I read a blog recently discussing a gay man's response to sex with a woman. I've read a story on GA about a man who finally finds the strength to accept he's gay after 20 odd years of marriage. I've been asked about being gay by youngsters I know. I've been chatting with a friend on GA about sexuality and what they think it means for them.

If there is one thing I've realised in 38 years of my life it's that sexuality is no simple thing.

Personally I'd consider myself gay. Ok so this is pretty simple to state right? Yes it is. I've been attracted to men since god know's when. Hell I think the doctor delivering me probably looked really cute come to think of it.

Having said that, I have once in my life been head over heals in love with a girl. Yes, me, that sexually sure person fell for someone of the opposite sex. Admittedly she was rather 'butch' and looked very much like a handsome man, but she was all woman with a kid.

I met her through a woman i was working for. She was very friendly with the boss, and had been through one hell of a life. Now there was attraction there right away on a visual basis, so I guess I took the time to probe to find out more. At the time, it was popular to congregate outside the door of the club I worked at to smoke, and naturally there was always a doorman stood there observing what was going on.

This gave me the opportunity to get to know the woman in question. She'd had one hell of a life growing up, and was facing some pretty serious criminal charges. I used to stand and listen to her talk about her fears and woes, and emotionally it tugged at my heart. She'd given up her kid as a young mother, and was now regretting the decision. There were a lot of really large issues, and she needed someone to be there for her. Her girlfriend at the time didn't seem interested in what she was going through.

Unknown to her, I decided to be there for her. On the first day of her court case, I went convinced my boss to accompany me to the court room. and if you could have seen the look on her face when she turned and saw us there for her.

Afterwards, we became really close and over the course of a year or so, I can honestly say I really fell hard. She had a dream to join the army, and together we worked on that, getting her into peak fitness, and then working through an amazing support worker to get her an opportunity to become a dog handler in the British Army.

In 2006 she was posted to Afghan, and returned after six months, and was then posted back out there several months later. After two tours, she returned to the UK a different person. Withdrawn and quiet, dealing with things I can relate to in some ways. I don't know what horror's she faced, but war had affected her, and slowly we drifted apart.

I've had my relationships through my life, loved and lost. Yeah I'm sorry it didn't work out, but there is a part of me that wonders if I'd really have been able to stay committed to a 'straight' relationship long term?

It's an interesting question and one I'm not sure I have the answer for.

It's funny, I said to my friend yesterday that I don't think I could ever perform sexually with a woman. But I was sexually attracted to her. I would gladly have slept with her, made love, kissed her, had even thought for the first time in my life of having a kid.

So what, does this make me Bi?

No I don't think so. Part of the reason I was attracted in the first instance was based on her looks being similar to a man.

A young man I became really friendly with in Wales approached me one day to talk about the whole gay, straight, bi conundrum. He was all confused and was asking my advice. It was something I promptly withdrew from, as if there is one thing that I think leads to the worst kind of uncertainty its listening to someone else's advice when your trying to discover your own sexual identity.

I know I'm not the only gay man that puzzles the whole sex with a woman thing, and wonders about exactly what is what. I know there are even some of us that are brave enough to give it a go, and like the young blogger who found the courage to overcome his inhibitions and give it a go, often we only find more uncertainty instead of the assurance we hoped we'd find.

Sexuality is one hell of a complex thing, it's a part of human life that we try to understand, but fail miserably to get. There are people who claim to be sexual consultants or relationship experts. Hmmmm, sorry but for me love, emotions and the power of sex is just a little too diverse and difficult to be able to fully comprehend. I sometimes wonder is it really so important to put a finger on our sexuality. Wouldn't it just be easier to accept that we can meet, fall in love with and get along with anyone? Who cares if your really gay, straight or bi? If only that were possible ey?

I guess I've just learnt to enjoy the experience and let my heart tell me what is right and best for me at any specific time. What do you think/do?

Thought for today - "I have to trust what I do and then do it!" - Ednita Nazario

Song for today - Set Fire to the Rain by Craig Colton