My thought process and the deleted Blog Entry
Warning.....Rant Ahead
Ok, the first thing i want to say is that I had a completely different entry written and even posted but not published. I deleted it because I didn't want to cause any trouble and hurt anyones feelings. I guess that's how I am. I have a lot to be angry about (in my mind) but I don't want to express all of it because I don't want to cause problems for everyone else.....if I can't handle whatever it was I made my deleted entry about, I can always stop coming here and ask Myr to delete my user name.
What's so sad to me is that my last post was actually a warning for a lot of people who I'm worried about. I can see something happening that I'm not sure they see themselves, and I don't think it's right for me to just sit here and stay quiet. But, since it's mostly none of my business(except when I'm involved involuntarily) I'll just shut up now.
The reason I'm making this post is because I can't sleep. The problem has been on my mind for a few days and I hate that I'm letting it bug me. Unfortunately, I can't get rid of the sick feeling in my gut because i feel like a coward for not having the balls to publish what I wrote in the first place. I'm just nervous that if i did, people would decide to either
A.) Flame me and say I'm being silly. Or...
B.) Leave because of my entry. Or.....
C.) the GAC's could ban me .
I'm not trying to have any of that happen, so I'll just vent a little here and let it go. Maybe i'm just a little nervous because I'm starting my first job tomorrow at 4:45. I'm really excited about ot, but I'm also worried that I might not do good. I guess I can't actually do bad, and it's not like I'm getting paid from my employer. I'll be working for tips as a bagger
I think what I'm most worried about about is that I wont be able to handle working and keeping my grades up. My dad already said that if my GPA falls even one one hundredth of a percent, I'll have to quit. So, there's the added pressure of letting him down. I just wonder what's going to happen.
I can remember when I first started this year and I had triple the homeowrk I had in middle school and I was staying up until one in the morning sometimes to finish it. Now it seems like I have even more homeowrk, but I'm getting it done in just a couple of hours and I figured out that I can get some of that done at school if I spend less time socializing and more time doing my homework at school since we actually get time to do that in most of my classes.
Of course, that also leaves me with another problem.......my social life. It's not like I do much during the week, but I'm always out doing something with Taylor and some of our friends on Friday night and Saturday night. I guess that since the commissarry closes at 9 I can get home and still have time to go out, but it wont be the same. If it were a regular grocery store, maybe my friends could come hang out with me there like we do with my buddy Steven who works at Farm Fresh. Ugh. I better stop and try to get a little more sleep before I have to get up. It's like 4:25 and I have to be up in an hour.
Okay, if you read this, I'm sorry i went off like I did. I'm just stressed out and I've had a lot om my mind
Kisses
Nick
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