I s'pose it depends on the situation itself, and whether or not he's come to terms with the fact that she's dead. If he hasn't, then it would be, yes.

Yes, he's come to terms with her death, he's started dating off and on, and is thinking about sex a lot. Hence the situation he is in (a hot raw man sex vacation).

If he truly loved her he may have an issue, that of cheating. Unless he, as Syniq said has come to terms with her loss. Then let slip the, upu know the rest.

She's been dead for two years. There's no cheating issue here. There wouldn't be a cheating issue if she'd been dead ten minutes.

What I'm hearing you say is that it's a mental flashback to something she wouldn't do, and he's probably thinking about how much he likes it, and how sad it was that she didn't.

Regardless, I'm sure that however you wrote it, it's hella hot.

There wouldn't be a cheating issue if she'd been dead ten minutes

Scandalous but it made me actually laugh out loud.

No, it's not deflating. He just has to focus on what's at hand right now for a few minutes until all thoughts have gone.

I don't think it's deflating, either. Go for it!

I think its bound to happen Lugh. We always make mental comparisons He has his deceased wife to make this comparison to. Having this mental connection will keep him a rounded character.

Ok, I guess I should say a few words here since I have been in that situation.

First, there are enough differences between M/M and F/M sex that comparisons don't constantly jump to your mind. And if it is a raw sexual scene, desire will overwhelm your character and the memory of his wife will be but a mental connection at the back of his mind.

Second, It all depends on how you present things. If your character thinks about feelings, emotions and love, it will be deflating, if it is just about specific sexual acts I doubt it would.

If you haven't already, read St-st-stuffed. If I remember correctly, Paul burst in tears while holding the watch his wife gave him because it represents her love for him. No such drama during sex : she is wholly absent from that picture (as she should be). Anyta was spot-on with Paul's feelings in that story.

I think that would work like in the following example. Lets say he brought experience in and enjoyment of prostate stroking into the marriage. If when he asked his then wife to 'play' she freaked out, calling him a pervert and throwing things around etc etc then when he finally finds someone willing to 'play' instead of enjoying it like he once did he has flashbacks to that unhappy and maybe violent? experience with his now deceased ex-wife which destroys the moment.

So I'm suggesting that it must be more than just merely something she wouldn't do but a whole massive knock down drag out affair... and maybe she had a pattern of such behavior?