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As you might imagine, those of us that live here in the South have a rather unique way of saying things. I decided to save some authentic 70s Southern Slang with the assistance of the good folks at the urban dictionary. I'm doing my part to perserve a rich but vanishing heiratage that most yuppies have forgotten now because they were too f**ked up at the time to remember them. You know- the same retarded hypocritical assholes who declared war on drugs and probably still have bong tar stains on their old albums. Without further comment, A 70s Flashback organ-spasm 15 thumbs up, 6 thumbs down A mind-blowing, earth-shaking orgasm so intense that you never forget it. It must be something of a religious experience as most people shout, "Oh God, Oh God, Oh God!". Holy crap Jessie can give great head. That was an organ-spasm I'll never forget. try-sexual 20 thumbs up, 11 thumbs down A young guy that is such a horn dog that he will try most anything sexual. My buddy Shawn is a try-sexual: he f**ked his girlfrind Mandy and her fag-hag buddy Travis. leg hound 17 thumbs up, 1 thumbs down 1. a male dog the humps your leg 2. a young man with a powerful sex drive that will f**K anybody, anything, anytime, anywhere. 1. What could be more awkward than meeting your girlfriends parents with their damned leg hound humping and nutting on your shin. 2. Jesus Shawn! I can understand f**king a fag-hag like Jamie but did you have to f**K her buddy Travis too? lunker 19 thumbs up, 3 thumbs down An enormous turd left in an unflushed toilet. Oh my Gawd Shawn? Did you leave this lunker in the toilet? It's got to be at least 17 inches. mall troll 14 thumbs up 0 thumbs down Fat 40ish closet queens, possibly a republican congressman or TV evangalist, who hang out in malls trying to pick up boys and young men. In a vice sweep last week, the police arrested a dozen mall trolls including a preacher, city councleman and a man waiting while his family bought back to school clothes at Sears hobby homo 13 thumbs up 0 thumbs down A man who is not gay per see and is apparently heterosexual for all intents and purposes but occassionally enjoys sex with other men. Sam is a hobby homo. He likes pussy but says that gay guys give much better head. queer as a football bat 11 up, 1 down Describes a flamboyant homosexuals manner and dress. Origin: 70's slang, South Eastern US. Oh Jeff is queer as a football bat but he's so nice most people don't care. Brought to you by the Seventies Preservation Society. If you were at the party, you probably can't remember it but you still have the herpes to remind you.

In the well well known Keyhole Nebula (NGC 3372) surrounding the super-star Eta Carinae is an interesting feature that some astronomers have labeled the "Rude Gesture Nebula". Since it is several hundred light years away, it is huge- light-years across. It is a gas and dust cloud in which new stars are forming. The odd shapes were created by the hot solar winds and radiation pressures created by the massive young stars in this stellar nursery. Super-stars like Eta Carinae, or stars with a mass 100 times that of the sun, are quite rare. They account for less than 1% of all stars but 60% of all luminosity in the universe. They live very short lives in astronomical terms, 10s of millions of years, before they explode and enrich the surrounding cosmos with dust and gas for the next generation of stars. Most stars are much more mundane. They are even smaller than our own sun but what they give up in mass, they gain in longevity. Main sequence stars like our Sun and smaller are quite stable and last for billions of years. The smallest known stars are about 1/10 of our own sun's mass. This is also about the same size as some of the larger "brown dwarfs" or Jupiter like gas giants or "pre-stars". This begs an interesting question which vexes astronomers and physicist: what causes some brown dwarfs to ignite and become true stars and what causes others to just sit there?

TOS: Kitty porn is strictly prohibited! Mellow Yellow Hi My name is Boo and I live in Mississippi. I'm a 10 year old male yellow tabby. I like cat nip, long naps, music, birdwatching and hissing at other cats that get too close to my dinner dish. I dislike noisy humans, strangers, pedigreed cats that think they are better than everyone else and smart-assed squirrels. My perfect mate likes to sleep as much as I do. I'm really mellow and don't like to fight. Home Kitty I'm Blackie! I am a year old Tom from Mississippi. I like playing with fireflies and my brother, hunting, slapping around other Toms that invade my territory and eating blue-jays. I dislike dogs, cars, possums, mosquitoes and old ladies with brooms. I really like my human. I had to look long and hard for a good one and then convince him that he was my human. I like one night stands. Don't call me in the morning. I'll be sleeping.

