Linda and Mike seem like definite psychics, and now with the final two paragraphs I'm verging on losing the plot, unless I forgotten something I should have paid attention to.

Calmly set around a pool party, this chapter is a mental cliffhanger!

Rats: I'm going to have to wait for 15 to (hopefully) get my sanity back.

Camy

Okay, I'm going to have to make some notes to make sure I fix this in the next draft. Chris was referring to the spell Toby had a few chapters ago. He's being way too oblique -- I think I'm going to have to add in some flashbacks to what life was like for Chris back when he was young, which should help explain things.

Chris was referring to the spell Toby had a few chapters ago. He's being way too oblique.

He probably isn't if it was a complete novel, but reading it in its present episodic form, I found myself struggling - but only on those two paragraphs ... other than that I'm loving it!

Camy

Well, it's still worth keeping in mind when I go back to redo this. If I'm going to rework it and release it as a serial novel then some amount of awareness of how it's read is in order. (Or hell, maybe I'll get nuts and if the rewrite works out well go shop it around for real. What the hell, everyone needs a collection of rejection letters. )

If you decide to shop it around for print media, check out Michael Nava and Joseph Hansen, if you don't know them already. (especially Nava, whose books are more recent). Weird: I was googling to check the spelling on the Brandstetter books, and foundthis article about both Hansen and Nava!

I remembered the bit about Toby's illnesses. What I had trouble with -- very briefly -- was before that, when the three kids were all named in one paragraph. But it was all right in a moment, and I don't know if you can make that clearer. The other thing that was a little less than crystal clear was how long Chris's wife has been gone (I'm not sure it matters). I'm also anxious to know why she's gone.

I need to make it clear, since it's actually relevant. (or part of it is) While she left at some vague point in the past, divorce papers were served four months ago, which is when Toby's spells started, Alex and Joe started dating, and Chris started having his dreams. There was another murder, which I just realized I'd forgotten to mention, dammit!