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Sexual Intimidation I do realize that there are those of you who simply love to write great stories, and whether they be with gay characters or not, they may not be overly erotic in nature. Even if it’s a romance. And that’s awesome! Keep going, and build your story up to be whatever you want it to be. I admire that and definitely enjoy a good romance myself from time to time without a bunch of naughty bits thrown in when they’re clearly not necessary for the story to work. I grew up on sweet romantic stories too, just like everybody else. The sexy stuff came later, hehehe! However, there have been authors that I’ve talked to over the years, and some of them recently who are working on stories of their own...and I’ve noticed that there can sometimes be a bit of a ‘hang up’ for them in the writing process that I’d kind of like to talk about today. And that is the idea of sexual intimidation when it comes to gay fiction. I understand that it can feel a bit awkward for some, and downright dirty for others. Trust me, I get it. But it’s not as difficult to work around as you might think it is. There are levels that determine what fits and what doesn’t. Words that can give a sex scene a lewd and ‘hardcore’ feel, or a more intimate and tender feel. There are fans out there who go searching for both, so it really depends on how you want to work it out and match it to your own fantasies and fetishes...whatever they may be. Timing, pacing, descriptions...all of this goes into creating the sexual experience that you’re looking for your characters to have, and what kind of audience you’re looking to entertain. What I’m adding here are some techniques that you can learn and master rather quickly if you decide that you want to try it out...but don’t get all skittish about adding sex to your project if you really feel that it’s something that you want to be there. If you’re going to do it...you have to develop a feeling of confidence and engagement. Otherwise, the sex falls flat, and the scene is wasted. If anything, it will end up taking some of the life and realism out of your project more than anything else, and that’s not what you want. I’m not kidding when I tell you that readers can detect these things through your words alone. A writer needs to be as invisible as possible for the fiction to work, otherwise, they’re concentrating more on you and your input than the story itself and what the characters are going through during these tender moments. So let’s discuss how we can work through this, and talk about the downfalls that come with holding back on a sex scene or writing a scene out that comes off as timid and out of sync with the rest of the story. Cool? Your very first order of business, however, is figuring out whether or not your narrative actually needs any kind of graphic sexual descriptions at all. While I started out writing my own stories thinking that this was some kind of unspoken rule...it really isn’t. It is totally possible and respectable to write an entire story or a series without any heavy sexual descriptions at all. Or, if you want to, you can simply allude to a sexual encounter and fade the virtual screen to black. Then come back the next day where the reactions of the main characters and a few vague mentions of sexual activity is more than enough to get the point across. There’s nothing wrong with that, and it would be a bad thing to try to force sex into a story that you’re really not vibing with. Sometimes, it’s simply better left unsaid. You know? Eroticism is a lot more than swapping fluids, ya know? Hehehe! So figure that part out first and if it’s what you want, we can move on from there. Seeing as this particular article is focused on sexual intimidation in your writing, I’m going to assume that those of you who are still reading actually DO want to add effective sex scenes into your story with some graphic details added, but you might just feel a bit weird about it. Understandable. It happens. So let’s get into the methods that you might be able to use to make that happen. And that begins with figuring out what it is that makes you shy away from sexual content in the first place. Don’t take that as an insult or anything. It might end up being a real part of the block you may be dealing when it comes to this stuff. It could be a lack of experience, it could be a fear of not being good at describing a sexual act, it could be because of a bad sexual experience that you had in your past...and all of these things matter. The question is, can you overcome them in order to put sex in your story? Or are they better left along until you feel more comfortable slipping them into your narrative? If you’re worried about writing sex...you have to find out why. It’s a process. Not an excuse or a simple answer for somebody else’s benefit...no. What is it within YOU that is making you hesitate? You want to add sex...but you can’t. Nobody can break down that barrier but you. So take some time and think about it, k? There’s no wrong answer here. Just the wall between you want and what you’re willing to do to make it happen. Now...you’ve been reading other stories with graphic sexual content, right? You’ve watched porn online before? You might have seen some explicit pics of models completely naked and hard? Ok...so the interest in carnal pleasures is there and ready to go. Am I wrong in assuming that? Please let me know if I am. So...where is the disconnect? At what point do you stop and get nervous to go any further? Ask yourself...what happens if you go further? How do you imagine this scene taking place? Have you sort of planned it out in your head? Some oral? Some anal? Some kissing and rolling around? Who’s on top? Who’s on the bottom? Which one represents your protagonist or your main point of view? You’ve thought about it before, right? C’mon...be honest. Shhhh, I won’t tell. ::Giggles:: You claim to want sex in your story. You’ve seen sexually explicit material elsewhere. You know how to set up a scene of intimacy between your characters and have sort of thought about how the whole scene will take place. Cool. So...why not write it? Where does the wall pop up to stop you from going any further? That’s the magic question here. Talking to many other authors with issue, the anxiety surrounding it often comes from having other people know and possibly judge the writer for describing these acts in great detail, and that can be an extremely vulnerable feeling, especially in front of complete strangers. It’s a very intimate part of our lives, after all. So how can you not at least feel a touch of embarrassment if this is your first time putting those thoughts in a story where other people have unlimited access to them? I’ve been there myself. And there are times when