I saw this floating around social media today and thought it would be a humorous exercise for GA authors to participate in. http://www.boredpanda.com/and-murders-began-first-line-book/?page_numb=1 "The opening line of a book is extremely important, as it has to be intriguing and powerful enough to capture the reader's imagination. Then, the second line has to intensify the intrigue. Coming up with these lines can be pretty difficult, yet one writer came up with a second line that would almost always heighten the intrigue to its peak, and the Internet is going crazy. "And then the murders began" - that's the clever line Marc Laidlaw came up with. Add it to almost any opening line and you've got yourself a hell of an intriguing book opening." So here's the exercise for you: In the comments, write the first sentence of one of your GA stories or poems, followed by the second line of "And then the murders began." I'll start with my own contribution, from 'Backstage Tryst': "I rubbed nervous palms across my denim-covered thighs, trying once more to exhale the breath which remained stuck in my throat, unable to escape. And then the murders began." I look forward to seeing yours!

Sue Townsend rightly has the reputation as one of our finest comic novelists. Adrian Mole is one of the great comic characters and Sue Townsend did the most refreshing of things, she allowed him to age naturally. What we often forget is was what a good satirist she was too. This book steals the format from her other creation, Adrian Mole. This is the secret diary of Margaret Hilda Roberts, aged 14¼, living above her father’s grocer's shop in Grantham. This is Margaret Thatcher as a girl, long before she met and married Denis. Here Sue Townsend presents all the character tropes that Thatcher was renowned for – the workaholic, surviving on two hours’ sleep a night, the disdain for the working class, the distrust of the BBC and the inability to see the benefit of art – and she presents them in the character of a fourteen-year-old girl. This makes them seem absurd and very strange. Sue Townsend subtly questions these qualities, are they really positive characteristics? This book is also populated with caricatures of political figures from the same time. They are broad caricatures and often presented as other children in Margaret Hilda Roberts’s life, but the in-joke of recognising the real politicians just adds to the fun. This book is fun too, Sue Townsend’s wonderful sense of humour is plainly on display here and her jokes hit the mark (more than once I laughed out loud). The only problem with this book is that it’s so short and ended too soon. Find it here on Amazon

Q: What was the last thing to go through Pakistani oppisition leader Benazir Bhutto's mind when she was killed by a suicide bomber? A: Her hubcaps. A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man. "I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "Oh, please come to my house!" "But sir, I have a wife and four children..." "Bring them along!" the rich man said. They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in." The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!" Two frat boys on a weekend fishing cruise are blown way out to sea and their boat is crippled. They are stuck out there for days and run out of food and water. After a week of being stranded out there, a friendly Genie comes by and grants the two frat brothers 1 wish. Instantly one of the guys said, "I wish this ocean was really beer." POOF. Done. The Genie disapeers. His frat brother looks at him in disgust and says, "I guess you know that now we're going to have to piss in the boat."

What makes a good Systems Administrator? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A deep streak of Masochism, very little life and the ability to wake up nice and cheery at 2am to a panicked phone call from an idiot user who has just done something stupid that is going to cost you two weeks work. At least a BS in Computer Science. With all the BS in this game, you'll need at least that much. Experience. Of course you can't get a job until you've got experience so the mere existence of systems administrators is a logical impossibility since the first one has never been hired. The patience of Job (for eventually you will wish to curse God and die). A good sense of humor - Lest the job should drive you into the SERIAL KILLER business. Good Communications Skills - So that you can tell a user tactfully and diplomatically that if he (or she) ever does anything as stupid as that again, that you are personally going to choke the living shit out of them. Good Vendor Interaction Skills - So that you can bribe your service vendors technicians so that they will actually do/perform services as advertised, on time. Good Networking Skills - So that you actually know that your multi-million dollar network is down and the users aren't just complaining because they haven't got the skills, training or a clue as to how to USE it. Salesmanship - So that you can get management to actually support your installation with needed capital for necessary training, software, hardware and diagnostic tools rather than tell you : THAT IS WHAT WE PAY YOU TO DO. A Severe Mental Disorder - So that you do not immediately recognize that the position of Systems Administrator is roughly equilvalent to wearing a "KICK ME, I'm Stupid" T-Shirt. A Secondary Job Skill - So that when you eventually BURN OUT, you won't starve. You want extra pickle on that? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As an experienced Systems Administrator, I consider these eleven attributes to essential to a competent SA. But since SA's are only a theoretical possibility (see Above), I myself can not possibly exist, nor can this news group, its corresponding members nor the Internet itself. So this entire discussion is a delusion -a logical paradox which can only exist in the Twilight Zone. NURSE! GET MY MEDICATION.... I'm having another one of those DAMNED FITS..

