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Demetz

A return to blogging

April 30, 2010         I've just completed a good run. I always feel well afterward, if a bit parched since I don't have a water bottle. I'll be fixing that soon, hopefully. I've been meaning to work out more regularly and I've decided that today will mark day zero for that effort. My goal is to eventually do two miles in fifteen minutes, and twenty minutes of running total. Today I got maybe a mile and a half before the fifteen minute mark and my lower legs felt like they were burning, but
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New guy; new job?

So last night I had this guy come over. We go out to dinner at applebees for their 2 for 20 special and have nice and ranging conversation... then we go back to my place and for the next couple hours our hands are all over each other but we keep our pants on...   Actually... I could give a very thorough and exciting description of all the foreplay that went on between us, but instead I'm going to skip all that and say that at about 2am I asked if he wanted to spend the night or head home... he
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So much for stage two!

Haha, okay so maybe not yet but with last night....   Well I'll start at the beginning. The beginning of yesterday, anyway. Yesterday was a Tuesday, my day off, so I had lots of free time and its also the day I do my best to find myself a date. During the day time I went out and took the Florida Criminal Justice Basic Abilities Test. While I was there I decided to go ahead and start the PASS process, which when complete will put me into the candidate pool for law enforcement agencies across al
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Evolving Identity

I just got done watching a movie called "Boy Culture" ... I enjoyed it even i don't care for all the hustling... still a few good points were made here and there. I ended up reflecting a bit on myself as I watched it and came across a scene where they're talking about the stages of being gay.   In stage 1, you've just come out to yourself and you have this romantic idea of not being a slut and meeting another guy who is also not a slut and living happily ever after with him. My stage 1 lasted
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Happy News!

Okay, so two days ago I was breaking down in tears because it seemed like no matter what I did I could never get out of the rathole im currently living in. I got an extra shift permanently added to my schedule and im not a moron - i know how to live on a budget and what I can afford. With the extra shift each week I can afford my own place but it seemed like everywhere I went they wanted 3x rent as minimum monthly income. I was ready to give up... but yesterday I came across an ad in the paper..
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New Year's Bad News

So today I was told i have 30 days to leave my current residence. It seems my landlord has a friend moving here from out of state and as the other friend already living here has known my landlord longer i'm at the bottom of the totem pole and on my way out.   Interesting how he didn't bother to inform me of this until AFTER I've paid him this month's rent, which had I known his plans, would have been paid to him weekly until i had a new place to stay.       I am not happy about this.
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End of the year happiness

So a good friend flew down to spend new year's with me and so far we have had an excellent time. Yesterday we went to the beach and spent most of the day there, walked through the surf, shared an icecream cone, and watched the sunset. To make a great day even better, this girl took pictures of us together watching the sunset and e-mailed them to me. I'm so happy he came and really enjoying our time together.      
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Sick of Being Stood UP

I'm not even going to bother anymore. Even when someone agrees to meet (rare enough, everybody's got some excuse) they don't actually show up.   I'm not that bad looking. I like to think I have a decent personality, but nobody bothers to actually go out with me.   So now I'm not bothering. Just going to do my own thing and quit caring.
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Did I shave my nuts for this?

A few days ago a cute guy i met online asked me out for a date for today. We were supposed to go to the beach. A few hours ago i send him a text message asking me when he wants to meet. The first answer I get back is "when do you want to f**K" and I thought "what the hell, you asked me on a date not to screw" so I messaged him back asking if that was all he was interested in. He responds that he was just checking to make sure thats not what I was interested in. Great... he thinks he has to be de
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Bicycle Lights

Tonight was my last night at work. It was the last night i would ever have to make that three mile ride through near pitch-black dark. I was going to ride on the far side of SR 70 since the side i normally ride on is having some work done on it in some places.   However, yesterday I learned that despite my mom's request to have the 22nd off was not just granted, it was also forgotten and she got scheduled anyway. What this means to me is I have to be up at 8:30 am on wednesday to get the uhaul
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Moving Out

For ages now I've wanted to move out but earlier this week I made the decision: I'm going to do it.   Today I got a call back from someone whose ad I had responded to. He's 37, buying a house, and looking for a room mate. The house is a two bedroom, one bathroom home with big beautiful trees in the yard. We've set up a meeting saturday afternoon to meet and look at the place. He also mentioned he might drop by my restaurant friday evening.   Its 500/month with utilities included.... more th
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insomniac heart

You know that feeling you get when you're sleeping alone... and no matter how hard you try, you can't trick your arms into believing the pillow in your arms is who you dream it to be?   Thats the feeling I've got tonight.   Well... thats all i had to say.
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Unsteady

