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a bit of contemplation


Okay, I'm gonna talk about something serious for once. My mom has a relative who is only expected to live a few more days. I don't really know her, and I'm not even sure how we're related, but the whole situation is really bothering me for a reason that I think makes for a good discussion. The relative has pretty much given up at this point, and is refusing to eat or take medication, because she's ready to get to the "other side" and see her husband. Now, I don't believe in an other side, and I also haven't lived for 70-some years or whatever, so I'm altogether unable to accept this. At any rate, this isn't the actual point of my little rant here, but it did start me thinking. I heard a lot of the "he's in a better place now" stuff when my grandfather died a few years ago, and to tell you the truth it really pissed me off. These people sure weren't comforting me, and I don't think they were really all that concerned about the emotional state of my grandfather's spirit-they were trying to make themselves feel better. Is living with pain or loss of mental and phsyical abilities worse for the afflicted, or those who have to watch it? Which party is death more merciful for? My grandfather had some very bad days toward the end, but I think he had some good ones too. There were days when he knew who we were, and days when he was completely confused and thought he was fishing on a riverbank somewhere, which happened to be his favorite thing in the world, so is that really so bad? It was painful to watch, but in his mind, was he happy? Who are we to judge the quality of a single minute of someone else's life? When I was younger, and I would start wishing sometime in October that it would hurry up and be Christmas, my grandfather would tell me not to wish away days of my life. Maybe it's just naivete, but I have trouble believing that same man would believe it was all for the best if we just let him go quietly. Of course, I'm not rude enough to say any of this to the droves of people telling me it's all for the best, but now you all know what I'm really thinking.

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Dezlboi

Posted

I know how you feel, Val. Most of the time I'm completely baffled by different people's reactions to grief. Me, I'm usually pretty quiet about it, the type to sit in silent contemplation. It drives me up a wall when people fall all over me trying to say soothing things that we both know won't help.

 

The whole "being ready to die" thing is tricky, though. I mean, I believe that people can decide when enough is enough, I don't think anyone should stick around for my benefit. That being said, I think life is a gift and should be treasured and respected...so I can't picture myself ever "giving up" just because that means I won't get to see whatever wonders are lurking around the corner tomorrow.

 

I'm interested to see what other people think about this.

 

-Dez

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