The Four Cats of the Apocalypse are on the lose! Catastrophe Cataclysm Catty-whumpus Catatonic Unlike the four horsemen, these guys might pass you by for some milk, tuna, yarn or a nice spot to nap.

Years ago when I first started to paid with real money (not the monopoly money I had been getting), I discovered that I owed Uncle Sam $1100 on tax day. My boss was being a raging bitch. Three printers and the main router decided to go tits up all at once. My order for laser printer toner cartridges came back, again, because it wasn't formatted properly. I had 10 minutes to deal with my bank to get the money for Uncle Sam. It took 40 minutes. Bankers are like that. About 3:30 in the afternoon I get the beginnings of a cold. At four we have a thunderstorm that strikes one of our buildings rendering it deaf, dumb and blind. To make matters worse, my truck started making that noise that costs $600 to fix now or $1400 to fix later. When I finally get home after 10:00, I sit down in my chair and my cat Booger hops in my lap. I say, "Booger old pal, I had one hellva day." He sat listening to me complain with the kind of interest that cats show when humans are babbling about something that the human thinks is important. I make the mistake of ending my monologue with, "Oh crap, what else could go wrong?" Booger made a dreadful sound, "HU-RUFF" and hurled a monster hairball in my lap. Now I know. Ever since then I have made a point to never asked what else could go wrong. Trust me on this. You don't want to know.

My hometown is hosting gymnastics try-out for Olympics. Today is men's final. Though I couldn't afford a ticket ($100+, if you want a good seat), but I still went to HP Pavilion with my camera. It turned out there were some event hosting at the park next to it as a pre-show event. Many people went. For some reason, some religion people with their picket signs showed up. You know, the kind that tells you you're going to h*ll unless you believe in Jesus Christ. And of course, the hate sign.... I think it had the words fornication and homosexual on it. Of all days, they picked the men's gymnastics final to do their protest.... For crying out loud, there were lots of kids in that event. Shame on them for corrupting our youth. OMG.... Where is the family value? (in case you haven't noticed..., I am being sarcastic) Fortunately, I didn't wear my purple t-shirt, because there was another guy wore the same one.... That would be TRULY embarrassing. Instead, I wore an orange ringer that says Lake Tahoe or Bust. That probably made me look borderline straight, or at least confusing, so I wasn't attacked by Jesus-loving haters. On the other side of the fornication sign, it said, "I love to forgive." Cool, because I love to forgive, too. Most of the time.... Honestly, if there weren't so many kids and police around, I would go up and ask them if they would forgive people like me. I really would love to see their faces. I hope I didn't look too straight to them. I think my camera had some magical power. When I pointed my camera at them, one of them felt shameful and his picket sign went flaccid. Round One: Camera 1, Picket fence 0. Next time I should use a Holga (mine is the version with monkey sticker on it), then I'll really teach them the power of Homo Lomo. On the brighter side. I think men's gymnastics pulled a lot of guys out of their closets Silicon Valley computer desks. I really didn't expect so many guys to show up. Many wore shorts so they showed their nice gymnasts look-alike calves. Fortunately I hike a lot so my own calves didn't embarrass me. I know.... so vane.... There were two guys went together, and wore the same t-shirt. Don't know what it said in the front, but the back said, "the hardest sport in the world" with the word "hardest" in red print.... I don't know..., but I think they might be fornicators in the eyes of Jesus.... I know... I am rambling..., please forgive me. But I am so excited because it's my first gay pride parade.... Wait..., it's men's gymnastics final.... Oops.

"There's your boat! Go left! Go left!" "OMG! This controller's so gross, why is this controller so gross?" "That's me seven times a day in my car." "He's got a life expectancy of eight seconds." "Who needs Wade? Has he contributed anything so far? Toothless meth tweaker." "How do we get to the strip club?" "It just looks like she's having some sort of insulin shock seizure." "You know what, my erection broke my fall." "Wait I just got shot and I went to the hospital? This is sort of a pro-Obama Care message. He just got shot and went to the crappiest-looking hospital in the world and an hour later he's walking around." "Kick me out of the strip club and I come back with a missile-firing chopper."