Ever get the feeling the world or the universe as it were is running against you?   A year ago, I saw myself today being about to start my third semester of graduate school. Where am I instead?   I'm in the smallest room of my parents' house. I have a crappy job that doesn't pay well enough for the bank to approve the loan I need to get a non-crappy car. This means I do not have the option to move out of my parents house. Why is that? Surely I could just get a crappy car without the loan rig
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Remix

So yesterday I get a call from Jeremy, apologizing again and wanting to hang out because he's bored and doesn't really have much to do. What a coincidence, I'm generally bored with nothing to do too. So, I agree to hang out and when he gives me a call after work I suggest we play a game of Axis and Allies - an exceedingly complex board game that can go on for hours and hours. I also suggest he ask Aaron to come over and play as well...   It seems that between talking to Jeremy that afternoon a
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Idiots who stay with possessive-obsessives

Okay, So I've been had.   I don't know what to think/believe when it comes to the veracity of Aaron's claims. I do know that I don't trust him. Amusingly enough I actually put more weight in the word of his possessive-obsessive ex at this point.   It seems that Aaron had told him he would try to work things out with him. Hence the shock when he peaked through the window and saw Aaron jacking me off. Hence the emotional outburst a few minutes later. Hence the call I received from Jeremy a lit
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Unentrenching

A thunderous excursion at criminal velocity,   Prompted by tormentuous raging pychopathy,   Preceded all preference for bodily safety,   For no latch remained locked within his fragile psyche...             Crash.
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Friction Sex?

This is what Aaron asked of me last night..... essentially, lubing him up, lubing up my stomach, and then laying on me and sliding back and forth........ one problem though: I'm pretty hairy and that's not so comfortable.   Anyway... this guy moved very fast and I think I've figured out why. His ex is also his roomate and apparently his ex's car is also his primary means of transportation. His ex is apparently extraordinarily controlling and a bit of a drama queen. The ex actually wanted to co
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A new guy, Aaron

A few days ago I was at work and this cute guy sitting at the counter gave me his number, last night (my first night off) I gave him a call and he came over... we went to a little park and hung out for a bit, then headed back to my place and had a couple drinks. As I was walking to his car we kissed...   I was taken a bit by surprise at his kissing style. How to describe it.... well, it was a lot more... aggressive than what I was used to, and quite a bit, um.... sloppier. But, as we continued
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2 years old

Its been a little over 2 years since I came out to myself. I hardly even remember what it was like thinking I was anything other than gay. My rebirth as a gay man 2 years ago resulted in a great deal of personal growth and changes, many good but the occasional one a bit more painful to go through.... life before being openly gay is now more of a distant memory, almost as though it happened to somebody else.   In some senses, it did happen to someone else. The me before I came out was radicall
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I hate banks

Okay, so I go to get a brand new car.... new for me anyway; Its a Red 2002 Chrysler Sebring 4 door sedan with only 29,000 miles on it... leather interior, brand new tires... suffice it to say, this car is awesome.   Thing is, it would cost me about 10,000 between cost of the car itself, taxes, tags and other nonsense. Well, thats what my credit union is there for, right? WRONG. At first they tell me they can only do 9,000 so we work it out with the dealer so that i can have 45 days to come up
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days of... huh?

Okay, so monday, i go out with my friend and her fiance. We saw vantage point.... I loved it. President Ashton... has a nice ring to it, lol.   After the movie we went to dinner at Chilis.... I love their Nachos and they have this tasty fruity drink that goes 2 for 1.   After dinner we went driving... didn't really care where we were going... drove all the way to the end of university parkway, then turned around and went the other direction towards the airport. It was during this time that
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Old wounds mostly healed

http://www.gayauthors.org/efiction/viewsto...&chapter=11   I wrote this several months ago, but at that time I could not quite bring myself to actually post it among the other poems I have written for Silven... however, as time has passed, and much of the pain has eased, I think it may be suitable after all. Its not the happiest poem, it certainly took a lot out of me, though at that time it was more reflecting pain already present... even in pain though, and perhaps its just the survivali
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Hiatus.

Addendum   I find myself falling more and more into an emotional wreck. When that happens, I'm going to go offline so as not to do/say things to push people away.
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Letting go of old loves

There is something that must be done before one can move on from a broken up relationship, and that is to let go. It has bothered me that now more than a month after Dwayne and I broke up, I still think about him everyday... still play through conversations in my head... I need to stop that, but to do so, I needed to understand why I was still doing it. What I came up with as an answer is that although the relationship was broken up, I was still holding on to something... it wasn't hope of getti
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