I thought about everything that happned last night. My mental break down. I reread what I had written. It really felt good to write that but In the same sense it made me think about where I was mentally last night. I could have easily told my friends yet I am always hesitant to hinder then with my problems. This si why I feel like I am losing my mother. I wanted to tell her so many times in the past week but I always failed at it.
I came home today with every intention of telling my friends everything but when I walked into my house everyone seemed happy and was sharing stories about last nights party. Chaz was playing with Selene's daughter and David was telling everyone how everything went with the waiter. They didnt even notice that I had come home. Selene's daughter was the only one to see me. She didn't say anything. The sad part is that I felt like I was intruding on them so I left again.
I dont know how I came to feel like a stranger in my own home and the more I think about it it freaks me out. I want to feel normal again but this tumor thing has made feel like I'm lost and moving in slow motion. As I drove away I realized that I am afraid of looking weak in front of my friends. I have never looked weak in front of anyone except for Jonathan but that's because he's more of a brother to me and we've been through alot together since kindergarten. Besides he can see right through me.
So my personal odyssey has taken me to my friends house at the beach. he said I could stay with him for a few days. I sent Chaz a message explaining that I need to be alone and not to worry I am not leaving him. I Emailed Dave and Selene, telling them that I would be back in a few days.
GREEN as the day takes me.