I know whatcha mean Dom. I've noticed that too.

Perhaps we should start prefacing our comments with "I'm not straight but..."

"I'm not straight or anything, but you look nice today, Mary"

"Now don't get me wrong, I'm not straight, I just think Bob and Wanda are a cute couple."

"Of course I'm not straight, but I do enjoy the occassional straight romantic comedy"

Etc. Etc.

I wonder if the "I'm not gay" people would even notice?

Take care and have a great day!

Kevin

Hmmm, I've notice that too. I have a friend who will make a gay joke, like he always has (he is more into racist jokes...on a side note he thinks being brown gives him the right to tell racist jokes ) then he will quickly go 'but thats ok' or 'not that there is anything wrong with that' just because he knows I'm bi. I guess it is nice he is trying not to offend me but it is just weird.

I also feel my sexuality doesn't have to define me thus I don't think it is a big deal and thus don't feel I should run out and tell everyone, it just is and its ok to me. For others I guess they arn't so comfortable with it and feel insecure without defining themselves as 'straight' or whatever, as if others assume they are gay because they know a gay person and hang out with them?!

It is kinda weird and my mental response is like 'ok, whatever' as it seems so unecessary but it that is what they have to do I'm not gonna try and convince them otherwise.

Greg

Like it or not, we gay folk are defined by our sexuality to some extent. We simply don't fit the usual mold of getting married, having a soccer mom and supporting an SUV full of kids.

I'm fine with that. Although I like kids, I like them much better in small doses and preferably living elsewhere. I detest SUVs and I really despise mini-vans. It's a lucky thing that I can't have a rocket-launcher because I would cleanse the road of those damned rolling abominations.

I have absolutely no doubt that the behavior that you described is equal parts homophobia, ignorance and social ineptitude. I'm sure that we all know and understand those three attributes all too well. There is also probably an element of denial involved too.

Social ineptitude while annoying, is forgivable. Homophobia is annoying, potentially even dangerous, but we know and understandable it to some extent.

Ignorance is just plain sad- and denial is pathetic.

Back in the early 90s, I had a friend that worked for CDC tracking AIDS cases in Georgia and Florida. People that do that burn out fairly quickly and change jobs to something less stressful like air traffic controller or working at the department of motor vehicles.

He told me about a case where he met this redneck guy in his mid-twenties who was symptomatic but denied being gay or bi. When interviewed, he said- I'm not really gay. I just like to have sex with my cousins and their friends at deer camp.

When ignorance meets denial, the results are usually a pathetic, sometimes even tragic mess.

And some people think I'm stuck-up and too picky about the people I go out with.

It's a lucky thing that I can't have a rocket-launcher because I would cleanse the road of those damned rolling abominations.

Yeah, I sometimes have this fantasy too. Though I'd rather have a blasting ray that would leave no track whatsoever.

I'm always amazed at the number of "non-gay" guys who are into males. In the bondage/ tie-up scene I know, I'm now aware of this; if someone tells me "I'm not gay", before I get to meet/ play with him, I know I'll be fondled intensely and that the guy will be as aroused as I am. So, I'm fine with non-gay people who adopt gay behaviors. Their problem, not mine; and they never turned out to be homophobes either.

It's more annoying if they are your friends, and that it's a way to keep you at bay, and then you realize it comes from fear.

I know that if I ever point out being /straight/(1) it's a matter of solidarity -- that I'm trying to reduce isolation by saying "look, it's not just gay people over here, there's no boundary here." Other than that I don't care. And I don't often refer to my friends' sexuality unless it had a bearing on something. It's weird though, now that you mention it, to try to decrease distance and difference by ppinting out difference. I think I'm going to have to think about that more.

(1) Personally I hate the word /straight/ because it confuses me -- I come from a time and a place and a subculture where /straight/ means something very different. Instead of being about sexuality it was about culture and politics, and my family was definitely [not/i] straight.

It comes down to the fact that while sexual orientation is part of a person, too many people feel it is a major part of a person and therefore needs to be kept in mind.

I have to disagree. Sexual orientation IS a major part of a person whether they are gay, straight, bi etc. It is not however, a definitive explanation for someone's personality or existance as a whole but the fact still remains that alot of what we do as people, as sexual beings, in life, is driven by our sexual orientation.

On the other hand I don't think its necessary to constantly inform others of sexual orientation unless its truly relevant. It has became a social norm to constantly clarify sexual orientation and often being friends with gay people, defending gay rights or reading gay fiction, as a straight person, causes others to question your sexuality unless you clarify, which I personally don't so people assume i'm a lesbian.

"I'm not straight or anything, but you look nice today, Mary"

One of my awkward gay friends said that to me today! Ha! (minus the 'mary' part of course)

So maybe society WILL reverse- "Don't look! Its disgusting! A GUY is holding hands with a GIRL! And in PUBLIC!"

But, ya know, I'm not gay.

Wow I never really thought of that... I mean I've only known two gay people in my life... But I don't rmbr ever telling people right of that their gay especially when I'm introducing them to my other friends. I mean if my friends are like his hot, I'd be like 'his gay.' I suppose for me its just a way of saying you don't have a chance.

But looking from an optimistic point of view, maybe they see your sexuality as a big part of who you are, and by telling other people about it, they're saying that they're okay with it too. It's a bit like ... say is you had dark colored skin, people can see that right away, its a big part of who you are. But with your sexual orientation they can't, so what people do is they say it... If that makes sense. Or sometimes when your introducing a friend to a friend, you try to find the commonalities in them to see if they'll get along better, maybe thats just it...

Although I don't think its all bad, I mean it'll save future uncomfortable silences, and unpleasant ways of finding out... or wondering if that persons gay or straight.

Ahh... but I'm no expert... I'm just one of those open minded people that read gay stories