There is something that must be done before one can move on from a broken up relationship, and that is to let go. It has bothered me that now more than a month after Dwayne and I broke up, I still think about him everyday... still play through conversations in my head... I need to stop that, but to do so, I needed to understand why I was still doing it. What I came up with as an answer is that although the relationship was broken up, I was still holding on to something... it wasn't hope of getting back together... after a point, it wasn't even that things could have been different and him and me make it together. What I was holding onto, and needed to let go of, was anger and resentment. Examining the things which made me angry and resentful... taking the time to consider what happened as objectively as I could, I can see no reason to hold onto that anger. There is a different way to look at things, and that is to take the good times, the happy times and value them for what they were, not for what they could not be. In doing this, I think I can move on. There was something left though, something I felt I had to do...

From: demetz4386@earthlink.net

To: Dwayne [...]

Subject: A lighter heart

Date: Dec 14, 2007 3:52 PM

 

After taking some time to regain better perspective, looking back on things, I understand

much better what happened and your position. That's the intellectual side of

the coin. The emotional side is I still love you and probably always will, it still

hurts... and that's something that will get easier for me to deal with over

the course of time. You know me to be an optimist... its a choice I make consciously.

I can choose to view things in a way that will make me feel bad, or I can choose

to look at them in a way that will make me smile. I choose to remember the good

times we had with a smile.

 

For the first time in a long time, I'm not writing to you out of desperation,

or anger or resentment. I just don't want my last words to you to be what you

last heard. If words you hear from me will be my last, let them be these: thank

you. Before I met you, I was not living. Because of the talks we had... so long

ago... I am alive. I can feel, I can love, and some day, I will find someone who

will be mine forever. Thank you for that.

 

I never understood when you told me I was helping you... I could never figure out

exactly what it is that you saw changing in yourself that you were so pleased about,

or what it was I did to bring it about.... I've come to believe that we were

meant to meet each other... so that you could bring life to me, and in turn so I

could help you to be whatever it is that was making you happy. I hope, like the

life that you breathed into me, that whatever it was I helped you with, is something

that will endure.

 

Looking back... so many obstacles... the very idea was preposterous... and trying

to force it to be true was never the answer. I... we, overreached. You and I were

meant to meet each other, to help each other, and even meant to love each other,

but we were not meant to be together. I accept that now. I look back on the good

times we had together, and I will remember them always with fondness.

 

Thank you, Dwayne Tucker, for being a part of my life.

Thank you.

With that, hopefully I will finally find peace.