I still question how far I should go with certain scenes and certain characters depending on the story. But when I hold back, those stories don’t always get as high ratings as the ones when I go all out. So I’ve learned to toss that whole concept out of the window first before I even get started. I mean, why not, right? Sorry! I LIKE! I don’t force it into stories where it doesn’t belong...but it belongs in a lot of my stories. So why not pour my heart into it and make it as hot as I possibly can? Who’s going to complain? I mean...seriously. In Chicago some years back, there was this liquor store that used to open up at 9 AM. And I was working super late hours, plus I was an insomniac on top of it...so sometimes I would stop in and grab something to enjoy myself, get some Comsie work done, and then get worn out enough to go to sleep. And we used to tease each other after a while. Where he’d be like, “Why are you buying alcohol this early in the morning?” And I’d be like, “Why are you SELLING alcohol this early in the morning!” Hahaha, don’t judge me, bitch! Well...adding sex into your story? Same deal. The people who came across your sex story were looking for a sex story, and chances are that they’ve seen stuff a lot more crass and dirty than anything that you’re writing. So what is there to feel weird or vulnerable about? I mean, I get it...but come on. Do you guys have any thoughts on this personally, because I’d love to know. Nobody is going to be like, “How dare you have this sex scene in the sex story that I was looking for on this sex site.” That’s just ridiculous. So...if that’s what has been holding you back, take a moment to think about the hypocrisy involved in that situation and just write what you want to write. As little or as much sex as you want to toss out there. Chances are that nobody who finds your story is going to mind. And anybody who might mind, isn’t going to find your story. So take some time and try to break yourself out of that mode of thinking. You’re holding back for nothing. So lose the paranoia and get to business. Let’s get them naked already! Hehehe! Also...you can be more creative and downright poetic with your language and vocabulary when describing a sex scene if you think that will help it to feel less ‘naughty’ about it. I’ve found that it helps some authors get past the stigma of writing about sex while still writing about sex. You know what I mean? There are a lot of words that I simply don’t use in my stories anymore, because they have more of a lustful impact on the act of the sex itself. And I’ve noticed that my older stories with that lewd language sound a lot more ‘selfish’ to me now. Here, let me give you an example. One of my earlier stories might have been written like this... “I tried my best to be as patient as possible, but his sexy hole was so fucking tight! I was shivering from the feel of it wrapped around my boner, and pushed forward again to see if he was ready to take more of me. He gasped out loud, but it felt so hot as I slid more of my cock into him that having him wiggle only turned me on even more. He was face down, breathing hard...that tight, round, ass of his presented to me in a way that kept urging me to give him more. I needed to fuck him so bad...” While, even when in an incredibly horny mood, I would write that same scene as a mutually pleasurable moment for both partners, and with a softer tongue. Like this... “And I let him adjust for a few minutes before I was compelled to push in just a little bit further. I could feel the erotic stretch of him as he did his best to accept as much of my length into his warmth as he could, his breath heavy against my sheets as he struggled a bit to find some added comfort. Welcoming my intrusion with caution, but with a reckless level of lust still yearning for more.” Which is the same scene, but the way it’s worded lessens the overall sexual frenzy of it all. It seems a bit more romantic and less self gratifying in its presentation to me. To someone who is worried about sounding too vulgar or obscene in their descriptions, there are many ways to deliver the same message without diving into the gutter. Then again...even if you did...would that be a bad thing? Again, it depends on your audience. The point is...you can’t write a sex scene as though you’re getting ready to read it out loud in front of your local pastor at the church picnic. If you’re going to go in this direction...then do it. I know that we all have defenses against being so open and brazen about this sort of thing, but that doesn’t mean that those walls can’t come crumbling down if we really want to break through and express our desires in a way that will satisfy us, as well as our readers. Right? You need to find out what it is that you really want to do with your ‘erotic’ story (Yes...EROTIC story), and whether or not that really speaks to who you are as a naturally sexual being. There’s no other way to attack this situation. You want sex? Dream about sex? Fantasize about sex? Then write it out. If you like a lot of kissing...go for it. Have a fetish for sexy feet? Throw that in there. Like leaving a hickey on someone’s neck? Why not? Do it! Hehehe, this is your playground. And chances are...somebody out there shares your particular attraction or kink to a degree where they’ll write and tell you how incredibly HOT that scene was! So try to open up a little bit...write it out...and if you feel weird about it later, then you can edit it down or take it out of your story completely. But don’t be intimidated by expressing sex in your story in a totally healthy and normal way. There’s an audience out there for that. You’re not the first person to find sucking on someone’s fingers erotic. You’re not going to be the only person turned on by dirty talk, or a little hair pulling, or anything else that you might come up with. So let your art be a part of you, and don’t b ashamed of it. In the original version of Stephen King’s “IT”...all of the teenage kids have a full blown ORGY! Hehehe! No...I’m not making that up. So, no matter what you think of, I’m willing to bet that you’ll be ok. That’s it for now! I hope this helps. And I know that it’s a process, trying to overcome certain hurdles or get past a few insecurities. We writers work from a very vulnerable source, and to be able to do that isn’t just a matter of writing and practice...but you have to put a significant portion of your mental health on the line. It’s a lot to ask. But the more you pierce through that veil...the better a writer you will become. I’m still finding out new stuff about myself all the time, so the same goes for me too. Just give a shot. Get comfortable with it. And then see if it’s something you want to continue, enhance, or get rid of altogether. K? Happy writing! And stay beautiful!