I hadn't realized it's been 3 years since I updated this blog.
If you didn't know, I moved back home to Alaska in 2013. I was at my parents' place in Anchorage for about a month before I shipped out to a little place called Chevak. About a 30-minute plane ride from the Bering Sea, I taught at a one-building school housing grades pre-K to 12th. My responsibility was science, grades 8-12.
I enjoyed myself for the most part, but the job there was stressful and a 7-day a week position, especially that first year when I was working with the junior class fundraising almost every weekend on top of designing three new classes. After two years I decided I had had enough of the administration and the teacher in-fighting and came home to Anchorage.
It occurred to me today that I am finally over my ex. We split way back in 2007, though we occasionally hung out for a couple years after that. Then he went home to Ohio and I decided it was high time I went back home, too. It took me two years of planning and saving, but I made it happen. I was looking at my files for the Ask an Author feature of the GA Blog when I looked over some questions directed at me. I've not felt comfortable enough answering them, but I've decided it's time.
I've been through a lot in the past 9 years and gained some perspective and time has healed some wounds. My ex begged me to visit last summer, so I did. I realized within a week what a mistake it was. He's still manipulative, selfish, and determined to live like a frat boy ... but I'm a stronger person than I was when we were together. It just hit me today that I'm done with that mess. I have finally moved past it, and it's like this weird, bulky weight lifted off my shoulders, like I can breathe again. The shit he put me through is done messing with my life.
My physical therapist had me standing on this weird wooden board with a ball under it making me exercise my ankle and of course peppering me with questions ... and I called him my ex on purpose and without even thinking about it. And I smiled because it felt good, and I thought, Geez, what the heck have I been doing the past almost ten years? I'm asexual, so I've never been bothered by being single or not being in a relationship. Since my brother gave Mom her first grandchild last September she's been pestering me again about finding someone, but she does that to my other siblings, so I can shrug it off like the good-natured ribbing it is. She's come a long way, too, in her views, and listening when I correct her usually incorrect assumptions about GLBQTA people and ideas. Dad, well, I don't anticipate being able to talk to him honestly for some time, if ever, but he's held everyone at arms-length since he and my mom divorced last year.
My best friend in the whole world is finally moving up here to Alaska and we're going to be roommates starting in the summer. Sure, I'm going to miss my wonderful view of the Chugach Mountains, but it finally occurred to me that I'm happy. While on one hand I wonder how long this has been going on without me noticing, but on the other hand ... it's about time, don't you think?