So spring officially starts on the 1st March ey?

Someone needs to tell the weather gods this me finks! I had an early morning trip to make today, and woke up to a proper blanket of snow on the ground. Ok only half an inch thick, but thing is, that is enough in this country these days to make life really interesting.

So we hope in the car and make our way down to the Mental Health Facility where mom's specialist is. It's her check up today. Rush hour traffic at 9 am in the morning.

It is a trip that normally takes about 10-15 min. 45 min today, and we watched a Fire Engine go sideways around a round about. I did giggle at the expression on the passengers face as they slid past us.

In that single 45 min trip I think I've seen every kind of season that mother nature can throw at us. Howling winds, snow flurries so thick you can't see very far ahead of you, brilliant sunshine, and pouring rain? Hello? What the hell is going on?

It really does not take too much for there to be chaos on British roads, but I think today it was more that drivers were more bemused by the uncertain mix of weather, and sat in their warm cocoon's wondering what we were going to see next.

These check ups that they carry out are not designed to be easy. Right, it is bad enough knowing that mom's got a serious mental issue, without having to go into a medical check up sat next to her, and have to contradict what she tells the specialist in her presence.

It's pretty damn lousy as an experience.

I mean the doc asks her if she's lost weight (incidentally she has, a lot) expecting her to answer to the affirmative. However an elderly person does really NOT want to admit that life and time are not on their side, so naturally she says no.

Prompt the carer to answer that actually indeed she has lost weight since before Christmas, and explain the circumstances.

All very well if the carer is a medical person or at least someone that's undergone some level of training. However in the UK they encourage family to take on this role, and therefore its you sitting there trying to explain.

Question, "So how is your memory?"

Well do you honestly expect mother to reply that she's seen a decline in her mental processing power since she last saw him.

Hell she didn't even know where we were when we pulled up at the door you clown.

"I'm fine thank you, no problems at all."

Que the question to the carer, "Have you seen any decline?"

Of course I bloody have, but this is my mother sat right next to me. I mean please, do I have to discuss her mental issues in front of her like this? She doesn't want to face the facts, and honestly I can't blame her one little bit, as I bloody don't enjoy facing them either.

But to do it like this?

I had never considered what it must be like to have to face these kind of things. Do we ever? For all they teach us in school, and uni and in life in general, no one has ever sat down and prepared me for any of this stuff!

I wonder sometimes, if we shouldn't be thinking about equipping the next generation with the mental strength and preparedness to be able to cope with the trauma of coping with these very difficult situations. I mean heck we worry more about the end of the world than we do about the end of our loved one's lives, and we are more certain to loose a mom, dad, sister or brother, than we are to have a nuclear Armageddon reign down on us.

Every day we hear of someone we know having to face the prospect of dealing with a family member coping with some serious illness. We all deal with this stuff differently, but surely there are some basic principals? Mom often asks me if she's a burden or if having to care for her bothers me. The answer is no it does not, but what really does bother me is that I've never had to be responsible for someone's health or life before. It scares the hell out of me when it comes to having to make decisions. What if I get it wrong? What is the right thing to do? This is my mother we are talking about.

Parents have to do this every day of their lives. A friend of mine who is to become a dad for the first time soon recently said to me, you know Rob, having a kid is realising that every day from now on, you will live forever with your heart walking around outside your body, and knowing that you can't protect it from everything.

How the hell do you do that?

Respect to every single one of you that bring up a child. I don't think I could do it.

I have learnt a lot about myself in recent years. I have learnt that as a person you find the strength from somewhere to step up and do the things you have to do. But it is not easy. Nothing we do prepares us for this, yet it is a fact of life we will all have to face at some point in our future.

It just seems really odd to me that in all this time, it is the one thing that we never prepare for.

That is how much we fear death.

When I was younger, I used to say that I loved living so much I was a reckless maniac, and doubted I'd make it past 40. Well I am knocking on that door, and while I still am wild at heart, I have slowed down and matured a lot over time. Maybe I will make it beyond 40 after all, but one thing is for sure. I've learnt, seen and done a lot of things I never thought I'd have to do. I just wish I'd taken some time to better prepare and equip myself to deal with some of them.

Thought for today - "Only put off until tomorrow, that which you are willing to die having left undone!" - Pablo Picasso

Song for today - Souls by Taylor Ames