I had one of those "oblivion" thoughts yesterday. I don't know if you have them, but they kind of go like this:

"Religion is good because it keeps the masses in line. If most people did not have religion, they might come to the realization that life doesn't make a bit of sense. We're all pretty much like a herd of gnus. We plod through our lives according to society's plan and then die. Everyting we were, everything we did, everything we might have thought, everything of us dies, comes to an end, ceases to exist. It doesn't matter how good you are or how famous you become, once you're dead all of your thoughts die with you."

The problem with that train of thought is that it inevitably ends with looking for a place to die. I mean what's the point, right?

Well, that's the whole point. Most people aren't thinking those things. They're too busy being so they don't have time to contemplate the obvious, which is a good thing because if a lot of people came to the realization there's no point to any of this, they might just end it all right then and there.

The one thing that keeps me going is my stories. There are a few people out there you like what I write. A lot of people get really pissed when I stomp on a character like Zach. He's a pretty likeable guy, but he's going through a horrendous time and gets stomped physically and emotionally quite a bit.

I've thought about writing a nice, regular story about nice, regular guys who live nice, regular lives going through the motions of living, agonizing over whether so-and-so thinks they're as hot as they know they are, having unbelievable sex, going to the mall and seeing their ex in the food court, having unbelievable sex, going to the water park and see one really hot dude, having unbelieavable sex, etc., etc., etc.

But, I can't.

My new story has a boy who had bacterial meningitis and lived; except, he's not quite right in the head. He can't remember very well. He sees things we don't see. He talks "funny." And, well, in the beginning, he's hornier than a rabbit and is almost entirely focused on sex. He gets involved with someone who is a whole lot crazier than he is and tragedy strikes, but this is a long story so we know he's going to come out of it in the end.

I think what I like most about Kevin is he's vulnerable. He's easily led down the path of destruction and he almost doesn't get out with his life. But, this is a "bunnies frolicking in a flowery meadow" story, so he gets the chance to not be so vulnerable, which may put him in greater danger because he'll be more like the rest of us.

Oh, yes, I'm a little down. Things haven't been going well recently. I know I've been way up there these past few days, but all good things must, eventually, come to an end. I try to stay up because I really like feeling really, really good. The opposite of down is a nice place to be, but I'm down more than up so you have to learn to deal with down, too. So I write stories that are a little down.

Sorry for dumping, but like I said, things haven't been going well, recently.

You know, I dread the day when I can't think of any more stories.