I hope you all enjoyed the last Improve & Encourage feature, because it's time for another one. These features are meant to both provide feedback to authors and, similar to story reviews, point out stories that readers might not otherwise have found. It's similar to a review, in that the person doing the critique tells you what they liked about the story, but it differs in that they also provide constructive criticism. Each author signed up to participate, and sign up's are still open!  These will post once a month until we no longer have content. Once that happens, I will critique the last author that posted. If you'd like to provide a critique for the blog, sign up in the thread. I'm hoping to have a lot more authors sign up, and just remember, by signing up, you are also volunteering to have your story critiqued and featured.

Hard Choices

Comicfan

Critique By: JayT

Please give us a short summary of the story you chose.

Sean, a twenty-five-year-old business owner, meets Will one day when Will hires Sean’s business for a job. The two become fast friends, with Will giving Sean thoughtful gifts in hopes of brightening his day. The morning after their first official date, Sean literally runs into Caesar and finds himself attracted him. Now Sean faces trying to choose between the two men. He knows this choice will affect his entire life; who will he choose?

What do you see as the strengths of the story/poem?

The story is well written and told all the way through, leaving the reader with no lingering questions. Comicfan did an amazing job of developing Will’s character, almost as if he wanted the reader to fall in love with Will. Although there was potential to tell more of this story, Comicfan kept it short, bringing the tale to completion in one chapter.

What do you see as the weaknesses of the story/poem?

Though they are few, there are some (maybe three or four) grammatical mistakes; common ones that I myself make often. The main weakness of this story is character development and growth. While Will’s character was developed nicely, the other characters hardly grew at all. We, as readers, know that Sean is attracted to both Will and Caesar, but he never lets on that he loves Caesar at all. It was almost like he was settling for Caesar because Will left. If Sean had said ‘I love you’ to Caesar, letting the reader know that it is true, the story would not have been as bitter.

How do you think the story/poem could be improved?

There will always be the “what if’s” of life, but we cannot linger on them and be happy where we are. If Sean had shown any other emotion besides hurt at the end, letting the reader know that he was happy and in love, the story would be greatly improved.

What was your favorite part? (scene/sentence/etc)

I think my favorite part of the story, although I say favorite reluctantly, is the breaking of the Pez Dispenser. This scene symbolizes the end of Sean and Will’s relationship, making it one of the most influential scenes of the story.