Betrayal
Betrayal exists and is one of a few things that can rip your heart to shreds.
This past week has been probably the worst experience I've gone through in my life.
The hardest part for me is the unequivocal fact that the betrayal came from someone who was supposed to love me unconditionally and vice versa.
When unconditional love starts to impose conditions which are only beneficial to one person it's time to step back and reevaluate. Even if that person is a vital part of your family.
Are there things I could have done differently? Things I could have said or not said? Probably. It's a lifetime of 'what ifs'.
Mental illness is real. It serves to disrupts the lives of those who it affects and those who know them. It's particularly hard on those who love them. It's a destroyer. It destroys relationships, it destroys dreams. It destroys hope. Worst of all, it destroys love.
Yes, it can make people stronger and of course it can be managed. I have friends who have succeeded and done well even though they live with depression and anxiety and I'm so proud of them.
But when mental illness is used as a crutch or a means to manipulate others it becomes a problem. Anyone living with someone who has mental health issues will tell you, that person is the only one who can decide to help themselves. When they refuse it wreaks havoc as this past week has shown me.
Making the decision to go no contact with someone is difficult. I'm a fixer. I want to fix the problem, even if my attempts at fixing are rebuffed over and over again. But I had to face reality and cut ties in order to preserve my own mental health. I can no longer live with the constant lies, broken promises, and refusal to take accountability for one's actions.
Am I okay? Absolutely not. Will I get through this? Absolutely. I don't know if the relationship will ever be repairable. Only time will tell. For now, I have to step back and let time pass.
A few of you know the details and have bolstered me immensely these past few days. You know who you are. I can't thank you enough.
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