come. My last class of the day was gym, which I happened to share with Jason and a few of the other jocks.

“Hey Jay look who it is, little Miss princess. Are you coming over to try and get a look at our cocks or maybe you want a little lip action with Jason over here? Little faggot I bet he would bend over and let you fuck him if you asked him too, he is a slut for your cock Jay”

They all laughed I didn’t know what to do so I ran. With tears in my eyes I ran straight out of school. Yes this is a reoccurring thing for me, I went straight home up to my room and cried until I just passed out. When my parents came home they asked what was wrong and I broke down again and told them everything. Surprisingly they were cool with me being gay, saying that had suspected for quite some time now. Dad just stroked my back and said it gets better son, I promise. I wish dad had known what was to come.