Personality Flaws
So, in my life I've realized that there are two major personality flaws about me- I can be incredibly self-absorbed to the point where I say things without really thinking about how other people will take it, and I'm quick to assume things.
I try to be on guard for those traits, especially the self-absorption bit. When I was a teenager and early twentysomething, I got constantly called on the fact that I talk too much and that I'd "hijack" every conversation and bring it back to myself. I get that I'm an pretty annoying person in that regard, but I've felt like when I'm having personal, one-on-one interactions with people, I try hard to listen to and react to what the other person is saying. I once got told that I'm "too quiet" by someone, and that's honestly because I feel like when I start talking, it's almost impossible for me to shut up.
I'm not sure why I am this way, but it's been that way for as long as I can remember. I think my self-absorption comes from not having any real friends while I was growing up. That's my guess, in any event.
So I'm bringing this up because a poster at a discussion board I post at basically got at me about how I make all these self-absorbed postings, hijack every damn thread, etc etc. I was shocked, because I felt like I hadn't been nearly as bad about this as I have been in the past, though I suppose I must have been oblivious in that regard. (That's another flaw that feeds into my self-absorption.) I remember when I was contantly battling with the group's owner, to the point where he kicked me out several times while I left the group several times, and I got what the problem was- I wrote a lot of antagonistic posts and the like. But now, I'm not trying in any way to piss people off, and it seems like I still do it.
I don't plan on leaving the group, but I do feel much more self-cautious about posting there, and I want to take at least a few days off from posting there. When I got called on shitty behavior there, that was one thing, but it felt like I was getting called on behavior that I honestly can't help, and honestly wasn't trying to antagonize peope with.
I do feel pretty down about it, though. I feel like I've been getting this criticism for 15 years, and as much as I've tried to change that about myself, it doesn't seem like something that I can change. I guess all I can do is channel it into posts either here or at my Twitter/Facebook instead.
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